


Fleeting Moments: 6 weeks of happiness, or a lifetime of regrets

by cream_pudding



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blue Balls, Character Growth, Cloud Strife Being An Asshole, Eventual Happy Ending, First Time, Getting to Know Each Other, Hiking, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Nerdy Artists meet Sexy Band members, Overprotective Brother, Rebellion, Self-Esteem Issues, Smut, Song Lyrics, Winter, mild drug use, secret keeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:27:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 94,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23891569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cream_pudding/pseuds/cream_pudding
Summary: Cloud and Roxas Strife travel for a living. What happens when they meet two completely charming and devilishly handsome guys who are touring with their band? Well... that's completely up to the brothers to decide.Chapter Updates: It's finished 😍
Relationships: Axel/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 129
Kudos: 103





	1. Heat in the Laundry

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this in October 2017, which is a looooong time ago now, and decided to pick it back up in 2019, with the aim to finish it, which... I did. But I've been sitting on my laurels with posting. I guess it comes from a place of demotivation in regards to editing. I really want to get this story out though so... here we are.
> 
> Multi-ships may not be your thing but I adore these two couples and getting opportunities where I can write them all together is a pure self-indulgence. Some chapters are more Clack heavy, and others are more AkuRoku heavy. I'll try and give warnings of which chapters are which.
> 
> Also, a quick note that the drug use (smoking and drinking) in this fic is minor and serves as a coping mechanism. I don't like reading about drug use, nor do I enjoy writing about it, so it is used sparingly. 
> 
> Anyway, not to bore you any further, here we go - though... despite this being the intro chapter featuring both couples, it is AkuRoku heavy. (I blame Cloud's personality entirely)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud enjoys his Thursday laundry day when a very cheery someone grabs his attention. Roxas also meets someone in the laundry, that gets him rather hot and flustered.

The hypnotic whir and swishing of the washing machine drowned out the grating sound of a faucet leaking somewhere within the wholly unremarkable laundry room. It smelt of washing detergent and liquid softeners. Garish lights above washed out the drab faded blue and peeling paint on the walls. The cold, gray concrete floor had lost all its polished sheen, and the change and vending machines had all seen better days.

Yet, this was one of Cloud’s favorite spots. He sat on a wooden bench which ran along the length of the room, only broken up by the doorway leading out into the hall. A row of machines stood in the middle of the room, running parallel to the bench, and another row of machines sat butted up against the other machines, facing the opposite wall, while the dryers all sat snug against the very back wall. It was a small but functional laundry, with basins tucked away to the right where the rectangular room had a small extension.

The cold of winter still clung to him, despite sitting cocooned in the underground laundry for close to forty minutes. He chose to wait for the washing to be done rather than track back in through the snow at a later time. The quiet allowed him to get a lot of reading done. It served as a sanctuary from society and his own rather busy life.

The people who came and went took no notice of Cloud, and Cloud took no notice of them. He only looked up whenever a machine beeped, checking if it was his one announcing the completion of its cycle. It never was, so he continued on with his book, deeply engrossed. 

_Beep!_

The sound cut through Cloud's concentration. He looked up, like so many times before, searching out his machine. From where he sat he could make out the LCD display. There were still ten minutes left.

_“Hey. Whatcha reading?”_

Cloud jumped with a start, the voice jarring. With a frown, he scanned his surroundings to see where the question emanated from.

A man stood stooping over a machine facing the opposite wall, hauling clothes out of the top-loader, directly looking at Cloud, who failed to find words in that moment.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” came the apology, along with a smile, which lit up the man’s whole face. 

Cloud couldn’t fathom why he was being spoken to. “It’s fine. And, um… it’s an auto-biography of Ferdinand Papora.” Cloud flashed the cover up, so the man could see it.

“Who’s that?”

“A race car driver.”

“Pretty famous?”

“Obviously not famous enough if you’ve never heard of him.”

“Well, he might be. I’m completely oblivious to that sort of thing." A disarming smile flashed. "You like racing?”

“Not particularly.”

A confused look passed over the man's face, “So what’s with the book, then?”

Cloud inspected the paperback cover before he spoke. “I just like to read biographies. Doesn’t really matter whose it is. And the library here has tons of different ones.”

The bright smile returned. “That’s a cool way of expanding your horizons. I might take inspiration from you, if that’s all right.”

Cloud shrugged. “Go ahead. It’s not like I’ve got copyright over reading books on subjects I’ve no interest in.”

The man huffed out some air, which caused the lone lock of hair hanging down his face to dance. “Well, you must have _some_ interest, right? I’ve been here for five minutes, trying to ask you a question but you've been totally engrossed in that book.”

Cloud blinked, taken aback, “Oh. Sorry.”

“No worries. So the book’s a real page-turner?” The man hoisted up a collapsible laundry basket and moved toward the dryers behind him.

“Mmm. It has its moments.”

“Think you’ll finish it?”

“Of course. I see things through to the bitter end.”

The man laughed. “That sounds dire. You're a perfectionist?”

Cloud hummed thoughtfully. “Nah, I’m just a completionist.”

“I stand corrected.” The man dumped his load of laundry into the dryer, inserted coins and pushed some buttons. “So this Ferdinand—ah…”

“Papora,” Cloud assisted.

“Yeah, him. What are some of his more notable moments?”

“Well...” Cloud inspected the book to help jog his memory. “He survived three near-fatal crashes. Went through some pretty hefty rehab in hospital, and continues driving even to this day, despite the peg-leg.”

“Whoa, seriously?”

“No. I made up the peg-leg, but the rest’s true.”

The man burst out laughing, which slammed into Cloud like a wave.

“What a shame. That would’ve made even _me_ read the book," the man got out after his mirth settled.

“It’s still a worthwhile read. The guy’s pretty… _driven.”_

Another laugh and a great big smile lifted and turned the other man’s rather tanned complexion a little darker. “Nice one.”

Cloud cracked a smile. He wasn’t usually this chatty, particularly with a stranger but… well, he put it down to being in a relatively good mood.

The man closed the lid of the machine and leaned against it, looking across the room at Cloud. “I’m Zack, by the way.”

“Cloud,” he responded.

With raised eyebrows, Zack said, “Nice name.”

Cloud gave a small sigh. His mood headed south. “Here we go,” he muttered.

The raven-haired man tilted his head to the side. “Go where?” 

“The weather-related puns. Go on. I’ve heard them all.” He resigned himself to the inevitable. Cloud opened his book again to give a clear indication that he was done communicating.

“Really? That thought didn’t even cross my mind.”

Cloud laid eyes on him without lifting his head. “What was with that look, then?”

“What look?”

Cloud imitated what he had just witnessed.

Zack shrugged and pushed off the machine, walking around and toward Cloud. “It’s just how my face works. I think Cloud’s a cool name. They’re my favorite things about the sky, you know.” He came to a standstill a few steps away from Cloud.

Cloud skeptically scanned the man before him, dressed in dark jeans and a dark wool-knit turtleneck sweater. This close, the man looked rather tall. It wasn’t even the thick heeled boots. He was probably really tall even without those on. 

He pulled his attention off gawking at the man and onto the topic at hand. He wondered if he should believe him. The man _looked_ sincere enough; that soft smile plastered on the rather handsome face—broad cheeks, pointed jaw and nose—spoke of gentle earnestness. But with distrust in his voice Cloud questioned him, “Even more than stars?” Because _everyone_ loved stars. It was a fact of life.

“Yeah. Even more than the stars and moon. Give me fluffy altocumulus or wispy cirrus clouds in a wide blue sky any day of the week. Even these nimbostratus clouds around here, bringing all the snow, are nice. But I do prefer the other ones. If I had to choose.” Zack tapped at his lips, in thought.

Cloud blinked, surprised. “Well, I’m impressed. Look at you, totally nerding out about clouds. You a meteorologist or something?”

“Nup. Just an amateur cloud fancier.” Zack clicked his tongue as he winked and grinned.

Deep embarrassment raced up Cloud’s neck and his heart thundered. He didn’t know where to look, so he fixated on his book in hand while the sands of time felt at a complete stand-still. 

Zack remained quiet. Cloud saw him out of his periphery and kicked himself to say _something! Anything!_ “What did you want to ask me?” he got out, thankfully sounding even-keeled.

“Oh, right,” Zack slapped the side of his head. “I wanted to know if you’d have a drink with me this Saturday. I’ll be at the Clay Bar. Eight till late.” Zack positively beamed.

Cloud blinked, not comprehending. “Huh?”

“I mean, if you’re into it. If not, then don’t worry.” The man’s toothy smile simmered down.

Had he heard right? Was he being asked _out_? By someone he just met? No way. Cloud opened his mouth to say… he knew not what.

 _“Cloud!”_ His name rang out several times, down the hallway, getting louder and louder by the second. 

Both men turned their heads to look at the source of the tumult. 

Roxas flew through the open doorway. “Cloud! Guess what! Sophia Tiller will be giving a symposium right here in the center!” By the time Roxas finished that sentence he’d slid, with great force, along the bench and was now in Cloud’s personal bubble, his hands on Cloud’s thighs, digging in, and almost nose to nose. 

“She is?”

“Yeah,” Roxas nodded eagerly, the grin stretched broad and almost unnatural looking.

Disbelief melted and excitement bubbled inside of Cloud. “We have to get tickets.”

“Already sorted,” Roxas grinned with pride and leaned back.

“Nice one.” Cloud put his closed fist up and Roxas completed the gesture by fist-bumping him.

The sound of a slight cough drew both men’s faces up and over.

Roxas froze. The bubbling warm excitement gave way to overwhelming and sheer dread. Who was this guy? How long had he been there for? Had he embarrassed himself _completel_ y before a stranger? He looked to Cloud for reassurance.

The tension on Roxas’ face was clear as day to Cloud. He gave him a quirked lip and a slight eyebrow raise to encourage and soothe him. 

That seemed to snap Roxas out of the panic and he spoke, “Oh. Hey! Uh—” Roxas glanced between Cloud and the stranger. Could he regain some dignity? Could he just… _avoid this?_ “Should I go? Did I… interrupt something?”

“Ah… this is Zack. Zack, this is Roxas. We were just…” Cloud’s eyes trailed, searching for an answer.

“I was just leaving. But it’s nice to meet you, Roxas,” Zack said with a big smile.

The nervous boulder rolled off Cloud’s chest. Thank goodness he hadn’t been the one to finish that sentence. 

“Ah,” Roxas let out, half in relief, half in reply.

The room went quiet, other than the sound of the clunk-clunk _-clunk_ of the dryer going around. The men all looked between each other. The whole situation felt unnaturally awkward.

A loud beeping startled everyone. Cloud saw that his load was finally done. He got up and made his way over to the machine, thankful to have something to alleviate the weird tension. He walked right past Zack, the man an unavoidable obstacle. Cloud grew fully aware of the man’s height. He barely came up to his shoulders, and in no way was he short, not like Roxas. 

“Do you need some help?” Zack asked as Cloud squatted down and pulled open the front-loader door.

“No, it’s what I’ve got Roxas for,” he said without looking up. “Roxas,” he commanded.

Roxas snapped out of his panicked thoughts which circled around telling him how he’d embarrassed himself and how he was to blame for the absolutely stifling awkwardness which was in the room. “Coming,” he muttered, sliding off the bench, shuffling over to Cloud, with his head bowed so as not to be seen by Zack. But Roxas still felt the towering presence. He reached Cloud, held out his arms and received the dumping of wet clothes. He scurried over to the dryers, relieved to have his back to the source of his embarrassment.

Cloud stood up and followed Roxas with his eyes, only brought back to himself as warmth radiated next to him. He turned the slightest amount, seeing Zack out of the corner of his eye.

“Cute kid. He yours?” Zack nodded toward Roxas.

Cloud glowered. Roxas froze, somehow even _more_ embarrassed. _Kid?_ Roxas looked down at himself, dressed in his big blue Cookie Monster hoodie. He winced. 

“We’re _brothers,"_ Cloud almost growled.

 _“Oh.”_ Zack laughed and rubbed at his neck, “Shit, sorry for assuming. That’s embarrassing. Sorry. My mistake.”

Exasperated, Cloud said, “Can you just _leave?_ ”

“Oh.” The way Zack’s face fell felt a little comical to Cloud. “Yeah, sure. But.. before I do… are we… okay?” Zack looked at Cloud with concern, and threw his head in the direction of Roxas, saying, “Hey, Roxas, man, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that.”

Roxas focused all his energy on putting each individual item of clothing into the dryer separately. He waved with one hand, not turning to look at the other man. “All good.” His face burned up. He wanted to strip off his hoodie and dump it in the trash.

Cloud looked over at his brother; the tension in his shoulder, his slow movements. He could feel Roxas’ discomfort and embarrassment. Why was Zack still _here?_ Maybe Cloud wasn’t being tough enough? He needed the other man gone. Cloud faced Zack, pressed his lips together, leaned against the washing machine with his arms folded across his chest and gave the other man a pointed stare-down.

Zack took a step back as if Cloud’s stance put up a physical barrier. “Uh-oh. I’ll leave, no worries. Bye, Roxas,” he said loudly, and then more quietly, “See ya around, Cloud, yeah? I hope we’re okay. Clay Bar. Eight to late on Saturdays.” Zack gave Cloud a little smile and a casual two-fingered salute before hurriedly leaving the laundry. His hasty footfalls echoed and faded down the hall.

Cloud let out a deep breath, peeled his eyes off the doorway and onto Roxas who turned around to face Cloud across the way. His cheeks were a deep, splotchy crimson. Cloud felt terrible for him.

The two brothers stared at each other for a few beats and then the smiles grew and the laughter started out of both of them.

“You _really_ let him have it with your Cloud-stare-of-death,” Roxas giggled madly, feeling so good to have the anxiousness replaced by a different sensation.

"Well, he was making everything _really_ uncomfortable."

Roxas stopped laughing. "I think that was just me."

"It wasn't."

"Oh." Roxas left it alone. They argued way too much about what was and wasn't his fault. Roxas supposed life would be easier if he could _believe_ Cloud, but they were brothers, so Cloud would always say stuff to make him feel better. "Was that a friend of yours?" he deflected from his spiralling thoughts, heading on over to his brother and the bench.

Cloud returned to the bench to collect his discarded book. “No. He’s just a random guy I literally only met about ten minutes ago.”

Roxas chuckled. “That’s so unlike you, making random friends in the laundry.”

“We’re not friends.”

“But he said something about going to the bar?”

Cloud didn’t want to think about it. “How’re you feeling?”

“Oh… yeah… okay, I guess? _Now,_ anyway. Do you think I dress like a little kid?” He pulled at his sweater, looking down at Cookie’s big smiling face.

“You shouldn’t worry about it. There’s nothing wrong with liking Cookie Monster.”

“Yeah, but I’m twenty _and_ a guy. I had to go to the women’s section to find all the cute stuff.” 

“Stop doubting yourself.” Cloud pursed his lips.

Roxas sat down heavily on the bench and looked at his fingers. “You know I can’t do that. I wish it was easier.”

Cloud sighed, placing his hand on Roxas’ shoulder. “I know. I’m sorry. Is it getting better _at all?”_

“Little by little, I guess?” he shrugged, causing his brother's hand to slip off.

Cloud smiled down at Roxas. “I definitely see the improvements you've made since you've been pushing yourself.”

The smile that should have sat on Roxas’ face never came. He looked down at his sweater some more and frowned harder. “I still feel like I fall apart when you're not around.”

“Keep practicing. Worst case scenario: pretend I’m behind you, giving you this look—” Cloud gave him a dead-serious and slightly angry scowl.

Roxas broke into a smile and laughed. “Got it. The disappointed-dad glare. You do it so well.”

“I got it enough times to have mastered it.” Cloud rolled his eyes.

“He only looks at you like that because he loves you the most and expects the most from you.”

“Why couldn't you have been the older brother? It's all your fault,” Cloud threw out with a dismal and exaggerated sigh, ribbing Roxas.

Roxas stuck his tongue out by way of reply. “Hey, but that guy… Zack.”

Cloud sat down heavily, trying to cast his mind back on that weird encounter. “What about him?”

“I think he’s got the hots for you.”

Cloud gave a startled cough. “Huh?”

“He was totally checking you out when you got the laundry out.”

“No.”

“He did. I was stressing out but I still noticed. He totally was.” Roxas’ grin grew larger.

Cloud groaned. “How about you get the dryer started or our clothes’ll never dry.”

“Oh, shit, yeah.” Roxas remembered what he came down here for. He got up and hurried back to the forgotten machine, inserting the coins.

Having Roxas’ eyes off him gave Cloud some reprieve to acknowledge what he adamantly tried to deny himself. “You really think so? About Zack?” he asked tentatively.

“Yup.” Roxas smacked the machine and it jolted to life with a loud rumble. 

“Damn.” Cloud wrinkled his nose and looked at the floor.

“What’s up?” He turned around and returned to Cloud’s side, giving him an inquisitive look.

“If you’re right then he also totally asked me out on a date before you came in.”

Roxas’ eyes and mouth sprang wide open. _“Ooooo,”_ Roxas sing-songed and giggled. He hastily sat down next to Cloud and nudged his side with his elbow. “So I _did_ ruin the mood, huh.”

“There was _no mood_ to ruin.” Cloud stood up. He hadn’t even been sure of what it had been before Roxas had bombarded him with his observations.

“You gonna take him up on the offer?”

Cloud pressed his lips together, thinking about it.

“Hmm? Well?” Roxas grinned up at his always-too-serious brother.

Cloud grimaced and turned away from Roxas a little. He wasn't used to people asking him out, preferring to keep to himself as much as possible. But… “He is _sort of_ … attractive,” he muttered. 

“Only sort of?” The tease was unmistakable.

Sexy chiseled jaw, tight jeans, cool leather jacket, and did he already think of those tight jeans? Zack had smelled really nice too, on passing by. Cloud merely grunted and conceded with a small, “Maybe.”

Roxas sniggered and wore a satisfied smirk. “Attaboy.”

“Shut up. When’s this Sophia Tiller thing happening?”

“Oh right. Two weeks from now. I left the flyer with all the info on the kitchen counter.”

“Okay. I’ll go email it out to both our groups and then I really need to get ready for work. Don’t forget to take the clothes out.” 

“No worries, I’m on it, and thanks!” Roxas waved as Cloud took his leave of the laundry room.

* * *

Roxas sat in the laundry, fiddling around on his phone to pass the time. He played some mindless games, trawled through online message boards, and checked the clothes, separating and pulling out the items which were drier than the others, and putting them in a plastic bag he’d pulled out from his pocket.

Dark hair and a somewhat familiar face popped through the doorway at some point, attracting Roxas’ attention.

“Hey, Roxas. Is it okay if I come in? I need to get my stuff out of the dryer.”

Roxas’ stomach dropped and butterflies kicked up a storm. His heart jolted into an uneasy pace. He pulled his arms around himself, trying to hide his sweater. Heat prickled his chest and cheeks. “You don’t have to ask me. It’s a public space,” he got out, trying to shut off his thoughts.

“I just thought… if I make you uncomfortable I can always leave and come back later.” 

That offer took Roxas aback. “N-no, you’re fine to come in.” 

“Oh, cool.” Zack grinned and he strode into the warm room. “I didn't mean any offence before.”

Roxas simply nodded, hoping Zack would leave him alone. He pulled his phone out again, hunched in on himself with his feet up on the bench, knees up and slouching against the corner wall. But apparently Zack took Roxas’ silence as something entirely different— 

“I'm really sorry. I just wanted to figure out who you were to Cloud. I didn't wanna overstay my welcome if you were… well, you know.”

Roxas didn't, but figured he had to make conversation if he was ever going to have Zack believe that he wasn't angry at him. He tried to picture Cloud’s disappointed-dad face and told himself it was fine because he had already made a fool of himself once. He took a deep breath and then, “It’s all good. All fine. Really. A lot of people assume I'm much younger than I am.” And no wonder with the way that he looked and oftentimes acted. If he wasn’t running away from social situations he ended up saying dumb shit which made him look like a complete imbecile.

Zack advanced further toward Roxas’ position. “Well, I’m sorry anyway.”

Roxas almost missed the words through his self-deprecating head-miles. “You don't have to keep saying that. You're not in Cloud’s bad books or anything,” he muttered, wondering— _hoping—_ that this wasn't _really_ about himself.

“Well, he does love reading,” Zack chuckled to himself. “Ah… hey, Roxas,” Zack sat down and slid along the bench toward him. Roxas pulled his knees closer to himself. “You think I'm in with a chance? With your brother, I mean.”

The tight coil of panic eased a little bit and breathing came a little easier. It really _was_ all about Cloud. _Thank god!_ Zack clearly didn’t care about him at all. _Such a relief!_ He shrugged by way of reply. Cloud would definitely hurt him if he told Zack what they had discussed earlier.

“Got any tips for me?”

Roxas shook his head. He wanted to be left alone, so looked back down at his phone.

The hint seemed to finally be received. Zack sighed and got up. “It wasn't supposed to be an interrogation. Just came to get my stuff.” He walked to a dryer at the far side of the room and started pulling clothes out.

Roxas would have felt relieved… if he didn’t feel so bad. He wished for Cloud to be around to make him feel more at ease. But he wasn’t, and Roxas was stuck in his own anxiety-riddled skin. He stared blankly at his phone, tapping the screen to keep it from going into sleep mode, while all his senses were trained on Zack, without directly looking at him.

He worried and wondered what Zack thought of him to an unreasonable extent. Why should it matter to him? He didn’t even _know_ Zack. But no amount of reasoning ever seemed to do him any good. He wanted to leave a good impression though. He didn’t want Zack to hate him, especially if he would be around for a while. The fact that Cloud had apparently engaged Zack enough for them to have talked for a bit was significant. Unless it was for business, or a close friend or family member, Cloud didn’t give people so much as the time of day. For some weird reason this felt weighty, in his chest and limbs, and especially in his head.

A lid slammed. Roxas tore his unfocused gaze away from his phone and up toward Zack, who walked, carrying his load of washing in a cloth bag. His unhurried-but-determined footsteps echoed around the quiet space. “Later, Roxas.” He gave a wave and a congenial smile.

Roxas was _totally_ leaving a _terrible_ impression right now. He could _feel it_. “Peanut butter,” he burst out as Zack vanished through the doorway.

Footsteps ceased and seconds later Zack leaned backward through the doorway and looked at Roxas, confused. “Excuse me?”

“Cloud. He loves peanut butter. Smooth. Not crunchy.”

Gray-blue eyes lit up and Zack’s smile stretched wide across his face. “Thanks, man!” and with that Zack was gone, his steps fading off into the distance of the long concrete hallway beyond.

Roxas sat alone once more and breathed out his nerves. He had managed to not make a fool of himself this time. But what if Cloud got angry with him? Should he really have given the man any information about anything pertaining to his own flesh and blood? Had he become some sort of an accomplice? Roxas tried to take a deep, calming breath. And another. And another. 

_“Fuck!”_ He got up, poked his head out past the doorway to see if anyone was around. With the coats clear, he went toward the back of the laundry and around a corner where the wash-basins for handwashing were situated. He went to the very back corner, squeezing in between the end of the washbasin and the corner wall to where a ventilation grate sat recessed in the wall. He loosened the screws which held the vent grate in place. A bit of jiggling leant itself to the metal coming out of its wall fitting. It revealed a hollow and dark cavity, leading out of the building. Roxas reached into the void, expertly finding what he had put there himself; a ziplock bag with a stash of cigarettes and a lighter inside. He looked at the bag and cursed himself in a faint mutter. He only had one left _._

Without thinking about it he took the lone smoke and lighter out and shoved the empty bag back in the hole. He’d have to bum a few smokes off someone when he got another chance. That thought made him feel even more stressed out. 

His hands jittered a little but he got himself lit up after two tries. He took a deep dragging suck of the heavy smoke. It hit that spot right at the top of his throat and instantly soothed his nerves. He took a few more longer drags, exhaling into the vent and then stubbed out the cigarette and returned it into the bag. He wasn’t a heavy smoker. It was just a vice to help soothe his nerves. If he could save this cigarette he’d be spared the anxiety of having to ask strangers for a new one. 

_“Blowing-fucking-hole-of-motherfucking-shit!”_

Roxas jumped with fright and snapped his attention to the main part of the laundry. He quickly worked at securing the vent and quietly walked over to the corner, to peek around and see what was going on.

He saw the source of the profanity and it certainly wasn't hard to spot: a lanky redhead, sporting hands on hips, staring at the detergent vending machine which was mounted on the wall near the first row of washing machines.

Roxas slunk back around his corner and took deep breaths. The few puffs he had of the nicotine still calmed him. He could stay hidden here. He could go over to the dryer and check it to make himself look busy. There was no need to be shy or nervous.

 _“Why’re there so many Goddamn brands to choose from in this metallic piss pot?”_ A heavy _thump_ echoed through the space. 

Roxas’ heart sank. He probably should help. No one else was around after all, and the longer he lingered in indecisiveness, the worse his embarrassment would be if the guy realized he’d been in here all along. Roxas pictured Cloud’s stern stare. He told himself to play it cool, took a deep breath, clenched his trembling fists, and stepped out of his hiding nook, saying, “You need a hand with anything?”

The man jumped and yelped. He whirled around, squeaking slightly, “Oh geez. Where’d you come from?”

Roxas stared at piercing green eyes, high cheekbones, sporting a small tattoo marking on each side, and pointed chin. An overwhelming sense of inadequacy rushed through him. This stranger was completely handsome. Roxas shrunk in on himself, crossing his arms in front of himself, trying to hide Cookie Monster. He screamed at himself for still wearing the sweater. 

“Eh…” the man said.

Roxas blinked rapidly. _Shit._ What had been the question? “My mom and dad?” 

The redhead’s eyebrow rose as did the corner of his mouth.

Roxas screamed internally at his stupidity. He’d aimed for cool but completely overshot into dork-land. “I-I mean I’ve just been here,” he gave a vague shrug toward the dryers. Had he saved it? “Need help?” he tried to deflect, walking closer and calling himself names in his head.

The amusement the other man wore melted away, _“Yes!_ I don’t normally do laundry. I have no idea which of these to use.” He pointed at the dispenser and stuck his hands deep into his jean pockets.

Roxas' heart raced uncomfortably, his palms sweat, but he could handle the topic of laundry. He’d just focus on that instead of vivid green eyes. He walked over with a bit of confidence as he fixed his gaze onto the vending machine. He tried to ignore the fact that the redhead was very tall. He hugged himself tighter, _really_ wishing he’d worn something cool today, instead of childish. “Well,” he began, “most of these are all the same. You can have liquid or powder—not that it really matters. The only thing you might need to watch out for is if you’ve got sensitive skin. Then you’d want this one or this one,” Roxas pointed and looked ever so briefly at the other man. “And don't even worry about all these at the bottom. No one needs fabric softener in their lives.”

“But what if I hate scratchy fabric on my delicate skin?”

Roxas looked up and studied the man next to him then, not sure if he was being messed with or if the guy proposed a sincere concern. He couldn’t tell because he got too distracted by porcelain skin which accentuated and drew out the color of the green eyes and the red hair, and the dark spots under the eyes, and Roxas had never seen someone like this before. That said something, since he hung out with artists all the time. Nothing compared to that color palette personified before himself, and what was he looking at the man for again?

The mesmerizing green eyes flicked onto Roxas. Thin lips quirked up into a smile.

Roxas quickly looked away and pulled his stupid mouth shut. How long had he been slack-jawed for? _Washing Powders!_ “Ah—” he cleared his throat and tried again, “Then maybe buy the softener?” 

“Nah. Think I'll manage without it.” 

Whether on purpose or by accident, the man's arm brushed Roxas'. He hardly heard the next part because his sole focus was on inconspicuously shifting away from the redhead. 

“I’m pretty easy. I could wash my clothes in dish soap and I’d be fine. Why don’t we use dish soap for clothes?”

Roxas shrugged, trying to catch his breath and tell his head to shut up and to not say anything more embarrassing. “Wouldn’t want your clothes squeaky and sparkling, right?” An internal groan followed. He couldn’t pull off cool in a million years. Dork it was always destined to be.

A small laugh came out of the other man and then he said, “Right.”

Roxas’ heart pounded. His cheeks were so definitely red and hot and _fuck_ he wanted to vanish. ‘ _Just focus on the topic,’_ he told himself. “Anyway, you’re better off using this one,” Roxas pointed to the brand Cloud always used. “That seems to work best with these old machines.”

“Cool. Thanks.”

Roxas gave the briefest of smiles to the stranger, not daring to focus too hard on his face. He turned away and walked to his machine where he’d definitely throw himself into it and disappear from view. He got to his destination, opened the lid but determined he wouldn’t fit. Instead, he checked on the clothes, especially the jeans, checking the hems to see if they were drying properly.

“Yo, guy—dude— _you._ Cookie!"

 _Cookie!_ Sheer mortification ripped through Roxas. He wanted to die. He turned his head to take a look and saw flailing hands, beckoning him over.

“Roxas,” he offered, shutting the lid of the dryer to let it continue its tumbling. He reluctantly walked toward the redhead, still trying to distort Cookie Monster on his chest by bunching up the fabric.

“Sure. Sup. I’m… _Axel._ So this machine… what gives?”

“Whaddya mean? Have you never used one of these?”

“No. Well, yeah. But usually, there’s like one button to push and I walk away. These things are ancient.”

That made Roxas huff with a small laugh. “Yeah. They’re almost like lost relics from another dimension.” Roxas’ smile fell on seeing Axel give him a confused look. He kicked himself. Why couldn't he stick to simple yes and no answers? He didn't know, but he grew determined to be helpful and just focus on the machine, and not the man. “Ah… you just set the cycle here, hit this, spin that and you’re done. Oh and don’t forget to put the detergent in there.” Roxas pointed to all the things he mentioned.

“Awesome. Thanks, man.”

Roxas gave a small nod and turned to get distance between himself and Axel. He barely made it back to his machine before he heard a frustrated grumble.

“I did what you said. So why isn't it starting?” A metallic thud echoed.

Would this troubleshooting nightmare ever end? Couldn't Roxas be left alone? How much more help did he have to give? Clearly, this was a cruel test on his determination for self-improvement. Roxas turned back around. “Kicking it won't help.”

“Maybe. But it's fun. Wanna try?” Axel grinned.

Roxas’ nervousness died a little bit. He shook his head and returned to Axel's side, checking all the settings, redoing them himself, and then they both stood around, hands on hips, looking at it.

Axel gave a loud groan and bowed his head. “I’m not cut out for domestics.”

“I don’t know why it’s not working. You put money in, didn’t you?”

Axel raised his head, stared at Roxas and suddenly looked behind Roxas and pointed, “What’s that over there?”

Roxas snapped his attention toward where Axel had pointed. Was it a fire? A large bug? Another person having walked in? He saw nothing except for the empty doorway. Had he just been made fun of? Roxas turned back around fully prepared to get laughed at but saw the other man slip two coins into the coin slot of the machine and push the start button. 

The machine sputtered to life.

Axel side-eyed Roxas, and Roxas quickly looked away. 

“Oh look, _magic!_ It works now!”

The smile grew and Roxas tried to stifle it but he laughed anyway and Axel let out a small laugh as well. They looked back at each other, a relaxed joy mirrored in each other's expressions.

“Amazing magic,” Roxas remarked, nervous tension sliding off his chest.

Axel nodded. “Hey, uh… Roxas?”

“Mm?”

“You seem like the kind of guy who would know where to get a smoke around here.”

The good mood froze inside of Roxas. “Why?” he asked as he stared.

“Well, I can smell it on you.”

Roxas frowned and snapped a silent and admonishing, ‘ _Shit,’_ at himself for having been so careless. What if Cloud had been around? He cast a wary glance at the door and returned his attention back to the tall man before him. A sinking feeling came over him. “And?” he asked, unsure what the callout had been for.

“I could really use one right about now.”

A relieved sigh seeped out of Roxas. He could relate. He debated whether or not to give Axel directions to the tobacconist down in the town, or if he should share his secret. He heavily leaned toward sending Axel away, but… “Well—” He looked around, making sure the coast was clear, after which he beckoned Axel to follow him around the corner to where the handwash basins and his hidden stash were.

This was unprecedented, but Roxas thought they had shared 'a moment' so maybe it would be all right. He walked with purpose to the corner of the room and squeezed into the gap between the washbasin and the wall. Axel stood right beside him, squeezing into the small space as well, his body bumping up against Roxas.

They stood with their sides pressed together. Roxas smelled a hint of musk and felt the other man’s radiating body heat. He really hoped he wasn't going to say something stupid as he began talking, “Can you keep a secret?” he asked in a hushed tone.

Axel leaned down. “I’m a master of secret-keeping.”

Roxas swallowed down the lump forming in his throat. Roxas felt Axel’s warm breath brushing against his cheeks and caressed his lips. Nervous butterflies swirled around inside himself. He leaned back a little, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Ah… normally I wouldn’t do this, but—” The tremble and buzzing radiated outward from the pit of his stomach. Roxas really needed to calm his nerves. A smoke would help. He shifted, turning toward the wall, and swiftly got the grate undone and his cigarette and the lighter out again.

“Ooo, a secret stash!” 

Roxas heard the excitement in Axel’s voice as he slotted the grate back into place, without redoing the screws. He pressed his back against the opposite wall, trying to get an inch of space between himself and the other man, before offering up the nearly half-smoked cigarette.

"Sorry, this is all I've got left."

Axel took it, but not without dragging a finger down the length of Roxas’ hand. "Thank you for sharing it with me.” The man smiled with a lopsided grin and a twinkle in his half-lidded eyes.

The touch and soft expression nullified all of Roxas’ thoughts and sent his heart racing. He looked up into green eyes and didn’t know why breathing came so hard. His gaze fell to watch Axel’s long fingers hold and push the cigarette against thin lips in a well-practiced manner.

"We'll share the rest of this one?" Axel mumbled past the obstruction in his mouth and leaned toward the lighter which Roxas held up.

Thankful for the distraction, Roxas nodded and flicked the lighter a few times. He held his breath. Axel kept _looking_ at him in a way that knotted Roxas’ guts, fluttered his heart, and made his palms woefully sweaty. He needed to smoke a whole packet if he was ever going to recover from this.

He kept flicking the lighter, hating himself that he couldn’t get the blasted thing working. He screamed at himself how he never had a problem doing this in the past. The one time someone was watching him—someone insanely attractive, no less—and he couldn't get the blasted thing working. Well, of course, it figured.

“Here.” The other man's warm hand clasped over Roxas’, steadying him enough so the flame could be lit.

The touch sent a jolt of buzzing exhilaration through Roxas and caused him to shake with the power of the flutters racing through him. He felt sick from embarrassment and nerves.

Axel steadied him though with a gentle squeeze. Roxas flicked and _at last_ a lick of a flame came into existence and danced merrily.

“You don’t do this very often?” Axel asked, amusement lacing his words, while he leaned the cigarette into the flame, taking a few drags to get it lit.

“Only sometimes—blow into the vent,” he instructed. “Stops the place from stinking, and the fire alarm from going off.” 

Axel hummed in appreciation. Whether from the nicotine hitting him or from Roxas’ instructions he couldn’t tell. 

The man did as he was told and then said, “Clearly you've done this enough times to know the ins and outs of the place. A real veteran at doing the sneaky-sneaky, huh?” Axel beamed and winked before passing the cigarette on.

Roxas took it, trying his best to ignore the way their fingers touched and connected. The longer he stood pressed against Axel, the more in need of a smoke he was. He took a drag and pulled thick air into his lungs, where the nicotine could do its magic. He let out a shaky breath into the ventilation system and coughed a bit at the end.

More embarrassment welled, counteracting the calming effect the smoke was supposed to have on his nerves.

Roxas passed the cigarette back and saw the way Axel barely held the laugh at bay.

“Go on. Let it out.”

“Nah. Couldn't do that. Not after your generosity.” Axel took another puff. “Ah… what about the ashes?”

“Tap them into the sink behind you. We’ll wash them down after.”

Axel did laugh at that. “Nice. You got this all figured out. But why the covert operation? Last I checked smoking wasn't illegal—outside that is. Pretty illegal us doing it in here. You doing it for the extra buzz?” Axel chuckled, passing the smoke once more and as it got smaller and smaller their fingers grazed and connected more and more.

“My brother would lose his shit if he found out.”

“Why’s he such a busy-body?"

“Our grandad and uncle died from lung cancer. So it’s probably a genetic predisposition and probably in my best self-interest to not smoke. But… you know,” Roxas shrugged, feeling more relaxed in his own skin despite the tremble in his arms and the heat increasing along his cheeks and neck. “Once in a while won't kill me, right?”

“I hope not. Would be a real shame.” Axel smiled with soft allure and Roxas chose to look at the wall instead.

They passed the cigarette between one another for a few more pulls before it was all used up. Roxas felt relieved over the cigarette being all gone. Having to reach his arm around the guy so he could ash wore on him. Not to mention all the body contact. His heart raced uncomfortably fast. The sensation of legs against his own and the man's pelvis and hips digging into him would require another packet of smokes to nullify. Not to mention that the whole experience and Axel’s voice and smile caused a stirring which he’d feel deathly embarrassed about were he found out…. And given their close proximity… 

Roxas canted his hips back and turned away toward the wall. He pulled the grate off once more, depositing the cigarette butt and replaced the lighter. He briefly lamented the fact that he’d have to try and bum another smoke off someone in the near future. That activity alone was so nerve-wracking that he really considered forking out the cash to buy a whole pack for himself. But that seemed too risky for the once-in-a-while medicating relief cigarettes provided. He sighed to himself in resignation and pulled out a packet of gum.

Turning back to face Axel, he pressed himself tight against the wall to create some space between his groin and the reason for his stiffness. He held out the packet of gum between them. “You want one?”

Axel laughed and took a stick. “Thanks. What else have you got hidden in there? _Drugs?”_

Roxas took a piece of gum, popped it in his mouth and threw the packet back in the vent. “Um… just this,” he reached in, his arm swallowed by the darkness up to his elbow, and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. _‘What the hell,’_ he figured he might as well go all the way with incriminating himself. 

“Oh my _God!_ _Roxas!”_

The look of surprised mirth, coupled with Axel’s laugh, sent a tingle down Roxas’ body. “What?” he asked, trying to hide the smile. He figured his blush couldn't get any deeper so chose to ignore that, and instead focused on how maybe… just _maybe_ , he was pulling off _cool?_

“Don't be giving me that cute little smile. You're way too badass for that.” Axel laughed some more.

Roxas let his smile spread. He totally was pulling it off. If it wouldn't have a detrimental effect, Roxas would have cheered and fist pumped the air. “You wanna?” He held the bottle aloft.

Axel accepted it, unscrewed the top, took out his gum, and took a long swig. He passed it back to Roxas when he was done.

“I shouldn't have accepted the drink,” Axel lamented, popping the gum back in.

“Why not?” Roxas, confused, took a deep gulp of his own. It tasted weird with the combination of cigarette smoke and minty gum freshness, but the taste wasn't the reason to drink, so he grit through it.

“Well, now I can’t use my line of 'we should go out for a drink some time,’ on you, now can I?” Axel grinned.

Roxas choked, coughed, and sputtered, bending over a little, sending his forehead right into Axel's chest.

Axel's hand slipped against Roxas' back, patting and rubbing, which only made Roxas sputter more.

“Take it easy.”

Roxas got control of himself, screwed the cap back on, replaced his gum, and thrust the bottle deep into the vent, closing it up. His moment of _cool_ came completely undone. His mood sullied considerably. “Even if I wanted to, I can't go out for a drink with you anyway,” he muttered.

“Why not? Do you need your brother's permission for that as well?”

“No. But I'm twenty, so legally not allowed in this dumb country.”

“I should _probably_ be upset about you callin’ my country dumb—” Roxas suddenly froze, but then breathed out a small sigh as Axel continued, “but the drinking age _is_ dumb. So I’ll let it slide. Do you _really_ have a reason to complain though? You _somehow_ got your hands on a red label.” Axel smirked. “You certainly are something else, Roxas, I'll give ya that.”

“Uh… thanks?”

“You're welcome.”

They still stood wedged against each other, between the wall and the wash basin. Neither of them gave the slightest hint to the other that they should move. Well… Roxas couldn’t. The alcohol and nerves buzzed through him, yet he stood, rooted in place, partly due to want and partly sheer terror. He thought his legs might buckle and collapse under him, though that simultaneously didn’t feel like an option as Axel kept him upright with his body and also his arm wound around Roxas’ waist ever so slightly. 

Roxas was aware and he flushed all the harder. He looked up at Axel and hoped he remembered to blink as he stared, hypnotized, into pools of green. 

Those eyes were _so damn sexy;_ the eyeliner accentuating long lashes and those tattoos adorning cheeks.

Axel’s mouth drifted open, his eyes widened a fraction and softened just as quickly. “Ah, thanks. Yours are gorgeous too.” He smiled gently.

Roxas tensed and forgot to breathe. He swore he could feel all the blood drain away from his face. Had he _said_ something? _Shit._ He stammered out, “S-sorry. I shouldn't have—they’re not—I mean you’re not—you _are_ —but—just… sorry.” He quickly extracted himself from the tight corner.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” It came out too hoarse and harsh for his own liking. Roxas berated himself for being a massive idiot, and then reprimanded himself for not turning around to look at Axel: he just stood there, in the middle of the narrow space with his back toward the other man.

“Is there anything I can do to repay you for sharing your secret stash with me?”

At least Axel wasn’t teasing him about it. That made him feel somewhat relieved. Roxas, feeling a tiny bit more composed, turned around. Green eyes darted upward, meeting Roxas’ glance, where they exchanged looks. 

_Fuck!_ Axel had gawked at his Cookie Monster sweater. Axel thought Roxas had lied about his age—thought he was a complete moron and a little kid. Roxas crossed his arms, screaming at himself for having forgotten about his cursed apparel. He was going to _burn_ the sweater—he swore he would. But first, he needed this to end. With his nerves shot, he felt like he might need to down the whole bottle if this went on for much longer. Bowing his head, he said, in a deep grumble, “Can you _please_ just forget what a massive dork I am?” 

“Dork? I think you’re really cute… and a bit feisty and _foxy._ ” Axel stepped out of the corner to stand right in front of Roxas.

Axel’s words smacked Roxas square in the stomach, rousing a storm of butterflies. His body felt strange and a headiness overcame him. He kept looking down, trying to steady himself as he stared at the black boots with a red trim before him. Swallowing down the tight lump in his throat, he slowly lifted his eyes up over skinny jeans, along the red and black sweater, and up to Axel’s face, where he saw a soft expression.

With hands deep in pockets, Axel said, “If I can’t buy you a drink, at least let me take you out.”

Roxas tried at words but only air escaped. Like a man parched from a week’s weary travel in the hot desert, he attempted to wet his lips and swallow the scratchy feeling before he squeaked out, “Like… on a _date?”_

“Mm. Not really but kinda?” Axel shrugged.

Roxas didn’t understand what that was supposed to mean. Courage, born from slight irritation, brought him back from his complete anxiety overload. “No. Look, that’s not necessary. I didn’t share this with you ‘cause I wanted anything back.”

“Aren’t you nice.”

Roxas frowned and hugged himself tighter, looking away.

“Hey, is everything alright?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?” he snapped, shooting Axel a grumpy look.

Axel looked at him, an eyebrow cocking. “Look, I’m sorry. I’d _really_ like to hang out with you some more.”

Roxas looked around himself, half expecting someone to jump out and yell, _'Gotcha!'_ “Why? I suck.”

Axel chuckled. “Do you now?”

Roxas wanted to die to escape the embarrassment. He clutched himself all the harder and looked back down at the uninteresting floor. “No. I…”

“It’s alright. I blow, you know,” Axel winked.

Roxas choked on his spit. _“What?”_ he croaked. What was even _happening_ right now?

“I blow. I’m in this band and I play the sax. What did you think I meant?”

That cheeky smile said it all. Axel was teasing him. For good or for bad Roxas couldn't tell. “I didn’t think _that_. No.” He grumbled some more and hunched in on himself more.

“Shame, 'cause if you did, well—” Axel flashed his eyebrows up and a smirk bloomed while he flicked his tongue out to wet his lips.

A swirling hurricane of emotions and thoughts whirled through Roxas. What was _going on?_ This stuff never happened to him. People didn’t _hit_ on him. Axel was doing that, _right?_ Or maybe he _did_ just delight in making Roxas flush deeply with discomfort? Roxas opened his mouth, but only incoherent sounds came out.

A low chuckle flowed from Axel. “It’s alright. Come and watch me blow—this Saturday. Any time after eight.”

Had Axel moved closer to Roxas? The space between them was almost completely non-existent. He took a step back. “I ah—I’ll think about it, okay?”

“Good.”

The harsh beeping of the dryer came like a warm embrace from someone dearly beloved. “That’s me,” Roxas said with haste. He turned and barely kept himself from bolting to his station. He reached the machine and buried his head into the dryer. As he pulled out the clothes with great speed and determination, he heard Axel’s footsteps drawing close.

“It was fun, Roxas. Don’t forget, this Saturday at the Clay Bar, yeah? You need to see me in action.”

“Yeah, I’ll… yeah.” Roxas slammed the lid shut and almost ran out of the laundry, the bag of laundry thrown over his shoulder. If he had left anything behind, he wasn’t coming back for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has 6 chapters with a possible 7th chapter as an epilogue. I don't think I'll be posting updates weekly, as I have more editing to do and still little motivation to do it, so we are looking at monthly updates, or whenever I feel like it, really. 
> 
> Comments will honestly go a really long way in me pushing out the chapters, so if you enjoy it, please be vocal about it. I write stories for myself, but I post them for others. If I get no feedback the presumption is that it's not worth anyone's time and that really tanks my motivation.
> 
> Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed and are looking forward to the next chapters. There's a lot of fun to be had. Feel free to con-crit and also suggest things to tag and flag in this and future chapters. Tags will be updated and added to, and the fic rating will be bumped up to Explicit when we get there.


	2. The Clay Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud and Roxas go to watch Zack and Axel perform. Roxas bonds with Axel while Cloud sets up boundaries and expectations with Zack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have all been so god damn _wonderful_ and supportive with your comments and have helped me break through that incredible mountain of apathy and discontent I felt toward this fic and writing in general. A huge and massive THANK YOU to you all! Whether you are one of the more familiar faces in the commenting section or one of my beautiful and lovely ghosts. I love and appreciate you all for taking the time. Thank you for coming through for me when I really needed it the most. 💪❤️😘
> 
> It's helped. It helped so much that I got through reading and editing the whole fic. I mean... it's not that massive, floating at around the 70k mark, but still... I would't have been able to do that without your help in showing an interest in this story.
> 
> Since I did all the prelim work, I'll be moving to a **weekly posting schedule.** I'll also be slapping a happy ending onto this fic. I was always leaning toward it not ending with a positive resolution, but reading through it all in one go has changed my feelings about it. Your lovely comments have also made me feel more positive about this story and I think the end should reflect that.
> 
> So again, thank you. And to anyone reading this in the future who get to the end of the fic and enjoyed reading it, please be thankful for the commentors on chapter 1. This thing wouldn't be what it is without them 🙏
> 
> Ok, gonna get off my fucking soapbox. Sorry to hammer on about this for too long. You guys just mean the world to me right now! ❤️ It's also my b'day today so I want to give you all this gift of this new chapter. Hope you will enjoy 💝🎁
> 
> I'd say this chapter is split equally between Clack and AkuRoku moments.

Roxas made an effort _not_ to look like a dork on Saturday night. He’d even gone into town, trying to find something stylish to wear, that also didn't cost an arm and a leg. This proved a difficult task since the Center he temporarily called his home sat on a small mountain by the outskirts of a quaint tourist town. _Everything_ was expensive, or hard to come by.

But he had found something. Roxas checked himself out in the mirror hanging on the wall in the small entryway of his shared accommodation: a two-bedroom flat not much bigger than a hotel room, with a snug bathroom, and a corner-kitchen area that housed a stove, sink, microwave, and a medium-sized fridge. The living area had a couch and desk, both of which were hardly visible thanks to the mess of boxes stacked high and on top of everything. 

At least most of their things were contained in the living room and the workshop space within the large Arts Center. Roxas appreciated having a bedroom clear of clutter, as he was accustomed to far less space for their dainty puppets and crafting materials.

"You look fine. Why're you making such an effort?" Cloud drawled, stepping out of his bedroom.

Roxas scowled at his brother through the mirror. He hadn't told Cloud the full extent of his run-in with Axel; only that he had met a man who was probably affiliated with Zack, due to the similar time and day specified for their individual meetings. While Cloud had been very noncommittal, Roxas _had_ agreed to meet with Axel. Sort of. Now that a few days had passed he wanted to go and had roped Cloud into coming along.

Sometimes Roxas thought his nervousness a good thing: Cloud had to get out of his comfort zone, all in the name of supporting his brother.

“Is it a crime to look nice once in a while?” Roxas tugged at his fitted jacket with a warm inlay and zipped himself up to cover the plain white shirt he had on underneath. 

“You look dull and boring. You normally wear your Cookie Monster sweater and hat everywhere you go, but you’ve ditched them in the back of the closet, and now bought this tired wardrobe. Did it really upset you _that_ much, what the guy said? And if it did, _why_ are we going out to see his band?” Cloud half stood, half sat leaning on the backrest of the couch, a cocked eyebrow directed at Roxas.

Roxas frowned and looked over at his brother, dressed in the same old gray woolen sweater he always wore, and the same faded-and-nearly-worn-out black jeans he had bought almost four years ago. “Maybe I look dull and boring, but at least I’m keeping up with the times. You look like a throwback from the nineties."

Cloud’s gaze dropped to examine himself. He folded his arms over his chest. "Don't care. At least I'm comfortable in my own skin."

For all of Cloud's support, he could also be a big ass. "Shouldn't you get changed for your _date?_ Make at least a _bit_ of an effort?" Roxas jabbed back while brushing the hair out of his eyes.

“It's _not_ a date.”

“That’s not what you said a few days ago.”

“I don’t even know the guy. Why would I go on a date with him?” Cloud stood up, checked his pockets to make sure he had everything, and pulled on gloves as he strode toward Roxas and the front door.

“People go on dates to _get to know_ the other person.” Roxas turned and pulled his overcoat off the coat rack and slipped it on.

“What magazines have you been reading to get so enlightened all of a sudden?” Cloud grabbed his checkered black and navy scarf off the rack and wrapped it around himself, ready to go out into the night. He also grabbed his puffy jacket because after dark it always felt 5 degrees colder than during the daytime, and that wasn’t even factoring in the wind chill.

“It’s _common sense_ ,” Roxas snapped. He checked to make sure he had his set of keys and his phone before heading out, closely followed by his brother.

“So it’s got nothing to do with this guy you met down in the laundry?”

Roxas pressed his lips together and remained silent as they walked through the artist’s residential wing of the Arts and Conference Center they were staying at. They passed a dozen other doors, leading to small apartments just like their own. The carpeting was old and threadbare in spots, half the light fixtures flickered, and a musk hung around, but the whole building also felt cozy, which both men liked.

“For what it’s worth, I support you in getting out of your shell,” Cloud said, eventually falling in step with his brother.

“Thanks.”

They headed down three flights of stairs out into the chilling night air and down the dimly lit footpath. The light layer of snow crunched under their boots. People mingled about but paid no mind to the brothers, who took a turn down a forested lane (a shortcut for the truly local) and headed into the main part of the internationally acclaimed Arts Center, which was set up like a large campus, with various buildings for different purposes: conference and meeting rooms, artist retreats and workshop spaces, lecture and theatre halls, a small convenience store, separate dining rooms for guests and staff, as well as many hotel rooms. There were also lodgings for staff to maintain said hotel rooms as well as the general grounds the Center was on. 

They headed for the Clay Bar, which was a cozy place to hang out, grab a bite to eat, drink, and listen to local and further afield bands play. A lot of the Center’s staff could be found hanging out at the bar, as well as the artists in residency, while the more esteemed guests from the hotel sections typically wandered down the mountainside the Center was built on top of, to head into town for their wining and dining and nightlife pleasure.

Cloud wasn’t a bar-visiting sort of person, but he admitted that the Clay Bar possessed a certain charm and ease, with a friendly atmosphere he could feel comfortable in if he _did_ have to go out, usually by request of his workshop attendees who wanted to pick his brains or try at a friendship. Cloud always obliged them, because he hated to come off as rude. He entertained their conversations but never ended up with any more friends, which suited him and was his preferred quota. He always had a nice time out though, but still preferred to stay indoors, curled up with a book, and drinking all manner of herbal teas.

Roxas also liked the establishment. He knew most of the staff that typically worked there; Hayner Myers and Olette Florentine usually manned the bar during the evening hours. Pence Stuart most of the time brought out the bar-style foods from the kitchen: nachos, chicken parmigiana, fries, burgers, and buffalo chicken wings; he also cleaned up most of the dishes. There were other staff, of course, but those three were who Roxas knew best and felt most comfortable around. A sense of pride filled him over having friends. It had been made easier because those three had attended the full term of last year's summer workshops, and Roxas _always_ had an easier time getting to know people when he was in work-mode, rather than being left to his own clumsy and socially inept devices.

As the two brothers entered the bar the toasty warmth of the fire crackling in the chimney hearth greeted them. Roxas’ nerves swelled up again. Why, given his social ineptitudes, was he entertaining this evening?

He maneuvered around leather couches and their accompanying low coffee tables as he headed for the bar on the right. There were a few chairs and tables set up along the wall running the length of the place, right up to the stage and the decor had an artsy lumberjack feel to it.

He headed for the bar, took a seat on one of the stools and smiled at Hayner before nervously eyeing the stage in the back of the ambiently lit bar. 

“Evening, Roxas. Hello Cloud. The usual?” Hayner greeted, looking professional as always: white button-down business shirt, sleeves rolled up, with the Center logo embossed onto the shirt's breast pocket.

Cloud took the barstool next to Roxas. “Yes, please. Could I also get a peanut butter sandwich with that?” Cloud pushed the exact change of money he needed for his transaction across the bar top to Hayner.

“No worries. And you, Roxas?”

Roxas pulled his eyes off the stage where Zack stood, dressed in head-to-toe black leather, with a white shirt underneath the jacket and a guitar strapped to him as he checked the microphone, stand, and connecting cables. There were two others on the stage with him—a blonde woman slowly beating the drums and a blond-haired man checking a keyboard setup and the guitar he had in a stand next to him.

“Uh, the usual, yeah, thanks Hayner. B-but could I get some lime in my soda?” It was code for vodka.

“Coming right up! And that's Royal Panda Brigade playing tonight. We've got them booked every weekend for the next little while. Should be good.” Hayner busied himself putting the orders through and getting some vodka into Roxas’ drink without Cloud noticing.

Roxas didn’t make a habit of getting his drink laced, but his heart raced, his body buzzed, and a queasiness sat tight in his chest. He’d confided in Hayner about alcohol helping him to relax and about how Cloud didn't approve. Despite being underage in this country Hayner had taken pity on him and now Roxas got a sneaky shot of free alcohol when he asked for it. 

He looked back at the stage, which elicited a strange twisting excitement in his stomach. Axel was up there now, dressed in a long-sleeved black shirt and dark skinny jeans, strumming a bass guitar. Roxas saw the saxophone the man had talked about on a stand and ready to use. Roxas let out a small sigh. Axel hadn't been lying to him. All those innuendos… 

"Looks like Zack's the singer of the band. _Hot_ ," Roxas teased his brother. 

Cloud stared, unimpressed. “What a ridiculous name for a band. What was it again? Garbage Panda Bridge?"

“Royal Panda Brigade. It’s cute.” 

Cloud _hmphed._ “Which one is the guy that chatted you up?” He leaned against the bartop and toward Roxas.

Roxas leaned back, startled. “That’s not… I…” He cleared his throat and turned away from Cloud to look at the stage. “The redhead.” It came out a little too husky. His throat felt parched and his heart raced. Had he seriously talked to that man or just imagined the whole exchange? No way had he ever had the balls to talk to someone that hot. Maybe it was just the lights? Maybe the tight jeans and that thick skull belt buckle? Maybe it was the instrument he was plucking away at that proved the culprit in added hotness? Whatever it was there was a certain _je ne sais quoi_ about Axel which hadn’t been there before… not to this level anyway. Roxas took off his coat. It was too hot in there. 

Cloud looked at the tall, thin rake of a man on stage and then at Roxas. He definitely had never expected his brother to be into someone like _that_ , but what did he even know? Roxas had never brought anyone home or dated anyone for all he knew. Roxas had always been too shy for that. “Well, you always did like _red,”_ Cloud said matter-of-factly, identifying this to be the only thing he could be sure about right now.

The prickle of a blush stained Roxas’ cheeks. Was it the hair? He liked Axel’s eyes. He regretted being so far away from the stage that he couldn’t see them in detail. He could barely make out the tattoos. He wondered if Axel even saw him. The light shining on them was surely too bright. The bar, though not packed, bustled and steadily filled up with more people looking to unwind on a Saturday night, so surely Axel wouldn’t know… he probably had forgotten about him already. It had been two days since their meeting in the laundry, after all. Roxas never left an impression on anyone, not the general public anyway. His family name carried weight around the artist and puppeteering circles, but in other domains, he knew he would fade into obscurity.

Hayner slid Roxas and Cloud’s drinks before them.

Roxas grabbed his drink and dunked the straw to the sound of clinking ice. "Um, Hayner, could you make it a double on the next round?”

Hayner laughed and nodded.

* * *

Cloud and Roxas listened and watched the band perform. Dulcet and vigorous songs played. They seemed to have a large enough repertoire and also did covers of classics and currently popular songs. Cloud kept his eyes on the bar, on his drink, on his snack. He cast the _occasional_ glance at the mirror embedded in the wood of the back bar, which ran the entirety of the middle shelf. The stupid band name aside, at least he wasn’t _hating_ the music. He refocused on his drink and got refills from time to time.

Roxas was on his third drink, his back to the bar and facing the stage where his stare remained glued onto the redhead playing the bass. The way the man plucked the strings with a look of concentration and enjoyment painted on his lips made Roxas smile. He bit his lip as Axel did his when he got into the purely instrumental sections of the songs. And when Axel switched out to the saxophone—Roxas forgot how to breathe. He _swore_ —wistfully thought—that Axel looked right at him, but surely not. Surely a nobody like him wouldn’t be noticed or remembered. But Roxas thought Axel kept looking at him and he couldn’t look away, not even when Cloud made conversation with him regarding the scheduling of their workshops the following week.

Whatever Cloud said was pure noise to Roxas. "Sure, yeah. We can do that. Sounds good." He nodded along to appease his brother while he watched Axel switch between the saxophone and bass again. 

Cloud sighed and sipped his tea and in this way, two hours passed with intermittent chatter between the brothers. Some of the puppetry workshop participants found Cloud and Roxas and conversed with mostly Cloud for a while before they wandered off again, leaving the brothers to listen to the music with minimal distractions.

All the sodas Roxas knocked back finally caught up with him and he slid off the stool to head to the washrooms, located past the stage and down the short hall. A nervous buzzing had quietly thrummed through his body all evening, partly the alcohol, but mostly wondering about Axel and sinking deeper into the enchanting riffs and melodious tunes the man produced. As Roxas approached the stage it felt like the dial of the thrumming got turned up to 100 and then 200 when green eyes locked onto him. Was that a smile and a cock of the brow? That was the last Roxas saw of the dancing flame on the stage as he focused on finding the floor. He refused to look up whilst he hurried past and briskly made his way into the washroom. Only on entering the sanctuary did his held-in breath seep out and his rigid shoulders droop, while he pushed the main door closed. 

The washroom was empty. Zack's singing and the music were but a dull muffle through the door. Roxas shook himself out of his nerves and laughed at himself for being a mess. He did his business and then washed his hands, splashing cold water on his cheeks to cool himself down. He was so hot; the alcohol and embarrassment prickled his skin. He closed his eyes and tried to capture the look of Axel up on the stage, in the zone for his musical performance and the sultry sounds of his sax playing.

_"Hey, Roxas!"_

Roxas jumped and whirled around at the sound of that scratchy timbre. "H-hey, A-axel."

"Glad you could make it. How're you enjoying the show so far?"

Roxas watched the tall man stride to the urinals. "I—it's very good. I like your blowing— _playing—_ your playing.” He spun back around to the sink and admonished himself for not playing it cooler. “You're very good. I like the songs. It's good. Are you guys finished?" 

Axel chuckled and Roxas heard the unzipping of pants. He didn’t know where to look, so quickly grabbed for the tap, turning it on to wash his hands again.

"We're having an intermission right now, for about half an hour."

Roxas washed his hands and caught sight of himself tomato red in the mirror. And then his gaze landed on Axel’s reflection. Roxas peered away like a shot. Axel, with his head tilted back and a sultry look on his face, let a rusty chuckle loose.

Roxas wanted the earth to swallow him up.

The urinal flushed and Axel walked toward Roxas, taking the sink next to him. "You wanna hang out for a bit? Get to know each other?"

Roxas shrunk further into himself, the water continuously running over his hands without him moving them. Like a deer caught in the headlights, he stood frozen as he sensed every iota of his body getting scrutinized by the other man’s virescent eyes. Why wasn't the alcohol working as he needed it to? He had to try and pull himself together… somehow. Tumbleweeds blew around his brain. Meekly, he said, "H-hang out?" _Dumb!_ Dumb, dumb, _dumb!_

"Yeah, I wanna repay you for the cigarette," Axel murmured and bumped Roxas gently. "How about it. You 'n' me, in the back alley. I've got a stash and a light."

Roxas shook the alternative of what could be done in back alleys out of his head. Instead, the promise of a smoke calmed the jittery feelings inside. The idea of having something to do while looking up into that pristine face of perfect seduction which seemed to get more alluring the more Roxas saw it, was soothing. Feeling returned to his hands and a powerful surge built up. He wanted to accept, but… "I can't. Cloud will smell it on me."

"It's alright. I've got it covered. I've got some gum and you can tell him I smoke and that's why you smell a bit when you go back."

"Oh." That well-thought-out plan heartened Roxas. “Yeah, okay. Let’s do that.” He gave a nod and turned the water off, as did Axel on his tap.

Axel handed Roxas some paper towels and got some for himself, drying off before moving toward the exit.

"After you," Axel held the door open for Roxas, who went out and headed for the door leading to the alleyway.

It was cold and dark outside, but a few people mingled further down the alley, smoking, chatting, and laughing. Roxas moved to the left of the door, getting some distance between the other people and himself. He hated how cold it was. He hated that he’d left his overcoat on the back of the stool he’d been sitting on. He walked past a big dumpster and pushed himself against the wall next to it, using the container as a buffer from the breeze as it rushed down the alley. Plus the dumpster provided extra cover, in case Cloud came looking for him. Axel, wearing a smile, swung around the dumpster seconds after Roxas, and parked himself against the wall right next to Roxas with barely any space between them. 

Sucking air in between his teeth, Axel said, “Fuck, it’s cold. Are you cold?”

Roxas nodded, hugging himself a little, and clenched his jaw to prevent his teeth from chattering.

Axel laughed. “Best get this done quickly.” He fished out the cigarettes and lighter. "Here."

"Thanks." Roxas popped it between his lips and looked up at Axel, who held up and clicked the lighter. Of course, the damn thing got working on the first try. But that didn’t stop the flutters erupting inside of Roxas.

He leaned into Axel's cupped hand, which protected the flame. A fingertip brushed against Roxas' cheek as he took a few puffs to help the cigarette light up. The rush of the touch mixed with the comforting hit of smoke against his throat and acted as a soothing balm that instantly quieted the dread. 

A seductive smirk danced on Axel's lips and was made more alluring with the way the cigarette hung from them. He pushed the tip into his mouth, lit himself up with a few drags, and put the lighter away, leaning against the wall with one of his feet up against it.

"How've you been?" Axel asked, glancing down at Roxas, who averted his gaze out of sheer embarrassment over being talked to by someone so ridiculously attractive.

"Good," Roxas muttered. “You?”

“Besides the cold killing me slowly? Yeah, pretty good.”

“We can go back inside—”

“Nah.” Axel took a deep breath, coughing lightly. “I like fresh air. I’m getting used to this fridge-of-a-town. Been playing some gigs at the Rose and Crown and Seventh Heaven. You ever go to those?”

Roxas took a long drag from his cigarette. “Not so much the Rose but I have been to Seventh Heaven. What do you think of it?”

"As a performance space or a dive bar?"

"Both?"

“Acoustics obviously not that great, but the setup's pretty sweet. Generally, the place seems pretty cool, if you’re down for a Yakuza vibe." Axel chuckled to himself but abruptly stopped. "The owner seems pretty scary. I’d hate to get into her bad books. She gave us a list—no joke—as long as my arm,” Axel held out his limb, “with what we can and can’t do in her place, which includes singing anything Ska. Like, there goes all our No Doubt material. Why would someone not like No Doubt?” 

Roxas laughed and shrugged. “Tifa is okay if you get in her good books. You want to know a secret?”

Axel nodded vigorously. "Love secrets. I keep 'em real good if you haven’t already noticed." He winked.

Roxas smiled a little. He curled his finger, motioning Axel to draw closer, which he did. Roxas caught a whiff of the man’s delightful cologne. Red hair fell and brushed lightly against Roxas’ cheek, tickling him slightly.

Axel was so close. Roxas longed to nestle into that body heat if only to escape winter’s hoary bite. “She’s the one who gave me that red label Johnny Walker.”

Axel gasped and pulled back. “Remind me to _definitely_ try and get into her good books then.” He took a drag and puffed out a ring of smoke.

“Oh wow.” Roxas watched the smoke ring drift along the breeze. “Can you show me how to do that?”

“Sure.”

Axel explained how to pull the smoke in and slowly let it out, demonstrating with smoke ring after smoke ring. Roxas tried to copy but coughed more than he produced anything. With every failed attempt, with every one of Axel’s laughs, dejection and hopelessness tainted Roxas’ mood. 

He decided to take a break, ashing his halfway-burned-down cigarette. “So… have you been traveling a lot for your work?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’ve been with the band for two years and we’ve been traveling for about a year now.” Axel blew another perfect smoke ring. “What about you? What do you do here? Besides smuggling around booze and smokes.” He chuckled at his own comment.

“I work with my brother holding puppetry workshops.”

Axel leaned back and his cigarette nearly dropped out of his mouth. He caught it and tapped the ash to the ground. “Puppetry workshops? That’s a _thing?”_

Roxas felt heat creep up his neck. He nodded, his limbs tense. How much of a dork was he?

“You like puppets?”

“Ah…” he took a drag of his cigarette to help distract from the nervous twisting of his gut. He puffed out another failed attempt at a ring. “I… it’s my _job?”_

A soft smile lifted Axel’s cheeks. “You like Cookie Monster the best?”

Roxas choked whilst inhaling, leading to a bout of hacking coughs. Axel patted his back. “You okay?”

Roxas wheezed a bit and thumped his chest. His embarrassment turned to mortification. He looked up to see Axel mere inches from his face, concern sitting in his eyes and the cigarette dangled from his lip. 

Roxas wet his own. “Yeah,” he squeaked.

“Don’t drag so hard. You just want the smoke to sit in the back of your throat and then gently—” Axel demonstrated by blowing another ring. “Alternatively, you can try this.” He took another drag and then tapped his cheek.

Roxas looked on with amazement and then proceeded to practice that. It came much easier. Axel smirked at him when he got his first actual ring out.

Roxas laughed, jubilant, and thrilled. 

“What a cheater,” Axel said, the grin not washing off his face.

Roxas didn’t care if he was cheating or not. He wrinkled his nose in delight and puffed rings into Axel’s face, who rolled his eyes, but with a laugh said, “You’re so insolent.”

The soft smile rubbed Roxas in all the right ways. When he started having a nice time with people he, for the most part, forgot to be nervous.

And he was having a _very nice time_ with Axel right now. He could relax. He _did_ relax. "Shouldn't have shown it to me if you didn't want me to use it." He grinned up at Axel who was almost leaning against Roxas with how close they stood. Once more, Roxas grew aware of Axel’s body heat in the biting cold. He leaned with his shoulder, pushing against Axel and fought the urge to drop his head against Axel's arm, or his chest. Axel looked comfortable.

"I felt sorry for you, but keep practicing and you'll get good with your tongue one day." Axel wore a gentle expression and quirked his brows.

Flustered, Roxas wanted to shirk away and yet simultaneously lean into Axel harder. Butterflies danced in his stomach. Distracting himself, he used the last few puffs he had left of his cigarette to practice his newfound skill, while Axel also finished off his smoke and pressed it into the wall. The man then fidgeted with something in his pocket and proceeded to pull out an entire packet of cigarettes. "Here, these are for you. To replenish your stash." 

Roxas stared at the gift. "No, that's too much."

"You can have it. It's really okay."

Roxas looked at the packet and up at Axel, and then slowly reached out and took it, but not without brushing his fingertips against Axel's knuckles, a touch which caused a flutter inside his body and made him feel a little more thawed out. "Thanks, Axel." He dropped his cigarette butt and stomped it out with his boot.

"Any time." That soft smile just wouldn't leave.

Roxas couldn't look at it. He breathed out heavily, causing a mist to billow out before himself. "We should go back inside." 

"Yeah. Here, have some gum first, though." Axel produced the aforementioned promised packet.

"Thanks." He took a strip and chewed it, as did Axel.

They stood, leaning against the brick wall, the fabric of their sleeves rubbing together lightly. Roxas felt warm and tingly despite spending so much time outside. His cheeks stung with the onrush of blood against the freezing outside, but despite that, he felt good. Calm. Nervous, but calm.

"Hey, um… " Roxas started.

"Hmm?"

"How long have you been playing for?"

"Bass or sax?"

"Both."

"Sax since I was old enough to hold one. Bass I picked up about two years ago when I joined RPB. Seemed more useful than the sax, but I work her in wherever I can."

"That's cool."

"Thanks. Hey, we _really_ need to get back inside. This five minutes turned to fifteen and I need my hands defrosted for the next set."

"Oh. Yeah. S-sorry." 

"Nothing to be sorry for. I really liked doing this with you." Axel spat out his gum, pushed off the wall and looked at Roxas.

His stomach knotted. "I liked it too."

Axel's smile broadened. He raised his shoulder, signaling for them to go and began walking back. Roxas spat out his gum as well and followed as Axel said, "Are you free tomorrow? Maybe we could hang out some more? Maybe go and do something besides stand in an alley? I haven’t had much time to explore this town yet. Could use a guide. You been here long?"

"Half a year."

"Oh cool, so you'd know what's fun to do around here."

As flustered as Roxas felt, he also really wanted to be able to say _yes_ to the man. But he'd need some help. 

### 

Cloud had watched Roxas shuffle off nervously to the washroom and he could have sworn that his brother had shrunk in on himself as he’d hurried past the redhead—who had been looking at him like a hungry shark. Cloud frowned with the worry of what Roxas could possibly get himself into if he consorted with _that_ man. He didn’t look savory to Cloud. Not with his tattoos and wild red hair. This man screamed attention and Cloud knew his brother well enough that this was something he didn’t _need_ or ever craved. 

He turned back to his tea, which he had gotten a refill of. He sipped and swirled, wondering what he was doing here. Roxas had asked him. He supposed that was it, really. He looked at Zack through the mirror, which made him frown so he looked away. Though… his eyes drifted back… and had for the majority of the evening thus far.

He caught glimpses of Zack holding and singing into the microphone; his eyes fluttering shut, lips brushing against the mesh as he crooned out soft songs, whilst wearing a smile. Cloud found himself tapping along to some of the alt-rock post-grunge they played and he also listened intently to Zack’s gravelly and scratchy vocals. The way his range dipped into honey-laced deep tones when he crooned was an impressive delight. Cloud spent more time listening to the timbre of Zack’s voice than the words to the songs. The low notes made him tingle. Which made him angrily tell himself that he wasn’t here for a _date_. He had no interest. No interest _at all._ The music stopped.

“We’ll take an intermission and be back in half an hour,” Zack said, his voice pleasant and rich, sounding deeper than before, possibly a little husky from all the singing.

Cloud dismissed that thought as a simple aesthetic observation and looked behind himself to see the redhead jump off the stage and head toward the washroom with haste. Cloud glared after him and made to get up, but his chair screeched against the old varnished wooden floorboards as he ground to a halt. Zack strode toward him, wearing a big grin. Cloud sat back down, still glaring at the now-empty hallway, ready to bolt over there if he heard a sound or saw Roxas rushing out.

“Hey, man! So good to see you. Thanks for coming out to hear us play. Whaddya think?” Zack came to a standstill before him, blocking Cloud’s view.

“Well, I’m still here. Guess it’s not _that_ bad.”

Zack winced and thumped his chest with his fist once. “Ouch, shots fired.”

Was he being too hard again? Cloud replied with a softly muttered, “Sorry.” 

“Nah, it’s cool. Glad you’re still around—Could I get a pint of beer?” Zack directed behind Cloud, at Hayner.

“Sure thing.” Hayner grabbed a glass and busied himself at the tap.

"This seat taken?" Zack pointed at the bar stool which had Roxas' coat draped over the small backrest.

"You can sit there until my brother comes back." Cloud hoped it would be soon.

"Cool, thanks. How's Roxas enjoying himself?” Zack sat down on Roxas’ stool, turned toward Cloud, an arm resting on the bar top, fingering the worn-smooth wood surface.

“He likes the music. Who’s the redhead?” Cloud still eyed the hallway but also stole fleeting looks at Zack opposite of him. Roxas had told him vague, barely-there details, which wasn't unusual, but seeing Roxas' mesmerized attention and shrunken reaction this evening made Cloud suspect that a whole lot more was going on. 

“Axel? He’s a good bassist. Picked it up easy enough, but his expertise is with the sax. We took him on board two years ago. Thought we could use more variety in our repertoire.”

“But what’s he _like?”_ Cloud stressed, tilting away from the bar, catching Roxas leaving the washroom with the redhead following close behind. They headed outside in the cold. Cloud glowered after them. Did Roxas _know_ he was being stalked?

“Oh! Why… do you want to know?” Zack got out slowly, looking over his shoulder to where Cloud stared intently.

As the door closed, Cloud returned his attention onto Zack, to find the other man’s jovial expression completely washed away. “Why’s he chasing down my little brother?”

 _“Oh!”_ Zack laughed. “He thinks Roxas is cute. He ran into him in the laundry the other day—Thanks.” Zack slid Hayner some money and picked up his glass which Hayner set down before him.

Cloud wrinkled his nose with distaste. He wasn’t going to dictate Roxas’ life, but he'd always watch out for him. “Is he okay? Is he into anything shady? If he _hurts_ Roxas in _any way_ I’m holding _you,_ _and_ the redhead, accountable.”

Zack looked up from his drink, licking away his foam mustache. “Axel’s okay. He likes to have fun while we’re touring, but I’ve never had to get him out of lock-up or seen him arrested for anything. He knows that won’t fly with me. And as for the guys he flirts with,” Zack shook his head slightly and Cloud ground his teeth at the word _flirt_ , “never heard or seen of any problems there either.”

With reluctance, Cloud let his distaste simmer down and settle, though he refused to let it go altogether. He turned back to his tea, sipping it as aggressively as tea could be drunk as he stewed. He wasn’t sure _why_ he was willing to take a complete stranger’s word as a character reference, but it happened anyway. He glanced at Zack out of the corner of his eye; drinking his beer with indulgence, his head tilted back, exposing his neck. Cloud watched the other man's Adam's apple bob as he gulped. 

Zack put the half-drunk glass down heavily. With a satisfied sigh and a bright smile, he turned toward Cloud. “Y’know, it’s nice to see you caring so much about your brother. I always kind of wanted to have brothers or sisters, but it just didn’t happen that way. I always thought it would be nice to look out for them and to be looked out for.”

“Being a big brother's not all it’s cracked up to be. The constant worrying, especially since—” Cloud shut his mouth and took a long sip. What was he doing talking to a complete stranger about _his brother?_ He wanted to put Zack in his place. "I don't appreciate what you said to him the other day in the laundry. He's taken it quite hard. He doesn't need people like _that_ in his life."

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. I apologized to him."

Cloud pressed his lips together. "I just want to be _absolutely_ clear that _no one_ messes with my brother, and you'd better pass that message on to the other guy too."

Zack nodded vigorously. "Yes, received loud and clear."

"Okay," Cloud felt the hardness inside himself slip with how eager and sincere Zack looked. "Just… wanted to make that clear."

"Crystal."

The two men went back to drinking their beverages. Cloud was aware of Zack beside him; his gulping, his breathing—the inhale that heralded a conversation—

“You’re very protective of your brother. It’s really sweet to see." 

Cloud raised his head. 

Zack looked back at him, a smile tugging on one corner of his mouth and then the other, and then he quietly said, "Makes you quite handsome.” Something earnest and good-natured sat in the way Zack held his smile up to Cloud. 

They looked at each other for frozen moments and then Zack huffed and looked back at his drink, which he swirled before taking another gulp from it.

 _Sweet?_ _Handsome!_ Was he? _No._ Cloud hadn't been talked to like that in a long time, if ever. He bristled. “You weren't _really_ going to ask me out on a date, back in the laundry. So what were you _actually_ asking for?"

Zack put his drink down and his whole face fell; mouth slack-jawed, eyes wide, and eyebrows raised. "Whaddya mean I wasn't _really_ gonna ask you?"

Cloud _almost_ bought the sincerity of the shock, but still gave the other man a skeptical staredown, cocking his eyebrow ever so slightly.

Zack thumbed over his lips and smacked them a bit. Cloud didn’t like how it drew his attention to them, especially since it brought back an image of Zack singing into the microphone and the ghosting sound of his voice reverberated in Cloud’s ears and chest. 

Zack, thankfully, pulled him out of that thought by saying, “Okay, fine. You got me. I actually wanted to ask you if the dryers were any good, or if they’d fry and shrink all my clothes. But you were ignoring me.”

Cloud clicked his tongue. “Not on purpose. I really didn't hear you.” He didn’t like coming off as rude unintentionally. Yes, he was naturally standoffish, but if he could help it he rather preferred to have people see him as neutral or slightly amicable at best. At least, never rude. “When I'm reading, the world just… kind of disappears for me. I wasn't meaning to be disrespectful.”

Zack tilted his head to the side and grinned. “See, that's really cute about you.”

Cloud sat up a little straighter. “What?” Why was this guy talking to him like this?

“You getting all absorbed and passionate in your reading, even about stuff you don't have an interest in. I think that’s super cool.”

Cloud blinked, taken aback. “I might become a pro racing driver one day, you never know,” he muttered, not liking how he felt simultaneously suspicious of the man's intentions but also _curious_.

“You might. That's super fun about you. It's why I asked you out. Well, that and the peg-leg thing. That got me good,” Zack chuckled and rested his chin on his propped up hand. “You’re really charming, you know that?”

Now Cloud felt _truly_ caught off guard. His cheeks prickled with heat. "What do you want from me?"

"Huh?"

"You're trying to butter me up. Calling me charming—handsome— _cute?_ _Sweet?_ I'm none of those things. You don't even know me."

"Oh… well, that's how I'm seeing you. But you're right. I don't know you. But I'd _like_ to get to know you, because of all those things I've called you." Zack’s eyes and smile softened considerably. His look said… _adoring._

Cloud snapped his attention back to his empty cup of tea. Why was this happening to him? Who was this man? Why couldn’t Cloud shrug this off as a meaningless flirtation? Why did he… want to _entertain_ the notion? Cloud dragged his eyes back onto Zack, who still looked at him with tender adoration as he fingered the rim of his beer glass. 

“So is this a date?” Cloud asked flatly, going back to the initial thought which he had taken into consideration, but dismissed before coming here.

“Yeah, it is. After the second set I’d like to buy you a drink. Is that okay with you?”

His wall came back up. A comfort, truly. “Not really.”

Zack’s smile plummeted. “Oh. Is there anything I can do to make it okay?”

Cloud wrinkled his brow. “Why’re you so persistent?”

“You seem fun and interesting and I’d like to get to know you better before I have to leave this town?”

Tension tightened Cloud’s jaw. “You want to have a fling with me?”

 _“What?_ I… no. That’s not… what I’m after. I just want to get to know you better.”

Cloud’s frown hardened. “Get to know me before you leave. Which is _when_ exactly?”

“Six weeks,” Zack said cautiously, a look of confusion narrowing his previously wide-open expression.

Cloud ground his teeth. “Getting to know someone for _six_ weeks. Does that ‘ _getting to know’_ someone include making out?”

Zack’s hands went up, his palms facing outward. “Cloud, that’s _not_ what I’m asking of you.”

“As if you aren’t. That’s the end game. You want a fling.” Cloud surmised. “I don’t _do_ flings _._ I don’t get close to people, especially if they aren’t going to be around for long.” A swelling heat sat in Cloud’s chest. He clenched his jaw and folded his arms.

Zack looked away. He took up his glass, swirled his drink a little and then downed the last bit of the amber liquid left inside. He set the glass back down and let out a suppressed sigh. “Maybe I’m coming on way too strong?”

“Yeah. You are.”

“Alright. My apologies. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry I sprung the date on you. I just thought you were fun and cool and I wanted to get to know you better. I like getting to know people. I didn’t mean anything by it. Sorry again.” Zack hopped off the barstool. “Can I make peace and pay for your next round of tea, as an apology? Nothing behind it. No ulterior motives.” Zack fished for his wallet in his back pocket and produced a fiver that he slid onto the counter.

Cloud stared at Zack. 

The man’s mouth drifted shut and after a second he said, “Sorry,” turned and headed back to the stage.

Cloud felt like an asshole and for some reason that bothered him. He didn’t… _really…_ want Zack to go away. “Wait. Don’t… go,” he muttered with a heavy sigh, looking at the note left on the counter next to him.

Zack turned back around. Roxas always told him he needed to lighten up, just as much as Cloud always encouraged Roxas to push through his fears when it came to talking to new people. He decided to let his wall soften a bit. “Look, I…” 

Light returned to Zack’s sunken expression. He came back and sat back down, leaning against the bar with his arm. 

Cloud, wearing his favorite stern frown, looked over at Zack as he continued, “I don’t do flings. And I’m not _ever_ going to sleep with you, so just get that _really_ clear into your head.”

Zack nodded excessively. 

Cloud felt his defenses crumble even further. “I don’t know, or understand _why_ you want to get to know me, but… first of all, you should know that I _don’t_ like going on dates where I don’t even _know_ that it’s an actual date. I also need to know someone a bit before agreeing to go on a date.”

Zack sat in silence for a few beats of Cloud’s thumping heart, before saying, “Are you saying… that if we get to know each other you _might_ go on a date with me if I ask you?”

He sounded so excited. Cloud didn’t know what was with that. Why _anyone_ would ever be excited to hang out with him, but… he breathed down his smile and got out a terse, “Yeah.”

A smile erupted on Zack’s face. “Awesome! _Thank you!_ What do you wanna know about me?”

Cloud pressed his lips into a tight line, wrestling the smile down. “Nothing. It has to be more organic than a question-answer thing.”

Zack huffed out a small laugh. “No offense, but you’re being difficult.”

“I know.” He let the small smile slip out then, but with great restraint.

Zack wore a good-natured and soft expression and rested his chin in his hand again. “Are you always so difficult? Or are you putting it on for me?”

Cloud looked at Zack. He was really handsome; his hair styled into spikes, the leather jacket unzipped and the white shirt underneath a snug fit. Cloud hated to think he was letting this guy sidle up to him like this because of his looks. Maybe it wasn’t _just_ the looks then. There was something about his persistence, his smile, his voice. Cloud should never have come to watch him perform. “I think I’m putting it on for you. I don’t like letting people get close to me.”

“Fair enough. I appreciate being given the opportunity to get to know you. I hope you’ll like getting to know me too, through… just… talking? And not a ‘generic question-answer thing’ kinda way.” He smiled, lifting his whole face with radiant energy. 

A beat of optimism stirred Cloud’s heart and fluttered in his chest. Zack’s smile felt… infectious. 

The man continued, “I do like talking to people, y’know. I like seeing the world, experiencing new things, rising to challenges. It’s why I’m in a band. None of this cushy office job and stable income for me,” Zack laughed.

“More tea, please,” Cloud said to Hayner, but got out his own money and gave the $5 back to Zack. “Since you don’t have income stability you might want to hold on to that.”

Zack chuckled but took his money back.

“Is living on the edge of poverty and being a vagabond the only reasons you’re in the band?”

Zack _laughed_ and he did so loudly. “No—I like music, being creative, and working as a team.”

“With those qualities, you could easily apply for a corporate job.” Cloud smirked a little bemused.

Zack laughed some more. “I’ll keep that in mind if times ever get really tough. Thanks for the tip, man.”

“You’re welcome.” Zack’s good-natured amusement and friendliness tickled Cloud and trickled into him.

“So, for fear of sounding inorganic… what do you do around here?”

Cloud hummed. “I suppose I’ll give that one to you.”

Zack gave a mini fist pump and hissed a quiet, _“Yes.”_

The goofy action brought a smile to Cloud’s face. “My brother and I run puppetry workshops for the residential artists at this Center. We also help the artists storyboard, choreograph and rig everything up so they can hold performances at the end of the workshop to showcase their works and tell their own stories. We’ve been commissioned to run four workshops and performances over this financial year so things are pretty full-on for us.”

 _“Ooh,_ that’s super cool and unique. How’d you get into that?”

“Inherited the business from our dad. He’s got medical problems that stop him from traveling very far, so he sends us away to do big workshops and shows all over the country and internationally.”

Zack whistled. “Internationally? Wow. Them’s the big leagues. I’d _kill_ to get to perform overseas someday—get a big enough name and social media presence out there to have demand for us to travel. Imagine all the places out there. Have you been out of the country before?”

“I went to India with my dad once to see different techniques for puppetry making that they use over there. Also to source some different materials. But not officially to run workshops. That’s going to happen once we’re done here.”

Zack whistled again. “Are you going back to India?”

“No. Europe. Particularly France and Italy. Dad’s lining something up for us in Germany too, I think. Maybe even Scandinavia.”

Zack stared. “Holy shit, that’s amazing! I hope you do so well.”

“Ah…” his cheeks heated up at the enthusiasm which bombarded him. “Thanks.”

“Can you tell me more about India?”

“Yes, I guess.”

Zack’s eyes lit up wide and he started asking Cloud all sorts of questions of what it was like. Cloud drank his fresh tea and fielded the questions as best he could. The niceness of Zack’s seemingly-genuine interest in his life crept under Cloud’s skin.

His attention was pulled away though as he spotted Roxas coming toward him, the lanky redhead still stalking alongside him.

“Hey,” Roxas greeted with a small smile.

All of Cloud’s senses trained on Roxas. He could smell it. “Have you been smoking?”

“You must be Cloud. Hey!” The redhead extended his hand. Cloud didn’t take it, only glaring up at the other man who awkwardly retracted his arm and buried his hand in his red hair, rubbing at his head. “I smoke. Roxas said you don’t approve. I blew all the smoke away as much as I could.”

Roxas tittered a little. Cloud stared, nearly dipping into a glare. The giggle stopped. 

“Um… are you and Zack getting along?” Roxas’ gaze darted between the two of them.

Zack flashed a smile and gave his thumbs up. “I think so. Cloud?”

He tried not to think about it too hard, if at all, and nodded slightly.

An excited _‘Hee’_ left Zack. “He was just telling me about his time in India. You couldn’t go?” he asked of Roxas.

“No. I was sick at the time,” he grumbled. It was a bit of a thorn in his side. “Hey,” he shook himself out of it, “since it’s Sunday tomorrow and we don’t have anything on, I thought we could take Zack and Axel down into the valley. Go trekking to the frozen lakes. The weather won’t be too bad for it. How about it?”

Cloud knew what Roxas was actually asking; please support me in going out and getting to know this guy whom I really like, even though he reeks like a chimney stack and is beneath me—Cloud tacked on those last two, though no less _valid,_ points. He looked at his brother's hopeful face, at how close he stood to the other man, at Zack and his brilliant and eager smile. A sinking feeling came over Cloud. Would he live to regret this? He kept people at a distance for a reason. Zack would only be here for six weeks. Something about that left a tightness in his gut. “Alright,” he muttered.

“Awesome! Thanks, Cloud! Hey, so you'll need to dress warm, okay—” Roxas began instructing Axel, who nodded eagerly and fished out his phone to take notes.

Cloud felt Zack lean over toward him ever so slightly. He fixed the other man with his stare. “This _isn’t_ a date,” he said quietly.

“No. Never. Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Okay. Good. And you better take note of what Roxas is saying because if you get hypothermia we’re leaving you out there. I’m not having this turn into a Scott of the Antarctic scenario.”

Zack nodded.

They all agreed on a meeting time and then the blonde-haired woman who was the band's drummer came around. “Flirt-heads. Stop thinking with your mini-brains and get back up here!” She yanked both of the men back up toward the stage.

“C’mon, Larx. It _ain’t_ like that!” Axel whined, “or that _mini,”_ he winked at Roxas even as he was getting dragged away.

Roxas felt the deep flush and averted his eyes.

"Will you stay around for the second set?" Zack called back while being pulled along.

"No. Roxas?"

Roxas braved a look at Axel. The alcohol left him feeling drained. He shook his head. "Message me so I can send you the details," he called out to Axel, who he’d nerve-wrackingly given his number too while the man had taken down notes.

Axel grinned and nodded though winced as he received a sharp pull on his hair.

Roxas watched Axel get out his phone while heading to the stage. Roxas’ phone buzzed. He reached for it, checking the message.

Roxas **Roxas**  
  
  
**Today** 10:41PM AXEL  
Gud nite, cheater 😉😘   
  


He broke out in a little flustered sweat.

“Are you okay?” Cloud asked his brother, who came up to the barstools and pulled his coat off the back seat. 

“Yeah.” He slapped on a smile for Cloud. “Thanks for tagging along tomorrow. I just… need to feel a little more comfortable with him and then I’ll be okay.”

Cloud got up and packed his things away. “What’s with you and him? Do you like him?” The red stain spreading up Roxas’ neck said it all, really.

“I’d… like to get to know him better.”

“You know they’re only here for six weeks, right?”

“Yeah. That’s perfect. If I completely embarrass myself he won’t be around to keep reminding me of it.”

Cloud _humphed_ and made to leave with Roxas at his side. He refused to give the stage another glance. “Guess that’s true.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, oh boy. The price of winning Cloud's affections is steep. Zack's got his work cut out for himself. I had a hard time wrestling the Clack into place. Sometimes I still think that other than me wanting Clack to happen, there is poor justification for Zack even putting in this much effort into pursuing a guy he met two days ago 😂 Bear with the story though. Roxas may be falling hard and fast (which is why there will be a LOT more AkuRoku moments), but when Cloud does finally get there... it's gonna be... _something_ to behold.
> 
> Also, MASSIVE SHOUT OUT AND THANK YOU to [dandhi](https://dandhi.tumblr.com/) over at Tumblr for helping me make peace with selecting a name for the band. And thank you to [Plants](https://twitter.com/twileighplants) for reminding me that when in doubt, just find a fucking word generator. I hope the band name is delightfully ridiculous to reflect the ridiculous guys _in_ the band 😅
> 
> Comments give me _life_ and kudos are deeply appreciated. Please consider leaving some to feed this starving author 🙏
> 
> Catch ya next week for Chapter 3 👍  
> (I'm also bumping up the chapter count to like 8, because I'm splitting one of the long chapters, and adding an epilogue to this story. It wouldn't be an authentic cream_pudding fic if the chapter count didn't change 😅)


	3. A Hike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud and Roxas go for a hike with Zack and Axel, and get some alone time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed getting to know the characters and backgrounds of all the guys as I wrote this chapter. I hope you enjoy it too.
> 
> Bad jokes coming your way. Apologise to anyone living in Florida. No hard feelings, okay? 😅 I don't make the stereotypes, I just find them. ✌️ 
> 
> I'm also on my song-lyric bullshit again. If there's a sort-of band fic happening, how could I not?
> 
> This chapter's AkuRoku heavy. Ooo, so AkuRoku heavy 😍

At 9 in the morning, Cloud and Roxas stood at the well-kempt path leading down into town. They were dressed for the occasion: puffy winter jackets with hoods, gloves, jeans with thermals on underneath, and sturdy walking shoes. Cloud also carried a backpack with some water bottles, trail-mix, first-aid kit, and hand-warmers inside.

"How're you feeling this morning?" Cloud directed at his brother.

Hungover clearly wouldn't be the right response. Roxas felt gross from all the vodka shots in his drinks last night. The Advil he’d taken only helped so much. His mouth also felt like an ashtray and his throat held a grainy itch. He wasn't used to smoking a whole cigarette in one go. "Pretty good." He flashed Cloud a smile. "Thanks for coming out with me."

Cloud hummed and dug his gloved hands into his pockets for extra warmth. The day looked to be clear and bright, though the wind still blew, dropping the temperature further. "You texted them the right time and location, right?"

"Yup."

The brothers waited around. Cloud kicked the ground, getting antsy. Roxas checked his phone and messaged Axel, even feeling nervous doing something simple as that. He couldn’t shake the sense that he was imposing himself by sending a simple—

message header: **Roxas**  
  
  
**Today** 9:32AM Hey, where U at?  
  
Axel  
OMW! ❤️  
  


Roxas stared at the heart emoji for a few fluttering moments before snapping back to reality. "They're on their way."

Just then Zack’s voice rang out across the dell, "Hey, guys!"

Cloud and Roxas turned to the right, facing the hotel section of the Center. Zack, rosy-cheeked and smiling brightly, dressed in dark-colored clothes and carrying a small day pack slung over one shoulder, bounded along. "Sorry for the delay. Axel here took forever finding his neon green shoelaces and then spent too much time tying them."

Axel, right behind Zack, laughed. Roxas' heart fluttered when he saw the other man again, this time dressed in a lime green jacket, dark red pants, and his boots indeed laced up with green strings. 

"Genius takes time and effort.” Axel came to a standstill before Roxas and pointed his toes, whilst hugging himself and looking rather cold with his red cheeks and nose. “Cool?” he asked.

“Cool!” Roxas noted the intricate pattern of the laces, sort of resembling a spider’s web with the knot sitting in the middle of the shoe as a spider might.

“Practical, not so much.” Cloud dismissed.

Axel pursed his lips but returned his attention onto Roxas. "Check out my threads!" Axel, with arms spread out, turned for Roxas to appreciate the form-fitting jacket and tight-fitting pants. Axel’s hotness dripped into Roxas’ stomach. He wondered how he’d cope being out with him today.

“I like the colors,” Roxas got out meekly.

“Same. Found this jacket a few days ago. I had like _zero_ warm clothes before coming up here.”

“Told you to pack for all seasons,” Zack jeered playfully and bounced on his heels, trying to get warm. “Again, sorry to keep you guys waiting. Let’s go! I’m s _o cold._ The exercise will do us good. I’m _dying_ to get movin’!”

The party started off down the hill on the zig-zagging path. Despite the previous night's dumping of snow, the path was already cleared and packed with salt and grit.

Axel rubbed at himself and bemoaned the freezing temperatures.

“You two aren’t used to the cold?” Cloud asked the obvious, as they ambled. 

“Hell no. We’re both born and bred in Florida. I’m from Tampa, Zack’s from Miami. What about you guys? Canadian, right?” Axel asked, bumping Roxas’ arm slightly with his own. Roxas drew a little closer toward Cloud, whom he walked next to.

Their accents weren’t thick but still bled through, evidently. “Yes,” Cloud said. “We’re from Vancouver.”

“I have an uncle in Vancouver,” Zack remarked. “We’re actually making our way up to Canada.”

“Don’t know why we couldn’t have planned to go north in the summer,” Axel grumbled, breathing on his gloved hands. “I miss the warmth. I even miss the _humidity.”_

Zack laughed at that comment. “The mountain range hasn’t been kind to us,” he said to Cloud, whom he trailed slightly.

Axel groaned. “ _Fuck,_ it’s super dry up here. How do you guys live? I gotta put a shit ton of product in my hair to stop it from frizzing out.”

Cloud shrugged. “We just moisturize.”

“Maybe I can raid Larxene’s bags.”

Zack chuckled. “I think I’ll take you to the Harvest Foods in town. I don’t need her to kill you for stealing her things.”

“I’d _ask_ first before she’d inevitably’d say no, _forcing me_ to stealing it, but… yeah, sure. Fair call. I’d like to stay alive too.” Axel bumped into Roxas again.

Roxas tensed, hating the jitters flurrying up inside. He hated the feeling of needing to throw up sitting _right there_ in his throat from nervous anticipation and dread. _Clearly_ , Axel liked him. Roxas _hoped_ Axel liked him. Maybe he imagined everything, too drunk on the other man’s looks and flirtatious demeanor; that skinny frame and vibrant hair and tattoos and _God,_ those _eyes_. 

Axel smirked at him, saying something. Roxas didn’t hear, but laughed, hoping for that to be the appropriate response as he walked on. He nudged closer to Cloud as if that would somehow save and protect him from making a fool of himself. Cloud pushed back though, not liking the jostling. 

Roxas, aware of Zack walking behind, watching, _seeing_ , and probably thinking him to be a clingy kid, got himself so worked up over that thought that he said, “Hey, Axel, race you down to the bottom of the hill?” Not the most mature thing to propose, but Axel’s enthusiastic, “Yeah,” as the man lunged ahead and down the trail had Roxas forgetting all about it.

"Hey! You cheater!" he yelled and went after Axel.

“Takes one to know one,” Axel yelled back and his laugh echoed down the wooded mountainside.

Cloud watched on, rolling his eyes and huffing as he continued his calm amble down the path.

"I'm shocked to see Axel run," Zack said, bemusement in his voice. He pulled alongside Cloud, who acknowledged him with a look. They went on in silence.

Cloud, once more reflected on what a nice day it was. The crisp air, the sun sparkling off the snow, a beautiful stillness, the… _company._ He stole a glance at Zack. The man wasn’t bad to look at. Not at all.

As if sensing Cloud’s eyes, Zack looked over, smiling. “Have you had anything to eat yet?”

“Hm? I had cereal, yeah. You?”

“Didn’t have time for anything, but I packed food.” Zack shrugged off his bag and while they walked, produced two wrapped sandwiches. “Do you want one? I don’t want to be the only one eating.”

“I’m alright, thanks.”

“You sure? I made it for you.”

Suspicion rose. “For me? Why?”

“I wanted to do something nice?” Zack shrugged, wearing a smile. _“So,”_ he sang, “how about it?” Zack shook the still-held-out sandwich before Cloud’s nose.

With a sigh, Cloud took it. The overjoyed smile he received reminded him of last night. He still couldn’t fathom Zack’s enthusiasm. 

They went on. Cloud unwrapped it and took a bite. With a surprised hum, he said, “Peanut butter.”

“You like it?”

He chewed thoughtfully and looked at the sandwich for a while, taking another bite before returning his attention onto Zack. “Yeah.”

Zack’s smile grew bigger. “Have you tried peanut butter and banana? That stuff is _exquisite._ ” He did a chef’s kiss and heartily tucked into his breakfast.

“Can’t say that I have.”

“If I could have found bananas at the store here I’d have made you one of those. Sprinkle with a bit of cinnamon and you’re in heaven.” 

“If you say so.” 

Zack chuckled, enthusiastically chomping on his sandwich. “Not that I think it would have come out as well as when my nan makes ‘em, but y’know. What I wouldn’t give to be eating her cooking right now. _Man._ Touring is hard. Eating cup noodles most days in the week is _hard_. It’s not so bad when we’re in a city or town, but while we’re on the road, trying to make deadlines…” Zack let out a sound if displeasure.

"How long have you been traveling for?"

Between mouthfuls, Zack said, "For a year—do you ever miss home cooking?”

“I always do most of the cooking, no matter where I am, so I’m not missing out on anything.”

“Lucky Roxas.”

Cloud huffed out a small smile. “I _do_ miss my mom’s bear claws though. Those are a real treat coming back home to. I guess sort of like that peanut butter banana sandwich thing of your nan’s.”

They both shared a smile between bites of their food.

“Having special foods to come home to is the best.”

Cloud nodded, and asked, “What did you do before you toured?” 

“I thought you weren’t a fan of the whole ‘question-answer’ thing.”

“I can just as well not talk to you while we’re out today.”

“Oh, you drive a hard bargain,” Zack laughed. With a lopsided grin, he asked, “You want my full history?” 

Cloud shrugged and a slight smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Maybe the highlights.”

Zack chuckled. “Well, I did a lot of sports when I was younger—not that I was any good at anything in particular, but it beat sitting in class. I left school early and ended up in a cushy office job. Did that for close to six years. Then I worked as a solo guitarist and singer going along to gigs at the local dives in and around Miami.” 

“That’s a pretty major life change.”

“Yeah, I guess it can come across like that. It’s… something I had to do, and I’m glad I did it, even though it was tough. I met Demyx through my solo gigs, and he introduced me to his sister. Axel joined us and completed the setup. We made a name for ourselves and ended up at Royal Hotel and the Oriental Panda, which are like _the_ places to be. It was a _huge_ leg up for us. And now, here we are.”

“Oriental Panda? Does that have anything to do with your band name?”

“Yeah,” Zack laughed heartily. “Paying homage to where it all took off. Sunny, happy Miami.”

“Ahh, I see.” They wandered down the snowy path. “What’s Miami like? I hear it’s full of old people on crack.”

Zack chuckled warmly. A pleasant sound, Cloud thought. “Well, as we established, it’s _so_ much warmer than this, _oh my god,_ let me tell you.” Zack breathed on one of his gloved hands and jammed the rest of the sandwich in his mouth. 

Cloud looked on, amused.

After a few swallows, and Cloud also finishing his sandwich, Zack continued, “The crack part… in some places, sure. But not everywhere. What about Canada? We’ve got ‘gators, but bears are ten times scarier.”

“Do the ‘gators cause a lot of problems?”

“Not so much. If they come into the suburbs there are people to deal with that. They usually just laze about and chill. So they’re pretty easy to avoid. A bear charging you down the street though—” Zack pulled a face.

“They stay out of the cities, but smaller towns, especially up through the Rockies… yeah, they come in and all the trash has to be kept in bear-proof containers.”

Zack’s laugh rose up into the tops of the evergreens. “Oh, man. That sounds wild! Can’t wait to see that when we head that way!”

“You’ll be there in the spring?”

“Yeah.”

“Then definitely watch out. They come out of hibernation and get super hungry, plus defensive because of the cubs. Also, watch out for moose when driving around. They are like tanks, and probably way more dangerous than bears.”

“Moose? Jesus. _Really?_ You’re pulling my leg.”

“No. Moose are dangerous. We make a national sport out of wrestling them, to keep the population limits down.”

“What? No way.” Zack halted for a moment, but then quickly rejoined Cloud in the walk. “C’mon, you’re totally pulling my leg here.” Zack gave him a suspicious smile.

Cloud, though tickled pink, kept the mirth inside and deadpanned, “No. My mom’s a nationally recognized Moose Wrestler. We’ve got trophies at home.”

Zack faltered in his step, even as they reached the bottom of the mountain path. He stared at Cloud as if trying to weigh up where the line between truth and fiction lay.

“No,” Zack finally said.

“No, it’s true. It runs in the family. That’s how dad got injured, and why we had to take up the family business.”

They kept walking down the sidewalk of the now suburban street.

“No way.” Zack laughed. “You’re totally having me on!”

Cloud’s stern expression broke with his unfurling smile. Laughing, he said, “Your face. You totally believed it for a minute there.”

Zack laughed harder. “No way. Maybe a second, but not any longer than that.”

They both kept chuckling. The good cheer inside of Cloud lingered as they passed snowy front yards and houses with roofs blanketed in last night's flurry of fallen flakes. Cloud really enjoyed Zack’s laugh, even as it still roiled through the other man. "What got you into music?" he asked, deciding to allow himself to be a _little_ curious about the other man.

"My pop always had this passion for music. I grew up listening to him playing and singing. He taught me everything I know. That's his guitar I've got with me. It's fifty years old. It's the most valuable thing I own."

Cloud looked at Zack, wide-eyed.

With a nervous laugh, he said, “What?”

Cloud looked in front of himself and at the small T-intersection they approached. "That’s… oddly sentimental."

Zack chuckled. "Why’s that odd?"

“I… don’t know.” Though he did know. His impression of Zack was that of a Jock; charming, active, driven, unable to take ‘no’ for an answer. He had left school early after all. Not that this mattered much. Cloud also had never been that great at school either. He supposed it was easier to keep his wall up if he kept his assumptions about people in place. The fact that he _wanted_ to have his assumptions regarding Zack overturned baffled him.

"Your pop must be proud of you. It’s not easy putting yourself out there like that on an artistic level. Especially if you left a cushy job to eat cup noodles on the road."

"Ah… I hope he would be?" Zack laughed while rubbing at his neck.

_"Hope?_ Is he…"

"Yeah." Zack sighed. "He passed away four years ago."

"I'm so sorry."

"Nah, man, it's okay. Pop always told me I should follow and embrace my dreams—he knew me better than myself; knew I hated being cooped up inside. I mean, it’s why I dropped out of school when I did,” he laughed. “I don’t really know how I held it together for as long as I did doing _paperwork_.” He stuck his tongue out and then chuckled. A breath later saw a heaviness visibly drag Zack's shoulders down. His gait slowed.

"I'm doing something I really love right now. My one regret is that I was stubborn and didn't listen to him. I'm sad that he's not around to see what I’m doing. I’m sad I’ll never make him proud of me."

A heaviness dropped into Cloud’s stomach. "Sorry to hear that."

"It's okay," the other man hauled up with a heavy sigh. "I'm still happy. I'll be his living legacy. Even when what I love is really hard to do, I'll keep at it. For him. For me."

"What made you finally decide to ditch the job and follow your dream?"

Zack pulled a face. "Pop dying. He left me his guitar in his will. That was such a shock. I'm doing this now to honor him. Sorry for getting so heavy."

"Don't apologize. It’s good to know you're not just a pretty vacant face." 

Zack stopped. Cloud continued walking, pressing down the smile.

"Wait. Are you calling me _pretty_ or are you saying I look dumb?" Zack said loudly and bounded after him, getting in front of Cloud and walking backward so they were face to face.

Seeing Zack’s tremendously bright and attractive smile—made all the more handsome by the touch of red on cheeks from the biting cold—left Cloud struggling to manage his aloof attitude. But he tried with a shrug and nonchalant, “Make of it what you want.”

“If you leave it up to me then I’ll definitely go with the ‘you think I’m pretty’ option. Though, I’d go more for rugged and handsome.” He cupped his chin. “But I’ll take what I can get from you.” Pearly-white teeth flashed.

“You better turn around and watch where you’re going. The roads get icy.”

Just then, Zack slipped. Cloud grabbed him, pulling the taller, heavier man against himself to stop him from falling backward into the street. Zack clung, his arm slung around Cloud’s back, and his other hand on Cloud’s shoulder.

“Whoa,” Zack laughed, nervous energy lacing his voice. He gingerly untangled himself. Cloud relaxed his grip on Zack’s trim waist and they carefully stepped to the side and apart.

Zack rubbed at the base of his neck, his cheeks redder than before. “Sorry. Thanks for the save. I’ll… watch where I’m going from now on.” He laughed again and turned about-face, warily eyeing the patch of glistening ice.

They fell into step, silently walking down the street. Zack’s firm, strong touch ghosted on Cloud’s body. The man’s scent, some sort of sandalwood aftershave, clung to Cloud’s nostrils. It was rather pleasant, really. Just like in the laundry. He cast a glance up at Zack, who looked rather sheepish. The one word that popped into his head when he saw Zack was, ‘dork.’ A bit of an adorable one though… if he were to admit it to himself. 

"Hey, um, Cloud."

"Yes?"

"Do you have any dreams? Or is what you are doing right now like, number one, best thing ever, and you're living your best life?"

"Oh. Uh… I would say… yes. But… I also think I probably won't be doing this for the _rest_ of my life."

"Really? What else would you do one day?"

"Hmm…" He wasn't sure if he wanted to divulge anything too personal to a practical stranger. Though he _did_ enjoy Zack's company in a weird way.

"Hey, can I guess?"

Cloud chuckled. "Okay."

"You'd like to be a pro race car driver one day."

Cloud burst out laughing despite himself but pulled himself back together with a shake of his head.

Zack was all smiles. "Yeah, didn't think so. I could see you writing books though, since you love reading them so much. Maybe you could write an autobiography about my life one day."

"It would just be a biography. Autobiography are written by the person they are about."

"Oh, right. Biography then. Learned something new today. But, would you?"

"That depends."

"On?"

"You'd have to actually do something interesting with your life first."

Zack clutched his chest and closed his eyes as a pained expression crossed his face. "Again, those shots. _Oof!"_

Cloud smirked even as Zack started laughing.

"I'll try and do something worthy of having a book written about me by you then."

"Okay. Just don't do anything crazy like get yourself killed looking for bananas."

Zack barked with a laugh. "Got it, boss."

The sun shone brightly. The world seemed livelier. Cloud felt like his steps had a spring to them. “I’d like to hear more about your pop, if that’s okay with you.” He really wanted to hear more, finding other people’s lives fascinating. He also wanted to stop himself from saying any more cutting remarks, in case one actually brought the mood down.

“Yeah, of course. He had the most _amazing_ patience for teaching me.” Zack almost looked like he would sprout love hearts out of his head at any moment with how enthusiastically he talked about his memories of his dead grandfather.

With each passing step, Cloud felt the smile on his face grow bigger as they headed for the start of the trail.

Roxas and Axel raced down the trail, along the footpath of the suburban street and—Axel slipped, crashing down on his butt and skidding a few yards. He groaned and peered up at the pale blue sky.

“Oh my god! Are you okay?” Roxas carefully picked his way around the ice patch and looked down at Axel, extending his hand.

Axel groaned louder, reached for Roxas and let himself be pulled up. “Yeah, I think I’m okay. _Fuck…_ what happened?”

“You slipped on ice.” Roxas looked over to the big patch of frost on the street. “You need to watch out.”

“Yeah. Noted” Axel let go of Roxas and rubbed his back through a hiss. He glared at the offensive patch like it was villainous. With a loud grumble, he cursed, “How do people _live_ like this? So cold, the ground trying to attack you, the _air_ burning and freezing all at once.” Axel threw the ground another menacing glance before crossing the quiet suburban road.

Roxas chuckled. “Florida, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Isn’t that where old folks go to die?” Axel cracked up laughing. Roxas felt embarrassed. He just couldn’t stop saying stupid shit.

“I love how that’s the first thing you think of," Axel giggled.

“Well, the second thing is alligators.”

“Oh yeah, we got a fuck ton of those down there. Mom has a pool and she’s always calling me up to come over and get the rake to heave them out and push them off her property.”

Roxas stared. “You _seriously_ wrangle alligators?”

“Well, it’s more a simple nudge, and jumping away if they hiss and turn.”

“Wow. That’s so brave of you.”

Axel laughed. “Yeah, I know, right? What about you? Do you wrestle any bears? That’s all that’s up in Canada, right? Well, _that_ and snow and ice hockey.”

“We also have maple syrup.”

“Oh yeah. I do like that on pancakes.”

Roxas bit down his dopey smile to prevent himself from looking completely goofy. They walked down the sidewalk, the residential houses turning more commercial as they neared the town’s main street. Roxas led them down the outskirts, turning and heading left, to the river. 

“We wrestle moose.”

“Moose? _Really?_ ” Axel gaped.

"Ah…" Roxas was about to say something but shut his mouth. It was such a lame joke. He didn’t feel like embarrassing himself. “No. Cloud always jokes about it being our country's national sport though.”

A slow, astounded sounding, “Whoa,” left Axel.

“Hmm?”

“Your brother knows how to _joke?”_

Roxas cracked up laughing. “He does, with people he's comfortable with."

"And you?"

"Me? I… don't know any jokes."

"I meant… well, I don't believe it. You gotta know at _least_ one."

Roxas thought hard about it. "I… I only have material to use with a puppet."

"Let me hear it anyway?" Axel encouraged.

"Oh… okay. Uh… so I'd have like a bird puppet in one hand," he mimed it with his hand, already feeling completely stupid. "And I'd ask it, 'What's it like being a bird?' And the bird would say, 'What's it like being ugly?', and then I'd ask it to say sorry, but it says, ‘I'm sorry you're ugly.'"

Axel broke into a smile and then chuckled in a pitiful sounding way.

Roxas hunched in on himself, hating how lame he was. "See, told you I don't know any."

"No, you do. It's just… I can't agree with the bird at all. I'd flip it the bird." Axel barked with laughter at his own comment.

Roxas flushed at the… _compliment?_ "What about you? What jokes do you know?" Roxas asked as they crossed a major intersection to get to the beginning of the national park trail.

"I know a lot of Florida jokes. Wanna hear?"

"Yeah."

Axel cleared his throat. "The only difference between Florida and an oven is that an oven doesn’t produce serial killers."

Roxas chortled. Axel grinned in a very pleased-with-himself sort of way.

"Are serial killers really that common?"

"Well, they do seem to like the warmer weather." Axel recited a few more jokes which had Roxas' giggling but when they reached the tall banks of the river Axel stopped and stared in awe at the wide, flat expanse below, which, for all intents and purposes, looked like a giant blanketed-in-snow road. The white wooded bank on the opposite shore rose up high, forming another mountain range.

“This is so weird. Can we walk on that?” Axel looked to Roxas for permission.

“The ice should be thick enough if you really wanted to.”

Axel looked at Roxas for a while longer and then back out at the river. “If I fall in… what would happen?”

“Hypothermia. You’d have to strip and we’d have to get you warmed up and to the hospital really fast, but the hospital is an hour’s drive from here so… it’s not really recommended.”

“While parts of that sound pretty good,” Axel winked, “it also sounds terrible.” He shivered. “I think I’m gonna stay on firm ground.”

Roxas tittered while his heart raced. "Good idea. There’s a makeshift ice-skating circle cleared out from snow further down the river," he pointed toward it, "It's safe to go there. People assess the river to make sure it's good to go on in that spot. But other places you just can never know how thick the ice is."

"Okay, got it. Don't do anything dumb."

Roxas nodded.

“So,” Axel drawled, turning toward Roxas, seemingly done with taking in the scenery.

“So?” He shrunk in on himself, feeling put on the spot.

“Can I play a game with you, oh knowledgeable wilderness guru?”

"Wilderness… guru?"

"Yeah, you know heaps. I'm gonna stick with you like glue when outside in the dangerous wilderness." Axel shuffled close and bumped against Roxas' shoulder.

Roxas huffed with laughter and pulled away a little. His cheeks got too hot even in the cold winter morning air. "I'm… what's the game?"

“Yeah, so… twenty questions. While we wait for the slow-pokes to get here.”

Roxas looked behind himself, across the sparsely-treed open parkway they had walked through to get here. Cars drove down the main street, out of and into town. Shops began opening and people—mostly tourists—mingled. Roxas saw groups of colorfully garbed skiers gathering, waiting for the bus to take them up into the mountains to the snow resorts. He saw no sign of Cloud anywhere. “What sort of questions are they?”

Axel shrugged. “Dunno. I can quickly Google a few lists and we just go through them?”

“Oh, sure. Yeah, Okay.”

“Cool. We can share a smoke if you want. I'll keep an eye out for your brother and make sure he doesn't catch you smoking it.”

Roxas’ lungs still felt ashen from yesterday, but he did feel jittery and liked the idea of what Axel proposed. “Sure.”

Axel smiled warmly and looked around the place. “Let’s go sit on the bench over there.” He pointed to a park bench facing the frozen river. They walked over, cleared the snow away and sat down. Axel hissed from the cold.

“Are you wearing thermals?” Roxas asked.

“Yeah, but still c-c-cooooold!” Axel whined. He pulled out a packet of cigarettes and took out one lone stick, which he slipped between his lips.

Roxas locked onto that motion. He really liked the way Axel held it and puffed on it as he lit himself up. A few drags and he handed it to Roxas, who took it and inhaled, and then inhaled even deeper as Axel’s arm slid around the back of the bench’s backrest, behind Roxas. Axel sat very close to him, his body slightly turned, acting as a sentinel while Roxas smoked. 

Despite the nicotine’s supposed calming effect, jittery flutters erupted due to Axel’s close proximity. He liked having the other man looking out for him.

He handed the smoke back to Axel, who popped it in his mouth and with his now-free hand flicked through his phone.

“Alright,” he said around the cigarette. “One. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?”

Roxas thought for a moment. “Scandinavia.”

Axel visibly shuddered. “You want to get _even colder?_ You, sir, are certifiably crazy.”

Roxas tittered. “I like the culture there. The traditions. The folklores and how they tie to the land. I hope Cloud and I get to go there someday. I keep telling dad to get us a residency over there. He’s looking into it.”

“How’d your dad get into this business?”

“Our grandfather and great grandmother all did it. It’s a family thing.”

“Okay, well, next question—”

“But you haven’t answered the question yet.”

“Huh? Oh, right, ah, I always kind of liked Japan. But then I’d need to learn the language and they don’t really like foreigners staying there, unless it’s for teaching and even then it’s just for a limited time.”

“You’ve looked into it?”

Axel nodded. “Weighing up my options. It’s really great that I got this opportunity with the band. I get to see different places and experience things. Figure myself out, I guess. I don’t think I could ever be a teacher, so I’d need a different skill set to get into Japan. How do you find teaching?”

“Teaching?”

“Yeah, you run workshops, right? You teach people how to make stuff. You teach.”

“Oh. I guess I do.” Roxas felt a bit dumbfounded at never having thought of it like that before. But he sort of knew why… he got too nervous to consider anything he did more than simply surviving on adrenalin. The question left him feeling inadequate. “It’s alright, I guess. What’s the next question.”

“Uh,” Axel hummed and glanced at his phone. “Who’s your favorite Sesame Street character.”

Roxas’ stomach dropped to his feet. He furrowed his brow and felt personally called out by that question. “That’s not _actually_ on there, is it?” He tried to catch a glimpse of Axel’s phone, but the man held it out of reach.

“It totally is. So who is it?” Axel's stare didn't waver from Roxas.

Roxas didn’t want to answer that. A deep shame made him want to throw up. “Who’s yours?” he deflected, pretty sure Axel never watched Sesame Street in his life.

“Oh…” Axel sucked on his cigarette for a moment. “Mine’s Oscar the Grouch,” he said matter-of-factly.

“No way. _Really?”_

“Yeah way. I love that trash man. I also approve of his color scheme.” He looked down at himself pointedly.

An embarrassingly nervous giggle burbled out of Roxas. He looked away, mentally yelling at himself to stop being such a dork. He wasn’t sure if Axel was lying to make him feel better. He hoped the man wasn’t. He ventured a look back at Axel. The tender way the man looked at him made Roxas red hot under the collar. He cleared his throat, “Oscar always kinda reminded me of Cloud.”

Axel guffawed. “Guess he’s always been the way he is?”

Grinning, Roxas drawled, _“Well…”_

Axel’s demeanor changed. His eyes narrowed and he scooched back from Roxas and straightened up. “Speak of the devil.” Axel pulled the cigarette from his mouth and simultaneously slipped Roxas a strip of gum.

Roxas took it, his heart falling over the moment between them being lost.

“Took you guys long enough. Me ‘n’ Roxas here are freezing our _nuts_ off!” Axel took a deep drag and then stubbed out the cigarette against the top of the bench, slipping the gum away and getting up.

“If you two hadn’t been running we’d all have gotten here at the same time,” Zack said.

Roxas stood up, tucking the gum into his cheek. He knew Cloud’s stern and suspicious look when he saw it. “The path’s just over here, let’s go.” He led the way to get away from Cloud’s burning stare.

The other men followed, with Axel close behind.

Cloud didn’t like how much Axel smoked. Didn’t like the guy smoking anywhere _near_ Roxas. He wondered how his brother could put up with that.

“Do you smoke?” he asked of Zack, who still hummed the tune of one of his grandfathers’ songs he had just sung for Cloud.

“No.”

“Does Axel smoke a lot?”

“He’s only really a social smoker.”

Cloud squinted ahead at his brother and the redhead.

Roxas chewed his gum as he stomped through the ankle-deep snow. No other tracks could be seen. He heard Axel approach, making him giddy.

“So, can I guess, Cookie Monster—” Axel began, which caused Roxas’ heart to panic.

He bent down, scooped up some snow, quickly packing it together and turned around just as Axel pulled up along-side him, and smashed the half-formed snowball into the side of Axel’s head. 

Axel froze. Roxas stared, his mouth hanging open. “S-sorry.”

Axel roared, bent down, and scooped up a flurry of snow, throwing it up toward Roxas. Roxas shrieked with laughter and covered his face to protect himself. That started them off in a snowball fight. They ran up and down the path multiple times, passing Cloud and Zack as they lobbed snowballs at each other.

Roxas used Cloud as a human shield at one point, which ended up with Cloud getting a snowball in the side of his head. Axel dropped everything and ran up the path, while Cloud ran after him, picking up one of the snowballs Axel dropped, chasing him menacingly.

Zack laughed so much and Roxas giggled like a maniac, feeling all the better for Axel’s goofiness. 

“Thanks for inviting us out, Roxas. We travel so much that it’s nice to stretch our legs and actually _see_ something of the places we pass through.”

“Axel asked me to show him around," Roxas said, a meekness in his voice.

Zack hummed and smiled. “I’m sure it’s not a mystery, but he likes you.”

A tingle ran down Roxas’ spine and his whole face felt too hot. “What about you and my brother?”

“I like him. Not sure about it being mutual though.”

He wanted to give Zack something back for the validation he’d just received and figured it wouldn't be betraying his brother… _too much._ “If Cloud _didn’t_ like you, you’d know about it and he wouldn’t talk to you anymore.”

Eyebrows raised, a soft expression lifted Zack's cheeks. “I guess that’s some comfort. Thanks.”

Roxas hummed and they walked on talking about all the places the band had been to until they rounded a slight curve in the S-bend of the riverbank Roxas gasped and trotted over to Cloud, who stood over Axel. The other man lay face first in the snow, his arms covering his head.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Axel cried out, muffled and frantic.

“Cloud!” Roxas snapped, “What’re you doing?” He jumped to grab Cloud’s raised arm, drawing his hand down.

“Setting boundaries.” Cloud stepped away from Axel and threw the snowball he clutched down to the left of Axel’s head. He then went on down the path without looking back.

Zack was at Roxas’ side, patting Axel, who rolled over a little. Zack helped pull him up.

“What the fuck, man,” Axel muttered, standing upright. He dusted himself off and glared after Cloud.

Zack gave Axel a wordless look and jogged to catch up with Cloud, who knew he had gone too far, but he really needed to watch out for Roxas.

“Hey, man. Axel’s really not that bad. I swear,” Zack called out.

“I didn’t _do_ anything to him. Just waved the snowball in his face,” Cloud murmured, defensive. “He needs to know there will be consequences if he hurts Roxas.”

“Oh, well… okay. Just… yeah, Axel’s okay. _Really._ ”

Cloud hummed and worked on controlling his breathing.

“Hey, you want another sandwich?” Zack offered.

“More peanut butter?”

“Yeah.”

“Did Roxas tell you it’s my favorite?”

“Yeah, but I like it too, so…” he shrugged and grinned.

“Even without the banana?”

“Yeah, even without.”

Cloud huffed with amusement and nodded. “Sure.”

Zack produced the goods and they continued on the snowy trail along the riverbank. Being around Zack took his mind off being too gruff and overprotective of his younger brother. He grilled Zack some more about his grandfather, which got Zack singing again. Cloud pulled up his jacket and sunk his chin against his chest to hide his smile.

* * *

Roxas glared after Cloud before turning his attention onto Axel. “My god, Axel. I’m _so sorry_ about him. What did he do to you? What did he say?" A deep mortification rushed through Roxas. Embarrassment and shame heated his cheeks. If Axel never wanted to speak to him again, he’d totally get it. 

Roxas’ dread didn’t manifest. Axel patted himself and _did_ speak to him, "He told me not to tempt you."

"Temp me? Into what?"

"A life of misdemeanors and crack addiction." Axel produced a lopsided grin.

Roxas scowled at Cloud just as he disappeared around another bend in the trail, with Zack at his side. "That fucking ass." Roxas turned back to Axel. "I'm really sorry about him."

"It's okay. It's a big brother thing. I get that."

"You do?"

"Yeah." They began walking again. "I've got an older brother who… well, he's got a funny way of showing he cares."

"Again, I'm _so_ sorry," Roxas mumbled, flexing his fingers to get some warmth into them. “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

"Hey," Axel spun Roxas around with a gentle tug on his shoulder. "It's really nothing to apologize for or to make up to me. He cares about you and wants the best for you. He clearly doesn't see me as the best for you, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is how you see me."

_Aaaaand_ Roxas flushed again with embarrassment. "What's the next question on the list?" he asked, turning away and resuming the walk.

"Hmm, lemme see…" Axel got out his phone and browsed. “Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house?”

Roxas thought about it. “Vacuum, probably.”

“Same.” Axel read from his phone again, “Would you rather win the lottery or work at the perfect job? And why?”

“Work at the perfect job. Work doesn't feel like work when you’re enjoying what you do.” Or so he tried to tell himself.

“Ah, you are very wise. I’d want to win the lottery. That way I have heaps of money in the bank and I can go and live my dream of being a punk rocker without having to worry about actually being good and making a living from my passion.”

Roxas laughed. “You’re pretty good from what I’ve seen.”

“Thanks,” Axel husked.

Roxas cleared his throat trying to find something to deflect with. “Um… you want to be a punk rocker? Royal Panda Brigade’s not very punk, and saxophone doesn’t really scream punk either.” Roxas clamped his mouth shut, realizing what he had just said. 

But Axel didn’t seem offended as he said, “Well, I gotta work my way up into it. Get my touring feet and make connections to see if there are openings in any promising bands. And the sax… well, she's versatile, but yeah, not really punk material.” He laughed at that. 

" _She?_ Did you… have you named her?"

"Yeah. Her name's Xion."

"Oh, that's a pretty name."

"You think so? Hmm. I'll have to pass it on."

"To your sax?" Roxas stared, confused.

Axel laughed. "No, to the person I named it after."

"Oh… who's that?"

"My best friend."

"That's very sweet of you."

Axel laughed again. It reverberated around the winding valley. "I don't think she thinks that."

"Why not?"

"Well, long story cut short, she loves telling me to go blow her whenever I say something dumb to her, and I say _a lot_ of dumb shit to her, so that's why I named my sax after her. I blow her all the time and I tell her that, and she tells me to blow her harder." Axel laughed again, long and loud. It infected Roxas, making him giggle.

They walked on while they talked about Axel’s friend, hometown, and ran through a few more questions. Roxas veered left and up a barely-there trail through the trees. The snow got deeper, creeping up their legs rapidly. They reached a plateau and a small clearing that overlooked the valley below. Axel whistled. "Didn't realize we climbed this high."

"Yeah," Roxas huffed. "It's a bit deceptive." He looked out over the tops of the trees. The snaking white band of the river could be made out below.

"Hey, I haven't seen any sign of Zack or your brother. And there's no tracks. You sure we're going the right way?"

"Yeah. This is the overpass. It takes a bit longer. Hope you don't mind."

"Well, you're the wilderness expert. I _am_ getting thirsty though."

_Shit_. A sinking feeling came over Roxas. "I should have taken Cloud's backpack. Sorry."

Axel waved his hand. "It's alright. Not gonna die. Worse comes to worst we can always eat the snow."

"Oh no, don't do that."

"It's alright, I'll watch out where the huskies go, and won't eat that yellow snow."

Roxas stared. "Huskies?" He looked around, not having seen any.

Axel laughed. Roxas' stomach dropped to his knees. Had he said something dumb?

"Zappa? Yellow Snow? No?" 

Roxas kept looking blankly.

"Oh, Roxas. Why don't you know?" Axel began singing a silly ditty of a song. Roxas was laughing by the end of it.

"That is so dumb and offensive."

"How is it offensive? I get that Nanook is dumb for needing to be reminded not to eat yellow snow, but like—"

"No, the Eskimo bit. They’re called Inuit."

"Ahh, well, look," Axel dismissed, "the song's from another time where people didn't know better. And to be honest, rhyming Inuit with blow and snow just doesn't work. But now you’ll always remember not to eat the yellow snow.” Axel tapped at his own head. “But you probably already knew that, right?"

"Yeah, definitely. Unless it's a pineapple-flavored snow cone."

"Oh no,” he looked aghast. “Never get the pineapple flavored ones. You can never be too sure how spiteful the fair employees might be on any given day. Trust me. I used to be one. I _know_."

"Okay." Roxas huffed lightly, feeling completely at ease as they stood together in the crisp winter air, the sun sparkling off the snow like millions of diamonds scattered over the ground. “What did you do at the fair?”

“Oh, hand out tickets. Provide live music. Man the snow cone machine.”

Roxas’ eyes went wide. “Did you ever…”

Axel smirked. “It’s a secret I’ve been sworn to take to my grave.”

Roxas couldn’t decipher the truth. He cleared his throat. "So… anyway, don't eat snow. It dehydrates you more.”

Axel let out an enlightened sounding, "Ah," and pressed the palms of his hands together, bowing before Roxas. "Thank you, my wilderness guru."

Roxas' skin prickled. He turned away and stomped through the almost knee-high snow. "Let's keep going."

"Yeah, okay. Need to get back to our pack mules."

Roxas tittered.

"Why'd you bring us up here, by the way?" Axel asked, crunching through the snow, close behind Roxas.

"The view… and I… don't really want to see Cloud right now."

"Fair call. Probably good I don't see him either. Though…" Roxas felt Axel's warm breath against the nape of his neck as the man said, "I was hoping you brought me here because you wanted some alone time."

Roxas’ stomach plummeted. He stopped. Axel crashed into the back of him with a soft grunt.

"Shit," Roxas barely got out under his breath. "S-sorry." He quickly flashed Axel a look of concern and kept walking with his head bowed, concentrating hard on where he was going.

"Hey, Rox."

"Hmm?"

"Do I make you uncomfortable?" Axel's voice sounded further away. Roxas stopped and turned around, his heart in his throat. Axel stood a few yards behind, a worried expression tensing his jaw, drawing his lips tight, and his brows together.

"N-no." Roxas couldn't hold the gaze and looked down at his gloved hands.

Axel lumbered over, snow kicking up all around and clinging to his legs. "Then what is it? We're laughing one minute and the next… feels like I'm making you uncomfortable."

"I… you…” he bit his lip, not knowing whether to come clean or whether to find something to lie about. “You make me really nervous.” His words nearly died on his tongue.

Axel stopped before Roxas, looking down at him, wearing a soft smile. "A good kind of nervous?"

Roxas swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn't know if it was good or bad. But he nodded and slowly raised his eyes, quickly connecting with Axel's, but only for a thump of a heartbeat before he dropped his gaze again.

The snow crunched. Axel moved a bit closer. “You make me really nervous too.”

“I do?” Roxas looked up, incredulous. 

“Yeah. You get my heart racing, wanna feel?” 

Roxas stared, suspecting he must look like a beet which made him feel redder. Axel reached for Roxas’ gloved hand and picked it up, while he unzipped his green jacket with his other hand. He slid Roxas’ hand underneath, pressing the palm to his chest.

Roxas’ breath hardly misted in the cold frosty air. His hand felt so warm tucked under Axel’s jacket. He could feel the beat of Axel’s heart and grew aware of his own racing rhythm mirroring what he felt inside of Axel. 

“That’s not just from having climbed up a small mountain.” Axel murmured, wearing a smile.

They looked at each other; ruby cheeks reddening with much more than the cold. Axel stepped _even_ closer, looking down, leaning in. Roxas raised his head, craned his neck, reached, stretched, looking at lips that could hold cigarettes with such allure, and press and blow against the mouthpiece of a saxophone to produce sparking jolts of electricity through him by mere sound alone.

The wind picked up, sending flecks of shimmering ice shards through the air, catching the sunlight, and dancing on the breeze. The stillness of the mountain trail was perturbed only by the creaking of boughs under the weight of the snow atop of branches. The men’s breaths gently blew against each other’s skin. The scent of pine needles, and smoke, and peppermint mingling into one.

Their noses touched. Roxas’ eyes slipped shut as Axel’s breath and then lips brushed and caressed his own. They pressed against each other into a perfect-fitting kiss. Roxas’ blood rushed and a faint ringing in his ears grew and faded as they pulled apart again. 

Axel, wearing a lopsided smile, squeezed Roxas’ hand, which was still pressed against his chest.

“We kissed,” Roxas said dumbly. He could feel his brain turning to mush.

Axel’s smile grew in strength. “Yeah. You wanna do it again?”

That thirst Axel had mentioned before hit Roxas now. His throat scratched. He nodded, needing to know if he hadn’t truly imagined it all.

Axel leaned in again. Roxas tilted his head and chapped lips connected with a little more vigor this time. Axel sucked and pulled on Roxas’ bottom lip. He wrapped his arm around Roxas’ back, pulling them flush against one another and bending Roxas back a little. He deepened their kiss, slipping his tongue into Roxas’ willing mouth.

Roxas shivered against the assault, feeling a fire in the pit of his stomach. His mind reeled, still unable to comprehend the reality, even as he sucked on Axel, and their tongues rubbed together.

They pulled apart, their mouths rimmed red and their breaths puffing. Roxas stepped away, withdrawing his hand from Axel’s chest, feeling rather cold all over. “Ah.” He giggled nervously and looked down at the snow and his legs, which were fast becoming frozen blocks of ice.

Axel stood with hands on hips and tilting his head this way and that, looking at Roxas. “You really _are_ okay with the kiss, _right?”_

With a racing heart, Roxas nodded vigorously. “I…” his chest felt like it would collapse around his lungs. Hoarsely, he got out, “like you.” He hunched in on himself, his shoulders up around his ears, but he flicked a glance over at Axel. Some of the dread inside of Roxas melted at the big grin he caught sight of dancing on Axel’s lips.

“I like you too. I want to keep hanging out with you and seeing you while I’m here. Can I?”

Roxas looked up at Axel with wide eyes. His voice left him completely. He nodded. 

Axel smiled brighter. “Nice.”

They looked at each other, the wind picking up a little more, and the dancing ice flakes stung their cheeks.

“We should—” Axel began, even as he shivered.

“Yeah,” Roxas nodded and turned around to start walking again, despite the freezing pain in his toes. 

Axel fell in line next to Roxas. “You’re really shy, huh.”

Roxas sunk into himself deeper.

“You’re also really cute.”

If he could have turned into a ball and rolled away, Roxas would have. Instead, he smiled, hugging himself for warmth as he walked. Was Axel being this nice to _get with him?_ Did he _mind?_ The way his cheeks heated up and a flurry of delight danced inside himself told him that he didn’t care.

“You want me to ask more of those questions?” came Axel’s reprieve of a conversation starter.

“Yeah. How many do we have left?” 

“About ten.” He wrestled his phone out of his pocket, pulled off his glove, hissing in the process against the cold, and fiddled with his device. “Ah, here we go; what did you want to be when you were younger?”

Roxas thought about it and deemed his answer of Cookie Monster to be inappropriate. “An astronaut.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I had all these books about the stars. You?”

“Oh, uh… a rock star.”

Roxas hummed. “Your dream hasn’t changed.”

Axel shook his head. “If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be?”

Roxas wished for nothing more than to be confident, even if it were just for one day. Instead, he said, “Eat chocolate and not gain any weight.”

Axel laughed. “I hear you. I’d love to sleep all day, honestly. Not have to get up for anything at all.”

They trudged down the mountainside, through the trees. The large frozen lakes came into view and Roxas pointed them out to Axel, who hummed in amazement.

They went through a few more questions before Axel asked, “What would you sing at karaoke night?”

Roxas wrinkled his nose a little. “I don’t sing.”

“Why not?”

“I get… really nervous being in front of people.” He could feel himself breaking out into a cold sweat just thinking about it—thinking about being at work every semester in front of a class of new people and how terrifying that was every time.

“Well, this is just a hypothetical. If you had to sing something, what would it be?”

“Hmm…” Roxas took a deep breath and told himself he wouldn’t actually have to do something like that. “Maybe… Little Red Corvette, by Prince?”

Axel hummed, possibly sounding a bit impressed.

“You?” he asked nervously.

“Rockstar, by Nickelback.”

A laugh burst out of Roxas.

“What?”

“You have a real _rockstar_ theme going on here.”

Axel grinned sheepishly. “I like what I like.” He nudged Roxas slightly, causing the ease in Roxas to melt away again.

“Why Nickelback though?”

“Why not?”

“Because they’re _eww.”_

Axel gasped. “Shut your mouth!. They are _not_ _eww._ I can't believe I _kissed_ you.” Axel pulled a face, sticking his tongue out.

Roxas froze and stared. Had he just messed up? Axel turned around to look at him. “What’s the matter?”

“I… I’m _sorry?”_

“For what?”

“Not… liking…”

Axel let out a, _“Psht,”_ and waved his hand. “I’ll change your musical taste. Introduce you properly to Zappa, sing sweet Nickelback in your ear. I’ll woo you to the dark side.” Axel smiled and held out his gloved hand.

Roxas smiled as well and took it, walking on with him, hand in hand. After a few steps, Axel began—

**♪** _Look at this photograph_  
**♪** _Every time I do it makes me laugh_  
**♪** _How did our eyes get so red?_  
**♪** _And what the hell is on Joey's head?_

“No, please, no,” Roxas bemoaned.

Axel continued—  
**♪** _This is where I grew up_  
**♪** _I think the present owner fixed it up_  
**♪** _I never knew we ever went without_  
**♪** _The second floor is hard for sneakin' out—_ **(1)**

And so Axel continued down the mountainside, singing song after song while Roxas rolled his eyes, joined in a couple of times, and smiled the whole while.

* * *

Roxas and Axel met up with Cloud and Zack by the lakes. Roxas drew out of the handhold before they got into sight, apologizing to Axel, who said it was perfectly all right. The late morning and early afternoon were spent walking around, taking photos, and walking back along the opposite side of the river bank. Axel freaked out over having to cross the river but braved it anyway.

The walk back to town was pleasant. Cloud was satisfied that he’d made his point clear to Axel, considering the man kept his distance from Roxas and himself. He enjoyed the outdoors and listening to Zack and Axel bickering and jeering at each as they went. The four men had a late lunch together before heading back to the center. 

Axel bumped Roxas inconspicuously as they went up the zig-zag trail and Roxas dropped back a bit, letting them talk in some semblance of privacy.

"Hmm?" Roxas prompted.

"We're playing at Seventh Heaven tonight. You wanna come out and watch me blow? Maybe you can put in a good word for me with Tifa?”

Roxas felt a small jolt inside himself every time Axel referred to his saxophone playing like that. “I can come out for a little bit. I have workshops to run most mornings and afternoons during the week though, so I’ll have to leave before it gets too late.”

“That’s fine. Just seeing you there will make me happy.”

Roxas barely contained the whimper, and his knees buckled. Axel caught and steadied him whilst wearing an affectionate smile. 

“Watch out. Don’t fall for me too hard.”

Roxas let out a dismissive hum which came out as an embarrassing squeak. He pushed Axel away and walked faster to try and hide his mortification and heated cheeks.

Axel caught up and murmured, “You’re so cute.” Snow crunched underfoot and Axel thankfully changed the topic with a, “Hey, can I suggest something to you?”

“Hmm?”

“I think you have a really great singing voice. I’d like to get you up on stage with us, just to have a little fun during a set.”

Roxas’ legs froze and he wobbled. He shook his head as Axel turned back to face him. “N-no, I can’t.”

“Sure you can.”

“N-no.”

Axel wrinkled his brow and rubbed his lips together before closing the gap between them. He cast a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure the other two men were busy up ahead before returning his attention onto Roxas.

He took up Roxas’ hands, stroking with his thumb. “The offer’s open, okay? Any time you want, you jump up with me and use my mic. I’ll run it past Zack, but I know he’ll be fine with it. We thrive on audience participation.” Axel leaned in and deposited a small kiss on Roxas’ cheek. He then tugged Roxas along, getting him moving again and let go of his hand, lest Cloud turn around and see.

Axel’s kiss and handhold ghosted on Roxas long after they had gone their separate ways at the top of the Center. He could hardly disguise the smile that stayed with him the remainder of that afternoon.

"Where are you going?" Cloud sat on the floor of their residential apartment’s living room, eyeing his brother dressed in a bland jacket and pants.

"Out." Roxas grabbed his coat, hanging by the door.

"Watching Axel perform?" 

"Yes."

"All by yourself? That's a bold move."

“You could come with me and watch Zack,” he baited.

“No thanks.” 

Roxas stayed quiet and distracted himself by making sure he had everything he needed for the evening. He hoped he wouldn't do anything to completely embarrass himself tonight. 

"Don't forget that we have a nine AM start tomorrow."

"I'll be back before eleven."

"Have you gotten all your prep-work done?" Cloud looked over to Roxas' pile of fabrics and mock-ups of the small rigs he had been working on.

"Yeah. It's all there." Roxas made a mental note to finish the touch-ups and print off the templates before he went to bed tonight.

Cloud gave Roxas a long, hard look. "I don't particularly _like_ him, but I like that you are comfortable."

"Thanks—thanks for keeping me company today." 

"It was… a nice enough walk.”

“You’re getting on really well with Zack.” Roxas smiled, having noticed Cloud’s demeanor change from his rigid, uptight nature in the morning to a far more amicable relaxed attitude when they had all said good-bye at the fork in the road.

Cloud looked back down at his things. “Have a good night then."

"Thanks. You too." With that, Roxas left, taking the sparsely-lit wooded path and when he hit the main street he ducked down a quieter strip.

RPB were already in full swing when Roxas arrived. He threaded through the tightly-packed space to the bar to say hello to Tifa and possibly score himself a drink.

"Roxie," Tifa greeted, her warm eyes smiling at him. She tucked her hair behind her ear, put away a glass, and walked over to him. "It's been a while. Here for a drink?"

"I'm here for the band… but a drink wouldn't be bad either."

"Alright." She patted his hand which rested atop of the bar before busying herself.

When she came back with a colorful cocktail and took Roxas' money, she leaned against the bar and watched the performance. "How's your brother?"

"The usual way he always is." Roxas picked up his glass, swiveled in his chair to face the band on the small stage, and sipped his drink. The blood orange tang hid the taste of alcohol nicely.

"Who are you here to watch?"

Roxas sputtered. "N-no one. I just… like the music. They sang at the Clay Bar yesterday."

"And I'll ask you again; who're you watching?" She pressed with an amused lilt to her voice. "Is it Larxene?" Tifa gasped. "Is it _Zack?_ He's very easy on the eyes."

Roxas felt himself redden. He shook his head and quietly muttered past the straw pressed between his lips, "Axel."

"Oooh. Totally didn't pick it."

They both watched Axel plucking at the bass, nodding his head along to the music, looking deep in concentration. Roxas imagined Axel's hands holding his, and those teeth gently worrying at his own lip.

"You should sit closer."

"I'm good here, thanks." So at the bar Roxas stayed. Listening. Watching. Dreaming. Axel found him in the crowd eventually and held Roxas' gaze while he played, especially when he changed out to his saxophone. The way Axel made a show of taking the mouthpiece between his lips made Roxas laugh. Once the robust sound of the instrument rang through the air it stole his breath though. His throat felt too dry and his stomach tingled. He’d never been so turned on by someone in his entire life and to know that Axel _liked_ him back? Feeling heady, he ordered another drink.

Zack called a break an hour and a half into the set. Axel carelessly discarded his bass and strode off the stage heading for Roxas, whilst also making smiling small-talk with people he passed.

The closer Axel got the sweatier Roxas' palms became and the harder his heart pounded.

"Hey, Roxas," Axel beamed, finally arriving at the bar, sliding one arm onto the wooden surface right next to Roxas as he stood directly behind and leaned in, almost in a half-hug. 

Roxas turned a little and looked up into smiling eyes. "Hi."

"You should come sit closer."

"Next time?"

"Second set?" Axel suggested.

"I can't. I need to get home. Early start tomorrow and I still have things I need to do for setup."

Axel's face fell and Roxas felt bad for it.

"Can we go out the back and have a quick smoke?" Axel asked.

"Sure." Roxas slid off the barstool and Axel's arm draped over his shoulder, pulling Roxas close as they walked. 

"Did you have a good afternoon?" Roxas asked as they headed for the back door.

"Yeah. I slept so hard when I got back to the hotel." Axel laughed. "I'm already starting to feel sore."

"You should soak in a bath full of Epsom salts."

Axel laughed some more. "There you go again, being amazing and knowing things."

Roxas stammered for a moment before getting out, "I-it's really no-nothing."

"Nah, it's something. Are you feeling sore? We could have a bath together."

Roxas’ breath caught in his chest and his innards turned into a gooey mess for a moment. "N-no, I'm feeling okay."

"Could still have a bath together," Axel murmured into Roxas' ear and pushed the door open, letting in a chilling gust of wind.

Roxas shivered with delight and went outside, but remained silent because he didn't know how to answer that. At least that topic of conversation was forgotten about as they moved away from the door. Axel produced cigarettes for them to smoke. Roxas practiced his smoke rings and Axel watched on with delight, leaning ever closer to Roxas, and Roxas found himself leaning in as well.

He rested his head against Axel's arm, looking up to puff into the other man's face using his cheater’s method. Axel laughed and stopped Roxas with a kiss, which made Roxas whimper and think, _'Shit, this is really real.'_ And it really was. Their cigarettes were forgotten while they kissed. Axel cupped Roxas’ cheek, stroking and rubbing at cold skin. Roxas did everything in his power not to collapse under his weak knees and buckling pleasure.

Roxas pulled away with a hiss, shaking his hand and dropping the cigarette which had burnt all the way to his fingers. Axel tittered, quickly took a drag from his nearly-burnt-down cigarette before dropping it and stamping it out. He blew out a ring for good measure.

“You okay?” Axel asked.

“Yeah.”

Axel reached down for Roxas’ hand, pulled it to his lips and kissed at Roxas’ fingers, making Roxas feel hot under his own skin.

The sound of a door opening was accompanied by the shout of, _“Axel, we’re going back on.”_

Axel sighed and let go of Roxas. “They can’t start without me.”

Roxas nodded. “I need to go home.”

Axel leaned down, kissing Roxas sweetly. “I want to see you again tomorrow. And the day after. Like, see you every day.” 

Butterflies fluttered inside of Roxas. “Where’re you playing?”

“Tomorrow the Rose and Crown, and then every day after that until the weekend in the city.”

“Oh. I can come out tomorrow, but not… after that. The city is too far to go.”

“You could come with us. There’s room in the van.” Axel looked rather hopeful.

“I’ll… think about it.”

“Okay. Message me. I might see you at lunch? Besides band practice, my days are pretty blank.”

“Yeah, lunch could work.”

Axel grinned. “Alright. I’ll catch you soon, sugar. Good night.” He left a peck on Roxas’ lips and went with a smile and a wave.

Roxas let out a weak, “Night,” and waved back. As Axel vanished, a wonderful joyous smile spread across his face and he hugged himself in disbelief. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Lyrics:  
>  **(1)** \- [Photograph](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BB0DU4DoPP4), by Nickleback. 
> 
> I know... song-lyrics bullshit _and_ it's Nickleback. I got nothing to defend myself with. I have very specific tastes. 😄
> 
> I'm still editing and tweaking the story, rearranging and adding content up until the day I post each chapter, so feedback is super welcome. Even your impressions of characters so I know if I'm hitting what I'm aiming for is like, gold.
> 
> Comments and Kudos appreciated, my dudes. ✌️


	4. Little Red Love Machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud's walls come down a fraction and Roxas fully indulges in everything Axel has to offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot going on in this chapter. Cloud's being Cloud, and Roxas... Roxas has made this story rating jump from M to Explicit 😏💦🍆😏💦🍆😏 
> 
> Ahhh... there's also song lyrics. And terrible, _terrible_ puns. 
> 
> AkuRoku heavy 💦🍆😏 but Zack's trying _really_ hard to get Clack happening too. * _kicks Cloud_ *
> 
> Just in case I gotta state it again... explicit sexy stuff below. Do not like, do not read.

Cloud noticed the change in Roxas, even if his brother denied all plausibility. From the start of Monday, Roxas smiled more and seemed far more engaged and confident as the brothers jointly greeted their workshop groups. Cloud found the change strange but once he saw the way Roxas lit up over lunch—when _Axel_ showed up in the cafeteria—he regrettably understood.

Disgruntled, he let it slide and tried not to get involved in Roxas' affairs. But as Monday night descended, and Roxas got dressed up to go out again, he imparted a word of warning onto his brother, "Axel will leave in five weeks."

Roxas gave a minute pause before slipping on his coat and leaving for the evening.

Tuesday arrived and Roxas once again announced his intention of heading out in the evening. Cloud's warning of, "Five weeks," solidified Roxas' staunch resolve to head out and spend as much time with Axel as possible.

Axel had given him his hotel room number, so Roxas found it pretty quickly. Zack, who shared the modestly-sized room with Axel, greeted him warmly. 

Roxas sat in a chair by the desk, watching Axel and Zack rush around in an organized-but-hectic sort of a way. They danced around each other and the furniture: two queen singles and an armchair, as they gathered their equipment and made sure they had everything. Then, the three of them headed out, stopping by the other band members' room to gather them and went to the van, parked in the underground carpark of the hotel.

The ride down the mountain and into the city was fun… _after_ the initial interrogation staged by the drummer, Larxene, and her brother, Demyx. 

“Where’re you from?”, “What’s your favorite instrument?”, “How old are you?”, “Has Axel shown you his _blowing_ technique yet? I hear it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” 

“Larxene!” Axel snapped. “Don’t pay attention to her. She’s just mad that she couldn’t get any pussy last night.” 

“That skank was a mole and a half and I have better things to do with my tongue than her.”

“See, she’s still mad about it.”

“Guys,” Zack broke it up, “Setlist, and _go!”_ The band refocused. Roxas listened to them talk about the venue, equipment, setlist, and the ins and outs of their lives as it pertained to band life.

Once that finished the conversation returned to Roxas, largely led by Demyx who wanted to know all about what Roxas did for a living. He explained the workshops and his family’s business.

“Can anyone sign up for the workshops?” Zack asked from the driver’s seat.

“Yes.”

“Are they popular?” Demyx wondered.

“Well… we haven’t had problems filling the spots. We just started term three and the classes are all pretty booked out.”

“Does the Center handle bookings or you guys?” Zack said.

“The Center. They basically hire us to come in and run the workshops.”

“How are the workshops set up? Like, do you both run them together?”

“We have two streams. Cloud does the puppet workshops—production, concept design. I do the stage and performance elements. Like teaching different techniques and performance strategies. I help the artists figure out a theme or a thread for them to all perform together.”

“That sounds amazing, Roxas,” Demyx enthused.

“Ah… thanks.” He flushed. Axel, who sat next to him, leaned against him and gave him a soft smile. It helped to redirect Roxas’ attention from his embarrassment onto the nice feelings Axel elicited inside himself.

A few more questions were thrown Roxas’ way, which he answered until Axel stepped in, distracting the others and giving Roxas breathing space until they got into the city and found the nightclub. 

Roxas, not able to sneak any alcohol, decided to sit by the front and watch Axel perform. It felt intimate, probably because of the way Axel looked at him 80% of the time. Roxas sat, mesmerized and short of breath for the majority of the one and a half-hour set, after which Axel fondly tugged Roxas out into the back alley to have a smoke and to comfortably start kissing each other.

Roxas had decided the previous night that he wanted to go as far as possible with Axel. Cloud’s incessant countdown proved to him one thing: time spent with Axel was precious. So he made out with the other man and didn't shirk away at the cold hands which groped up under his jacket and sweater and shirt. He kissed Axel harder, enjoying every sensation he received. He also didn't worry that he got home at 1 in the morning and needed to be up and prepared for work by 7.

He simply enjoyed anything and everything he got from Axel.

###### 

Cloud took notice of his brother's yawns on Wednesday. He thought he'd heard Roxas come home late and it _really_ annoyed him. He hoped his brother was able to instruct his group proficiently. He hated dealing with complaints. 

By the afternoon though, Cloud's thoughts no longer spun around his brother. There was a completely distracting new face in his workshop, sitting between Abigail and Francis. 

"We have a new addition?" Cloud asked of the room.

"Yeah, hey, the name's Zack and I thought I'd try something new since my day's _mostly_ free. I'm the lead singer of Royal Panda Brigade. You should all come check us out. We play the Clay Bar on Saturdays, eight til late and—”

" _And_ if _anyone_ requires further touring information please see mister—" Cloud checked his class list to see if Zack was truly even enrolled or if he had just snuck in—sure enough, his name was on the updated list the Center had sent through to him during lunch, "Fair, after the workshop. Let's get back to it, shall we?"

Zack grinned.

Cloud went about his business, instructing how to implement some intermediary tools and strategies for puppet creation. He acutely felt Zack’s eyes on him. Weirdly enough, Cloud found himself knocking things over and feeling evermore self-conscious the more Zack _didn’t_ stop smiling. A passing thought ghosted, wondering if this was how Roxas felt on a regular basis. His mind wandered to his brother as he helped someone out with a fiddly frame for their puppet. 

He hoped Roxas was awake and alert enough. He’d been full of energy at lunch, but that probably had more to do with Axel being a regular sight at the cafeteria now. Why was his brother being so reckless and stupid to get involved with someone now? They had been traveling together for several years and not _once_ had Roxas ever shown interest in someone.

Cloud stopped ruminating on hearing Zack's loud laugh. He looked across the well-lit space, with the trestle tables set up in a ’U’ shape, facing the whiteboard and projector screen. Even with the piled-high assorted materials on the large table in the middle of the space blocking his view, Cloud still saw Zack’s smiling face as he chatted to his neighbors. Inexplicably, Cloud felt self-conscious again. He did his best to ignore it.

By 5 o’clock, the workshop ended and the second last person waved at Cloud and headed out, leaving him alone with Zack.

“That was really fun,” Zack remarked, holding up the beginnings of a puppet he had started working on.

Cloud looked up from his desk, where he flicked through paperwork and busied himself sorting it into folders. “You can store it in the cubby hole by the door if you come back. If not, then just take it with you.”

“I paid good money for this, got a discount too from the Center. Why wouldn't I come back?”

Cloud heaved out a great sigh. “You aren’t _really_ into puppets. You just want to suck up to me or something.”

Zack went slack-jawed and audibly gasped. He took his things and walked to the front desk. “I’m really offended that you think that.”

“If it's not the case then what are you doing here?”

“Trying something new.” Zack stood before Cloud, looking at him. "You really inspired me to branch out and do things I wouldn't ever have considered doing. Is that so bad?"

Cloud cocked his brow. “Guess not.” He slipped the remaining papers away and closed the folder with the elastic fasteners. “I thought you didn’t have enough money to attend something like this.”

“I scrimp and save by eating cup noodles so I _can_ do things when something worthwhile comes up. And I think this is _very_ worth my while.”

Cloud stood up, having nothing to respond with. “I’ll be locking up—”

“Hey, what’s this?” Zack picked up and held one of the small mock-puppets Cloud had made as a demonstration for the artists a few days ago, which still sat on the desk.

“A puppet.”

“Did you make it?”

"Yes?"

Zack turned the puppet over in his hands. A hardness knit his brows. "You lied."

"About?"

“When we first met you said you weren't a perfectionist, but this… this is perfect.” Zack grinned and kept examining the creature with its posable limbs.

Warmth spread through Cloud. He grabbed the puppet and shoved it in his bag. “It’s just a silly demo I made. It's nothing special.” He didn't deserve any accolades, especially not for something made so haphazardly.

“It’s amazing, is what it is. Have you made any really serious puppets? If you put so much work into something so small for just a class I can’t even imagine how perfect something you pour your heart and soul into might look like." Zack looked so earnest and excited. 

Cloud's heart thundered. The enthusiasm made him uncomfortable. He grabbed his things, shoving the folders in his bag and hoisted it onto his shoulders. “I need to meet Roxas and help him lock up the theatre.”

“I can help.”

Cloud went around the desk and toward the door. “I don’t want you to.”

“Oh.” Zack stopped in mid-stride.

Cloud's stomach dropped. He slowed and turned around, wrinkling his nose. He was being too bristly again. He took a calming breath. “You have a show to get to, right? Roxas said he was going down into the city with you again."

“Yeah, true. I thought I could quickly help you though.”

“It’s alright, really. I don't need any help." He hoped it took the sting out of his previous remark.

“If you’re sure.”

Cloud nodded and resumed his walk. Zack followed him out of the workspace. Cloud locked up. Zack still stood close by.

“The next workshop is on Friday, right? There are no classes on Thursdays, yeah?” Zack sought clarity.

“That’s correct.”

“Cool.”

Cloud turned to face Zack, who still held the makings of his puppet. Cloud clenched his jaw. “Will you be attending?”

“Of course. Got a puppet to finish." Zack held up his creation.

"You don't want to leave it here?"

"Nah, I gotta show Axel what I learned. I'll bring it back on Friday. I’m really looking forward to it.” Zack gave Cloud a cheesy grin, which made Cloud huff with a small laugh and some relief.

They stood around awkwardly in the hallway. Cloud didn’t understand why he was still hanging around and not just brushing Zack off; why he was even glad that Zack would keep showing up to the workshops.

“Cloud.”

“Mm?”

Zack wet his lips. Cloud got hooked on the motion for a second.

“Can I ask you out on a date?”

That question jolted Cloud out of the stare he'd fallen into. His mind reeled. What was he feeling right now? “Uh… you… can _try?”_

Zack chuckled. “'kay. Cloud, do you wanna go out for lunch and a movie with me? We can go tomorrow since you’re free?”

Cloud tensed and barely recalled breathing. He couldn't remember the last time he had been on a date. “I can’t.”

Zack’s shoulders slumped. His smile plummeted. 

Cloud felt a twinge in his chest on seeing that. 

Taking a deep breath, Zack seemed to fortify himself. “Alright. I can respect that. Just thought I’d try.” A lackluster smile got tacked back on. “I’ll catch ya Friday, then. See how I can make Mr. Butter into something more proud looking than just a sack.” Zack chuckled and turned to head down the hall and out of the building.

Cloud should have left it there, but he couldn’t shut his mouth in time before, “Zack,” fell out of it.

Zack whirled around. “Yeah?”

He looked away. Embarrassed heat filling his chest. “I’m busy tomorrow—laundry day and some other things that I need to deal with. But… I’m free Saturday night.”

Zack’s eyes shot wide open and his smile exploded across his face. He punched the air with his fisted hand and hissed out a, “Yes!”

Something hard melted inside of Cloud and he bit down his smile.

“I’ll pick you up at six.”

“Don’t you have your band stuff on?”

Zack waved his hand dismissively. “Larx and the guys can do the singing. We’ve got songs lined up for when I’m not there. No need to worry. I’ll catch ya Friday for class and Saturday for our date, okay Cloud?"

“Yeah. Sure,” he nodded slightly.

Zack looked like he wanted to come bounding back and throw his arms around Cloud, but pulled himself back and bounced on the balls of his feet. "Thank you so much for the opportunity. God… I'd love to keep you company but I, uh… _really_ gotta get going now.”

Cloud breathed down the smile. "Yeah. Of course. Go."

Zack grinned and waved, before jogging toward the doors.

Cloud's gaze lingered on Zack. What had he just agreed to and why? He turned in the opposite direction to where Zack headed, making his way to the theatre. Only when he heard the door click shut behind did he stop struggling against his smile.

###### 

Thursday arrived and Roxas woke up with excitement in his limbs. The trip into the city last night with the band had been a lot of fun. Roxas was fast becoming accustomed to Demyx’s enthusiasm for absolutely everything, Zack’s propensity to be rather jovial, and Larxene’s… well, he wasn’t quite used to her. She unnerved him. She bitched and moaned every time Axel tried talking to him about their personal plans for the evening at hand, or their weekends together, so they gave up discussing those types of things in the confines of the van. But on the way back into town the previous night, Axel had started messaging Roxas.

They had a full itinerary of how they would spend the day together today, and _that_ was what Roxas was super excited for. 

He messaged Axel to check if he was awake, and then they headed out for breakfast together. Before he left he informed Cloud that, “I’ll see you tonight… or maybe not. You might be asleep by the time I come home.”

“You’ll be out with him all day?”

“Yeah.”

“Leaving me to do all the chores.”

“I promise I’ll make it up to you another day.”

“I’m not your personal caretaker. You can start washing your own clothes if this becomes a regular thing.”

Roxas sighed out heavily. “I’ll do the things I need to do. I’ll make time. But right now I _really_ just want to hang out with Axel, okay?”

“You’ve literally only known him for a week.”

Roxas frowned and busied himself with pulling on his coat.

A long, exasperated sigh left Cloud. “Despite everything… it’s good to see you comfortable with someone so quickly. It’s good to see you feeling good about yourself.”

Roxas froze and let his brother’s words sink in. “Thanks—Hey, um,” he faced Cloud again, who sat on the living room floor, sorting through things. “You should come out with us to the city tonight. We’ll be home before midnight. Promise.”

Cloud didn’t respond. He simply went back to checking stock to see how much stuffing material remained and whether more needed to be ordered.

“Let me know. They leave at five-thirty and have dinner before going on stage.”

Cloud hummed and gave no further indication of being interested. Roxas turned and left for his day out with Axel.

* * *

They met at the path leading down into the town and walked, chatted, and laughed. They went to a nice little coffee shop for breakfast. The fireplace crackled and the food was good. They stayed there for a long while, even after having finished their meal, listening to music on Axel's phone, sitting close, and sharing earbuds. 

Roxas comfortably leaned against Axel nearly the entire time. How could he not when Axel wrapped his arm around his back, drawing him close? They smiled at each other and quietly sang into their coffee spoons.

Around 11, Axel had to go to a recording studio at the arts center, and Roxas tagged along. Part of the band’s agenda of coming to this place was to record an album of their original material. Thursdays, luckily for Roxas, were just band practice, which lasted for about two hours, so he’d get to spend more time alone with Axel after.

He watched the band perform, not understanding why they pulled up every couple of times to comment on the tone or rhythm or beat. They spoke in a language completely foreign to him. He wondered if he was tone-deaf because what sounded perfectly great to him got nitpicked and changed by the band members. But he had to admit that whatever they did, on replaying the song or riff, made it sound better somehow.

Roxas let the sound wash over him, especially when he zoned in on Axel’s bass, dripping desire into his stomach with every pluck of the strings. The saxophone left him feeling equally divine. He imagined Axel’s hands touching him, his lips pressed against his skin, sucking—Roxas’ heart beat with increased arousal and he tried to keep his thoughts away from that subject because he could feel himself getting hot and hard. Axel could tell too because he started looking at him rather intently, where before green eyes had only given him a passing glance.

The band session ended before the allotted time and everyone packed up their gear. Roxas praised their performance and watched them all leave as he waited for Axel to finish pulling his saxophone apart to put back in its case, which he had hardly even begun doing by the time the door shut.

“Do you need some help?” Roxas offered, despite feeling that he’d be more of a hindrance than any real help.

“I don’t. Do you want me to teach you how to play, while we still have half an hour in here?”

Roxas blinked rapidly. “P- _play?_ N-no. I’m… I wouldn’t be any good at it. I don’t have a musical bone in my body.”

Axel laughed. “For one, not true. Your singing is," he did a chef's kiss. "And second, the sax is easy to learn, but hard to master, so perfect for a quicky. I’ll show you.” He winked.

Roxas had become a hot mess in less than 10 seconds. His cheeks _burned._ Lost for words, he only managed to look at the instrument, dumbfounded. 

“Just for half an hour.” Axel gave Roxas the sweetest smile.

Too hot and not a single desire in his body to leave, Roxas nodded. Axel grinned.

“Awesome. Come sit up over on the couch. It’s easier practicing sitting down.”

They went to the firm cushioned settee Roxas had sat on before and got comfortable. Axel instructed Roxas how to hold the instrument between his legs, positioned his hands and fingers on either side of the saxophone and talked him through how to blow a note. 

Roxas focused on the flurry of information. It helped cool his nerves—for a moment. Axel's little touches, his breath grazing against his skin, and the compliments of how "good you look with a sax between your legs," did a number on him. 

He refocused, putting his lips around the mouthpiece.

“Don’t blow with your cheeks puffed out.”

Roxas tried again. A note came out. He looked at Axel with elation and Axel grinned back with pride.

“Now that you got the blowing down, how about I teach you the notes for something simple like… Happy Birthday?”

“Yeah. Sure,” Roxas nodded eagerly.

Axel helped position Roxas’ fingers and instructed him on what to do, but Roxas couldn’t get it sounding right.

“Here. Mind if I—” but Axel was already up on the settee, sliding in behind Roxas.

Roxas’ pulse raced and his cheeks felt red hot. Axel’s chest against his back, his long legs on either side of his, and his hands guiding Roxas’ fingers into place turned his brain to mush. All his senses were engulfed by Axel’s spicy scent and warm, sparking touches.

“Now, you blow, while I help you do the fingering. Just puff the tune of the song.”

Roxas groaned internally. Why was Axel talking to him like this? His heart couldn’t keep up and he prayed that Axel couldn’t feel it pounding into his chest with how tightly they sat pressed together. He tried to focus on blowing, without puffing his cheeks.

A meek sound emitted from the instrument.

Axel chuckled. “You need to blow a little _harder,”_ he husked against Roxas’ ear.

Roxas swallowed and tried to calm himself.

The loud, robust note rang out of the bell. With glee, Roxas continued until he had completed the song.

“There, see. You’re a natural. You got a feel for the notes? Can you do the fingering on your own now?” Axel asked, leaning forward a little to look around and see Roxas’ face.

Again those words. He knew his face was still flushed but tried not to linger on it. He nodded. “Yeah.”

“Cool. Lemme hear it.” Axel’s hands slid off Roxas’ and rested on—Roxas swallowed. He told himself to focus on playing what he had just learned and ignore the warm touch on his thighs.

Roxas blew and fingered to the humming tune of Happy Birthday. Axel corrected Roxas a couple of times, helping him find the right notes, but then placed his hands right back on Roxas’ thighs, moving upward a little more each time.

By the end of the song, Axel had his arms wrapped around Roxas’ waist and his chin resting on Roxas’ shoulder.

“Amazing work, Roxas,” Axel rumbled against Roxas’ ear before placing a little kiss behind it.

Roxas lowered the instrument and leaned heavily against Axel. “I don’t know how I got through that.”

“You’re talented.”

“You’re a good teacher.” Roxas looked at Axel out of the corner of his eye and reveled in the chuckle that reverberated out of Axel and into him.

“Do you let a lot of guys play your instruments?”

“I only let my boyfriend touch my sax,” Axel pressed another kiss to Roxas’ neck and squeezed him gently.

“But you let me—” Roxas stopped breathing. “Am I?” His mouth dropped open.

Axel tittered and leaned so he could see Roxas’ face better. “Yeah. Aren’t you?”

“I… I just… we never… I just thought we were just… I— _are we?”_

“I'd _like_ to be? If you don’t want me like _that_ , that’s fine. But I really like you. I like you more than anyone else I’ve ever liked. I don’t wanna lose this.”

Soft tingles prickled Roxas’ skin all over. “I… don’t wanna lose this either,” he puffed, breathless.

Axel’s smile stretched across his face. He leaned in, kissing Roxas even as he gently lifted his instrument out of Roxas’ hands and rested the bow on his knee.

Roxas sucked on Axel’s lip and shivered in the wake of a warm arm wrapping around his middle. They hugged and deepened their kiss. With his side pressed against Axel he could feel the other man’s heart thumping in time with his own. A hard bulge pressed against Roxas’ hip and he nearly whimpered as Axel’s wandering hand brushed against his own growing erection.

The sound-proof suction-tubing around the door popped as it opened. Roxas almost leaped out of his skin and away from Axel, standing up, his hand going to his head, rubbing at his skull, and trying to find some way of standing that seemed natural.

“Oh, you guys are still in here?” Demyx came inside and left the door wide open. “Good, I’m looking for my pick. Have you seen it? It’s got Sponge Bob on it. Blue and yellow.” Demyx wandered over to where he had stood, with a bowed head, searching.

Axel looked at Roxas, who quickly averted his eyes and began helping Demyx to look. Grumbling, Axel gruffly said, “It’s probably in your back pocket. You always put it in there and then forget.”

Demyx snapped his head up at Axel. “No way!” He reached behind himself and—a nervous laugh fell out of him as he produced the pick in question, holding it aloft. “Whoops! Why’re you two still in here?”

Any reprieve Roxas might have gotten from his embarrassment, incinerated as Demyx let out a lewd sounding, _“Oooo,”_ and then said, “Is Axel giving you _lessons.”_ The implication sat rife in his voice.

“Dem, get out or so help me God, I’ll get your sister on your ass about having eaten the last saltwater taffy stick.”

Demyx yelped and left, closing the door behind himself.

“You okay, babe?” Axel asked.

While tickled pink over Axel calling him that, he also felt like the biggest asshole. “I’m so sorry.” He stepped back toward Axel, not knowing what to do with himself. They had made out in alleys, Axel had felt him up, but not like this. This had been different. This was… going places Roxas had no wish to hold himself from, but… being caught also completely embarrassed him.

Axel stood up, gripping his sax. “You know, they know that we’re seeing each other. You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“I…” he looked away. Axel walked over and stood before Roxas, cupping his chin and guiding him so their eyes met.

“How about we go have a smoke and then get something to eat? We kind of missed out on having lunch.”

With Axel’s suggestion, the air cleared and Roxas nodded. He watched Axel pull apart and lovingly pack away his saxophone before they dropped the case off at Axel’s hotel room. They wandered down the mountainside, smoking and talking about the jam session while comfortably holding hands.

### 

By late afternoon, Cloud decided that he would take Roxas up on the suggestion of going with him and the band into the city. He hadn’t left the Center and its surroundings in nearly three months. A bit of city life might do him some good, he thought. He dug out some of his nicer clothes, deciding on a pair of jeans he hardly ever wore, thus making them look new-ish. He also found a purple shirt and a deep-navy jacket, rather than his trusty (and favorite) wool sweater.

He went down to the parking lot, like Roxas had instructed, and walked around a little, trying to find someone familiar-looking, or a van. He found neither and pulled out his phone. Maybe he had missed them. _‘Oh well,’_ Cloud said to himself, semi-relieved that he wouldn’t have to see Zack, but just then a tooting horn sounded and Roxas’ voice rang out, “Cloud!”

Cloud turned toward the direction of the sound, seeing Roxas waving in the very back of the parking lot where a light had blown out, shrouding it in darkness. Headlights came on. Cloud headed toward the black van. A sinking feeling and yet simultaneous elation whirled around inside himself. He spotted Zack hanging out the driver’s side window, hollering at him, “Cloud! Wow! What a surprise. You wanna come with us? There’s room in the back.”

Cloud nodded. Zack laughed.

Roxas sat next to his brother in the back of the van, even though he wanted nothing more than to sit next to Axel. They hadn’t talked any more about being boyfriends and Roxas didn’t know if he wanted to talk about it anymore either. It was a nice label. It made his heart flutter, his stomach churn, and ran a hot flush through him, which stained his cheeks. He looked at Axel across from him. They smiled at each other. That small gesture was enough for Roxas to feel connected to the other man.

Cloud saw the soft smiles which Roxas and Axel exchanged. It made him sigh. He didn’t understand how his brother could fall for someone he had just met without even considering the consequences of those feelings. He looked at the back of Zack’s head as the man drove. Was he better than his brother? He was in a van going to the city to watch a man he hardly knew, play, because… he liked his voice. He liked his smile. He liked the almost-dogged interest Zack showed in him. He… didn’t like all the compliments, but still wanted to hear more. But Cloud told himself he _wasn’t_ like his brother. He _wouldn’t_ fall easily. Fall at all. He just felt like entertaining the _idea_ of something. For a little while. Just tonight. Maybe Saturday too. But that was _it._

They arrived in the city, had dinner at an inexpensive eatery, and then Cloud and Roxas sat near the front of the stage at the bar they went to and watched the performance.

Axel kept eyeing Roxas, making him smile behind his hand as he replayed the saxophone lesson Axel had given him earlier that day. And Cloud looked away every time Zack made smiling eye contact with him as he sang about lovely things and deep-rooted feelings. A joke really. Because how could anyone feel that way about anyone else in such a short space of time? Cloud looked at his brother out of the corner of his eye, and up at Axel who made unashamed eyes at Roxas.

Cloud put it down to his brother's young naïve age. There were five years between them. Surely that was it. He’d been all doe-eyed and trusting as well when he had been younger. That thought took him where he didn’t want to go. He frowned and crossed his arms as he sank down into his chair with a sulk.

When the band was done, Cloud was surprised that a fair few people came up to talk to them, taking pictures and exchanging pleasantries. He remembered Zack's dream and aspirations. Happiness trickled into Cloud over Zack achieving some small success.

Once the people left and the equipment was packed up, they all filed back into the van and drove home. Roxas fell asleep, resting on Cloud’s shoulder. Axel, still sitting opposite of Cloud, also fell asleep leaning against Zack, while Larxene drove and Demyx manned the radio.

“You liked the gig?” Zack asked quietly.

“Yeah. You’ve got a few groupies.”

Zack chuckled. “We’re making a name for ourselves in these parts. It’s all coming together slowly.”

“That’s really great to see.”

They smiled at each other and then Zack started asking Cloud questions about puppet making and grilled him about what tomorrow would entail.

Overall, Cloud had experienced a pretty nice evening out. But he didn’t plan on making a habit of it, especially not over the remaining weeks, of which there were so few.

###### 

Saturday came around, heralding his _date_ with Zack. Cloud tried to ignore it and kept busy with tasks. Roxas had been out the majority of the day, going on a hike with Axel, he had said. He returned well past sundown, and came out of the steaming shower, all warm with a towel draped around his waist. On seeing Cloud standing there, he asked, “Are you going somewhere? You never pull out your really nice clothes. I’m surprised you even bothered dressing up on Thursday."

Cloud looked down at himself in his white dress pants and a blue dress shirt. He put a light gray knit-sweater on and popped the collar of his shirt out. As casual as possible, he said, “I’ve got a date.”

“Oh my God, a _date?_ With _Zack?”_ Roxas jumped on it with enthusiasm. “He asked you out? And you _accepted?_ ”

Cloud huffed. “We agreed to go out for dinner and see a movie. That’s all.”

Roxas squeaked. “A date!” He grabbed Cloud's shoulder and shook him with enthusiasm, but then quickly stopped. "Wait, if Zack's out with you… who'll do the singing?"

Cloud shrugged. "Zack made it sound like that was all under control."

Roxas hummed. "When will you be back?"

Cloud shrugged again. "Maybe ten at the latest."

"You should stay out. Have some fun."

"No thank you. Dinner and a movie is enough fun for me. What about you? I assume you'll be watching Axel again."

Roxas puffed, heading for his bedroom. "I watch the band."

"Mmhm. I'll pretend to believe that. What's Axel to you? Are you dating? Are you… _boyfriends_."

"Sorry, Cloud. I can't hear you. Got water in my ears." Roxas made a show of shaking his head and disappeared into his bedroom.

Cloud picked his way through the organized clutter in their room to get more sorting and planning done before Zack arrived.

* * *

At 6 sharp there came a knock on the door. Cloud yelled his farewell to Roxas, who was still shut up in his room, and grabbed his overcoat as he headed for the door. He opened it to see Zack in a dark sweater with some slightly darker swirling patterns on it and a deep purple collared shirt poking out around the neckline. He wore dark dress pants, glossy shoes, and his hair was gelled back into slight spikes.

Both men looked at each other. Zack breathed out a, "Whoa."

Cloud thought the same but kept quiet about it, pulling the door shut behind him.

"You look incredible,” Zack husked.

"Thanks. You look very nice too."

Zack chuckled and stuck out his arm.

Cloud looked at it for a moment and reluctantly took it.

They ambled out of the building and into town. Zack kept Cloud engaged in pleasant conversation. They had a lovely dinner and Cloud found himself laughing more often than not by the end of it. He found Zack very charming.

And then they headed to the cinema just a block from the restaurant. 

They stood before the unassuming building, lining up in the small queue, looking at the showings on offer.

“What will we watch,” Cloud asked. He hadn’t been to see a movie in a long time, especially not in a cinema.

“I thought we could see 'Darkest of Hearts'. It's based on a true story, about survivors from Chernobyl and what was happening around that time.”

Cloud laughed at that remark. “Ah, that story doesn’t end well for anyone, but the family it follows came out of it… _sort of_ okay, all things considered.”

“Oh, you’ve seen it?”

“No, read it.”

“Ahh. Damn, here I thought I could show you something new.”

“Did you pick it because it’s a true story?”

“I thought you'd like it, because you read biographies, yeah. Was I way off?”

He shook his head and found it a rather sweet consideration, but Cloud had to ask, “Do _you_ actually want to see the movie? From what I remember reading, the book got quite political and I imagine the entire feel of it will probably be dreary. Wouldn’t you rather watch something fun? Something that’s a bit more your speed?”

Zack exhaled a pained sounding, _“Oof,”_ but wore a smile as he said, “You think I like mindless fun and like I can't handle slow intellectual stuff?”

Cloud fought against his smile. “Would you be offended if I said _yes?”_

The queue moved and so did they.

Zack laughed. “No. But I would set the record straight and tell you that it's not true. Might I remind you that I held an actual _office_ job and sat through PowerPoint presentations _with_ minimal bathroom breaks? And in all my years I only fell asleep once, I'll have you know."

Cloud barely contained his smile. "Impressive."

Zack wore the biggest grin. "So, much like my life I am multifaceted, and where movies and music are concerned, I also like a broad range of genres. I'm not a two-dimensional character in a story, ya know.”

“You sure?” The smile broke free, despite himself.

“Pretty sure. Though I can't be one hundred percent certain, I suppose. _But_ , if I was fictional, you’d be too.”

“I guess you have a point. I don’t feel very fictional, so I guess you’re real.”

“What a relief,” Zack gave an exaggerated sigh and bent in half.

Cloud chuckled. “I’m in the mood for something funny. Let’s watch a comedy, Mister Three-Dimensions.”

A big grin sprang onto Zack’s face. “Yeah, sure. Let’s do that.”

### 

Roxas sat on a chair in the Clay Bar right up the front. He watched and listened and thought the band was doing well even without Zack, but their repertoire, which he had become quite familiar with over the last week, was different now. The arrangements slightly tweaked, and whole other songs in the lineup. Axel sang, which Roxas enjoyed immensely. Though he did his best to disapprovingly scowl at the redhead when they started playing Nickelback covers.

During the intermission, Axel asked Roxas once more (because he had asked him several times over the last few days) to come up on the stage and sing.

"We could use you even more than ever," Axel said with a smile and a quick kiss in the back alley, between their puffs of smoke.

Roxas told him a firm, "No,” but still found himself at the bar asking Hayner for his special drink, not wanting to order anything outright, in case word got back to Cloud, especially since some of the artists from their workshops sat around the lounges.

He listened to the music playing, looked at Axel from time to time, and kept knocking back the drinks. He wouldn't do it. He couldn't. It would be mortifying. He would die from embarrassment. He couldn't sing. 

And then he heard it, the familiar beat of the music. And then the words—

 **♪** _I guess I should of known_  
**♪** _By the way you parked your car sideways_  
**♪** _That it wouldn't last_  
**♪** _See you're the kinda person_

**♪** _That believes in makin' out once_  
**♪** _Love 'em and leave 'em fast_

The alcohol told his brain to shut up because Axel was playing this for _him._ He went up to the stage, stood beside Axel, totally baited or not, and sang. Not a care for the world was given. All there was, was Axel and his sexy, confident, and proud smile, directed straight at Roxas’ heart. 

Axel’s blazing passion for him kept Roxas up on the stage for the next three songs and then he retreated to have another drink. He received pats on his back from those who knew him and he couldn't stop smiling, despite shaking like a leaf in a tornado.

### 

The movie had been nice. Cloud had enjoyed Zack’s laughter next to him and afterwards as they wandered down the dark streets. They talked about the glaringly obvious plot holes, which made them laugh on a whole different level. 

They went up the side street leading to the trail back up to the Center when Zack changed the conversation, “I had a really good night with you.”

“Same,” Cloud acknowledged with a warm smile.

“Can we go on another date tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Is that too soon?”

“Sort of." Butterflied danced, making him heat up, but he focused on the cold winter air hitting his skin. "Why’re you so keen?”

“Can’t a guy just want to spend all his time with you?” Zack chuckled.

He felt it: the bitterness. “That’s never happened before. Why would it happen now?”

“Well, because this guy really likes you,” Zack said with softness in his voice.

Cloud clenched his jaw as they walked on. A part of him couldn’t—and refused to—believe it. 

“Cloud?”

“Why?” Cloud afforded Zack the briefest of glances. “We haven’t known each other for long.”

“I know it’s only been a short while but I think you’re funny and clever. You have this cold shell but I see the warm guy underneath. I like that guy. Hell, I even like the cold shell.” Zack bumped his shoulder against Cloud’s. “I see the way I make you smile. I like the way you hold your composure.”

Cloud didn’t understand. All he could think was, “Feels more like it has something to do with the fact that you’ll be out of here soon.”

Zack sighed. “That’s totally valid. You told me you needed to know someone first before saying yes to a date. You told me you don’t want a fling. I get that you’re probably a guy who needs a lot of time to get really comfortable with someone and I really like that, but… well, we don’t have a lot of time, sad to say, so I am rushing this a little bit.”

Deep inside of Cloud an ache bloomed and pinched. What was he doing out here with a man who would leave in a few too-short weeks? He was setting himself up for heartache and he didn’t want that ever again. “And that’s why I’m going to say no to any future dates.”

“What?” Zack stopped in his tracks. “Really? Why?”

Cloud kept walking, chewing the inside of his cheek, unsure of how much to divulge. He could just be an asshole, but…. “I might actually really start liking you if we keep seeing each other.”

“You… _really?_ But that’s awesome!” Zack’s footsteps started up, double-speed and closing in. 

“No, it’s not.” Cloud stopped, turned, and faced Zack under the yellow light of a street lamp as snow gently fell. “Where is this going to go, Zack? We can’t be together. We both travel. There’s no point starting this if we can’t finish it.”

“Finish it? Whaddya mean?”

“Don’t you want to be boyfriends? Isn’t that the end game? You know I don’t want to sleep with you as a once-off, so what are we doing here?”

“We’re… getting to know each other.”

“What for? You want to be my boyfriend, right?” Cloud pushed, unreasonably so, probably. But… he wanted to hear… _something._

“N- _no?”_

Cloud clenched his jaw and crossed his arms. “You don't sound sure.”

Zack huffed. “ _Of course_ I'm not sure. I feel like you're trying to trap me into saying the wrong thing here. You told me you don't want a fling. What else does that leave us with? And now you're saying you don’t want to be boyfriends either, and… I don't know what _option_ is open to me anymore.”

The truth was bitter and stung. “There is no option. This date's over. I'm going home.” Cloud turned back up the path and walked with hurry. He was much too upset for some stupid reason.

Zack followed. “Cloud, please, stop. Gimme a chance.”

“There’s no point.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you’re _leaving,”_ he spun around to face Zack. “I can’t deal with falling for you and having you leave.” His eyes stung from the cold and upset.

Zack wrinkled his brow, looking sad. “I don’t want to _not_ have a chance with you. We could make it work somehow. I'll try _really_ hard if you let me be your boyfriend, I promise you,” he took up Cloud’s gloved hands, and Cloud didn’t jerk away. He wanted to listen, he wanted to be swayed, even though he knew he never would.

Zack gave Cloud a hard stare, though there was a pleading softness in his eyes too. “I could be deadly serious about this if you want to try with me. I know we both travel, but I'm sure we could find a way to make it work. I know it's only early days—we've only been on tw— _one_ date, but… I _really_ want to try with you— _for_ you. I know I'm probably coming on _way_ too strong again, but it's either I try and there could be a _small_ chance you might say yes, or I let you go without ever trying and… I know that I’m gonna live to regret it if that happens. So… I'm kinda _begging_ you to give me a chance. Please, Cloud. _Please._ Take a chance on me. Take it _with_ me. _”_

They stood in the cold, breaths misting, snow falling and gathering on the flat planes of their clothes. The warmth of Zack’s gloved hands seeped into Cloud’s own. Zack squeezed; another quiet plea. But Cloud couldn’t see it working out. It wouldn’t. Not ever. He pulled his hands out of Zack’s.

“I won’t be saying yes to any more dates with you,” he said quietly, not able to look Zack in the eyes because he knew there would be nothing but disappointment there, even though it still felt like such a weird emotion for someone to be feeling over not dating him.

Zack huffed quietly, not stirring for a moment, before, “Can we still hang out? I like you. I like your company,” he said, all strength leaving his voice.

The phrase ‘ _I like you too’_ echoed through Cloud’s skull, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. That was the path of heartache. But there was something compelling about Zack. Cloud wanted to know more, even if it meant slightly straddling the dangerous path he refused to go down. “Okay, but… it’s more in a professional capacity. Got it?”

“Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want—thank you. Thank you for the one date we did go on. I really enjoyed myself and if that’s all I’ll get I’ll treasure it.”

It hurt to have Zack be so accepting and nice about the whole thing. It made Cloud want to keep the other man around. He looked up at Zack, saw the smile laced with sorrow, which squeezed Cloud’s chest tight. He cleared his throat before saying, “I’d like to… walk back without you.” The wince Zack tried to disguise in a smile made Cloud hurt.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll catch ya Monday in class.” Zack waved and headed back down toward the town.

Cloud felt like the biggest asshole in existence. Maybe this would help get some distance between them. That was the only positive Cloud could really see in this situation. He turned back up the gently-sloping path and walked, though he didn’t really feel like going home right now, no matter how cold it was.

### 

The evening at the bar ended a little earlier than normal. Maybe it was all the looks Roxas was throwing at Axel and vice versa. Who could say? But the announcement came that the band was done and Axel packed up his things in record time and practically raced off the stage, heading toward Roxas. The relentless flutters inside of Roxas grew stronger as Axel swooped in, standing behind him at the bar. Axel pushed and pressed himself against Roxas’ back, his arms on either side, gripping the bar. Axel’s warm breath blew against Roxas’ ear, forming rumbling words—

 **♪** _Boy, you got an ass like I never seen_  
**♪** _And the ride,_  
**♪** _I say the ride is so smooth_  
**♪** _You must be a limousine_

Roxas leaned into Axel, turned around slightly and wished to kiss him into the ground. "Axel," he murmured, embarrassingly needy even to his own ears.

Axel bit his lip with restraint. Hunger danced in his eyes as he looked Roxas over briefly. "You want me to take you back to my place?" 

With his heart in his throat, Roxas gasped out a, _"Yes."_

Axel pressed a kiss to the corner of Roxas' mouth, took his hand and gently tugged as he stepped away. Roxas slid off the stool and followed, squeezing Axel's hand softly.

They made short work of the cold, lightly-dusted-with-snow covered path to the side of the Center where Axel's hotel stood. There wasn't much talk between them, only limbs wrapped around each other for warmth and want. They hurried on; the implicit mutual need they felt for each other palatable and growing. And then Roxas found himself in the somewhat familiar hotel room. They both kissed and fumbled with undoing each other's clothes, pulling, tugging, unzipping. Garments were haphazardly strewn across the floor and Axel kissed Roxas down against his mattress, their icy-from-the-outside hands caused each other's skin to prickle, adding to the heightened excitement of the moment.

Roxas didn't think about how he had never done this before. All he cared about was that it was Axel touching, rubbing, kissing, and licking him. The man’s hot mouth pulled moans out of Roxas one after the other and then stole his breath as Axel took in Roxas' shaft, sucking and tonguing him expertly, whilst rubbing wet-with-lubricant fingers against Roxas’ ring of muscle.

Roxas wrapped his legs around Axel's head, keeping him between his legs. Axel pushed his fingers inside making Roxas gasp and grip the bed sheets even as he tried to relax his body, per Axel's instructions. Stimulation and intrusion, two polar-opposite feelings, resided inside Roxas, making his heart pump and desire stoke.

Axel pulled off Roxas' cock but stayed down there, licking his shaft from hilt to tip. Roxas mewled desperately. Axel touched something inside himself that made his toes curl. 

"More," he rasped. 

Axel chuckled and trailed kisses up Roxas' shaft and then body, as he pumped his fingers in and out of Roxas' hole with vigor. 

Roxas squirmed and arched his back at Axel's relentless and getting-more-pleasurable-with-every-passing-flick-of-his-fingers stretching of his ass. Warm kisses rained down over Roxas' neck, chin, and cheek before Axel pressed one to Roxas' lips and then softly murmured against him— 

**♪** _A body like yours_  
**♪** _Oughta be in jail_  
**♪** _'Cause it's on the verge of bein' obscene_  
**♪** _Move over baby_  
**♪** _Gimme the keys_  
**♪** _I'm gonna try to tame your little red love machine_ **(1)**

Axel pulled his fingers out of Roxas, and trailed them up over his cock, squeezing Roxas’ head and thumbing his slit. Roxas writhed and giggled and smiled up at Axel’s gorgeous face. A look of adoration softened Axel's eyes and a relaxed smile stretching across his lips even as he shifted his body. 

Roxas spread his legs. Axel nestled close and pushed his hot, wet, and very eager cock against Roxas’ ass. 

“I’ll do you nice and slow. I’ll ride you rough and hard. I’ll make you see stars, and drown you in my name leaving your lips.” Axel leaned down and kissed Roxas deep and hard, nudging his tip softly against Roxas’ asshole.

Roxas whimpered and kneaded Axel’s soft and hot skin between his fingers. Their kiss ended and Roxas savored Axel’s tang in his mouth. He nodded, giving Axel the go ahead. Axel sighed and pushed against Roxas, slow and measured, like molten lava edging forward. His face contorted with pleasure, his lips parted with a soft sound which Roxas failed to hear because of his own harsh gasp and loud moan against the satisfying and tingle-inducing stretch. 

"Ah. Oh. Oh God," Roxas cried out, sliding his hands over Axel’s back, pulling him close.

Axel froze, "You okay, sugar?"

"Keep—going." A gurgle of pleasure left Roxas. The stretching sensation and fullness grew. He gripped Axel's shoulders, arched his back to feel even more of Axel's girth and length enter him. 

They panted against each other for moments in the quiet of the hotel room, while Roxas’ body relaxed.

“Oh, babe," Axel rasped, squeezing Roxas tight. "You make me want to cum so bad, but I dun want this to end. It’s not too much for you, is it?”

Roxas shook his head. “No. It’s incredible. God. Fuck. It’s what I want. I want _you_ so much.”

Softness resided in Axel’s gaze but instantaneously turned into a dangerous leer as he dove in, beginning the deluge of kisses once more along Roxas' neck. He cupped Roxas’ ass and with a slow-but-building rhythm rocked his hips: dragging himself out of Roxas slowly, and ramming himself back in with force. 

Roxas groaned, feeling helpless at the onslaught of divine pleasure in his ass. He thought he’d lose his mind when Axel’s warm hand grasped his cock and started jerking him off vigorously, while the ass fucking was still going on with exquisite intensity.

Their voices rose; a chorus of heavenly delight forged in carnal pleasures. With every thrust, Roxas was driven closer to the edge which he wanted to plunge over so badly. Every time he got close though, Axel pulled back, prolonging the feel-good ride.

The pleasure kept building. He felt the tingle in his ass, and it spread down to his toes. His cock pulsed hard with the preparation of his release. And what a release it would be. He’d never felt so good before. He muttered Axel’s name, hugged his sweaty chest to himself, and begged for, “More, please, more. Oh god. Oh god. Fuck! Axel. _Oh!”_

Axel puffed against Roxas’ ear. “Oh babe. Let me hear you scream. Let me hear you beg for my cock. Fuck— _Shit._ Baby. _Fuck_. You’re so good,” he groaned, his movements becoming erratic. “I’m gonna. I’m gonna— _fuuuuuuck!”_

Axel stuttered to a halt as he came. A strange warm fullness entered Roxas’ backside. He curled his toes, whimpering at the incredible feelings inside, so close to his own—

 _“Hey, Ax. Hey Roxas.”_ There was the sound of a door closing somewhere behind Axel.

Roxas froze, his eyes flung open. All desire snuffed out like a light switch being flicked.

Axel caught on through the haze of his orgasm. He rose a little, looking at the horror painted on Roxas’ face and in the blink of an eye he roared to life, “Don’t you fucking _knock?”_ he bellowed and returned his attention to Roxas under him, jerking him off and rocking his hips even as he softened inside.

 _“I’ll be in the bathroom. Don’t let me stop you.”_ A door opened and shut.

Mortification drowned Roxas. He pushed against Axel. “Get off.” 

“It’s just Zack. Let me finish you off, babe.”

 _”Get off me!”_ Roxas bit, too embarrassed to even look at Axel in that very moment.

Axel complied, rolling off and out of Roxas, who hurriedly hopped out of bed like it crawled with live snakes. His ass dripped, his stomach was wet from his pre-cum, and his arousal throbbed even as it wilted, but he didn’t care. He raced around, finding his things and shoved each article of clothing on as fast and haphazardly as he could manage.

“Baby, sugar,” Axel puffed. Roxas hardly registered the concern.

“What’s the matter?” Axel kept talking, sliding off the bed now, helping Roxas retrieve his clothes, but also putting on his own underwear.

“He’ll tell Cloud. I can’t… he can’t know,” Roxas whispered furiously with a cringe. His brain was half in the room with Axel, and the other half on needing to race home and shower and _pray_ that Zack wouldn’t say anything or that he had _seen_ anything, or _heard!_ anything. Roxas’ cheeks burned with shame. His hands trembled with humiliation. “Tell him it wasn’t me,” he begged as he shoved his legs through his pants, pulling them up.

“Relax, baby. Zack won’t tell. I’ll make sure he doesn't.”

Roxas slowed his frantic movements and looked at Axel, who had his underwear on and was part-way to pulling on his shirt again. Roxas shook his head, tucked in his shirt and zipped up his jacket. With a bowed head, he quietly walked to the front door. His heart wanted to burst out of his chest as he went past the bathroom door, which was closed and had Zack behind it. He slipped on his shoes and went to pull the front door open. Axel’s hand shot past Roxas’ face and slammed the door shut again. Roxas snapped his attention behind himself and up at Axel, whose soft and worried eyes made Roxas really take pause from his frenzied, sickening thoughts and feelings.

“Roxas,” Axel said quietly, “is it _really_ just Zack coming in that’s upset you like this? Are we okay? I need us to be okay. You wanted to do this with me, didn’t you? I wasn't pushing you to do something you didn't want to do, _right?"_

Roxas huffed and winced with a little pain at making Axel worry. He reached up, cupped Axel’s face, and pulled him down to place a gentle kiss on warm, chapped lips. “We’re okay. I… want to do this again with you. When… when we can have more privacy.” He nervously cast a glance at the bathroom door.

Axel sighed with relief, gave Roxas a little kiss and said, “Thank God. Can I see you tomorrow? Like we planned?”

Roxas nodded, kissed Axel one more time and then slipped out of the room and raced home, hating how this shock didn’t leave him any room to savor the so-close-to-climax feelings which still pulsed through him. Nor could he really take in the full pleasure of having Axel’s load inside himself. He hated feeling so rushed.

### 

Axel barged into the bathroom, catching Zack sitting on the toilet with his head in his hands, though he instantly looked up, glaring at Axel.

"Do you _mind?_ Privacy, man!"

Axel gave a joyless laughing bark. "Rich coming from you. I was in the _middle_ of something!" His blood boiled over the denial of Roxas' orgasm and the embarrassment his boyfriend had experienced.

"What're you complaining about? This is my room too, y'know. And anyway, you should have sent me a message."

Axel hated that Zack had a point. He huffed with resentment. "Remember how you told me not to fuck things up with Roxas because it will affect your chances with Cloud?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Well, _you're_ fucking things up between me and Roxas, so don’t come crying to me when Cloud bites your dick off for it. You’re to blame here. Roxas gets _super_ shy. He’s freaked out that you’ll tell his brother that we’re seeing each other."

Zack wrinkled his nose and looked annoyed. “Pretty sure Cloud already knows.”

“That’s not the _point._ You freaked Roxas out. He couldn't even—" Axel clapped his mouth shut on that topic. "Swear you won't tell Cloud."

Zack arched his brows and gave a joyless laugh, "Sure."

Axel grumbled. "What's so funny?"

"The look you've got going on."

"What look?" Axel peered down, his button-down shirt undone and a wet patch on his light blue underwear. It was a bit embarrassing but they had seen each other naked by virtue of rooming together for such a long while, so it didn't _reall_ y faze him either.

Zack seemed even more amused by Axel's confusion. “Caring for someone," he clarified.

“Shut up," Axel roared and left, slamming the door shut. As an afterthought, he yelled, "You stink."

 _“Don’t come barging in when a man’s taking a dump!"_ Zack retorted through the door.

Axel went looking for his pants and fished out his phone. He flopped down on his bed and went to message Roxas.

message header: **Axel**  
  
  
**Today** 11:08 PM Talked 2 Zk. He says he won't tell. U ok?  
  
**Today** 11:10 PM Sugar  
Yeah. Sorry for the freakout.  
  
All cool. C U @ 9 4 breakfast?  
  
Sugar  
Yeah. Night Axel ❤️  
  
Night sugar xoxo  
  


Axel stripped down, changed into his flannel pajamas and put on the television though he didn't pay attention to it. Instead, he replayed his sex session with Roxas in his head. Warmth fluttered through him. He would have loved to get Roxas off and to have snuggled with him under the covers, kissing him ever so deeply and softly all at once. He let those thoughts get him hard again but didn't have enough time to jerk off before Zack came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. He went to his bed, grabbed his sleeping clothes and changed into them.

Zack was quiet and once he slipped into his bed, Axel asked, "How'd the date go?" 

Zack didn't say anything. Axel instantly worried and sat up. "Dude," he prompted, noticing the glum look on Zack's face.

"We had a nice time out and then on the way back he… can't really say dumped me because we never went out, I guess. He said he doesn't want to go on any more dates."

"Ohh, that's rough. Sorry to hear it, man. Some things are just not meant to be." Personally, he didn't even understand what Zack saw in Roxas' brother.

"But we really like each other."

"You can tell through the stone mask?" Axel chuckled at his own joke.

Zack glared. "He likes me. There's a difference between how he acts towards people he likes and _you."_

"Ouch." Axel laughed again. "I'm glad Roxas doesn't take after his brother." He leaned back, relaxing against his pillow.

Zack sighed. Axel hadn't seen Zack so down before. "Him not liking you's really getting to ya, huh?"

With a grumble, Zack said, "He _does_ like me. Which is why I don't… well, I _do_ get it. We're leaving soon and won't be able to see each other again. How're you and Roxas managing it?"

"Ah…" Axel drawled. "We're… just living in the moment."

"So you guys haven't talked about it."

"Nothing to talk about. We'll make it work."

Zack gave Axel a skeptical cock of his eyebrow.

Axel ignored it. "Next time just don't say anything when you walk in."

"Next time message me. You've always been good about that sort of thing in the past."

"Sorry. My brain switched off."

Zack smiled in a way that made Axel uncomfortable.

"Why can't I have my own room," he deflected, with a question he certainly knew the answer to.

"You find a spare five hundred bucks in the budget and we can talk about getting your own room."

"I'll _build_ my own room!"

Zack let out a robust laugh. "What? Like out in the wilderness?"

"Yeah, sure. Why not. Could build an igloo."

"All so you and Roxas can have some privacy?" Zack snickered.

"No. It's so I can get away from you."

"Sure thing, whatever you say, Bear Grylls."

Axel threw one of his pillows in Zack's direction. Zack evaded the missile and laughed tremendously. He did stop to breathe for a moment and said, "Love looks good on you."

Axel pursed his lips, ignored the flutter and hollered, "Gimme back my pillow so I can throw it at you one more time, dickwad!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Lyrics -  
>  **(1)** \- [ Little Red Corvette](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0KpfrJE4zw) \- Prince.
> 
> I am a sucker for that Zack|Axel dynamic. They are fun to write, unlike Zack/Cloud which keeps blue-balling me. C'mon, Cloud! Come the-fuck on! We'll get there. Yes, we will. And Roxas will get his release as well. Dammit, Zack! Let a guy get off, will you?!
> 
> Thank you for showing continued interest in this fic. It's certainly made me enjoy it a great deal more too, as I think the increasing chapter count shows 💖 (it's gone up by 1 more)


	5. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas’ relationship isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and Cloud reluctantly tells Zack what’s been going on with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me Jean-Ralphio all up in here with a loud sing-song of _'Trouble in PA-RA-DIIIIISE!!!'_
> 
> That felt good 😁
> 
> This chapter is NSFW with the explicit sexiness of AkuRoku floating about. Also rollercoaster warning. There's ups and some very big downs.

Roxas awoke on Sunday morning and lay in bed for a good long while, coming to terms with what had transpired the night before. He thought back on Axel's touches and arched his back and squeezed his ass. Joy danced in his heart. Fluttering nerves cha-cha'd in his stomach.

It all got doused when he remembered the mortifying way it had all ended. Shame burned. How could he face his brother? He heard Cloud stirring next door, which bred his nerves. He thankfully hadn’t run into Cloud on his way in, last night, but seeing him today would be unavoidable. He tried to calm down by telling himself that it wouldn’t be so bad if Cloud _knew_ what had happened. Cloud wouldn’t be upset. 

The thought of his brother knowing or _suspecting_ that he’d slept with someone— _slept with!_ He’s slept with Axel! They were boyfriends! Roxas suppressed the scream of elation and hugged himself, giggling into his pillow. He forgot about being embarrassed about the whole thing as he lazed for a good long while, staying hauled up in his bedroom until the last possible second so he could avoid his brother before heading out to see Axel. 

Once the time drew near he slowly got dressed and shuffled out into the living room.

"Morning," Cloud muttered on seeing Roxas emerge.

"Morning. How was the date?" he asked before Cloud could go prying into his business.

"Fine." Cloud didn't look up from where he sat on the lounge, hunched over the coffee table, surrounded by boxes and papers.

"Is that _all_ you're gonna say about it?"

"Yup." Cloud tapped a pencil against his mouth, absorbed in figuring out the budget for materials as he liked to do on a Sunday morning most weeks.

"Did you two kiss?" Roxas headed for the front door to get his coat.

Cloud looked up at that. "How was your night out with Axel?"

Roxas tensed. "Will you see Zack again?"

Cloud cocked an eyebrow at his brother. "No."

 _"What?"_ he spun around, holding his coat in his hands and his mouth hanging open. "Why _not?"_

"We just won't ever work out."

"How can you know that from just _one_ date?"

Cloud remained quiet, shuffling papers.

"You know he isn't—" Roxas wilted with the dangerous look Cloud shot him. "He's not," he said quietly. 

"Go out and enjoy your date," Cloud dismissed.

"It's not… a date," he said, flustered, even as his brain registered what Cloud had just said. "You're not… mad?"

"It's your life, Roxas. I'm annoyed I'm going to be the one to have to pick up the pieces once he leaves."

"There won't be any pieces to pick up," Roxas declared in defiance and pulled on his coat.

"For your sake, I hope you're right."

Roxas grimaced and left to wait at the agreed meeting spot. Getting out into the fresh morning air with the bright sunshine, which glistened off the piled-high snow on either side of the well-maintained footpath, made Roxas' mind wander back to Axel. To the previous _a_ mazing night and what had led up to it. He couldn't believe he had gotten up to sing before so many people, a good many of whom hadn't been strangers either.

Pushing the mortification aside, he wondered if last night meant that things would change between himself and Axel. He didn't know _how_ they might change, but he worried that they would. Would he feel awkward around the other man? Would—Roxas stopped in his tracks. Would Axel realize he made a mistake and wouldn't want to be with him anymore? He grumbled and shook his head, continuing his walk. Axel had messaged him to check on him. Surely he still cared. But what if the morning light made him realize that he didn't want to continue this relationship? 

With a racing heart, Roxas hurried to their arranged meeting spot. The sooner he saw Axel again the better. He needed proof to shut his brain up. 

As he arrived and found that Axel wasn’t there yet, he grew agitated. He told himself to wait a little while before messaging him.

Roxas paced. Checked his phone. Wrote out a dozen different texts begging Axel to take him back, forgive him, give him a second chance. He deleted every one of those, dreading coming off as needy and thus driving the last nail into his own coffin.

When he caught sight of Axel finally approaching, the relief was immense. The man hurried down the path. His bedazzling red hair peeked out from beneath a beanie and pooled around his shoulders. Roxas' heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. Axel wasn't shunning him. Judging by the wide-stretched grin and the fact that he started into a jog to get to Roxas faster, seemed good news. Roxas got pulled into a massive hug before Axel ever stopped moving. It proved the final piece Roxas needed to properly relax. He giggled. Yes, apparently things had changed between them since yesterday; it was better and oh so comfortable. 

"How are you? Did you sleep well? Are you okay after last night? I wasn't too rough, was I?" Axel looked Roxas over and caressed his face and brushed at his hair.

Roxas' cheeks rosied with delight. "I'm all good. I really liked last night and I feel fine. You?"

"Oh good. Yeah, I'm feeling great—better, now that I get to spend time with you again." Axel hugged Roxas again.

Roxas nuzzled against Axel, giggled against his chest, and held him tight.

"Cloud wasn't on your case or anything like that, right?"

"No, he wasn't. I didn't even see him til this morning."

"Good, good.” Axel released Roxas, but still held one of his hands. “Did he say anything… about his date with Zack?"

Roxas registered the connection. "Oh, shit, how is he? Cloud said they aren't going to go on any more dates."

“Zack's upset about it, yeah."

Roxas frowned. Zack seemed nice from all his dealings with him. Cloud was a dickhead. The two men began walking down the hill, arm in arm. 

"Do you have any idea why Cloud broke it off?" Axel inquired.

Roxas shrugged. "I thought Cloud really liked Zack. I… mm, don't know." He didn't feel it was his place to disclose his brother's personal woes and experiences, especially if it didn't even directly impact Axel.

Axel clicked his tongue. “Oh well. Let them sort out their own shit. I’ve got my Roxas, that’s all I care about.” He smiled down at Roxas, who grinned back.

* * *

They got into town, found a nice eatery and sat next to each other, arms wrapped around shoulders, or waists, or resting on each other's thighs. The hours flew by just hanging out, talking, listening to music, and then they eventually went back to the Center as the band were recording today. 

Roxas felt a bit awkward seeing Zack. The man said nothing to him pertaining to the night before or about Cloud, so Roxas could try and ignore having been walked in on. 

Axel’s warm touches and expert diversions to other topics also helped ease Roxas’ anxieties. 

They spent as much time together as possible. But Roxas did need to leave Axel’s side at some point because there was prep work to do, which he knew Cloud wouldn’t do for him. He kept his eye on his phone, exchanging messages with Axel when he was back in his warm living room and getting work done alongside Cloud.

When evening came around, Roxas went out again to watch the band at Seventh Heaven. Cloud stayed away. Roxas felt a little bit sad for him, but didn’t let that dampen his mood. He went and sat right up front, dreamily staring at Axel the entirety of the first set. Axel leered back and occasionally mouthed, _‘Come up. Sing.’_ And then a song came up in the set which Roxas knew well enough and, with nothing more than a big inhale of breath, clambered up on stage, stood next to Axel, who readjusted the microphone stand for him, and sang.

By the end of the set Roxas’ whole body buzzed. He looked out over the crowd who clapped and cheered and—he locked eyes with Cloud, standing in the very back, near the entryway. Roxas threw an alarmed look over at Zack. He couldn’t tell if Zack was aware of his brother's presence. The other man was preoccupied smiling and talking to the people in the front. Roxas looked back toward Cloud only to find him gone.

He couldn’t give it any more thought though because Axel pulled him off the stage and out the back alley where a fire escape door stood recessed into the wall. Axel pushed Roxas into it and kissed him hard whilst thrusting his hand down the front of Roxas’ pants.

Roxas gasped, their kiss broke and Axel, with full seduction in his gaze and dripping from his voice, said, “Let me suck you off.”

“Wh-what?” Roxas croaked. “R-right _here?”_ He glanced to the right, the mouth of the small recess right _there_ with the dark alley beyond.

“Right now. No-one’ll see.” He pushed against Roxas with his hip, kissing and sucking at his neck.

Roxas shivered. His heart raced, his penis twitched even as Axel fondled him, stoking warmth in the pit of Roxas’ stomach. “Someone will walk past.”

“So?”

 _“Axel!”_ Roxas glowered.

“Then let me jerk you off,” Axel pumped Roxas’ shaft and squeezed his head with purpose while his other hand rested on Roxas’ hip.

Roxas panted against Axel’s silken shirt. The zipper of the undone leather jacket pressed against his cheek and Axel’s smell left him feeling heady. He wrapped his arms around Axel, hugging him close and stayed mute because being around Axel drove him wild and he didn’t want to say no, but also didn’t want to say yes, either.

“I wanna make it up to you for last night. I wanna feel you cum.” Axel kept up his sharp and shallow movements. Roxas’ pants grew too tight. Axel pressed himself closer, jerking Roxas faster.

Roxas focused on his breath, and the warm hand down his pants, and Axel’s sexy body pressed needily against himself. A whimpering moan left him.

“Yeah, that’s it. Cum for me, baby.”

“No—Please. It’s gonna make a mess,” Roxas struggled for some conviction in his voice.

“I can blow you, _”_ Axel husked. “Lemme blow you. Make some sweet music come out of your mouth when you cum in mine.”

Roxas’ brain went to mush. He nodded.

An excited squeak left Axel. He pulled his hand out and made to unbuckle and zip down Roxas’ pants.

_“Axel!”_

Both men froze and snapped their attention toward the sound. 

_“I think he’s down here!”_

Roxas’ heart leaped into his throat and he hid behind Axel as people gathered. The crowd excitedly chatted to Axel, who laughed with a nervous strain but also talked excitedly with them. He kept one hand behind himself, tucked into Roxas’ back pocket. 

If it was supposed to reassure Roxas he wasn’t feeling it. His pulse throbbed in his nether regions. He couldn’t believe he had almost been caught out in such a compromising position and wanted to die or disappear.

The people left again and Axel turned back around, wearing an apologetic look. “Sorry. Can we finish it?”

Roxas almost screamed. _“No!_ I _don’t want to do this with you_ in public. Kissing is fine. Making out is fine, but… don’t… push it,” Roxas shoved against Axel, pleading whilst simultaneously feeling guilty for retaliating.

“I’m _really_ sorry. Promise I’ll behave.”

Roxas huffed. Axel sidled in close.

“Please, forgive me. I’m so sorry.” He cupped Roxas’ cheek, tilting his head up. 

Roxas tried to remain mad and affronted but couldn’t. They kissed and made up, but Roxas felt sour and embarrassed for the remainder of the night.

### 

Annoyance over Zack being in his afternoon workshops ruffled Cloud when Monday came around. He told himself that if things went awkward he’d have to kick Zack out and give him a refund. A part of him hoped it would come to this and the other part of him was relieved when Monday drew to a close and it hadn’t come to that at all. 

Zack had been attentive, and work-focused. He seemed to have made friends with everyone in the group by the end of the session and when Zack asked Cloud to join him (in a professional manner) and the rest of the group for a quick drink at the Clay Bar, Cloud said no, but regretted it a little as everyone left, talking and laughing.

He didn’t know _why_ it bothered him. He’d never been concerned with socializing before, so why did he feel like he might miss out on something now?

Zack casually asked him out for a quick group drinks session every subsequent day, or tried to organize a lunch together before the workshop started. Cloud said no every time. He found it a little harder with each passing invitation. Zack was very pleasant in the workshops and he imbued the place with a lot more laughter than Cloud was used to having in one of his workshops. The man was downright helpful and well-meaning. Cloud often caught Zack helping others, and he had to remind the man to get back to his own puppet, to which he always received a sheepish grin.

“Are you doing okay, Zack? I feel like you’re stalling with your progress,” Cloud said, pulling up a chair opposite of Zack after about a week of seeing Zack procrastinate.

Zack sighed. “Yeah. Maybe? I just… don’t feel inspired about Mr. Butter.”

Cloud looked at the sad-looking half-formed puppet with a square body and noodly limbs. “Well… what’s his story?”

“What story?”

“What’s he about? His motivation? His drive? What’s his purpose of being a puppet?”

Zack scrunched up his face, thinking hard. “I… don’t know.”

Cloud hummed deeply. “Maybe that is the issue then.” Something occurred to Cloud then. He gaped. “I’m so sorry. I totally let you down.”

“Huh? No, never,” Zack laughed, a little nervous.

“No. You weren’t here when I set the task of brainstorming a backstory for everyone’s creations. You’ve been floundering, and I let you down.” He felt really impacted by that realization. He’d been too busy avoiding Zack to actually be helpful. He didn’t like that about himself.

“It’s really not that bad.” Zack reached out and cupped Cloud’s fist.

Cloud looked down and then back up. Zack gave him such a gentle and beautiful smile. Cloud pulled his hand away, as did Zack.

“Stories give the things we create meaning. Mr. Butter here has no story, and you don’t know what he feels or wants so you can’t help to fully realize him. At least… that’s my guess.”

“So what do you suggest?”

“Start over. Think about this puppet and what it wants to achieve. And then help it. If you were attending Roxas’ workshops it might get you thinking differently. I often get feedback that his workshops help inspire people. When you’re working alongside other artists, trying to form a play, it can help to give a sense of purpose and meaning to your own puppet. So maybe you could try that. Talk to others. See what they are planning and see how you can make Mr. Butter help to fit.”

Zack smiled at Cloud so softly that it made him uncomfortable. An enthusiastic, “Got it, boss! I’ll think on it,” shifted the mood though, thankfully.

Cloud was genuinely torn between wanting to spend more time tutoring Zack one on one, and supervising everyone else. It was purely because Zack was the most clueless out of everyone there. It had nothing to do with liking the man’s undivided attention on himself.

He focused on keeping a balanced approach. When the group worked well and didn’t seem to need him, he made sure to sit behind his desk, to avoid drawing Zack’s smiling eyes onto himself. 

How he _wished_ for Zack to annoy him, instead of being pleasant, amicable, and charming. It got under his skin. Zack got under his skin. Watching the self-proclaimed crafting amateur struggle with sewing, stitching, felting, gluing, and painting and then actually succeed and achieve things was charming. The whole room cheered every time Zack managed to complete something. It was fun. It melted Cloud’s heart… a tiny bit. 

He couldn’t help but notice that the look of concentration Zack wore while working on his puppet was the same he wore when he sang. And that made Cloud stare, and imagine, and dream, and regret, and angrily wish he could find a valid excuse to kick Zack out. Despite there being nothing between them, the other man’s presence still… _stirred_ stuff inside of Cloud. Hope. A wish. It irked him. He felt better maintaining his distance. He wasn’t on the way to hurting himself again.

At least worrying about his brother gave Cloud a well-needed break from thinking about Zack. Roxas went out with Axel every night. He came home late. Cloud wasn’t awake for most of it, but he could see the bags under Roxas’ eyes and how his head drooped during breakfast and lunch.

“I don’t care what you do in your spare time, but don’t let your private life interfere with our business. Our family’s worked hard for _generations_ to give us these opportunities. You can't waste them all for a _guy.”_ Cloud berated one evening, as Roxas got ready to go out _again._

“It’s fine. Everything is fine.”

“You never answered me. Are you dating?” He knew the answer, but wanted to hear an admittance from Roxas.

Roxas sighed. “Why’re you on my back about this?”

“Because he is _leaving_ in three weeks.”

“You seem to love rubbing that in my face.”

“I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I’m not _you,”_ Roxas snapped and slammed the door shut behind himself. `He had plans to head out with Axel and Zack to the city like he had done for so long now.

That was the level of their exchanges of late.

Roxas hated his brother in those heated, accusatory moments. Maybe his feelings were more acute because he had been getting less sleep over the last few weeks. To be saying he was burning the candle at both ends was definitely not true though. Things were _a little hard,_ but not unmanageable.

He and Axel tended to stay out longer than the other band members. It was facilitated by Axel having made some friends who drove them home, as they also lived up in the small mountainous village. This saw Roxas creeping in at 3 or 4 in the morning. But he had fun dancing with Axel… after knocking back a great number of drinks Axel bought him. They smoked a lot too. Axel’s new friends went through a packet a night. Roxas got good at smoke rings, and not even needed to cheat. He tried not to think about the effect all the tobacco and alcohol must be having on his body—tried to ignore how grimy he felt inside and out. Axel wanted to do this stuff and Roxas wanted to be with Axel so… it went hand in hand.

This Friday night felt very similar to the previous nights: the band played, Axel made sure the bartender brought Roxas drinks as he sat with Axel’s friends: Verona, Sam, and Trip, who Roxas would never in a million years have ever approached with their punk aesthetic: ripped jeans, piercings, chains, garish colored hair, and tattoos all over any exposed skin Roxas could spot. They were friendly enough before they started drinking. After… they relentlessly teased Roxas’ much more clean-cut look and asked every so often why Axel was even dating him.

“What does he see in you?” Verona cooed this evening.

“He’s got pretty blue eyes.” Sam laughed, grabbing for Roxas and brushed his hair out of his face.

She _hmpfed._

“Axel seems like the type o’ guy who’d take your virginity and steal your heart,” Trip laughed.

“He’d only have those as a _snack_ , not a full meal he’d like to keep forever and ever.” Verona, wearing a smirk, leaned in and loudly whispered in Roxas’ ear, “Did he take yours, hmm? Are you his _snack?_ ”

The group laughed, while Roxas feigned at a chuckle, feeling deeply uncomfortable over Verona’s aggressive combativeness. 

“Rone, grab us another set of drinks would ya!” Trip shouted.

Verona cackled, slammed down her beer and went to fetch another round.

Roxas _really_ didn’t like it when they drank so much, but at least he felt like Trip did look out for him, even though he never apologized for Verona’s behavior or showed any verbal solidarity.

“Yo, Roxer, how’s that tat going?” Sam asked while swaying to the music.

“Yeah… good.” Roxas fought against the frown.

The previous night they had dragged him and Axel off to a tattoo parlor. Roxas hadn’t wanted to go along with it, but had felt egged on and… _pressured_ into going along with the crowd. Axel had been one of the loudest advocates for Roxas getting a tattoo. Roxas had wanted to make Axel happy and proud of him, especially since the other man seemed quite smitten with Verona in particular, talking about how cool she was.

So now Roxas sported a roman numeral 13 on his hip. It had hurt like hell, but he figured it would be a spot his brother would never see. Axel had asked about Roxas’ tattoo choice. He had told him it was his favorite number, which had netted Roxas a slurred, “Cool,” and Axel had gotten his favorite number, 8, tattooed in roman numerals to match Roxas’, also in the same spot. That had made Roxas forgive Axel completely.

Roxas feared what tonight might bring. He hung in there while the band played, but excused himself to go to the bathroom and stayed in there for a considerable amount of time to get away from the company he was forced to keep. And when the night was finished he tried talking Axel into going home with the rest of the band, but Axel insisted that, “It’s Friday night. We can sleep in tomorrow. Ver’s been talking up this epic party happening up on the Ridge. They’re gonna have strobe and black lights.”

Roxas, not liking how much Verona hung off of Axel, resigned himself to going to the event. At least it was back up in town so he knew he could leave if he got too tired.

The five of them stayed out after the band left. They headed to a few bars and chased shots. Roxas got out of drinking by nominating himself the designated driver. It was the only way. Not even telling them that he was underage had curbed the offers and demands for him to drink. He stuck to lemonade, with nothing added, and ignored being called uptight, boring, and a prude. He tried to laugh it off when Axel joined in with the teasing. He watched Axel and the other’s dare each other into doing dumb shit. Some of it Roxas found funny, a good deal of it he didn’t. And just as he really began to hate being out, they all decided to head to the other party, so Roxas drove, relieved to be getting closer to home.

Roxas got them to a large house further up on the hill of the valley the town was situated in. Lights beamed up into the night and the music thumped. Axel took Roxas’ hand and led him around. Roxas stuck close because the crowd and noise intimidated and overstimulated him. He and Axel bumped into Demyx and Larxene at the party. Roxas also, much to his embarrassment, saw some people he recognized from the Center, and specifically the artists participating in his workshop mingled about. But he supposed the town was small enough for this to be the only happening thing around, so of course people he knew would be attending. He tried not to let it bother him and this time let Axel ply him with more alcohol so he could forget about being nervous.

His mood improved for a while. Axel danced with him, though it was more of a slow grind while they both stood, swaying slightly, as people all around them either did the same with whoever they were partnered up with, or enthusiastically bouncing along to the heavy beat. Roxas enjoyed the kissing and heavy petting, returning them in kind, but wished for more privacy—for intimacy—for Axel’s undivided attention, but they had nowhere to turn for it, and not enough money to warrant spending on a hotel room even for a night.

Axel eventually yelled into his ear something about finding a room with a lock and Roxas was down for that. He followed Axel, who held onto him firmly, probably to stop himself from toppling over as he drunkenly swayed about the place. They went into the back of the house, where the music was quieter and the crowd thinner. Each room they found proved occupied or locked by people already doing the do, judging by the sounds emanating from inside. The last door they tried opened up into a bedroom—with five people gathered around a desk which stood opposite of the bed. And _of course_ , Verona was there, waving at Axel to come inside and shut the door and to come have a line of cocaine. Axel grinned at Roxas. 

“You wanna?” he said so enthusiastically that there wasn’t a shadow of a doubt in Roxas’ mind that _Axel_ wanted to and _would_.

Roxas took in the sight and sound of people snorting up the white powder and a shudder of revulsion went through him. He couldn’t say anything except for, “I need to go use the bathroom,” and with that he tugged out of Axel’s grasp and started heading down the hall again. 

Axel looked sad and went to follow Roxas, but Verona’s voice rang out, “Axy, darling, sweety-pie! Leave that wet blanket and come here!” 

Axel stopped following Roxas, which burned Roxas up inside. He glared after Axel, who slurred, “Come find me when you’re done, babe,” and slunk into the room.

Roxas heard Verona’s grating witches cackle. He could already imagine her hands all over Axel, whispering in his ear how much Roxas sucked and why didn’t Axel sink his dick into her slimy vagina.

He shook with anger and upset and left the house. His legs took him away even while his head spun, screaming at him how Axel would hate him. Think him completely uncool. Axel would fuck Verona, and dump him without a second thought. But Roxas couldn’t bring himself to stay in that hell house. He hated everything that had gone on inside there. He really _was_ a wet blanket and Axel would see that after tonight and would never speak to him again.

He stomped through the pitch dark night, along the road with its sparse streetlights, hoping the way into town and back up to the Center wouldn’t take more than half an hour. 

He pressed his palm to his hip where his fresh tattoo stung and he hated himself and wondered what the fuck he had been doing with Axel. He hated all the smoking and drinking and being out so late at night. He hated doing all of this just to look cool and worthwhile, even while Axel degraded him in front of his new and _cooler_ friends. 

He grit his teeth and blinked to get his vision to unblur. He felt so dirty debasing himself in the way that he had. And all for what? For Axel. All because he wanted more time with the man who would be gone in three weeks. Was it worthwhile compromising himself in this sort of a way? His integrity—his own personal boundaries? ‘All for _what?’_ he asked himself again. A pretty face and smoking hot body that wouldn’t even _be_ there to appreciate the branding on his hip—wouldn’t be there to laugh with him about how dumb they had been in their twenties, as they reflected on everything in their aging years.

Tears streamed down Roxas' face by the time he reached home, at 3 in the morning. He had enough of Axel’s lifestyle and decided he wanted no more of it. The last bit of contact he had with Axel was to inform him that he had gone home, and the very last thing he did was block him from all his social media and from his phone. Cloud had been right. Heartache had found him.

### 

It was difficult to avoid Axel when they lived in such close proximity to one another in a small town, but Roxas tried his hardest. He didn’t want to explain himself, didn’t want Axel to hate him or think of him as a loser, so he thought it best to just ghost him; pretend Axel didn’t exist. Cloud was thankfully not around over the weekend, needing to go do things in the city where he would stay the Saturday night. So that left Roxas in isolation, to wallow.

Roxas heard his doorbell ring several times over the weekend. He heard Axel’s voice and the thumping knocks at the door. He heard the, _“Did I do something wrong?” … “Please talk to me….” … “Babe…” … “At least_ message _me!”_ But Roxas didn’t. He felt upset at himself for having unofficially broken up with Axel before the weekend because with Cloud gone he and Axel had made plans to… at long last…. He tried to catch up on missed sleep instead of fixating on such things.

By the time Sunday evening came around Axel’s visits had reduced, which was a relief because he didn’t know what to tell Cloud. As best as he could, he tried to pretend like everything was fine and normal… which regrettably also meant going out on Sunday evening, like he had done all previous Sundays. He didn’t want to arouse suspicion with Cloud. He couldn’t bear to hear the ‘I told you so’s’.

When he met with Hayner at the Clay Bar, the other man asked him, “Is everything cool between you and Axel? He was asking about you last night," as he slid Roxas a drink.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I just need a bit of a break.” He gave Hayner a smile, finished his drink, and headed out again. 

He found himself at Seventh Heaven, deliberating whether or not to go inside. He did. Standing close to the back with his hood pulled well over his face, he watched and listened to the band. He heard Axel’s _friends,_ causing a ruckus as they kept knocking back drinks at the bar.He looked at Axel and his heart hurt. The man looked sad, but it was probably all in Roxas’ wistful imagination.

He wanted to be with Axel, but not like they had been. His own wellbeing was more important to him. He saw Cloud’s disapproving scowl in his mind's eye and heard his voice in his head, saying, _‘They are only here for two more weeks. It’s not worth it.’_ Axel wasn’t worth it. Roxas’ tattoo hurt, even if it was only a phantom pain. The mark on his body certainly hadn’t been worth it either.

Axel missed a note. Roxas looked up. Axel stared directly at him. Zack turned toward Axel, Demyx lobbed something at him, and Axel started playing again. Roxas left because he knew Axel would call for a recess to their set and chase after him. He went the long way home, avoiding the shortcut through the residential street and walked along the road that curved up the side of the small mountain range, just to be safe.

The following week was spent vehemently avoiding Axel. It was hard because Axel knew Roxas’ whereabouts during the day—doing workshops, mornings and afternoons. Roxas caught sight of Axel waiting for him after the morning workshops but he slipped out the side stage doors and didn’t visit the cafeteria for lunch, instead opting to eat at home.

Afternoons were slightly easier because Axel had sessions in the recording studio and needed to get ready to go to the city for work. One of Roxas’ night was taken up with the Symposium he had signed up for (a welcomed reprieve from being outside with no purpose), and the other evenings Roxas stayed out at night, staring at the bottom of empty lemonade glasses in the Clay Bar, and talked to an occasional friendly face from the workshops that popped around. He couldn't tell anyone his woes though. No matter how inviting Hayner was in his insistence for Roxas to talk to him. He felt too foolish. His pride and deep-seated embarrassment wouldn't let him come clean to anyone, especially not his brother.

Thursday was the hardest though because he had nothing to do, and Cloud had nothing on either.

“You’re not going out?”

“Nah, don’t feel so good.”

“Told you all those late nights would catch up to you eventually.”

Roxas ignored his brother and stayed in his room, praying that Axel wouldn’t show up, but he was out of luck. At about 11 that morning there came a ringing of the doorbell and Roxas’ stomach plunged. He hid his head under his pillow and hoped that Cloud would _not_ let him in.

_“Alright, coming!”_

Roxas wanted to vanish.

Cloud opened the door.

“Is Roxas in?” Axel asked, straining to see over the top of Cloud’s head. A curious look sat plastered on his pallid face. Cloud also noted the dark rings under his eyes that he couldn't remember being there before.

He grew instantly suspicious and could smell that something had happened between his brother and the other man. “No, sorry. He’s out.”

Axel fixed Cloud with his bright green, yet panicked eyes, “Do you know where he is?”

“Of course. But I’m not gonna tell you.”

“Is he in the laundry?” Axel turned, looking down the hallway.

Cloud remained silent, raising an eyebrow.

Axel grunted, cocked his hips, and softly said, “Can I come in?”

Cloud considered it. He didn’t know what was going on. Maybe he could get some answers out of Axel. Maybe whatever was wrong might be helped by Roxas hearing Axel explain himself. Though… did he really _want_ to help fix whatever was going on between them? He felt a little curious though. “You’ve got five minutes to explain yourself.” He stepped aside and let Axel enter, shutting the door behind them.

Axel stood tall, looking around himself and especially at the closed bedroom door. Cloud stepped before Axel, blocking the way.

“Roxas,” Axel called out, pleading.

“He’s not here. Save your breath. So what’s going on?”

“He hasn’t talked to you?”

“I want to hear your side of it,” he baited.

Axel grunted again, bowed his head and rubbed at his skull. “I honestly don’t know. We were… hanging out and… just having a good time together.”

“You two are dating, aren’t you.”

“Yeah, well, I thought we were.”

“Have you slept with him?” He needed to quell his worst fears and he would do anything to protect his little brother from the creep if he had hurt Roxas in any way, but especially _that_ way.

Axel frowned. “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

“It is if he’s ditched you because of something _you_ did.”

“I didn’t do _anything_ he didn’t like, I know _that_ at least,” Axel nearly snarled.

Cloud stayed cold as ice, frowning deeper and his jaw setting with distaste.

Axel sighed. “Look,” he fixed his eyes on the closed bedroom door, “can you tell him I’m sorry for whatever it is I did? I can’t fix things if I don’t know what I did wrong. I want to fix things. Roxas. You’re important to me. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me and come talk to me.” He took a step forward.

Cloud stepped forward as well, nearly bumping into the other man. He glared up at him. “I want you to leave, _now.”_

Axel looked between the door and Cloud and resigned himself to the request with a deep sigh. “A’ight. Again, I’m sorry. Please tell him I’m sorry.” Axel walked himself back to the front door and left.

Cloud made sure the door was locked before he turned back toward Roxas’ door. He stared at it for a while, thinking, wondering. He walked toward it but not right up to it. “You can come talk to me whenever you’re ready.” With a heavy heart, he added, “I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about stuff like this.” 

Roxas quietly stepped away from where he had listened with his ear pressed to the door and retreated to his bed, thinking.

Cloud resigned himself to the radio silence and left to get the house chores done for the day. 

* * *

Cloud called out to Roxas to come have lunch. Roxas’ stomach rumbled so he did get up and headed outside, with his eyes firmly cast to the ground and then eyed his bowl of stew. Cloud sat across from him at the small dining table, slurping his meal quietly.

“I’d like you to talk to me,” Cloud eventually said.

“And say what? You were right? I got too close? I got hurt?” Roxas snapped, glaring over at his brother.

“What happened? How did he hurt you? If he touched you—”

Roxas sighed and lowered his eyes. “No. I’m just… I think I’m hurting myself. I’ve… lost my way a bit. Going out every night like I have been with him—I enjoy his company. I just…”

They quietly ate their meal for a while before Cloud spoke in a mellow tone, “It’s wearing you thin. It’s impacting the passion you have for your craft and students and work. No man is worth losing yourself over.”

Roxas shot Cloud a look. “I can see that but… he’s also important to me…. I wish… I wish I had more time with him… so I wouldn’t _have_ to choose between him or my job.”

“Life isn’t fair. But even if you _had_ time for him… that isn’t you. Going out all the time isn’t you. Has never been. Will never be. You need time to unwind. You need time to warm up to people. I know you hate hearing it, but we do have the same temperament, to an extent.”

Roxas wrinkled his nose. Cloud was right. He _did_ hate hearing it.

“Is a guy like Axel really suitable for you? Why waste your time and energy on him? Why be with someone who drinks and smokes and makes you do it too—I know you have been. Don’t even try to talk your way out of it.” Cloud cocked his brow and then returned his attention to his bowl. “I’m glad you woke up to yourself. It’s better this way if you ask me. I know it’s hard right now, but you’ll be happier without him in the long run.”

Any brownie points Cloud racked up with Roxas were thrown out the window. Roxas blew out a fierce gust of air and glared at Cloud. “I never fucking _asked you_ , did I! You just couldn't stand seeing me _happy_. You want me as miserable as you, forever alone and heartbroken.”

Cloud dropped his spoon back into his bowl. “You know that’s not true.”

“ _No_ , it _is_ true. You want me miserable like you. But I don’t wanna be. Axel is a great guy. He cares for me, and time is precious so… so… who cares if I’m dead tired. I can sleep forever once he’s gone.” Roxas rose, his stew only half-eaten, but his resolve strong. He went to the front door.

“Where’re you going?”

“I’m gonna patch things up with Axel, even if it’s just to throw it in your stupid face,” he yelled, yanked his coat off the rack and shoved his legs into his boots. He wasn’t really dressed to go outside (no thermals, just his slacks, a t-shirt, and his Cookie monster hoodie) but he didn’t care. He slammed the door shut behind himself and went over to Axel’s hotel room, trying to leave himself as little time as possible to think about everything he was doing.

His resolve still burned bright as he rang the doorbell. Zack opened up.

“Oh, hey, Roxas. Haven't seen you around for a while. Everything alright? Axel’s been worried.”

“Is Axel in? I need to speak to him.”

“No, sorry. He’s gone out.”

“Oh.” Roxas’ heart sank.

“He’s working on something out in the woods. You can go to him if you want. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”

Zack’s words instilled hope in Roxas. “Yeah? Where’d he go?”

“You know that lake walk you took us on, on our first week here?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s out there, up on the trail you took him on, if that makes sense.”

“Yeah! It does. Thanks Zack!” Roxas turned to go find Axel but Zack called his name.

Roxas stopped. “Yeah?” he turned back.

“I know you’re in a hurry, but… can I talk to you about Cloud for a minute?”

Roxas’ heart broke for the other man. He went back. Zack opened the door wider, inviting him in and he accepted. Zack closed the door behind them.

“I’m really sorry that Cloud’s such a massive dick to you,” Roxas began, knowing what Zack was after, and he felt too annoyed at Cloud right now to respect his privacy, so he decided to blab about it. “He won’t let himself be loved and he keeps making all kinds of excuses when the only real excuse is that he’s still hurt over a guy he once dated.”

Zack stared, his eyes springing open a fraction wider. “He… does he still have feelings for…”

“Don’t know. The guy got married so he’s right off the table. I think Cloud just doesn’t want to ever be hurt again so he’s pulling an Elsa from Frozen and concealing, not feeling, y’know?” 

Zack nodded vigorously. “Is there… anything I can do?”

“I don’t know. I’ll never figure him out.”

Zack huffed a little. “Alright. Thanks for the intel, Roxas. I’ll… think on it.”

“Sorry that I can’t be of much help. I think you should know that you are a really nice and sweet guy, and Cloud likes that about you, even if he’ll never say it. It’s just him being Cloud, and has nothing to do with you.”

“Alright. Thanks, man.” Zack gave Roxas a small smile. “I’ll let you go find Axel.”

“Thank you.” Roxas left and headed for the town and out to the trail. The closer he got to his target location the more nervous he got. The knowledge that Axel had been looking for him and trying to get in touch so much warmed him, but maybe now that Roxas was coming out of hiding Axel might lash out at him? Might not want him back…? Did he even _want_ to be taken back? He still didn’t like how he had acted around Axel and how Axel had treated him. There had been so many good things when they had been alone together, but so many horrible things when they had been out partying. 

He didn't want to change Axel, but he also didn't want to get sucked into that sort of thing again. But… if it was between that stuff and not being with Axel… it sort of irked him to know that he was leaning toward suffering for another couple of weeks just to get to be with the other man. He trudged on, not sure what would happen or what he’d end up choosing. He went down the trail along the river, eager to find out, and then turned up the path he had taken Axel the last time they had been out here.

Affection welled inside as he neared the place where they had first kissed. He thought he would forever have fond feelings attached to this place, especially during the winter. It just looked so magical and had been so special on the day of their kiss. 

He rubbed at himself as he trudged on, his breath misting. The deep wells of Axel’s footprints were the only blemishes in the deep snow and it didn’t look like another set of prints was going back down, so Roxas felt optimistic about finding Axel soon. That grew his trepidation too, though. 

Once he reached the plateau he found himself huffing lightly. He saw it almost instantly… the structure… the… _igloo?_ His legs were numb with cold, his fingers frozen because he hadn’t had enough foresight in his rush to get out to even grab gloves. At least he had his hoodie, which helped keep his ears warm. But none of that mattered right now as curiosity took up all his thinking space.

He walked toward the igloo, still wading through the wake of Axel's trail in the knee-deep snow. He couldn't see Axel anywhere, nor heard anything, especially as the snow acted like a muffling blanket. 

The closer he got to the igloo the more wonder he felt. It was crafted out of big blocks of snow and came up to Roxas’ height. It didn’t look pristine as there were gaps and holes, but… it was definitely an igloo and looked to be complete. Had Axel _made_ this himself? Astonished, he walked around to inspect it from all angles.

A yelp rang through the air. Roxas squeaked as well.

“Roxas?” Axel sprang up from his slouching position on the ground, where he’d been resting against the igloo. He wiped at his face, his eyes red and wet.

Roxas’ stomach twisted. Had he been crying? Over… _him?_ “A- _axel.”_

Axel sniffled and crossed his arms. “What’re you doing here?”

A divide stood between them. Only a good couple of feet, but it felt enormous to Roxas. “I… I came to find you.”

“So we’re on speaking terms now?” Axel frowned and wiped at his eyes some more.

Roxas winced. It was kind of like he’d feared. “I… I’m sorry.”

Axel grumbled. “No. Look, clearly I did something to upset you, but I’d like to know exactly what it was so I can properly apologize for it.”

Roxas’ heart fluttered over Axel still seemingly wanting to apologize. Maybe there was hope. Roxas had missed the care Axel showed him—missed _him._ “I…” Roxas felt himself heat up and blush, feeling like an idiot. Maybe he had completely overreacted. He craved a smoke and simultaneously _hated_ himself for craving a smoke. He’d been smoking so much he could feel the withdrawals, making him agitated, and knowing he was agitated because of withdrawals made him _more_ agitated. 

He sighed, leaned against the igloo and slid down. “You built this?”

“Yeah.”

“All by yourself?”

With a wipe of his face and a sniffle, Axel said glumly, “I had some help, but yeah, didn’t have much else to do this past week.” He slid down to sit next to Roxas. They looked over the white valley spread out before them, the dusted-with-snow pine trees stood like silent sentinels, and a lonely bird squawked off in the distance.

“I was really worried something had happened to you at the party,” Axel muttered, giving Roxas a tiny glance.

“I’m surprised you even noticed,” Roxas muttered, glumly, his heart aching as he thought back on that night.

“Huh? Why?”

“You got so caught up in…” Roxas bit his lip, not wanting to sound like a tight-ass. He grumbled. “Forget it.”

“No, please, Roxas, tell me what’s going on.”

Roxas needed to be brave. Like up on the stage, or like when doing his job. He could do it. He just… needed to breathe. “I don’t like what we’ve been doing lately; all the going out, _staying_ out. I… don’t like your friends,” he winced, hating how he must be coming across to Axel. “You get so caught up with them that I feel I don’t exist anymore. Or I just end up becoming the butt of their jokes. Yeah, I’m a lightweight and I have— _had_ ,” he corrected himself with a wince, “no tattoos and no piercings. Big fucking ‘Ha-Ha’! So what?” Roxas glowered. “I don’t like drinking. I don’t like smoking, I don’t _do_ drugs. That doesn’t give anyone the right to make fun of me.”

Axel gasped faintly. “But you _do_ smoke— _and_ drink.”

“I do it in small amounts to cope with life. With anxiety and stress and… _you._ I do it to be with you.” Roxas pulled his knees close to himself and rested his chin atop of them.

Axel stayed quiet and kept looking ahead of himself, sighing heavily.

Roxas felt on a roll. He wanted to come clean, give Axel the right picture of himself so the man could just leave him. “I’m a dork. I like to stay in, I like to play with puppets. I love watching Sesame Street and figuring out how they do certain things. I love all the old Muppet movies too—Kermit riding his bike—watching stuff like The Dark Crystal series… that’s the sort of stuff I want to do with my life and I’m a dork. I wear Cookie Monster clothes because Cookie is my absolute favorite. I wanted to _be_ him when I was little. And even now, if you saw my bedroom back home you’d think a five-year-old lived in it. I’m not…” he sighed and hugged his knees tight.

“I’m not some edgelord who does piercings or tattoos or drinks himself under the table. I _hate_ that. I _hate_ that that’s what we’ve been doing, but I also want to spend time with you so I went along with it, but that night at the party… I… I just couldn’t. I had enough. I’m sick of being talked down to, sick of being made fun of. Sick of Verona’s shit, and how you kept falling over yourself to agree with her? That… really upsets me.” He frowned deeply.

“I know I should have said something. I’m sorry for hiding this from you. I didn’t want to make an issue out of it. I thought I could live with all that shit happening. I tried to be what you wanted me to be, but I can’t anymore. I get it if you don’t want to be boyfriends anymore. I get it if you don't want to be seen with me anymore. You should go be with Verona if you haven't hooked up with her already. I’m not cool. I’m not interesting. You can do so much better.”

“Ah… I… uh… wh—why… pffh—why’d you never tell me any of this?” Axel breathed deeply and looked confused.

Roxas shrugged with a sideways glance at Axel. “I wanted you to like me. I didn’t want to lose you.” 

Axel’s brows furrowed deeply. “I liked you as soon as I saw you wearing Cookie Monster. It takes balls to be yourself in public.”

Roxas raised his head in surprise. _“Huh?”_

“I liked you back in the laundry. You’re cute and… well…” Axel sat up a little straighter and turned to face Roxas. He unzipped his coat and lifted up his sweater to reveal—

“Oscar the Grouch?” Roxas stared at Axel’s worn-out and faded green shirt. But Oscar in his trash can was still easily identifiable.

“Yeah. Why do you sound so surprised?”

“I just… I guess I thought you might have just said that you liked Oscar back then to make me feel better.” Roxas shrugged.

“Nah. He really is my absolute favorite. I watched Sesame Street growing up too. I always loved Oscar’s humor and sarcasm. It’s probably why I like green so much. I saw you wearing Cookie and… are you wearing Cookie right now?” He looked at the blue hood covering Roxas’ head.

With the red stain deepening across his cheeks, and his heart thumping harder, Roxas nodded. 

Axel smiled ever so faintly. “Yeah… see… I still like that about you. When I first saw you I thought, ‘crap, I wanna get to know this guy. He’s hella cute _and_ has great taste.’ Like… you’re the full package.” Axel gave a low-yet-sad chuckle. He pulled his sweater back down and zipped himself up. “And…” he turned back toward the view, leaning against the igloo, “I wanted to impress you? You showed me your stash and… you seemed so cool. Like… it was _intimidating.”_

“Wha— _I_ intimidated _you?”_

“Yeah, you totally did,” Axel gave a small smile. “I lay it on _thick_ when I get intimidated and want to impress. And you really seemed to dig the whole, ‘I’m in a band,’ shtick which had me cheering. Like, ‘yes, dude, If I play my cards right I’m totally in with a chance to get with this hardass who wears Cookie like it’s no one’s business.’ So I went hard on playing the cool band guy because you seemed to like him and… well, everyone I ever met wants _Axel_ , so… that’s what I gave you. But… I went too far… didn’t I.” He grimaced at his own statement.

Roxas sniffed and rubbed at his freezing nose. His mind reeled at the revelation. It made him feel giddy, but he also remembered why he had distanced himself from Axel to begin with. “You did. I don’t like how you treated me—making fun of me, talking down to me. Is that what _cool band guy_ does? Because being with _that guy_ made me _deeply_ uncomfortable. Well… like… it was actually fine until you made those _friends._ The way you sided with Verona…”

Axel frowned. “I’m so, _so_ sorry, Roxas. I… God, I don’t even know. I got too caught up in making connections. I hurt you, didn’t I? I was downright mean, wasn’t I? I don’t think that you are boring, or a drag, or… what was it she said…”

“A plain wet blanket and a lousy root.” Roxas grimaced.

Axel winced. “You’re none of those things. You’re amazing, and I’m so fucking _sorry_ I didn’t put bitchface in her place. I get blind-sided playing my role. I’m such a lousy boyfriend.”

Axel calling himself that ruffled Roxas. “Are we still… did you… the night I left did you—did she… _get_ … with you?”

“Oh, hell no. I know she was jealous and wanted to get with me. I…” Axel sighed, “… kinda liked it? Liked the attention I got because I was _unavailable_ , but I never wanted to be with her. I just liked the way she made me feel desired. I know that’s not fair on you. You’re all I want and need, Roxas, but yeah… I let my bullshit ego get the better of me and played the game like nothing was different or changed from all the other times before. But… I should have been better and done better by you. I’m sorry. I had my touring hat on. Not my boyfriend one.”

Silence reigned between them. Roxas tried to go over everything Axel had talked about. It made sense but also felt surreal—unbelievable almost. If everything he said were true—but what if Axel was putting on an act? Roxas had never expected anything long-lasting to come out of this relationship when he’d first started hanging out with Axel. But over the weeks he’d developed _hope_ , and a deep wish, and then a belief that they could work what they had and keep it strong. But if Axel was faking everything right now it would mean he’d move on as soon as he left town. He had just confessed to being what other people wanted from him. _The cool band guy_. Was Axel playing the cool band guy right now? Stringing him along?

Roxas’ heart broke just thinking about the potential deceit.

“Say something?” Axel pleaded, his voice hoarse.

“I…” he let out a shaky breath. “I want to believe you, I do. But… I don’t know if I can.”

“Believe me about what?”

“That you want to be with me. That this isn’t all a game to you.” A sea of sickness rose in Roxas’ stomach and up into his chest.

Axel sighed out deeply. “I’m so sorry, Roxas. The way I’ve been acting… that’s not me. Not… _entirely._ That’s not who I want to be around you, especially now that I know more about you.”

“Then who are you? Who do you want to be?” A lot hinged on the answer. He waited with bated breath and a cautious look.

Axel frowed and huffed deeply for a few moments. He rubbed his lips together as if mulling over a difficult decision. He clenched his hands several times and then let out a puff of air. “I… I want to be _me_ with you. I want to be Lea.”

“Lea?” 

Axel turned to face Roxas. He gingerly reached out with his gloved hand and fumbled with one of Roxas’. Roxas relinquished his hand and had it squeezed and rubbed. 

Axel looked down at the handhold and after a deep inhale, said, “Lea. That’s my name. Axel’s my stage name. I’ve never introduced myself to anyone, not even Zack, as Lea.” Axel furrowed his brows. “Lea’s quiet and boring. He stays inside, played too much Minecraft in his younger years, loves Oscar, and collected all those plastic figurines from Happy Meals, you know those?”

Roxas slowly nodded. “I collected them too. I’ve still got my Cookie Monster,” he said quietly.

Axel smiled softly, “Shit, _see_ … you’re like… _perfect.”_

Roxas’ cheeks blazed.

“Um, what was I saying?”

“Lea?” Roxas looked on, confused.

“Right, Lea. He collects figurines and loved Lisa Simpson so much that he taught himself to play the saxophone. He couldn’t be told that she wasn’t real and then one day met Yeardley Smith and got to play the saxophone for her and… that was the highlight of my life.” A far-away, happy stare came across his face. He blinked rapidly and looked at where he held Roxas’ hand. “Seriously. I never thought I would ever do anything better than that. And she complimented me. Like, _holy fuck!”_ Axel laughed and rubbed at his face before taking up Roxas’ hand again in both of his. 

He fixed Roxas with a soft stare. “I could have died happy. But anyway, then I wanted to get into band stuff, but I needed to change up my image. I got tattoos,” he raised his hand to his face, spreading his fingers in a V and ran them along the ink on his face, “and I put Lea to bed and lived as Axel. Because he’s cool and can get connections. I thought you would like Axel more. He drinks, he smokes, he’s sexy and smooth, and confident, while Lea struggled to get up enough of a nerve to ever perform in the school talent shows.”

Roxas’ mouth fell open. “ _You_ _struggled_ to perform on _stage?”_

Axel laughed dryly. “Yeah, hard to believe, right?”

Roxas nodded.

“But it’s all true, Roxas. All of it. I’m a dork too, but I pretend not to be. I live this life and, you’re one hundred percent right: I really get caught up in all the _Axel_ bullshit sometimes, especially touring for so long. I mean, I don’t _hate_ it, but… it’s exhausting sometimes having to be a certain way _all_ the time, y’know? And I thought to keep you around I had to keep being interesting so I pushed myself. And… _God_ … I’m so sorry I pushed you too far. I just… I wasn’t thinking right. I get really caught up in other people, trying to impress everyone and their dog and I don’t notice that I’m doing it.” Axel— _Lea_ looked pained as he hunched and frowned and bored holes into his handhold with Roxas.

“I'm… a massive idiot with an identity crisis. I'm a dickhead who's tossing away one of the best things in his life for a shot at fame and I’m so sorry I hurt you and let Axel run the show when I should have just been myself all along.

Roxas’ mouth drifted open and he stared at… “What… what do I call you now? Who are you?"

Axel hummed, rubbed Roxas’ hand and slowly raised his head to look up at him. “I’d like you to call me Lea. I wanna be more myself with you, if that’s okay.”

A fluttering buzzed around Roxas’ stomach. He nodded and smiled. “Lea. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Roxas.” Lea took up Roxas’ hand and kissed it. “Shit, you’re freezing, c’mere,” Lea pulled Roxas onto his lap and wrapped his arms around him. He proceeded to take off his gloves and offered them to Roxas.

Roxas slipped them on and huddled against Lea; his coat cold but the firm touch around his middle very pleasant and some heat did seep into Roxas from sitting pressed together like they were.

“Everything you said is true, right? You’re not just saying all of this as some kind of a joke, right?” Roxas’ head still spun.

“No. I’m one hundred percent honest with you. You can’t believe that I’m a huge dork?”

Happiness began to bubble inside. “How old is your Oscar shirt?”

“I got this shirt when I was twelve. It came in a promotional pack for a game. Oscars Trash Collectors deluxe edition. It was and still is my favorite shirt. I’ve grown into it. It’s still baggy as shit though. Maybe when I’m old and my metabolism’s failed me I’ll fill it out around the middle too.”

Roxas chuckled. “That’s pretty believable.”

“What? My metabolism failing me?”

“No. I don’t think that’ll ever happen. But you getting your shirt from the game, yes.”

With a soft smile, he said, “Let me keep flexing my dork-muscles. Hmm—Oh! Did you know that Oscar was a putrid orange color in season one?”

Roxas nodded, his smile growing.

“Ah, and here’s a fun fact just for you—did you know that Cookie Monster’s name is Sid?”

Roxas smiled so bright and nuzzled A- _Lea_. “I did know that.” He breathed easier. “I believe you. This _and_ the fact that you built an igloo proves it to me. You’re a huge dork.”

Lea laughed and squeezed Roxas, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “I’m sorry for how I acted. I won’t be like that with you ever again. Promise.’

The world felt surreal. Being this _happy_ felt bizarre. Roxas looked into Lea’s gorgeous green eyes and cupped his face. “Thank you.” Not knowing what else to say, he had to ask, “Why’d you build the igloo?”

“Oh, besides showing off my huge dorkiness? Well, it’s so we could have a place to go and be alone.”

Roxas leaned back and stared up at Lea, open-mouthed. “You built this for _me?”_

“For _us,”_ Lea smiled softly. “You wanna give it a try? It’s warmer inside.”

“Shit yes. I’ve never been inside an igloo before.” They got up and Roxas followed Lea around the side to where there was a hole in the ground. “What’s this?”

“The entrance.” Lea crawled in, head first and Roxas stared.

“You dug a _tunnel?_ What the hell! How do you know how to even build this?” he said, ducking down and looking at the dark narrow snowy passage.

Silence greeted him.

“Ax— _Lea?”_

A muffled laugh sounded from inside the igloo and then, _“Come on in.”_

Roxas swore under his breath. “It’s not gonna collapse once I’m inside, is it?”

_“Nah. It’s not that deep. C’mon.”_

Roxas nervously crawled into the dark passage of snow. It went down a bit. The smell of dirt hit his nose and then the passage sloped up again. He saw a light and popped his head out of the hole to look up into a dark cavernous space. Little holes of sunlight pierced through the multitude of cracks in the igloo, giving a dappled and surreal look to the white chamber surrounding him. Roxas took Lea’s offered hand and got out the remainder of the way. He crawled into the space and sat on the opposite end of the blanket Lea sat on, which covered a good portion of the ground. His breath didn’t mist in here and it felt a fair bit warmer than outside.

Lea turned his phone’s flashlight on and pointed it up. The snow scattered the light like a globe and added brightness to the place. “I’ve still got to plug all the little holes with snow—I came up here to do that today. I’ve also got ventilation holes around, see these big ones,” he pointed to the slits between the blocks of ice, “You don’t want to block these up.”

“Whoa. This is amazing! Again, _how_ did you know how to do this? How long did it take you?”

Lea chuckled nervously and rubbed his head. “You’d be surprised how many tutorials are out there on YouTube. It doesn't take that much effort. Digging out the tunnel took ages though. And… I started this about two or three weeks ago… after we had sex. I wanted to have a place for just us two, but I got so busy with you and being a dickhead that I sort of forgot. I did most of it over the last few days.”

“Wow,” Roxas looked around himself. “You’re incredible.”

Lea chuckled. “Yeah, thanks. See, this is the kind of loser shit Lea likes to do.” 

“Lea isn’t a loser. _You’re_ not a loser. I like Lea. I like this. Thank you for making it for us. It’s perfect.”

Lea looked ecstatic. He patted the blanket next to himself and Roxas crawled over to sit closer. 

“I’m so sorry for what happened between us," Lea apologized.

“It’s okay,” Roxas said and took Lea’s hand as the man reached out to him.

“It’s not though. Like, _fuck._ Are you okay with the tattoo? You’re not. I know you’re not. I’ll pay to have it removed.”

Roxas pressed his palm to his hip. “I, yeah, I didn’t want it, but… it’s not like I got something on me that I didn’t like. Thirteen _is_ my favorite number and…” much more quietly, he said, “I like that you got yours in the same spot.”

Lea leaned over and gave Roxas a firm hug and didn’t let go for a while. He breathed against Roxas’ ear and said, “Sorry. Again, I’m _so_ sorry.”

Roxas squeezed Lea back, until Lea pulled out of their embrace.

“Hey, babe, can I finish asking you the last few questions on that twenty questions thing? We never finished it.”

Roxas chuckled, finding it a weird request to be pulling out right now. “Yeah, sure. I’m game.”

“Cool. Thanks, so,” Lea reached over for his phone, holding it down so the flashlight didn’t blind Roxas. He scrolled and tapped a bit before saying, “If you could join any past or current music group, which would you want to join?”

“Well, definitely _not_ Nickelback,” Roxas tried to suppress his smirk. “I’d probably want to join… ooo, They Might Be Giants!”

Lea glared back playfully. “While that is a very good choice, you’re supposed to say the Royal Panda Brigade.”

 _”Oh,_ sorry. Didn’t realize,” he snickered. 

_”Sure_ you didn’t,” Lea drawled. “I’d love to join Nickelback.”

Roxas rolled his eyes. “Oh! Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem,” he grinned, unafraid of giving another silly, yet sincere answer.

Lea laughed. “Yeah, I’d totally join them too. I’m not super into chicks but damn, Janice was hot, or was that just me?”

Roxas giggled. “No, not just you. She was pretty. You like Zoot?”

“Zoot’s cool, yeah, but nothing like my Lisa.” He sighed happily.

Roxas smiled at Lea, finding it strange to be having this discussion with him, but also completely loving it. “So next question?” He scooted a little closer, leaning his head against Lea’s upper arm.

Lea swapped his phone to his other hand and wrapped his arm around Roxas’ waist. "If you had a warning label, what would it be?"

Roxas thought about it. "Unhealthy love for cookies? What's yours?—Can I guess?"

Lea looked amused. "By all means."

"Caution; hot."

Lea _laughed_ and laughed. "Yeah, I was going to say that. I'd put your warning label as ‘dangerously cute,’" he smirked but then it fell away. "You know what I just realized?"

"What?"

"I think I have a thing for blondes. Lisa, Janice, Roxas." He grinned.

Roxas blushed and giggled. "Any more questions?"

"Yeah, last one," Lea squeezed Roxas tightly and looked into Roxas’ eyes as he recited, "What's the craziest thing you've ever done for love?"

Roxas hummed and frowned, trying to think of something that didn't sound lame, but he couldn't think of anything as he'd lived a very boring life. But he felt so much better about no longer having to impress Lea so… "I guess… I think I got into puppets because of my family and because of my love for Cookie Monster."

"That's really nice and super valid. I like that you found something you love because of those influences."

"Thanks. And you?"

"Hmm… mine's a bit of a two-parter. Up until recently the craziest thing I ever did for love was learn the saxophone and pursue a career in music."

Roxas smiled at the other man. “Because of Lisa.”

"Yeah. See, dork,” he winked. “And that led me to a situation where I found what I _actually_ love, which made me build an igloo." 

Roxas' smile dropped. He stared. His mind ran a marathon; the igloo… which Lea had built for _him_ — _them_. What did it _mean?_ He must have looked dumb and baffled because Lea chuckled.

“Am I being too vague?” Lea said, the smile softening his face. “I love you, Roxas.”

Roxas’ brain flatlined. He gaped. 

Lea sat and smiled, and _smiled_. His smile wavered and dropped. “Hey… are you okay?”

Roxas snapped out of it, but he threw his hands up to his face, covering himself as, “I love you too,” burst out of him.

Lea's laugh rang out and he wrapped his arms around Roxas, pulling him against himself. Roxas giggled.

"I can't believe you built me an igloo because you love me."

"Me neither," Lea rumbled against Roxas' ear.

They huddled together, with Lea nuzzling into Roxas' neck, making him giggle even more. They looked at each other with soft smiles, the distance between them lessening. Before they knew it, they kissed and touched each other's faces gently. Their hug intensified.

Everything was okay. Lea wasn’t _that sort of person!_ Roxas could hardly fathom it. Relief washed over him even as Lea’s tongue brushed against his lips. Roxas opened his mouth and melted into the gentle touch, sucking on Lea languidly. He leaned back and down, taking Lea with him as he lay against the hard surface and puffy blanket. He wrapped his arms around the other man’s shoulders, buried his hands in soft long locks, and scratched against Lea’s scalp while they kissed in a delightfully hungry way. Warm hands and long fingers traveled with confidence under Roxas’ clothes, touched his skin, found his hip and tattoo and stroked him gently. 

“I love you,” Lea breathed against Roxas’ lips, kissing the corner of his mouth and traveling to his ear, leaving a trail of kisses as he went and whispered, “I’m so sorry for everything. I love you.”

Roxas hugged him tight and buried his nose in Lea’s hair. “I love you too. I love you so much. I’m sorry for wasting time—for not talking to you and explaining myself. I’m sorry I cost us a week of being together.”

“We’ll make up for it over the last two weeks, no worries. I want to do so much with you and to you.” Lea kissed Roxas behind his ear and then leaned up a little, smiling down at him softly. “We’ve got this place now. We can hang out here without smoking, or drinking, or anything else you don’t like. It can just be you and me being together, loving each other’s company. God, Roxas! I love you.” Lea leaned down and started kissing Roxas again on the mouth.

Lea’s words—the feeling behind them—jolted Roxas, electrified him, and shut down his brain in the best way possible. He lay there, enjoying the moment, sensations, and warmth seeping into him. While keeping one hand in Lea’s hair, pushing the man against himself, intensifying their kiss, he let his other hand wander over Lea’s clothes and under the hem of the jacket, sliding it under the layers and touching his heated skin. Lea’s fingers stopped rubbing Roxas’ hip and tattoo and fiddled with the waistband of Roxas’ underwear.

Lea stopped kissing him and breathlessly huffed out, “I would like to suck you off. I want to taste you.”

Roxas looked up into the rosy, smiling face, at Lea’s reddened lips and the way he licked them. “I’d rather have sex than you just getting me off.”

Lea’s smile grew all the softer, his eyes almost shutting completely. “I’m sorry. If I had lube we totally would—we could jack each other off?”

Roxas smiled and nodded. A laugh burbled out of Lea.

“Okay then.” Lea slipped off Roxas. They lay with barely any distance between each other, their noses touching, their legs intertwined. Roxas pulled off Lea’s gloves and their hands worked at freeing themselves from their pants, with knuckles brushing together, and small chuckling huffs caressing each other’s cheeks and lips between peppered kisses. They kissed again deeper as they grasped each other’s hardening shafts. 

There was no space between them as they jerked and fondled each other rapidly. Lea’s hand on Roxas felt so good in the way he tugged and rubbed his cockhead. Roxas emulated what Lea did to him as much as possible; pumping his full length, then focusing on just the tip. Pre-cum leaked out of them, slickening their movements, causing more pleasure. They moaned into each other’s mouths, their hands furiously working over the other’s hot throbbing cock in jerky motions.

Their hips bucked and ground against each other, intensifying the heated need between them. Roxas felt himself losing grip over his resolve to hold out. Containing the pleasure which Lea’s motions stoked inside himself became increasingly difficult. Pressure and tingles built. His head swam. Lea’s hand on him was divinity incarnate. His deep-sucking kisses a sweltering pleasure. Roxas squeezed Lea’s cock and jerked him erratically as his cum spilled and his orgasm slammed him into delirium. Lea rumbled deep in his throat, whining a little, but kept stimulating Roxas. The heat of Roxas’ cum against his own hand, coating Lea’s cock, made Roxas pump all the harder and within a few seconds, as he still rode the high of his pleasure, he felt heat spill out of Lea, onto his hand and his own cock.

Their kiss broke. Lea whimpered and bucked his hips, nuzzling Roxas’ cheek. Roxas pressed kisses to Lea’s face wherever possible and worked to corral his raspy breath, which reverberated around the ice chamber.

Both men still held each other's cocks whilst sharing butterfly kisses and tittering softly. After a moment longer of bliss and tranquility, with good feelings swirling around in themselves, they pulled apart, sat up and wiped their hands clean on the inside of their clothes. Lea licked his fingers and hummed pleasantly after tucking himself back inside his pants, making Roxas smile shyly.

"You know," Roxas began, "I love that you built this place for us, but… I'd rather be with you in a warm room."

"Yeah, I get that," Lea snickered.

Determination, scaffolded by the ebbing tingles of his orgasm still throbbing through him, made him say, "I don't want to waste another day not being with you like I want to be. I want you to spend time with me. In my room, at my place."

"What about your brother?"

"Stuff him. I don't care. I'm not going to be miserable because of him. I want to spend my time with you," Roxas frowned, feeling his resolve harden. He was going to live his own life how he wanted and not be dictated to by his brother.

Lea smiled, leaned in, and softly kissed Roxas. "So what's the plan for the rest of the day?

"You have work in a few hours?"

"Yeah."

Roxas thought a bit. "Um… can we go back to your place and lie in your bed until you have to go?"

Lea's smile broadened. "Yes. Zack might be around though."

"Don't care. We'll just be cuddling. Nothing more. And I really don't want to see Cloud for the next few hours, so I’d rather just hang out at your place."

"Ah, alright. Do you wanna come watch me blow?" Lea chuckled at his own words.

"Yes. And after that, I want you back at my place. We can play some video games."

Nodding, Lea asked, "Can I stay the night with you?"

Roxas chest rose with delight. _"Yes._ I’d love that! _"_

They smiled at each other, exchanged a few more kisses and then headed back into town and back to Lea's shared room. Zack smiled at them and left for a while so they could be alone. 

### 

Cloud sat on the lounge staring at his phone and at all the unanswered text messages he’d sent to Roxas for the past two hours. The knock at his door jolted him upright and he hurried toward it.

"Rox—"

"Hey, yeah, sorry. Not him," Zack said, wearing an apologetic smile, "but I did find him."

"He's okay? Where is he?" Cloud craned his neck to see if Roxas was behind the other man.

"My room. He came in with Axel and I decided to leave. I was wondering if I could stay here with you for a bit?"

Cloud frown. “I’m sorry they’re being such a pain for you.” He moved aside to let the other man in and closed the door behind them.

"Nah. I’m just happy to see them making up."

Cloud walked past Zack with a grumble. "Can I get you anything?"

"Yeah, tea would be nice."

"What kind?"

"What've you got?"

"Earl Gray, English Breakfast, Apple and Cranberry, Green—"

"I'll try the apple, thanks."

"Okay. Sorry about the mess, but do make yourself comfortable. You can push stuff aside." Cloud gestured to the lounge and went into the kitchen area to put the kettle on and fetch cups and tea bags.

“They always say you can’t trust someone who is too neat and can’t deal with mess,” Zack chuckled, picking his way around until he got to the lounge.

“Guess I’d have to be the most trustworthy guy out there then, huh.”

“I’d agree with that.” Zack’s smile carried in his voice. “How’d that conference thing go you attended?”

“Really interesting. I’ll be sharing the highlights of it with everyone in class next week.”

“Cool. Looking forward to it.”

Zack continued to make light conversation about puppets and Cloud's work while surrounded by boxes of materials. Having the man inside his living room was odd for Cloud… but _nice?_ He kind of wished he'd never have gone over to Zack's to check if Roxas had been there. If he hadn't, then Zack surely would’ve never come here. It could have spared Cloud the mental image of Zack looking right at home on his lounge.

He brought out the cups of tea and found a spot on the coffee table to place them. Zack smiled, thanked him, and felt too friendly for Cloud's liking.

"I appreciate you coming over to tell me that Roxas is okay, especially when I was so worried about him.”

“No worries.” Zack sipped his tea. “You have a really nice place. I’m jealous you guys get a living room and a kitchen. Imagine how many cup noodles I could fit if I had a cupboard.” He laughed.

Cloud chuckled and held his hot cup of tea between his hands, staring idly at it. He sighed. 

“Zack—”

“Cloud—”

They looked at each other.

“Go on,” Zack offered.

Cloud shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

Zack sighed. “Can I know _why_ I make you so uncomfortable? I know you told me you don't think it'll ever work out, but can you tell me what happened to make you so sure? Roxas said you got burned in the past. Could you tell me what happened?"

Cloud grit his teeth and curses Roxas in his head. He sipped his tea for a moment, biding his time as he figured out how to talk his way out of this. “Will it make a difference?”

“It might.”

With a hefty sigh and swirling his dark red tea, he slowly said, “A long time ago, I had a boyfriend. We had been together since we were both fourteen. He always talked about marrying me someday and I thought one day he just might." Cloud smiled bitterly into his cup. 

"Then dad couldn't work anymore, and it fell on me to take over. I finished school, I put my plans for college on hold, and I took up the family business. It meant long hours and days of travel. Months on end being away from home. At that time, I thought and believed all the things you seem to think about and believe: that we could make it work. It wouldn’t be so hard, not with technology being what it is. But the demand of the job…” he sighed again, feeling the weight of the past dragging him down. “I tried to make it work, but I couldn't keep up being a boyfriend. I was too busy, stressed, and tired. When I got back home, I didn't get a warm welcome from my bo— _ex_ -boyfriend. He was upset with me. I told him I'd try _harder_ and that I wanted to keep working on our relationship, but then I had to leave again for another couple of months….”

He cast a wary look at Zack, who watched him, attentively. “And again, I got stressed and had no time or energy for him. He made an effort that time to come and see me. He did his best, but he got busy too and we just stopped talking to each other."

Cloud sipped his tea and swirled it some more. Thinking about the past did him no good. He hoped Zack would understand once and for all. "I don’t think I ever tried so hard in my life to keep a relationship going like I did with him. I missed him a lot. I felt so lonely on the road without him. I found it hard to get out of depressive moods, which really made doing my job hard.”

Zack hummed thoughtfully and wore a pensive expression.

Cloud clenched his jaw to take away the sting in his heart. He swallowed. “I wasn’t doing too well and decided to cut my trip short so I could be back for Christmas to be with him—” He huffed. “I came back and found out he was engaged. I…" Cloud shook his head and bit back the well of emotion which resentfully still sat inside himself. 

He looked back up at Zack. "I wasn't invited to the wedding. I haven't spoken to him since. It feels a lifetime ago but it still hurts to think about it. I still miss him on quiet days, and I get bitter when I think about all the things we went through together; everything we did together for it to _still_ end the way it did….” He took another deep breath, roused himself and shook off the shadows of the past.

“So I hope you get why I don't think _we_ will last when my six-year relationship couldn't even stand up to a year of this lifestyle I've got going."

Zack sat quietly, holding his cup, a finger tracing the lip. A sharp inhale of breath heralded Zack's response, "That's really rough. I’m so sorry to hear that. Thank you for telling me."

Cloud shrugged a shoulder.

“I really get why you’re so sour. And… I feel really sad for you.”

“I don’t want your pity.”

“No. I know that. You don’t want anything or anyone because you’ve been hurt in the past. I think that’s so lonely. And I feel that.”

Cloud’s gaze lingered on Zack for a while. The man’s energy seemed sapped. His smile… so sad. Here Cloud was, making someone else sad, yet again. Zack really didn’t deserve it.

“You’ve really been dealt a hard hand.”

“How so?”

“Well… you had your life ahead of you, but your dad got sick and you stepped up. Was it ever your dream to follow in your father's footsteps at all? What did you want to study at college?”

Cloud blinked, taken aback. “Journalism.”

Zack huffed with amusement. “Of course,” he said with a soft smile. “It’s beautiful that you’re so devoted to your family. I bet you didn’t even think twice about stepping up.”

Cloud felt the flush creeping up his neck. He looked away. “I… was annoyed.”

“And too right you should’ve been,” Zack laughed. “But you still did what was right by your family. That’s…” he sighed. “When I left school it was a selfish decision. I always went against my family’s wishes, just doing what I felt like doing on a whim.”

Zack drank more of his tea before going on, “I even went against my own self-interests because I got so stuck on being stubborn and not listening to my family. I think I told you, right? My pop knew me best. And I fought against him the _hardest_. Anyway, I’m not saying that music was my family’s dream for me, but it was my pops and it was mine too, but I ignored it. And I guess I’m saying in a roundabout way that it sucks that you’re putting your life on hold for others. I don’t know how you manage it, but I really admire that about you. I’d be _furious_ if something I didn’t want got between me and the person I loved, or the thing I wanted to do for myself. But… I think I get it now. I think I get _you_ now. And… you’re an amazing person, Cloud. I really respect you and your principals and devotion. I’d be so lucky to have even an _ounce_ of that directed my way. But I get why I don’t. And it sucks, but…” a pained sort of breath escaped Zack. He smiled. “it’s been an honor to get to spend time with you and learn off you.”

Cloud didn’t know how to react to Zack. He held his nearly-empty cup to give him something to do with his hands and for something to look at.

The other man also sat quietly, drinking, and eventually finishing his tea, saying, “Thank you for the tea and the chat.”

“You’re off?”

“Yeah. Are you finished with your cup? I can wash them.”

“Ah…” This situation felt weird. Like there was about to be an _end_. Cloud didn’t want whatever was happening to be happening. “Sure. Thanks,” he said, so he could keep Zack around a moment longer. 

He watched the man take his cup and head over to the kitchen. Cloud got up and followed.

Zack busied himself rinsing the cups and when he was done, dried them. And after that… the two men stood opposite each other.

“Alright. I’ll get going.”

“Um… Zack.”

“Hm?”

“What’s… going on?”

“Huh?”

“It feels like… you made a decision about something. I’d… like to know what that is.”

“Oh… right. Yeah. Um,” Zack laughed nervously and rubbed at his neck. “I feel I get you now and I don’t want to impose on you or make you uncomfortable or force your hand into starting a relationship with me. So I’m just going to leave it, y’know? I really admire you and whatever you decide you want to do I’ll go with that. I’m still keen to try with you. I could be so serious about trying and making it work, but I think you know that about me already anyway. I don’t need to go on about it. So I’m just gonna,” he pointed both his thumbs to the door.

“Oh. Yeah. Okay. Uh… th-thanks for understanding.”

“Totally. All you needed to do was talk to me.” Zack smiles with warmth. He walked toward the door and squeezed Cloud’s shoulder as he passed him. “Bye.”

“Bye,” Cloud got out hoarsely.

As the door clicked shut it somehow hurt more than if Zack had left yelling and screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kind of raced by but I hope it painted a good enough picture of what was going on with Roxas and Axel and I hope them making up felt good. Axel was a dick. Lea is... less of a dick 😅 (also for anyone not in the know... Axel's Somebody name is Lea. It's cool that he has two names to go by. Lots of fun to be had with that)
> 
> And Cloud... oh Cloud... I know a lot of people have been wanting to slap him (myself included). I hope the urge to slap is a little less. With only four chapters left, and only really two of those chapters set in this current time-line, there's very little time for Cloud to get his ship together. C'mon, Cloud. Let 👏 It👏 Sail!
> 
>  **Fun fact:** In a previous version Zack actually _did_ get upset with Cloud. It felt a bit too out of character and didn't sit well with me, so I changed it to this much softer approach. If anyone would be interested in reading alternative bits of conversation let me know. I think I'll start putting them up on my Tumblr as fun easter-eggs or something. 
> 
> And please do not fact-check me on the Oscar the Grouch game. If anyone actually _knows_ of a game that came with a shirt hit me up 😆
> 
> Check my [Profile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cream_pudding/profile) to find ways of following me. I chuck the occasional WIP chapter preview and fic snippets up on my [Tumblr](https://creamypudding.tumblr.com/Fleeting_Moments_Ch5) if anyone's interested in getting extra content. And yeah, again, if people want alternative bits of writing that got edited or changed, I can stick it on there too. Lemme know.
> 
> Catch you all next week. Comments giveth me life, and Kudos are also 👌
> 
>  **Edit:**  
>  I decided to go ahead and upload the alternative convo. you can find it [HERE](https://creamypudding.tumblr.com/Fleeting_Moments_Ch5)


	6. Blurred Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud decides to give Zack, and more importantly, himself, a chance to be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, guys. Nothing worthy to note about this chapter. It _is_ a Clack chapter, hands down, but... nothing exciting to warn you about so far. 😞
> 
> Thanks for the feedback on the previous chapter. It was valuable. 👍😍

Cloud had known from Zack’s news that Roxas and Axel were together, yet he couldn’t have guessed what it would mean for him. Had he even had an inkling that this reforging of their relationship meant that Axel would be around more… _a lot_ more… Cloud would have threatened Roxas with something severe, like no longer cooking for him or doing any of the laundry if he got back together with the redhead. 

But he hadn’t known, so when Roxas returned in the late afternoon with Axel in tow he did nothing more than stare and said, “What’s he doing here?”

“Hanging out,” Roxas declared whilst clearing the living room space. He and Axel then vegetated in front of the TV, playing video games on the console Roxas always insisted on taking with them on all their trips.

Cloud retreated to his own room until the two men left to do band stuff. But then they _both_ returned late at night and locked themselves up in Roxas’ room.

“I don’t want to _hear_ or _see_ anything or I’m kicking you both out,” Cloud yelled through Roxas’ door.

Roxas opened the door almost instantaneously, peeking out behind it. “Promise we won’t do anything when you’re here. He’s just gonna sleep in my bed.”

“Only tonight?”

Roxas shook his head. Cloud grit his teeth. 

“I’m gonna get the most out of my time with L—Axel. But we’ll behave.”

Cloud didn’t believe Roxas could keep his new-found affections in his pants. He resigned himself to his fate and hoped they’d be exceedingly quiet about it.

The irritation Roxas provided proved a welcome reprieve from the Zack-shaped issue in Cloud’s life. The man diligently sat in class every afternoon. Despite the seeming peace Zack had made with the situation, Cloud still worried that Zack might prove a nuisance, would act up, and make him uncomfortable. Zack did none of these things. He continued to be his genial self. He was there with a smile and that loud-but-warm laugh. He told the silliest anecdotes, which had the rest of the class laughing and Cloud straining to keep a straight face. 

Cloud resentfully admitted to himself that he looked forward to the afternoon classes. He liked the quiet moments he spent with Zack, instructing and helping him figure out his new puppets mechanics; the wiring, mounting, and making it flexible enough to move. Zack wore such an intense stare when he fully focused on his work. Cloud more than not got sucked into watching him and found the man captivating and stupidly handsome. Embarrassingly enough, Zack caught him staring sometimes. The smile Zack flashed always made Cloud flush. He busied himself with something else, but still ended up looking the other man’s way all too frequently.

The fluttering in his stomach, the forgetting to breathe, the tingle down his spine all got worse with time. Cloud knew he should recoil from the sensations, from _Zack_ , but he also didn’t really want to. It felt good to have Zack finally understand his position. It lifted the pressure—the _expectation,_ and made Cloud feel better—free even. He didn’t have to watch his back or swat away unwanted advances. He no longer had to explain himself. It was nice. 

So he relaxed around Zack. Maybe a little _too_ much? Because when Monday came and Zack did his usual, “Wanna come hang out for lunch?” before Cloud started his afternoon workshop, he actually said, “Yes.”

Zack had blinked in wide surprise and then laughed. “Cool.”

Cloud went and had lunch with his workshop participants and Zack and had a nice time. He agreed to go again, and again. 

Cloud kind of drifted through the days. Awareness of Zack’s rapidly approaching departure loomed large and burrowed into Cloud. He tried to ignore it by focusing on his brother. He needed to watch out for him because it was plain as day that Roxas had fallen really hard and deep. Cloud worked on holding his tongue in regards to his misgivings and personal beliefs. He told himself he needed to be more supportive so when Roxas’ world inevitably collapsed his brother would come talk to him. As much as having Axel around irritated Cloud, he focused on the positive points. Like how Roxas no longer reeked of smoke. He also didn’t look as tired, nor stayed out as late. That did mean that he and Axel were around a lot more though. Cloud took the good with the bad.

Despite it feeling like Axel _lived_ with them now, the man still left _occasionally_. Cloud tried to either not be around, or be passed out when his brother said goodbye to his boyfriend. There was always too much smooching at the door. Too much sickening baby-talk revolving around loving and missing each other, despite them literally living a five-minute walk from each other at present. And the _pet_ names Cloud overheard… he’d nearly burst out laughing the first time he’d heard Roxas be called ‘ _Biscuit_ , by his ‘ _Trash-man_.’ Cloud could at least agree with the weird pet-name Axel had attracted. 

No… being privy to his brother’s love life was not Cloud’s idea of a good time. He avoided as much as possible, but on this Wednesday night he couldn't sleep and stayed up reading. He heard Roxas and Axel come back from the gig in the city. Muffled giggles drifted through the quiet and Cloud could make out the sound of rummaging in their kitchen. He focused back on his book and things went quiet. About half an hour later though he grew aware of his brother by the front door, kissing noisily. Cloud became agitated by the longevity of the amorous affections. He couldn't get past the sentence he found himself re-reading for the tenth time, so he got up to go to the bathroom, in the hopes it might disband the smooch-fest.

Cloud, without a word, but nowhere near as silent as he could have been, walked out into the dark living area and into the bathroom to the sound of the kisses and moans subsiding a little. While Cloud was in the bathroom he could hear some murmuring and then by the time he washed his hands he heard the door close.

He came out of the bathroom to find Roxas by the door, resting his forehead against it.

"What’s wrong?" he said softly, walking up behind his brother.

"I love him," Roxas labored. "And he's gonna be gone in ten days. This is so shit." He lightly smacked his forehead against the door.

Cloud's heart ached for his brother. He could feel the cold, twisted feelings from his own experience awakening inside himself, scratching at old wounds. "You shouldn't have gotten so close to him. You knew the band was only booked for six weeks." Despite having aimed for _supportive,_ it came out without warmth, and probably more like a lecture, born from his own resentment about the situation.

With a groan, Roxas said, "What was I supposed to have done?"

"Stayed away. Not gotten attached. You know that."

Roxas huffed and slowly turned around, facing Cloud. A hard look crept over his face. "You mean I should be miserable like _you._ No!” he shook his head. “I’d rather keep spending time with him. Squeezing every last minute of fun and happiness out of my time with him. And you know what? We're not going to be one of your statistics. We love each other and we’ll make it work somehow."

Cloud scoffed. “What do you know about love.”

Roxas bristled. “How to let myself _feel it_. Stop giving Zack the cold shoulder. He's so ready to love you if you'd just let him, and then maybe you’d stop being a rotten grouch over my situation.” With that, Roxas stomped off, knocking into Cloud’s side as he went to his bedroom.

Cloud watched his brother disappear. A heaviness sat in his stomach.

* * *

“I’m sorry about what I said last night,” Roxas said the next morning.

Cloud handed Roxas a plate of eggs and looked at him quietly as they sat and ate their meal at the dining table.

“I do care about you and your feelings. I’m sorry it came out all wrong last night,” Cloud offered, taking his share of the fallout.

“I know you’re just trying to look out for me. At this point though, it’s too late for warnings and everything you say feels like a ‘told you so.’ I’d rather you just be supportively quiet since you’re no good with words.”

Cloud huffed, a smile dancing on his lips. “Point taken.”

They ate their meal, cutlery scraping against porcelain plates, the heater near the lounge window softly ticking as it started up its heating cycle again.

“How’re you going with Zack?”

Cloud looked up, the food in his mouth hard to swallow for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“I noticed you’re spending more time with him, where before you were keeping your distance.”

“I’m still keeping my distance. We’re never going to have a relationship, but it doesn’t mean we can’t spend time together.”

“Doesn’t it hurt? Don’t you want more?” Roxas asked softly.

Cloud completely lost his appetite as his stomach dropped. Roxas’ harsh words from last night rang through his head for the umpteenth time since they had been spoken. He put his fork down, quietly saying, _“Yes.”_ It didn’t feel any better admitting it to someone else.

A strangled sound left Roxas’ throat. “You should _do_ something about it then. Go for it. I thought— _hoped_ —you might be immune, but if you’re not, how’s there any hope for me? Being with Lea makes me so happy, even though I feel like shit someti—”

“Lea?”

Roxas grunted. “I mean Axel.”

Cloud gave him a funny look.

Roxas sighed. “Axel is Lea’s stage name, but please don’t tell anyone. I shouldn’t have let it slip out.”

Cloud looked at his brother for a long moment, weighing up his disdain for the redhead versus his brother’s happiness. “It’s important to him to keep it a secret?”

“Yeah.”

“And he entrusts you with it?”

“Yeah.” Roxas’ eyes narrowed and his voice hitched in a half question.

“Nothing,” Cloud shook his head. He liked that Axel— _Lea_ seemed to care for Roxas and trust him with important things. That still didn’t change anything though. “I can’t believe that you guys are so seriously playing at being in a relationship.”

“We’re not _playing._ We plan on staying in contact. I told you, we’re not gonna be one of your statistics. We’ll call each other and video chat, and make plans to see each other. One day we’ll live together and own a poodle named Doodle.” Roxas chuckled and shook his head, turning serious again, “But I wanna tell you that you should go have fun with Zack. You’re not happy now, and you’re definitely not going to be happy after, so why not just steal a few moments of happiness while you can? If the end result is gonna be the same either way, you might as well be happy for a short time.”

Cloud said nothing to Roxas’ words and plea, but he stewed on the sentiment all day. Concentrating on prep-work proved difficult, especially with Roxas and Axel loudly talking and amusing themselves in the living room. It was even worse when they went into Roxas’ room. The silence made Cloud pack up his things.

“I’m going to the library. I’ll be back in two hours.” Leaving Roxas and Axel (or Lea as Cloud tried to get into his head) to get intimate.

Cloud still didn’t get headspace in the library. He wondered what Zack was currently doing. He knew there was band practice around lunchtime on Thursdays. He wondered if he’d be able to tag along but found it a stupid thought. He wanted to do something fun with Zack, wanted to talk to him more, let his brain go off on a flight of fancy which included dates and hanging out together, but he shut it all down because where would he ever find the time, between his own work and Zack’s schedule?

No. It would never work out. There wasn’t enough time. Cloud shouldn’t bother. _Wouldn’t_ bother. Thursday passed with Cloud avoiding the other man.

Friday was another matter though because Zack was back in the workshop, bringing with it the feeling of time slipping through his fingers, like sand. All through the workshop, Cloud felt the urge and need to say _something_. It sat at the tip of his tongue. He achieved no clarity until the very last moment; Zack walking out the door, waving at Cloud and leaving a jovial farewell.

“Zack.”

“Yeah?” He stopped at the door, the unwavering smile stretched across his face.

Heat prickled Cloud’s cheeks. His mind screamed at him the eternal question, ‘What are you doing?’ He didn’t know. “Uh, do you want to go ice skating tomorrow?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure. That would be fun.” The surprise melted from his face. “Just be warned: I’ve never skated in my life. I can rollerblade though. It’s the same, right?”

“Sort of.” A smile tugged at Cloud’s lips. His heart hammered with ferocity.

“Cool. Count me in. Where and when?”

“Down by the river. You can hire skates from the local shops. Is ten okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll be up before then. See ya!”

“Bye.” Cloud waved at Zack’s disappearing form and slumped down in his chair. That had been… not the response Cloud had expected: so casual. A part of him was relieved, and another part disappointed over Zack’s nonchalance. Cloud dismissed it, thinking that Zack was too preoccupied thinking about his gig, and too focused on getting back to the hotel and down into the city. 

That thought riled Cloud up further. He refocused on packing up and didn’t think about it. He had extended an invite and given himself a chance. He decided he’d go slow and see what came of it.

###### 

Saturday saw Cloud down by the river, his hire-skates in hand, looking out over the frozen lake which teemed with people he recognized. It was a nice day for ice skating but he hadn’t expected the make-shift ice skating circuit to be this busy either.

“Oh look, there’s Sandra and Evan and Rob,” Roxas remarked, pulling on his skates.

“Yeah,” Cloud said to his brother, who he had invited out last minute to prevent himself from chickening out from his date. Though he had vehemently denied that it _was_ a date when Roxas had gotten too excited about the news.

Cloud busied himself on the snow-cleared bench, fastening his skates, and watched Roxas lead Ax— _Lea_ down to the ice, as the redhead had never skated before. Cloud also watched Zack, who he could see falling over half a dozen times, and could hear his laugh drifting over. Taking a steadying breath, Cloud rose and slowly stomped over the wide river to get to the snow-cleared ice skating circuit.

“Hey, Cloud!” Zack greeted, rosy-cheeked, and brimming with a smile. His shoulders hunched and he looking very wobbly as he slowly crept over the ice.

Cloud chuckled. “Hi. How’re you going?”

“I’m gonna have such a sore ass tomorrow,” he laughed, teetered and almost fell, but Cloud grabbed and steadied him. “Thanks,” Zack tittered, holding onto Cloud’s waist.

“Let me show you.” Cloud, peeling Zack’s gloved hand off himself and hold him firmly, proceeded to teach the man how to skate. Focusing on the act of movement diverted his attention from the hand-holding.

Zack still fell over half a dozen times. “God damn, I thought rollerblading was a transferable skill.”

Cloud chuckled. “You’re doing well.”

“You’re great support.”

Cloud felt too hot and was thankful for the workshop participants who skated past and from time to time and stopped to chat with both of them.

“This is fun.”—“Yeah, thanks for inviting us out here,” said one couple as they slowly made their way around.

“Invited?” said Cloud.

“Zack said we should all meet down here. We didn’t even know this is something we could do.” 

As the pair went away Cloud looked at Zack, baffled. “You invited them?”

“Yeah. Shouldn’t I have?” Zack quickly looked over at Cloud, wobbled, and brought his attention back to the ground, so he could concentrate.

A sinking feeling caused a sting in Cloud’s cheeks. He could deny that this was _supposed_ to have been a date. But… “I did just mean _you_ when I asked you out,” he uttered.

Zack fell over, landing on his knees and palms of his hands. Cloud skated around the front of Zack and looked down at him, as wide blue eyes stared up.

“Is this… was this supposed to be a _date?”_

Embarrassment ruffled Cloud. He extended his hand to give Zack something to hold on to as he tried to stand. “Yes,” he said quietly, his heartbeat rushing in his ears.

Zack got up and stood before Cloud, his mouth hanging open. He held onto Cloud’s hand a fraction tighter. “Shit. Wow. God, I feel so dumb right now.”

“You and me both.” Cloud pulled his hand out of Zack’s grasp.

“No. You have nothing to feel dumb about. You really asked me out?” 

“I don’t want to make a big deal out of it.” Cloud skated off.

“Hey, wait up, man!”

“Catch up and we’ll talk,” Cloud threw out behind himself. He didn’t go very fast, but also not so slow that Zack _would_ be able to catch up for a little while as he tried to collect his thoughts. 

Cloud spoke with a few people he passed until Roxas skated up from behind and dropped Zack off, whom he had pulled along with him.

“Thanks, Roxas!” Zack grinned.

“That’s cheating.”

Roxas stuck his tongue out and went to find Lea, who struggled further up ahead.

Zack gripped Cloud’s arm. “Hey, so—” More people went past, calling out greetings to Cloud and Zack, which they returned. 

Zack stumbled and Cloud pulled him upright again.

“This doesn’t feel like the best place or time to talk,” Zack chuckled dryly. 

Cloud hummed, moving cautiously next to Zack, stretching out his arm so Zack could hold on and be pulled along.

“Do you have time after this? Can I take you out for lunch?”

Cloud shook his head. “I need to make a phone call to dad and those usually take a couple of hours.”

“Hmm… after the band’s finished at the Clay Bar tonight? You could come out and watch us. We can go for a walk after.”

“You sure you want to go for a walk in the cold dark?”

“I’ll dress warmly. I’m dying to talk to you about this and what it means and what we’ll do. We don’t have much time left. We’re leaving next Sunday, and I know that’s probably the worst thing to bring up right now and shit I’m rambling, but I want to make the most of the time I get to spend with you if that’s really what’s going to happen.”

Cloud smiled through the ache in his chest. “Yeah, um… let’s leave it at that and we’ll talk more tonight. I’ll come out and see you guys play.”

“Oh, cool. Do you have any requests you want me to sing for you?”

Flutters erupted inside of Cloud. Zack somehow managed to be effortlessly charming and enticing. He shook his head. “If I think of anything I’ll let you know.”

“You’ve got my number?”

“No.”

Zack pulled up short. “Do you have your phone on you? I’ll put my number in. I left mine in my room. Figured I’d smash it if I took it with me.”

Cloud chuckled and got out his phone. As he watched Zack put his contact details in the tingles inside himself intensified.

* * *

Roxas’ stare unnerved Cloud. “What?” he snapped as he pulled on his coat.

“You’ve dressed nice. You’re coming out tonight. There’s something going on with you and Zack. You can tell me. I won’t hold it against you after all the shit you gave me about Lea. Well… not _much_ shit,” he grinned.

Cloud rolled his eyes, made sure he had his keys, and pushed past Roxas and out the front door.

Roxas caught up with him, walking down the hallway. “C’mon.”

“If you don’t leave me alone I’ll go back home.”

“Don’t do that to Zack. Are you dating?”

“No.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Roxas half-whined.

“We’re _not_ dating. We’re meeting up tonight to _discuss_ the possibility _of…_ dating.” Cloud bit down the nervous jitters and the smile.

Roxas gasped. “So you really _are_ considering it! Good for you, Cloud.”

“I don’t want to talk about it any further.”

“Aww, c’mon,” Roxas pushed against Cloud’s shoulder as they headed downstairs. “Tell me at least what’s changed your mind.”

Cloud slowed his pace. “I… don’t really know. I’m not even sure about this—whether I’ll go through with it. I’ll see how I feel after I’ve talked to him.”

“I hope it goes well.”

They fell silent and went to the bar where they listened to music. Cloud stayed away from the front of the stage, remaining at the bar, drinking tea. He watched Roxas at the front. Watched him get up and sing. It made him smile. The confidence Roxas had gained _because_ of having met the annoying redhead… Cloud had to concede that it seemed to have done his brother good. Yet it made him worry even more what the fallout would be, come next week.

That reminder caused a heaviness in his chest, and his eyes drifted to Zack. The man had surprised him, made him like him, made Cloud feel like he would actually miss him. Which was exactly the reason why he shouldn’t date the other man, especially not for just a week. What was he thinking? He sighed, finished his drink, and walked out into the frigid night air, standing around the sidewalk, watching his breath mist and float up into the clear pitch-black sky.

He could still hear the music, hear Zack's sultry, albeit muffled tune. Questions accosted him once: what was he doing here? Why was he entertaining the idea of dating this man—or anyone for that matter? Loneliness echoed in his chest, giving him his answer. He felt alone. Unloved. It had been in his chest for so long—too long. He only had Roxas for company, and as much as he did love his brother, the hollow part in his heart didn't fill up with it. He still ached over his ex. Bittersweet memories accosted him, growing the void inside himself. After all the hardships and difficulties they had endured how had they become so dismally and painfully undone?

"Hey, man! There you are," Zack's huffy voice sounded behind. 

Cloud turned to face him, quickly wiping at his eyes. "Hey."

"You okay?" Zack stepped closer, silhouetted by the bright light shining from the large window.

"Yeah."

"We finished the first set, but if you can't stay I'll just cut it short or tell the guys to go on without me."

The urge to dismiss the offer came as an instant reaction, but Cloud paused. He wanted more time. He didn't know what he wanted from Zack, but he knew he needed time. "Yeah, could you do that?"

A relieved smile bloomed. "'course. Sure thing. Just wait a minute. I'll be back." Zack headed inside.

Cloud wore a tight-lipped smile, appreciating the effort Zack went to for him. It had been a long time since anyone openly cared for him like Zack did. It had been an even longer time since Cloud had _let_ himself be cared for.

While he waited, he shook himself out of the morose thoughts and tried to focus on what he wanted to talk about with Zack. Yet as Zack came back outside, wearing his puffy jacket and gloves, Cloud's plan dissolved. He was tired of planning and decided to just see what would happen; what he could be _persuaded_ into letting happen.

"Hey. The guys are good to go on without me. Are you in a hurry to get back home, or do you wanna go for a walk or have a drink in town or anything like that?"

Cloud shrugged. "I'm in no hurry. We can do whatever you want to do."

"Oh—ah… um… hmm. How about we go for a walk into town? I got no money, but we can still go to a bar and order water."

Cloud hummed. "Yeah, sure. Sounds good."

They walked along the path, the light snow-cover and grit crunched under their feet.

Cloud enjoyed the quiet, though he could feel the pressure of expectation building as they neared the bottom of the track which led into town. He admired Zack's silence though, and when Zack did begin to speak it was idle chatter about the band, about the workshop, about how nice it was not having Axel around all the time anymore, which got Cloud griping over his brother and the boyfriend staying up all night playing video games and laughing.

It was pleasant finding solidarity in Zack.

The two men eventually got into town and found an establishment that wasn't too noisy. Cloud ordered them drinks and they sat across from each other on wooden stools and a small table between them. Music played over a speaker system, people hovered around the bar, watching sports and cheering occasionally.

"I think I'm ready to talk now," Cloud said, swirling the liquid at the bottom of his mug.

Zack put his bottle of beer down, giving Cloud his undivided attention. Cloud liked that, but it didn't make the conversation he knew he needed to have any easier.

"Um… so… my intention was to ask you out. I guess it _is_ dawning on me that you're leaving soon and… I don't know. It's stupid. I didn't want to start anything with you when we still had more time, so I don't know why I'm doing it now."

"Maybe now it's safer for you? I mean, how much falling can you do for this handsome guy in seven days, right?" Zack wore a gentle smile.

Cloud laughed a little, his heart raced. "Maybe," he shrugged.

Zack gripped his bottle, playing with the neck. "Can I apologize?"

"For what?"

"Inviting people. I thought it was a general thing since you were pretty clear you didn’t want to date. I mean, I was kinda _hoping_ it _was_ supposed to be a date, but then Axel talked to me about going out today, saying you invited him and Roxas and then I panicked about _assuming_ it might be a date and I didn’t want you to be mad at me so I quickly invited people and, well… I messed up.”

"You didn't mess up. It's my fault. I've been hard on myself and you. I get why you jumped to that conclusion. I wasn't very specific, when… I guess in the past, I always was. I told you I wanted to know if I was going on a date before the actual date and… well, I should have afforded you the same courtesy. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Zack said gently, wearing a smile. "I had fun on the ice with you. And… truth be told… I can skate better than what I was doing out there. But I liked you helping me.”

Cloud wrinkled his brow and huffed out a short laugh. 

Zack looked back with a soft expression. “So… let's talk about now. Let's talk about _us."_

An uncomfortable nervousness burst inside of Cloud. He shifted in his seat. “I still don’t think there is an _us.”_

Zack frowned. “So what did you ask me on a date for?”

Cloud distracted himself by drinking the dregs of his tea for a bitter moment. He willed himself to be forthright, to get it off his chest, to take a risk and open himself up to what Roxas would call a ‘wonderful chance.’ “I want to experience _you_. I want to be with you, have fun with you, be… important to you. Without strings. Without attachments. Maybe you are right. There is a week left. I just want to experience having someone else in my life besides my brother.”

“Didn’t you tell me once that you didn’t do flings?" Zack asked ever so quietly and a quirked smile played on his lips.

“Yes. But….” He breathed slowly for a while. Could he say it? A sick feeling swirled around. “I’m lonely too. I’m uptight and I push people away and… it’s making me upset. Maybe you could be my exception and we can have a… fling….” He frowned.

“Truthfully… I don’t want to have a fling with you. I want to be serious with you. And I’m _still_ serious about trying with you. Maybe you might change your mind after we’ve dated for a week?”

As much as the thought of wanting more after Zack was gone pained him, he was also glad to hear that Zack still wanted to try having a relationship. “I don’t think I will change my mind. Maybe if you stayed here longer. Maybe if I didn’t have to go overseas for work very soon… maybe if we lived in the same town.”

“Those are all a lot of maybes.”

“I have no concrete answers.”

“Well,” Zack sighed, “You did change your mind about not having flings so… never say never, right?” A soft grin bloomed.

Cloud chuckled. “You are hopelessly optimistic.”

“That I am.” Zack sounded proud of himself.

“I like that about you,” Cloud admitted quietly. He roused himself with a deep breath. “So… I want to have fun with you. I want to do date-ish things. But I draw the line at physical intimacy.”

“What? Like… no kissing?”

“Exactly like that.”

Crestfallen, Zack said, “Aww, why not?”

“I… we should keep some distance.”

“What about hand-holding? I liked all the hand-holding we did on the ice today. I’d like more of that.”

Cloud flushed. “Ah… well, I guess…. But that’s the line. Nothing more than occasional hand-holding—”

“And hugs?”

“N-no. Well… I don’t know yet. Maybe. But no kissing, and… definitely no… the _other_ thing.” He left it at that, unable to say the word right now. 

Though he frowned, Zack nodded along. “I’m a pretty touchy-feely kind of a guy, so I might need you to remind me where the lines are, okay?

“Don’t worry. I will.”

Zack chuckled. “Good. Also, if you decide you want to change your mind _on any of those points_ , please feel free to do so. I’ll follow your lead.”

Cloud smiled and looked down at the table. Zack stretched his arm out and held his hand out, palm facing up. Cloud looked up at Zack to see a generous and delicate smile unfurled across his handsome face. Cloud slowly moved his arm and laid his hand in Zack’s, feeling the warm clasp around his cold fingers as he was held.

It was nice.

“I’m free tomorrow. Do you want to do anything?” Zack asked.

Cloud pulled his hand out of Zack’s and held on to his mug. “I thought we could go dog sledding. I had it organized with Roxas but his time is all filled up these days. Do you want to come with me?”

“Dog sledding? Hell yes! Where and when?”

Cloud gave Zack all the details and they discussed how to maximize their week spent together, seeing as they worked at almost opposite times. Zack said he’d be willing to wake up early to catch Cloud in the mornings before his first class started, would be there for lunches, and also invited Cloud down into the city in the evenings. Cloud found it very nice how accommodating Zack was and they walked back up to the Center talking about tomorrow’s trip and the history of sledding as Cloud had read about it.

“Thank you for giving me a chance. I can’t wait to see you again tomorrow,” Zack said, brimming with a smile as he stood by Cloud’s front door, having insisted on walking him home.

“Get lots of sleep. We’ll be up early. I’ll come and get you.”

Zack nodded eagerly. “Good night, Cloud,” he touched Cloud on the shoulder and leaned in as if wanting to leave a kiss on Cloud’s cheek. 

Cloud threw his hand out, and pushed against Zack’s chest, shaking his head slightly.

“Oh… shit. Right. Sorry. Won’t happen again.” Zack backed off and gave a sheepish grin. “Thank you for tonight. Thank you for your time. Have a good night.” He waved.

“Bye,” Cloud waved back and watched Zack saunter off down the hall. He turned back to his door and went inside, wondering what he had let himself in for regarding Zack. Yet his mind didn’t stay on that too long because he heard loud smooching and moaning sounds coming from his brother’s bedroom. 

He sighed heavily. “Roxas, I’m back,” he called out as a warning and headed for the bathroom to shower. He hoped his brother’s amorous exchange would be done by the time he came back out and was ready for sleep.

###### 

Sunday arrived. Zack was dressed in his best and thickest winter gear, which brought a laugh out of Cloud. He looked a bit like a marshmallow. 

They got a bus out to where the half-day excursion took place. Zack was like an excited schoolboy, looking out the bus window with great wonder and Cloud’s smile stretched as wide as it would go when they got to meet their sled dog team. Zack had an incredible affinity for the dogs and the dogs for him. They barked and licked him. They listened to his commands without him having to so much as asserting his dominance and leadership. Cloud looked on with absolute amazement. He had a much harder time staying in charge of the team of dogs, even with help from the handlers and input from Zack, but he still had a nice time out.

“I guess I’m not cut out for being a dog sledder,” Cloud lamented over a hot mug of cocoa back in town, once they had returned.

“You did an incredible job. Don’t be down about it,” Zack enthused, making Cloud smile all over again.

“You’re the incredible one. I think you found your calling if the band doesn't work out.”

Zack gave a heartfelt and raucous laugh. “You might be right. Cesar Millan, eat your heart out!”

Cloud eased himself into spending time with Zack. They went ice fishing incredibly early the next morning before Cloud had the workshop start. Zack was absolutely cold and full of yawns, but didn’t complain at all. Cloud stood with his arm around Zack to help the man stay warm in the pre-dawn freeze. It wasn't a hug. No. He was just helping. It was incredibly nice and certainly made Cloud feel warm, especially when Zack leaned into him and sighed out happily.

For their lunchtimes together Cloud invited Zack over to eat home-cooked meals Cloud had prepared.

The first time Zack had Cloud’s food in his mouth the man moaned so much that Cloud went excessively red. 

“This is like going to heaven,” Zack praised him. “The absolute best thing I’ve ever eaten.”

“You don’t have to put it on like that,” Cloud insisted as they dug into last night's tuna casserole.

“But it’s so melt-in-my-mouth gooood,” Zack muffled through a mouthful of food. “God, Cloud. You don’t understand. There’s actual _carrots_ and _spinach_ in here instead of reconstituted vegetable cubes and simple carbs!”

Zack’s sincere enthusiasm bolstered Cloud and he enjoyed having the other man over for meals. The continued compliments were excessive but they still made Cloud happy, and he enjoyed knowing he provided Zack with sustenance.

One day though, Zack had found some toboggans and organized the workshop group to slide down one of the hills located behind the cafeteria during lunchtime. Roxas and Lea were there too. Cloud enjoyed the spontaneity Zack brought into his life. He had a lot of fun that day and couldn’t help but notice the way his heart fluttered when Zack extended his hand to him, pulling him along to run up the hill and slide down with him repeatedly.

Before Cloud knew it, it was Wednesday night and he had a dinner date with Zack, who had taken the evening off. Because Zack enjoyed Cloud’s cooking so much, Cloud offered to make a fresh meal, instead of just reheating leftovers. Zack, very keen on the idea, agreed, so they stayed at Cloud’s. Zack helped Cloud prepare the meal, which came out tasting great. After dinner they stayed in, chatting and catching a movie that Zack had rented.

They sat on the lounge, opposite of the TV, with most of the puppetry clutter cleared to the side. The movie was an action thriller based on a true story, which Cloud professed to not have read. Zack’s face lit up with absolute delight. 

Cloud enjoyed the movie and also Zack’s company next to himself. He’d purposefully left a gap between them, but as the movie progressed—as Zack spread his arms out over the top of the lounge’s backrest and made small sounds of excitement—Cloud, almost unwittingly, drew closer. Warmth radiated at his side, and despite the room not being anywhere near cold, he longed to nestle against the other man. The rise and fall of Zack’s chest, his soft exhales, his scent… these things all preoccupied Cloud’s mind so much that he lost the plot of what was happening on the screen somewhere around the mid-way mark. And once Zack got up, offering to make Cloud a cup of tea, and came back with the beverage, handing it to Cloud, he had nothing else on his brain but to press his head against Zack’s shoulder while he drank his tea and vacantly watched the movie.

So he did that, once Zack sat and stretched out comfortably. Cloud folded his legs under himself and pushed his shoulder up into Zack’s armpit, pillowing his head against the top of Zack’s shoulder. 

Zack wordlessly draped his arm around Cloud, pulling him close, and rested his cheek against the top of Cloud’s head. Butterflies stirred and Cloud smiled into his tea as he blew on it and sipped the beverage slowly. He refocused on the movie, hoping to catch a hint of where the plot had taken the story. But even if he didn’t follow along, he felt perfectly contented.

The two of them stayed huddled together, even after Cloud had long finished his tea. He didn't dare to move, in case his reasonable side surfaced and stopped himself from snuggling against Zack.

The man was such a delight to lean against. Cloud thought he could happily fall asleep positioned like that.

He must have dozed off because he blinked and the movie credits rolled, causing him to jerk up a little.

Zack chuckled. “Are you awake?”

“I wasn’t sleeping,” Cloud protested, sitting up and getting off Zack, only to notice that he wasn’t holding his mug anymore.

“Sure you weren’t.” Zack scrunched his nose with a delighted smile. He turned away, produced Cloud’s mug from beside himself, and leaned over to place it on the coffee table.

“Sorry,” Cloud muttered.

Zack leaned back against the lounge, elbow resting on the back, propping his head up while he looked at Cloud. “Nah, I’m sorry if the movie wasn’t interesting to you.”

“No, it was. I’ll have to try and find the book. I was just tired and… you’re comfortable,” he got out despite his throat threatening to close up.

“You’re really comfortable too.” Zack smiled softly and his eyelids slipped halfway shut. “I really liked tonight. I hope you did too.”

Cloud nodded, feeling drowsy and drawn to the other man. “I did. Thank you for the company.”

Zack hummed. “You’re welcome.” His gaze dropped. He rubbed his lips together.

Drawn to the motion, Cloud felt himself lean in a little. He could feel Zack’s breath, and noticed himself rasping in a shallow way. He’d told himself no, but really wanted to kiss Zack. Would it do any harm? Zack was such a delight, made him laugh and smile so much, would be gone after four more sleeps…. He should make the most of it…. He leaned in further, his heart in his throat, his palms sweating. A touch on his hand made Cloud look down. He clasped Zack’s hand and smiled back at the other man, who was incredibly handsome, warm, inviting, willing to put up with his shitty boundaries and limitations.

The door unlocked and noise filled the space. Cloud pulled away, stood, and grabbed his empty mug. “You want anything from the kitchen?” he said to Zack, who returned a bewildered stare.

“No. I’m good thanks.”

“Hey, Cloud! Hey, Zack!” Roxas greeted, with Lea close on his heels.

The two men chatted enthusiastically about their evening and the performance and then said good night to Zack, as he was leaving. Cloud saw him out to the hallway.

"Thanks for the nice evening."

"Thanks for having me.” Zack smiled warmly.

Cloud stepped up, closing the distance between them and wrapped his arms around the other man. He pressed his head against Zack’s shoulder and enjoyed the feel of Zack’s arms around him, holding him tight.

The hug ended, smiles were exchanged, and that was that.

###### 

The next day heralded free time for both couples so they spent the morning together. The four of them went into town for breakfast. Cloud listened to Roxas and Lea talk about their hiking plans for the day and was subjected to the hopeful conversation regarding their future plans: catching up frequently, going hiking, heading into the city to do bowling, opening a music shop—a cafe—a museum. The ridiculousness of it rubbed at Cloud. It was like his brother had no concept of time passing or no idea that his relationship was as good as dead in a few days time. Cloud got irritated the more he listened to the two talking like nothing would change once they were apart. He was grateful whenever Zack interjected, talking about something else. 

Luckily, Cloud wasn't subjected to his brother for too long, as they separated again.

Cloud had things he needed to prepare for class, as well as domestic chores, but invited Zack around to practice guitar at his place.

"I won't be more than peaceful background music," Zack promised.

So with band practice called off, Cloud spent his day working on his business plan, checking invoices, and materials, while Zack sat on the other side of the lounge, strumming his instrument, humming, and making notes on a scrap pad he had brought with him.

The scene playing out in Cloud’s living room was downright pleasant. Sitting on the armchair gave him a perfect vantage point to look at Zack, on the lounge. He found himself taken out of his concentration from time to time to focus on Zack; the soft humming and melodious tunes stirred ineffable tranquility inside himself. He stared off into space a few times, his mind wandering to a life he would never have with a man he couldn’t keep. Yet it felt tantalizingly close, attainable, within his fingertips reach… if only…. He had no answer to that last part, and thankfully didn't have to think about it further because Zack interrupted his spaced-out wanderings— 

"I’m not being too loud am I?"

“Huh? Oh no. Nothing like that. I uh…” Cloud couldn’t admit to his thoughts. He quickly busied himself with his work.

Zack smiled as if he knew though. “It’s nice, isn’t it? Us sitting together like this, working away.”

Cloud looked up from his frantic paper-shuffling and relaxed. “Yeah,” he said quietly as his voice died in his throat.

If eyes could sparkle then Zack's were the definition of it at that moment. “Hey… do you want to have a turn?” he held out his guitar.

Cloud looked at the instrument: its golden hue, the embellishment wrapped around the body, and snaking up the fretboard. It looked well-loved and cared for. He shook his head. “I don’t know how to play. I wouldn’t want to break your pop’s guitar.”

Zack chuckled. “You won’t break it unless you end up using it like a sledgehammer.” He gestured with it again. “So how about it? I can teach you something simple.”

Cloud bit down his smile rather unsuccessfully. “Do you have the time?”

“I think I could use a bit of a break. What about you?”

Cloud stared for a long moment. He sort of missed being close to Zack. “Maybe.”

Zack grinned. “Come sit next to me.”

Cloud did, leaving a gap. Zack shuffled closer and slid the guitar onto Cloud’s lap.

Cloud felt the weight of the instrument—he felt the metaphoric weight of it too: the importance of its history to Zack. Being allowed to touch it… he twitched with the smile which wanted to break free.

Zack moved even closer, wound his arm around Cloud and took up Cloud’s hands, positioning them. He instructed Cloud. Zack's soft and patient words brushed against Cloud’s ear and fluttered against his hair and into his heart. He paid attention, even though he only wanted to listen to the rumble of Zack’s voice and focus on the gentle pressure of Zack’s fingers against his own.

He followed the instructions, messed up, was gently corrected, messed up again because of flustered feelings stirring at Zack's handsomeness and immeasurable patience and his feathery touches.

“My fingers feel like clumsy sausages," he admonished himself over failing to grasp and hold the chords right.

Zack chuckled. "Don't sweat it. You're doing _really_ well. If you keep it up it’ll feel natural soon enough.” He then proceeded to run his calloused hands over Cloud's, helping him position his fingers on the strings.

It went on for maybe 10 minutes until Cloud had gotten the hang of playing a few basic chords. 

Zack clapped when Cloud had finished. "That was great. See how easy it is?" Zack beamed.

Cloud rolled his eyes, though he smiled. As he handed the guitar back, he said, "I wouldn't call it easy… but you make a great teacher."

Zack cradled the guitar on his lap and rubbed at his neck. “Aww, geez, that’s… a huge compliment coming from you. Thank you.”

Cloud smiled at Zack, failing to come up with anything to say to the other man. Their close proximity acted as a short-circuit for thoughts. Cloud was aware of their fingers twitching enticingly close to one another as they rested their hands on the lounge cushion. Was it Zack leaning closer to Cloud or Cloud leaning closer to Zack?

A buzzing and a familiar song burst through the air. Both men jumped at the ringtone. Zack let out a nervous laugh. “Sorry, that’s me. Is it okay if I take it in here?”

“Yes, of course.”

Zack smiled, picked up his phone, and stood up, placing his guitar gently onto the lounge and walked to the front door, talking in a hushed tone. Cloud breathed out the deep sigh of relief and went back to the armchair he’d been sitting in before.

On Zack's return, the air had cleared and both men got back to their tasks at hand.

Zack kept receiving the occasional phone call, which the man always got up to take, and shot Cloud an apologetic look for. Cloud listened intently to the conversations that revolved around the band’s future travel plans. Those served as painful reminders of time running out. Cloud decided he had his own necessary phone calls to make whenever Zack excused himself.

The day went on. The two men went out for lunch to the cafeteria—nothing fancy. They conversed effortlessly, though it was Zack doing most of the talking, which suited Cloud just fine. And then they headed back home to Cloud’s room.

“I’m not bothering you, am I?” Zack asked before he settled down for the afternoon on the lounge.

“No. I’m not boring _you_ , am I? I know this isn’t very exciting, us just doing our work.”

Zack shook his head. “It’s actually helping me. Being with someone else who’s focused on work motivates me. I never get work done with Axel around the place.”

Cloud smiled. “Same with Roxas around. We’re both _supposed_ to be working on the same thing, but he gets too distracted and is always making so much noise.”

They shared a mutual look of bemused understanding and settled back down for about an hour before ruckus-incarnate re-entered the room.

Roxas and Lea shivered and chatted, greeting the two other men before rushing around. 

“Gonna take a hot shower,” Roxas declared.

“Yeah. We’re freezing our nuts off!” Lea supplemented, rubbing at himself as he shivered.

Roxas loudly instructed Lea around and they both disappeared into the bathroom. Cloud felt a little perturbed by that, not getting used to the idea of his little brother dating anyone, and him having to be privy to it because of his close physical proximity to his brother.

“Hey,” Zack said once the sound of running water and muffled chatter sounded from the bathroom.

“Hmm?”

“Why does Roxas keep calling Axel, Lea?”

“Oh… Axel is Lea’s stage name?”

Zack pulled a face. “Really?”

“Yeah. I don’t think you’re supposed to know, but,” he shrugged and Zack chuckled.

“You wanna make some dinner plans? I think we won’t get much work done with those two back.”

Cloud sighed and stretched his back out in the armchair. "I think you're right. I could cook something.”

“Mmm, as much as I love your home-cooked meals, I’d rather spend time with you. I’ve got some money saved for a restaurant, or we can get take out.”

“I say we let the other two decided.”

Zack agreed and they packed up their things while they waited for the thawing lovebirds to finish their shower. When the group came together they all decided to order take out for dinner and spent the remaining afternoon hours playing party games on the console.

Roxas and Lea cuddled together on the lounge and also competed fiercely against each other. Cloud could _almost_ imagine his brother and Lea as an old married couple in the way they carried on. It warmed Cloud’s heart to know Roxas was comfortable, especially around people he had felt so apprehensive about over a month ago.

Of course there were 'buts' rolling around in Cloud's head too, but he ignored them to avoid exhausting himself.

Evening came, they had their meal, hung out a bit more, and Cloud and Roxas listened to Zack grill Lea about the name thing. After that, Zack announced that he was tired and would head back to the hotel room. Cloud found himself offering to walk Zack back, to which he received a grand smile and no objections.

Lea threw out a, “Take your time. In fact, take some clothes with you and stay the night.”

Cloud glared. “I’ll be coming back in less than half an hour.”

"That quick, huh," Lea winked.

Zack glared. Roxas slapped his hand over Lea's mouth and distracted him with a chocolate bar laying on the coffee table, and Cloud pursed his lips.

"Let's go," Zack distracted with an apologetic smile and shoulder shrug toward the door. 

He went out with Zack, through the snow-covered Center, to the hotel and up to Zack’s room. All the while Zack talked about whatever seemed to come to his mind and when they got to Zack’s front door, he asked, “Want to come inside? Warm up a little?"

Cloud smiled. “The cold doesn't affect me as much as it does you.”

“The offer still stands,” Zack said softly, unlocking his door and pushing it ajar.

Cloud looked over at the door and back at Zack. He shook his head and caught Zack’s expression fall for a fraction of a second before he picked it up again.

“I had a really nice day with you today,” Cloud said quietly and stepped closer to Zack, who took up his hand and rubbed Cloud’s knuckles. The feel of Zack's touch electrified him. Cloud was transported back to earlier in the day, and even further back to having sat together and watched that movie on the lounge. All the nice feelings Zack ever elicited inside of Cloud mingled and merged together.

Zack made no move. Cloud didn't either. They stood together. A warm thumb rubbed and Zack squeezed Cloud's hand a little. Cloud felt draw to the touch, that smile, Zack's scent. He leaned in a fraction—shuffled an imperceivable amount closer. A little closer. He didn’t want to walk away. He stretched up, halted a hair's breadth away from Zack's lips, and froze, fearing to breathe, in case Zack ran away, or worse yet, Cloud changed his own mind and pulled away.

Zack's lips twitched with a delicate smile. His blue eyes glistened. He looked on with silent adoration, his gentle breath caressing Cloud's lips rapidly.

Cloud braved an exhale, stretched up the rest of the way, and pecked Zack’s cheek. 

“Goodnight,” he whispered, dropping down, stepping away, and reclaiming his hand.

“Goodnight, Cloud,” Zack rumbled warmly.

Cloud left the hotel and went back to his place. The smile that tugged on his lips melted into a pained frown. What was he doing to himself and why did he want to keep doing it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cloud's moving. It may be as slow as a glacier (before global warming ramped up,) but he's moving nonetheless. I hope it provides some relief.
> 
> Next chapter is THE BIG ONE, where everything comes to a head. Hope you all look forward to it.
> 
> Comment and Kudos appreciated. ❤️


	7. Bittersweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time well and truly has run out for the brothers. Cloud chases happiness and lets himself be loved for the briefest of moments. Will it be enough to avoid a lifetime of regret?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, guys. The Clack ship. The explicit NSFW bit 😏💦🍆 The end of blue-balling 😍! But it’s also the end of the line for Cloud, Roxas, Zack, and Axel/Lea. Strap in. Possible rollercoaster alert. I made myself cry, but I think that’s a given since it’s my brainchild.

Cloud knocked on Roxas’ door, Friday morning. “Wake up. We need to get going!”

Groans sounded. Cloud thumped against the door with his fist. He waited. He poised his fist to strike again but the door opened. Roxas stood there, bleary-eyed, his hair completely disheveled, and his clothes askew. Lea appeared behind Roxas, yawning, looking equally disheveled, but shirtless. 

Cloud thrust a bowl of cereal in Roxas’ hands, spilling milk. 

“Hey, watch it!”

“We’re going to be late,” Cloud shot back and left to pack the things they needed for the day. 

Roxas grumbled but got into gear. Not long after, the brothers left, with Roxas peppering Lea in kisses.

“Go back to sleep, trash-man,” Roxas murmured between kisses at the front door. “And don’t forget to lock up.” 

Lea smiled sleepily at him and squeezed Roxas tight. “I will. Have a good day, biscuit.”

They kissed a while longer. Cloud cleared his throat loudly before deciding it was pointless and turned, walking down the hall. He heard Roxas catch up with him once he got to the bottom of the stairs.

“You got up on the wrong side of the bed today or something?” Roxas muttered, falling into step as they got outside into the sub-zero morning air.

“You stayed up too late last night and got up too late.”

Roxas grumbled, hunching in on himself against the frigid air. “Just let me have some fun. Not like Lea will be here for much longer.” The sulk sat clear in his voice.

Cloud cocked an eyebrow at that acknowledgment. “Yeah, Sunday. It’s good of you to remember that, _biscuit_ ,” Cloud drawled as they headed up the hill to the theatre.

“You’re not allowed to call me that,” Roxas muttered, burying his nose in his coat.

The pet names he kept overhearing Roxas and Lea calling each other were growing on him, but Cloud hated how comfortable and familiar the two of them were with each other.

His sour mood stayed with him all morning and then got replaced by a heavy dull fuzz in his chest as the artists at the workshop asked Cloud if he’d like to come to the farewell lunch they had organized for Zack. Of course, he said yes to it, so the reminder that Zack would be gone in under two days remained unavoidable.

At least Cloud could find refuge from his feelings once the workshop started after lunch. He did, however, pay extra attention to Zack, helping him finish off the second puppet the man had worked on after having scrapped the idea of the first.

The afternoon passed unreasonably fast. Before he knew it, everyone packed up and said their farewells to Zack; some teary, some joyful. Certainly, a lot of hugs were given. Cloud felt relieved when the last person left and he was finally able to head over to Zack to have a private conversation with him.

“Congratulations,” he said, “How do you feel about your finished product? I think this one definitely came out a lot better than your first attempt.” Cloud looked at the nearly 2-foot tall reticulated foam and felt puppet with a little guitar and a moveable mouth. It sat on the desk, its legs dangling off the ledge.

Zack brimmed with a great smile. “I’m really proud of him. I never thought I’d be able to make something like this, and it’s all thanks to you.” 

“No, it’s… you’ve put a lot of work into it. I couldn’t have asked for a better student. You started late and finished two weeks early and completely messed up on your first puppet—”

“Hey!” Zack interjected with a laugh.

Cloud tried to chase the sadness from his smile. “You need to let me finish—you messed up, _but_ you made such an exquisite second attempt—I’m really proud of you.” Cloud’s heart cracked a fraction. 

Zack tilted his head and let out a soft, “Aww,” whilst wearing the softest smile.

“You’ve been a real pleasure to have in class. And I know the other students really appreciated having you around too. You were patient and helpful to everyone else in the workshop. And you were also like that when you let me play your guitar.” Heat rose in Cloud’s chest thinking about it and didn’t know why he was still talking. 

He couldn’t shut up though. He wanted to give Zack… _something._ “I think… if you ever don’t make it big with the band, or an office job sucks out your soul, or you don’t want to be the next dog-whisperer, maybe you’d consider a career in teaching? A music teacher or something?” Cloud shrugged. “I think you’d be great at it. Or teaching anything you set your mind to, really.” He smiled but clenched his teeth, fighting against the sentimental feelings and the huge sense of loss and regret which prickled behind his eyes and tickled his nose.

Zack’s mouth hung open, and he stood blinking, and not saying a word. Just… blinking. Cloud’s smile slipped. Had he said too much? Had he offended Zack _yet again?_

The blank stare finally left Zack and a smile sprang in place. “Wow, thanks, Cloud. That means so much to me coming from you.” Zack held Cloud’s gaze with soft intensity.

The mild heat in Cloud’s chest grew to an inferno and tinted his cheeks. He turned his attention onto the puppet, touching it here and there, and strummed the guitar which had a lovely sound to it, even though it was so small.

“Did you enjoy your time in the workshop? Money well spent? You could have bought yourself some proper meals and avoided a week’s worth of cup noodles.”

Zack burst out laughing. “Completely worth it. Will you come down to the city with me and the band tonight? Roxas is coming. It’s our final gig.”

“You’re not playing tomorrow?”

Zack shook his head. “Tomorrow’s reserved for packing and chasing up loose ends. I also need to take the car to the mechanic with Larx for a safety check and figure out how to put chains on the wheels, just in case we need ‘em. It wasn’t so bad driving up here but we’re heading into the wild north so,” he shrugged.

“The roads are well maintained in Canada.”

“But still.” Zack grinned. “So will you come along? It’s just gonna be a one set gig. Axel and Rox—I mean Lea…” he shook his head, “anyway, they want to go to karaoke and do some other stuff. You want to come? I’d like to take you out.”

Cloud was in too deep to pull out. He nodded.

Another grin sprang to life on Zack’s face. “Awesome. I’ll help you pack up and we’ll get going.”

And so they did.

* * *

Cloud, Roxas, and the band had take-out for dinner in the city before the gig started. Then they went to the club where Cloud and Roxas watched and listened enraptured. Roxas sat right at the front, staring up at Lea with adoration. Even Cloud found himself a seat near the front, in Zack’s direct line of sight. He ordered himself a tea, not because he wanted to drink it, but because it gave him an object to divide his attention as he didn’t want to stare at Zack the entire time. He did so anyway a good portion of the set, but at least the intent had been to do something different. 

As he listened, he recognized the riff Zack played. It had been one he had practiced and tweaked when they had spent the day cooped up in Cloud’s place. Hearing it and having Zack’s eyes on him left him with a warm tingle through his body. He tried to commit this last performance to memory. He tried to bask in the positive feelings, instead of letting negativity swamp and drown him. He had varying success with both of those tasks.

When the band finished it was about another hour before fans were placated and the equipment packed up. Demyx and Larxene left with the van, and the two couples stayed in the city to catch a cab back home later. It was 10 at night but the city still buzzed with activity.

The four of them found a karaoke bar with private booths. Lea provided alcohol for all four of them, which Cloud wrinkled his nose up at but said nothing about. He decided he’d let Roxas enjoy his penultimate night with his boyfriend. And while the alcohol was free, he knocked some drinks back himself.

He had to, in order to cope with the cheesy love duets Roxas and Lea crooned at each other between fun songs that all four of them chimed in on. Even with the drinks in him, Cloud wasn't as enthusiastic as the others though.

After about an hour and a half, they left and found a place that offered a dark maze. It boasted rooms filled with sensory fun: infinity mirror rooms, pitch dark rooms with obstacles to explore and navigate through, and a deep ball pit the size of a medium-sized pool.

Cloud enjoyed making his way through the labyrinth with Zack. He paid no mind to Roxas and Lea, who got lost in the dark somewhere behind them. All Cloud focused on was how well he and Zack worked together, finding their way through.

They did get terribly stuck at one point, but even that was nice. It felt like it was just the two of them. Cloud couldn’t see Zack, but certainly felt him at his side. Their breaths softly huffed as they stifled their giggles. Zack’s hands brushed against Cloud's fingertips and grasped his hand, which was followed up by Zack confidently stating, “C’mon, I think there’s a way through here." Cloud let himself be led and they went through something which felt like a wall of synthetic plants. Cloud smiled unabashed in the dark, and his heart raced.

He was sad when they finally got to the last room and made their way out. Roxas and Lea came out not too long after, giggling like school kids, and the four of them talked about their experiences inside the maze as they got into a cab to take them back home.

They got back to the Center at about 2 am. The excitement had worn off, leaving them all rather tired. Being out in the chilling night air seemed to give Roxas a boost of energy though. As they walked to the path which split off to the artist residencies and the hotel, Roxas proposed that Lea come over to play some video games.

“That’s not a euphemism, is it?” Cloud muttered, not knowing what would be worse. “Are you two seriously going to play games at _this_ time of night?”

“Ah…”

“It is and it isn’t. Rox and I still have one more level to get through and then we need to get through each other,” Lea spouted way too loud in the silent winter night.

Roxas giggled and Cloud groaned. 

“If Axel’s not staying you might as well come over and sleep in his bed. At least you’ll get some sleep,” Zack offered, stifling a yawn.

“Oh yeah, that’s a good idea. Leave me ‘n’ Rox to be as loud as we wanna be and you and Zack can be as loud as _you_ guys wanna be.” Lea grinned and giggled.

Cloud frowned, highly embarrassed by that insinuation, and the wide-eyed look Zack shot him didn’t help either. 

“Ignore him,” Roxas interjected, shoving his elbow into Lea’s side. “You should go get some sleep. I do wanna stay up and play some games.”

Cloud grunted. “Whatever. I’m too tired for this. I need to go home and grab some clothes though.”

“Awesome,” Lea cheered. “I’ll go grab some things too. My teeth feel fuzzy.” 

So Roxas and Cloud went back to their place while Lea and Zack went back to the hotel.

The snow crunched under Zack’s feet. The cold bit into his skin, but he thought himself more at ease in the cold than when he had first arrived here. Lea giggled at his side as they walked back to the hotel room.

“Why’d you say that about me ‘n’ Cloud being loud,” he muttered.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“You nearly ruined everything by making him uncomfortable.”

“I’m just stating facts. Nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“It’s not a fact though.”

Lea halted. Zack kept walking.

“What? Wait a minute!” Lea ran to catch up. “Whaddya mean ‘not a fact?’ Haven’t you hit a home run yet?”

“No.”

“What about third base?— _Second?_ ” Lea stopped again. Zack kept walking, feeling irritated over this conversation.

_“First?_ C’mon. Tell me you at least hit _first!”_ Lea caught up with Zack. “Seriously? What’ve you guys been doing all this time? Me ‘n’ Rox go at it _at least_ once a day. God, he’s such a good fuck. Mm. Can’t wait to ride him—”

“Can you _not_ talk like that? I’m taking it slow with Cloud.” Zack dug his hands deep into his jacket pockets, hunching in on himself.

“Is that a _you_ choice, or a _him_ choice?”

“His choice, but I agree with it. If I had more time with him it’s exactly what I’d want.”

“You don’t have any more time though.”

“Thanks for stating the obvious, shithead.”

“Hey, don’t take your sexual frustration out on me, man. Not verbally, anyway.” Lea cackled.

Zack grunted. The cold bit into him a little too fierce. “I really like him. A lot, actually. I wish we had more time,” he said in a sulk.

“Aww. Look, just lay on your charm tonight. Get to third base. Tonight's the perfect opportunity. I’ve got lube in the bedside drawer you can use. You can even take some of my condoms, not like I use them with Roxas. They might be too snug on you, but give them a try. And if you strike out, me ‘n’ Roxas will figure out a way to get you two lovebirds together again tomorrow night so you can try again. And if you _still_ strike out I’ll hook you up with someone. I’ll make it my personal mission to get you laid. I'll find you a nice home-towny guy to sink your big dick into.”

Zack laughed, wryly. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

“Suit yourself. But you better not keep being shitty at me just ‘cause you can’t get any.”

“What are you and Roxas going to do after this?” Any time he saw Lea and Roxas together they always appeared real lovey-dovey and couldn’t shut up about their future together with great conviction in their voices, like their plans would really happen. Zack kind of envied that. “You guys have been talking a lot about where you’ll be in a few years’ time and how you’ll make it work. Is that all really going to happen, you think?” 

“You bet it is.”

Zack admired Lea’s confidence. He supposed it helped when Roxas was also pretty positive about his future with the other man. He barely kept the defeated sigh inside thinking of how different Cloud was to his brother. “How will it work with your intimacy? I know you. You like to have a lot of sex.”

Lea laughed. “Guilty as charged. But no. We're gonna stay boyfriends and I'm loyal to him.”

“Can I expect a lot fewer texts telling me to not come back to our room for a while?”

“You betcha.”

They finally got out of the cold and into the warm lobby of their hotel, and headed for the elevator.

“How will that work for you?”

“I can hear your lack of faith in me. We'll Facetime and sext. I've been taking videos of us fucking so I've got heaps for the spank bank,” Lea boasted.

Zack rolled his eyes. Even after traveling together for so long, he still wasn’t used to Lea’s crudeness. “With his consent, right?”

“Of course with his consent. Who do you take me for? A sex-crazed deviant?” Lea pushed the button on the elevator. It dinged almost immediately and opened up. 

Zack chuckled as they went inside. “Sorry. I'm just not used to seeing you _devoted.”_

Lea smiled. “Well, get used to it. I love Roxas. I'm _this_ close to hanging up my saxophone and dreams of getting into a punk band to stay with him.” Lea looked at himself in the polished metal of the elevator’s interior, taking off his beanie and sweeping his hair to the side.

Leaning against the side and folding his arms across his chest, Zack smiled over at the other man. “That's really sweet of you. Would Roxas want you to give up your dreams though?”

“No clue. I'll have to ask him. But even if he doesn't and I don't, we'll make it through together just fine. And as for you, at least get your dick wet. C'mon, man.”

Zack laughed and shook his head. “Not up to me.”

“Again, try real hard tonight. Flash him your dick by _accident,”_ Lea did air quotes, “and see if he falls over himself to suck you off.” 

“Like you did.” Zack pushed off the wall to get out and headed for their room.

Lea was close behind. “I still think it’s a travesty that you never let me.”

“I don’t mess with band members. And now you’re not gonna ever get to try a pass on me since you are devoted to your boyfriend.”

“Bet you’re real sad about that,” Lea teased. “I can see you leering at me and undressing me with your eyes sometimes.”

Zack laughed. “You wish.”

### 

Roxas and Cloud crunched along the footpath in the quiet night as they headed for home, down the gently sloping hill.

“Thanks for giving me some time alone with Lea,” Roxas said.

“Didn't think I had a choice. This way I can avoid hearing things.”

“This way you also get to spend the night with Zack,” Roxas said with a twinkle of cheek in his voice. “How’re you two going?”

“Fine.”

“Is spending time with him nice? Does he make you happy?”

“We have a nice time together. If I couldn’t stand him I wouldn’t be around him.”

They entered the building and made to head up.

“Have you two…”

“No.”

“Aww. Why not?”

Slowly they ascended the flight of stairs of their building. Weariness tugged at Cloud over this conversation as well as irritation over what had transpired earlier outside. Without much thought, he bit, “I don't jump into bed with the first guy I meet,” as a way of justifying his actions—or lack of action with Zack.

“Harsh.”

“But true.”

Roxas grumbled. “You never liked him. You think the worst of him.”

Cloud tempered himself with a huff and they made it to the top, turning left to head to their door. “Look… I don’t like it, but… I do think meeting Lea was good for you. It's brought you out of your shell. I can see that you’re more confident now. You seem happier.”

Roxas looked up at Cloud and smiled. “I do feel better for having met him.”

“I don't want to see your mood come crashing down after Sunday.”

Roxas’ smile dropped and he sighed. “How do you think you'll go after Sunday?”

“I'm keeping my distance, so I’ll be fine.” Cloud truly believed that.

“You think it's fair on Zack to keep your distance? He really likes you, you know.”

They came to a standstill outside of their room and faced each other.

“What's fair for him won't be fair for me and I need to live with myself after he's gone. So no, I don't care. I won't give myself over so someone else can be happy.”

“Of course you shouldn't sleep with someone to make them happy, but if it makes you _both_ happy…” Roxas huffed and fetched his keys from his jeans pocket. “You know what, forget it. You do you, and I'll keep doing Lea.” Roxas unlocked the door and they went inside.

Cloud gathered up his things in a small backpack, finding it odd to be going over someone else's place for a sleepover, and even odder this someone being a guy he felt highly attracted to, but also knew he needed to stay detached from. Cloud just wanted a good night's sleep, especially considering that it was getting close to 3 am. He hadn’t stayed up this late in probably close to a decade.

When he came out of the bathroom, having had a shower and brushed his teeth before heading out, he found Roxas fiddling with the console controller.

“I’m going now.”

“Have a good one,” Roxas said without looking Cloud’s way.

Cloud said nothing more and went to the front door, opening it. Lea stood before him, his hand poised to knock.

“Hey Cloud.” Lea pushed past Cloud, “Yo, babe! You ready to get smashed?”

And just like that Cloud was ignored and disappeared from the other two men’s world. Cloud caught sight of the beginnings of a heavy makeout session so left, shutting the door behind himself and headed out across the Center to the hotel.

With each step, he grew more anxious. He was tired and fatigued, yet his heart raced. He told himself he wasn’t going over for anything other than sleep, yet his heart also rejoiced, much to his chagrin. It was so stupid to be _this_ excited about spending the night in Zack’s presence.

Cloud knocked on the hotel room door to have it opened moments later.

“Hey,” he said, shifting his backpack.

“Hey. Come on in,” Zack greeted, still dressed in the same silken shirt and tight pants from before.

Cloud stepped inside and felt nervous. This was the first time he had been inside Zack’s hotel room. He had come here previously, looking for Roxas, but had never set foot inside. The place looked partially tidy. Suitcases lay on the floor and mess spilling out. It seemed to concentrate more toward the left side of the small room where the two beds stood.

“That’s Axel’s bed over there,” Zack, as Cloud expected, pointed toward the messier side of the room as they walked into the space. “We forgot to take the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign down so housekeeping didn’t come in to clean or change the sheets today. Um… if you want to sleep on my bed you’re welcome to do that.”

Cloud’s heart skipped a beat with the thoughts of how wonderful it would be to smell Zack on the sheets. He chased that childish idea away and told himself to be rational. He was only relieved because Zack’s bed was better than sleeping in a bed that had been occupied by his brother and his brother’s boyfriend… possibly together at the same time. 

“Will that be alright with you?”

“Yeah. I had to share a bed with Axel—I mean Lea, before. I’m used to it more than I wish to be true.”

Cloud smiled. “Thanks. I’ll get changed. I had a shower back at my place.”

“Ah, gotcha. I’ll tidy up a bit.”

Cloud, clutching his backpack, headed back to the hallway and to the bathroom door. “Um, Zack…”

“Yeah?” Zack spun around, an eager smile painted on his face.

“Thanks for letting me stay.”

“My pleasure.”

Cloud went into the bathroom and quickly got changed into his long flannel pajama bottoms and matching light blue long-sleeved shirt. He came back out to find Zack sitting on the end of his bed looking to be nodding off, but he perked up on seeing Cloud again.

Zack left Cloud to get into bed and headed for the bathroom. Cloud sank into the sheets and as he suspected, it smelled like Zack. He took a deep whiff of the pillow and as the sound of water filled his ears he rolled over, turned off the bedside stand lamp, and felt his eyelids get heavier as sleep overcame him.

###### 

Cloud startled awake. “Eh. Hey! What?”

“Whoa, huh?”

Cloud blinked as a light came on. Zack, dressed in a long-sleeved shirt, blinked back at him.

“Oh, shit. _Cloud!_ Sorry man, I forgot.” Zack moved to get out of bed.

Cloud shot his hand out and grabbed Zack’s wrist. They both looked at Cloud’s grasp. Embarrassed, he stammered, “I-it’s okay.” Cloud still held on, having no control over his fingers.

Zack blinked, looked down where Cloud still held on to him, and back up. “Do you… want me to stay?”

Cloud’s heart hammered. He nodded.

Without a word of protest or surprise, Zack slid back into bed. He turned off the light. Cloud shuffled over and Zack nestled against Cloud’s chest. They wrapped their arms around each other. Cloud, too tired and comfortable to think about the consequences or his past, relaxed into Zack’s touch. He knew what his heart wanted in that cocooned-in-darkness moment; to fall asleep in Zack’s arms.

They shifted; Cloud down, Zack up. Their legs entangled, their heads and chins found comfortable positions and their arms held firm around each other.

“Good night,” Zack murmured.

“Night,” Cloud breathed and slumber took them both rapidly.

* * *

Cloud experienced solid sleep, only waking as morning light peeking around the gaps of the heavy curtains. He found his back pressed against a warm body and the comforting weight of an arm draped over him. He smiled as he remembered where he was and _who_ spooned him as they lay on their sides. He breathed deeply and pressed against Zack’s arm, pushing it firmly against himself.

He dozed lightly for a while until Zack stirred with a soft sigh and a tightening of the arms around himself. Zack nuzzled the nape of Cloud's neck and pulled himself closer. Cloud smiled and pushed back against the firm bod—he went rigid and tilted his hips forward to reduce the contact between himself and the very hard stiffness pressed against his ass and lower back. But Zack shuffled closer, nuzzled harder, and sighed deeper as he canted his hips gently.

Cloud swallowed the lump in his throat. He was wide-awake now and hyper-aware of Zack’s morning erection. Cloud… pushed back against it. Only a fraction. Zack felt… big. Cloud bit his lip. Heat and desire stirred in the pit of his stomach and throbbed down his penis. ‘ _No_ ,’ he told himself. He was sure Zack would be embarrassed. Cloud gently pulled himself out of the embrace and got up, grabbing his backpack so he could shower and cool off.

As he left for the bathroom, he heard Zack stir.

“Morning, sweetheart,” Zack murmured, a drowsy smile carrying on his voice. “You not stayin’?”

“Just having a shower,” Cloud got out hoarsely. He caught the mellow smile even in the dim light the room basked in. 

“Spare towel’s under the sink,” Zack murmured.

Cloud nodded and quickly found refuge in the bathroom, though the beautiful sight of Zack’s smile, and the ghosting sensation of Zack’s manhood against his backside sat strongly imprinted on his mind and twisted in his stomach while he showered. He tried to breathe his own arousal out of himself.

When he came back out, the curtains were drawn aside, letting in natural light, and Zack was dressed in a long-sleeved checkered shirt and the familiar casual jeans he tended to wear all the time. He stood bent over a suitcase which he’d hoisted onto the bed to look through.

Cloud looked at his ass for a moment, until, yawning, Zack turned to Cloud, “How’d you sleep?”

Cloud shook his head and refocused. “Good, thanks. I’m sorry if I woke you up too early?”

“Nah, man. Eight’s a good time. Lots to do today. Hey, I’m really sorry about last night, yeah? I completely forgot I was supposed to sleep in Axel’s bed. I’m really sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” Cloud felt his cheeks heat up. “I liked sleeping with you,” he muttered, looking away all abashed and flustered from admitting that. He wanted Zack to know though.

“I really liked it too. You’re great to cuddle.” Zack walked over and cupped Cloud’s cheek, drawing their eyes onto one another. He smiled softly.

Cloud’s resolve melted away. He wanted more time with Zack. He wanted to experience so much more. He held Zack’s hand against his face and closed his eyes to memorize the sensation, both physical and emotional. “I’d like to do it again with you tonight… fall asleep with you, I mean. Nothing more.”

“I need nothing else.” Zack’s smile somehow got softer. He leaned in and kissed the top of Cloud’s head. 

_‘Shit,’_ Cloud thought. He could feel the fall. As Zack pulled away Cloud followed, not wanting to lose the contact and buried his head against the other man’s chest.

“Is everything okay?” Zack breathed near his ear.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“What’s there to be done?”

Cloud pulled away a fraction and looked up into Zack’s face. “Can you kiss me?”

Zack’s eyes widened, his lips parted, and he gave a small nod. He leaned down.

Cloud pushed his palm against Zack’s chest, stopping him. “But not just a small kiss.” His cheeks blazed. He couldn’t believe he was talking… “A big one. And… and I want you to take it as far as you want to go until I say stop.”

Zack’s breath ran shallow. A smile played on his lips and he gave small nods. “Can I… _now?”_

Cloud was too far gone to listen to his head. He was too deep to hear the echoes of his impending heartache. He nodded. Zack gave the softest smile, leaned in, and closed his eyes as he brushed his lips against Cloud’s. Cloud let the hard rigidity of his life slip away, determined to savor and remember every detail of their first kiss: the soft peck of chapped lips, the warm caress of soft breathes, the wet slip of a tongue, the swelling desire. 

Zack pulled Cloud flush against himself, wrapping him up in limbs that had held him all night and wanted to keep holding him all day. Zack brushed his tongue against Cloud’s lips, pushed in, pulled out. Cloud chased after, gripped the front of Zack’s shirt, and pulled him down. Zack pushed Cloud’s waist against himself and snaked his other hand up into Cloud’s hair. He pushed deep into Cloud, kissing him hot and hard.

Desire ballooned. Cloud wilted and mewled into Zack’s mouth. Their breaths ran ragged. Zack pushed against Cloud, maneuvering them both against the bed. He kissed Cloud deeper, down against the mattress, climbing on top of him. Their hands frantically pulled and tugged, slipping under each other’s clothes. Fingertips raked against warm skin. 

Cloud lost composure as Zack’s hands sent a slew of shivering tingles around his body. He sucked on Zack’s tongue fervently and ran his own hands all up underneath Zack’s shirt, feeling his chest, rubbing nipples, and groped around to Zack’s broad back holding him close. 

Zack shifted and ground his pelvis against Cloud’s thigh, murmuring into Cloud’s mouth, eliciting moans from him. Cloud hadn’t known how much he wanted all of this and the man on top of him until now. He rolled them over. A heavy crash broke their kiss. Cloud, sitting on top of Zack, lifted up, and Zack rose on his elbows to prop himself up. They looked down at the side of the bed where the suitcase had fallen and its contents spilled out.

“Sorry.”

Zack chuckled, reached out, and grabbed the back of Cloud’s head. He pulled him down into a searing kiss, taking them both back against the mattress. Cloud sucked and nipped at Zack's lips. He ground his groin against Zack’s, feeling his hot, hard shaft and pleasuring himself against it. They huff and whine with excessive strain. Zack’s hands kept roving over Cloud’s body, over clothes, but mostly under. His fingernails scraped. 

Cloud kept tweaking Zack’s nipples, making the man gasp between languid kisses, and making their heavenly symphony all the sweeter. He pulled the tightening nips all the harder and ground his erection against Zack’s impressive length with fervor, sending himself dizzy.

A loud knock rang through the air and a muffled male voice shouted, _“Morning! Rise and shine! We got lots of stuff to do today,”_ followed by more knocking.

Cloud flung himself to the side, his back and ass making painful contact with carpeted flooring. He winced.

“Cloud. Shit, are you okay?” Zack leaned over, peered down at him with a flushed face. Zack reached and trailed his hands over Cloud, inspecting him for hurt.

Cloud scrambled back up, his heart in his throat and arousal clinging to him. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he huffed.

A barrage of knocks sounded. _“Get up, you morons,”_ came a scowling woman’s voice.

“I’m up. Just gimme a second,” Zack shouted and the knocking abated while indistinct chatter rose outside of the door. “Cloud,” Zack extended a hand, trying to reach for Cloud’s arm, but Cloud stepped away.

What had he been _thinking?_ He felt appalled with himself. “Stop. I want you to stop. I need to get going and you need to pack because you are leaving tomorrow and I won’t see you again,” he told himself and Zack, through huffing breaths caused by the arousal still coursing through his veins. He’d been such a huge _idiot!_ He fetched his backpack off the ground and headed for the door.

Zack grabbed his wrist, “Please tell me if you’re upset with me.”

Cloud bit his lip—still tasting Zack there. He felt sick seeing the other man looking so worried. He huffed out sharply and looked away for a fraction of a second before addressing Zack, “No. I’m not upset with you. I’m upset with myself.”

The knocking started again, as well as a chorus of whining about being let inside.

“Shut up you two!” Zack roared and then softly returned his attention back on Cloud. “I still want to see you today, after I finished packing. I want to take you out for dinner. Can we? Even if we don’t spend the night together. I’ll understand if you don’t want to, but I’d still like to spend time with you in other ways.”

Cloud knew he should say no, but his addiction to Zack made him want to squeeze the most out of their time together. He nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Zack sighed and smiled. “Thank you.” He got up and, whilst adjusting himself, moved to the door and opened it. Cloud felt the heat of embarrassment prickle his cheeks as the brother and sister walked into the room and all their complaints of, “What took you so long?”, “Don’t you know we have lots to do today?” and other mutterings fell flat as they saw him. The siblings started making other sounds after that.

Zack barked at them to stop and Cloud, with his head bowed, shuffled past them in the small hallway and out toward the door. 

“Where’s Axel?” came the query.

“I’ll go get him,” Cloud said to Zack quietly, who was following him out of the room.

“Thanks, Cloud. He’s probably still sleeping.”

Cloud nodded, turned to leave but halted as Zack reached for and grabbed his hand. Zack said nothing. He simply smiled in that way which Cloud thought absolutely enchanting. He smiled back, though he couldn’t get the upset frown off his face entirely. He squeezed Zack’s hand and then left.

* * *

A heavy mood sat over the Strife brothers. Roxas hadn’t asked if anything happened between Cloud and Zack the night before and Cloud preoccupied himself with work and calling their father.

The day meandered. Cloud found his mind wandering to Zack and shook his head every time that thought surfaced. Roxas disappeared for a while and reappeared around lunchtime.

“Where have you been?” Though, if Cloud had to guess, he’d bet that Lea had been involved somehow.

“In the theatre. I’m trying out a new rigging technique. I need your help. Can you go check it out for me? I’ll grab some lunch and meet you there.”

Cloud sighed but was glad that his brother was thinking about work. He put on his warm clothes and headed over to the theatre. 

When he got there, the lights were dimmed. He found a traditional puppet-show booth set up and a table and chair standing before it. Flowers, a flickering tealight, and a propped-up piece of paper with Cloud’s name sat on the table surface. Cloud looked at it bewildered and at the booth before him.

“Please take a seat,” Zack’s voice sounded over the speaker system, startling Cloud.

“Zack, are you in there?”

“Yeah. I want to tell you the story of a man, Machiori, and his quest to reach the stars.”

Cloud sat down and heard the familiar strumming of a guitar. Zack’s voice sounded again, telling a story in song format. He stopped and the puppet he’d worked on popped up in the booth. 

Cloud sat for the majority of the time with his hand covering his mouth, listening to Zack narrate the story of the puppets journey through alligator-infested waters, through cold mountain passes, and up, and up with the guidance of a small hedgehog and a sagely owl, both of which looked to be crafted out of papier-mâché, pipe cleaners, and cotton buds.

Despite the blatant allegory, Cloud found it too endearing for words. He laughed even while tears gathered in his eyes as Machiori said goodbye to the hedgehog but wandered on with the owl for a while before also having to part with it. He sat mesmerized by Zack’s story and his singing. A great big wave of adoration filled him up and he was 100% there for the puppet as he concluded his journey and reached the much sought-after stars.

Cloud clapped and cheered at the conclusion of it. Zack came out, took a bow, and made his puppets bow too. Cloud jumped up and met Zack halfway as they both strode toward each other.

Cloud clapped Zack on the shoulder. “That was amazing! What an incredible story. I’m so proud of you!”

Zack grinned from ear to ear. “Thank you.”

With a deep breath, Cloud dialled it back a fraction, though he couldn't corrall the smile. “Roxas helped you set this up?”

“Yeah. I’ve been sneaking into classes with him during the mornings. What you said about my puppet needing a story really stuck with me. I couldn’t figure it out until I saw what story-telling options were open to me in Roxas’ workshops. I mean, what I did wasn't anything fancy but—”

"No, I think you did an excellent job and this delivery suited your story perfectly." Cloud grinned wider. “If the band stuff doesn't work out, you could get into puppeteering. I liked your musical element. And you portrayed such a charming whimsy.”

Zack rubbed at the back of his head, his cheeks flushing. “Aww, thanks, man. That means the world to me, coming from you. You don't think it was… too clichéd, or… _simple?"_

Cloud shook his head. "There are different types of stories that suit different audiences. I think yours has the potential for a broad reach. What's not to love about a guitar-wielding man traveling the country in search of his success and dreams, accompanied by little animals?" Cloud couldn't contain his grin.

Zack rubbed at his neck. Color rose to his cheeks. He laughed nervously. 

"I'm a bit offended you made me into a hedgehog though." Cloud cocked an eyebrow and folded his arms over his chest. A highly-amused smile played on his lips. 

Zack laughed louder. "Well, you _are_ prickly.”

"I guess I can wear that." He dropped his arms back to his sides.

"It was meant in the most respectful and affectionate way possible—and, the owl… that's you too. You are prickly, but also very wise. You're like a… hog-owl—wait, that sounds weird. Hedge-owl? You're my hedge-owl." Zack smiled: abashed, hopeful, endearing—all wrapped into one. 

Cloud clapped his mouth shut and shook his head. "Those are both _awful."_ He tried to glare but it came out dripping with fondness.

Zack chuckled and shuffled closer. He reached for Cloud, with a slight shift of his arm, and a brush of his fingertips.

Cloud caught and hooked his fingers against Zack’s, holding him. They shared increasingly softening looks. Cloud became uncomfortable with his need to hug and kiss the man. He dropped his smile and didn’t know what to do. He changed the subject. “Are you all packed?”

Zack’s smile fell. “Yeah, well, my stuff is. I still need to go get the car checked out with Larxene.”

“I’ll let you get to it then. Thank you for showing me your play. I’ll pack up for you.”

“No, you don’t have to. I’ll do it.”

“Do you have time?” Cloud quirked his brow, pointedly.

“Ah… _shit,_ ” Zack huffed under his breath on checking his watch. “Maybe if I hurry?” Which clearly meant, _no._

Cloud smiled softly. “It’s okay. I’ll get it sorted. Maybe work it into your play how the hedgehog always keeps Machiori on track, hm?”

Zack laughed and breathed out a small sigh of relief. “You are the best. Thank you so much.” He cast a glance at the booth that needed to be packed up. “Could I ask the great hedge-owl for one more favor?"

Cloud choked out a laugh and composed himself. “Shoot.”

“Can you take my guitar and puppets back to your place? I’ll come pick them up. I really gotta run.”

“Sure.”

“Thank you so, _so_ much, hedge-owl! You’re the best!” Zack leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of Cloud’s mouth. He hurried off, but turned around, walking backward, shock on his face. With clasped hands, he said, “Sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Cloud huffed with amusement and the teeniest smile creasing his lips. “What are you sorry for? That awful nickname or…"

"The kiss. I'm never taking that nickname back." Zack made a love heart shape with his hands, turned around, and jogged off. Cloud stared after the other man for a long time, slipping into a sea of memories, both relating to Zack and… not. His smile morphed into a sorrowful, tight-lipped grimace as fresh tears welled.

* * *

Dinner approached too fast. Roxas got dressed up in his nicest clothes, as did Cloud, and they headed out to the path, where the couples always met. Cloud, hyper-aware of his brother's jovial mood, wondered where he was pulling it from. The ache in his own chest over Zack leaving early tomorrow morning grew a heavier burden with each passing hour. He really wished he could talk to his brother about it, but feared he’d mess up and would somehow come across as hyper-critical of Roxas’ relationship with Lea. So he remained quiet and simply watched on as Roxas and Lea met up with enthusiasm and cheer.

The lovebirds scampered down the frosty path while Cloud and Zack brought up the rear. Cloud took the extended elbow and clung to Zack while he asked polite questions about the car and the packing situation. 

“Yeah. I’m feeling pretty confident that I can handle a busted tire and our snow gears all sorted. I hear the restaurant we’re going to is really good too.”

“For being pretty far out from the sea, their seafood’s supposed to be the best in the region.”

“Can’t wait! Back in Miami I used to eat stone crabs all the time.” Zack went on about the local Miami cuisine until the restaurant came into view, and Cloud hung onto every word.

The two couples got to the seafood restaurant right on time in the early evening and dined together. There was a lot of laughter around the table, a fair amount Cloud found himself joining in with. Stories of the last six weeks spent together circulated the table. “Do you remember when—”, “We laughed so hard—”, “I can’t believe you guys actually—”. On and on the stories ran, through entrée and the main course.

By dessert, Cloud found himself fed-up with Roxas’ carefree attitude. He and Lea kept talking about their future. Making plans which Cloud knew would never come to fruition. He hated all their talking. He saw the expectant hope in Zack’s eyes kindling as if they could also have a future like Roxas and Lea painted for themselves. His stupid brother would hurt all four of them if he kept talking—“Will you shut up!"

The chatter stopped, cutlery clinked against plates, and glasses were put down.

A seething hatred coursing through Cloud as he glared at Roxas across from him. “Stop living in a fantasy world. We’ll _never_ see them again and you are deluding yourself _and_ them with all your bullshit of meeting up, and traveling together. It’s not. Going. To happen!” His hand shook as he held his dessert spoon.

The previously impenetrable fortress of joy encasing Roxas crumpled like tissue paper exposed to water. Roxas’ wide eyes glassed over, filling with tears. His lip trembled. He squeezed his eyes shut. Tears spilled, and with a sharp edge to his voice, he forced out heavy words, “Don’t you think I _know_ that?”

“Not with how you’re carrying on you don’t,” Cloud growled.

“Like fuck I don’t,” Roxas bit back, his voice scratching. “I just wanted one last night out with my boyfriend before it all ends. Why do you have to shit on everything I want, or say, or do?”

“Biscuit,” Lea breathed, leaning over and putting his hand on Roxas’ thigh.

Roxas stood up, a screech to his chair. “I’m not doing this. I’m not having _you_ ruin my last happy night with him. We’re leaving.” Roxas pulled Lea up, threw Cloud a disgusted and upset glare, and left.

Cloud stared after them, seething with anger directed at the world and his brother. When Roxas disappeared from view, the world and all the sound in the restaurant came back to Cloud, bringing with it a wave of embarrassment. He shrunk in on himself, holding his head in one hand and poking his dessert with the spoon. “Sorry,” he murmured to Zack, who sat beside him, very still and silent.

“... It’s okay,” he said quietly.

Cloud stabbed his cake but had no appetite. “Do you mind if we leave?”

“No, by all means. Where do you want to go?”

“Out. Home? I don’t know. Anywhere but here.”

### 

Roxas and Lea stomped through the frosty evening landscape, out toward the lake and the igloo where they had spent the majority of their time together lately.

The tears wouldn't stop coming. Lea held his hand the entire way as they trudged through the snow. He dropped kisses on Roxas and imparted small words of encouragement, and stopped to share warm hugs when Roxas' sobs got too big. Nothing helped to stem the sea of misery flowing out of Roxas. He hoped going to the one place that meant the most to both of them would prevent his heart from completely shattering.

When they got there, Roxas already felt better for it. The igloo was warm, having soaked up the day's sunshine. The copious blankets and pillows made the floor much more comfortable, and most importantly his stupid brother was nowhere to be seen. 

Lea sat down first and pulled Roxas onto his lap. They faced each other and snuggled.

“I love you.” Roxas wept but felt calmer than before.

“I love you too.” Lea squeezed Roxas’ sides. “Your brother is a massive douche.”

Roxas nodded. “But he’s not wrong.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“I know we’ve done so much talking, but… reality won’t be like we want it to be.”

“Nonsense. We’ve made so many plans. We’ll see them all come true.”

“Even the dream about owning our own Sesame Street theme park?” Roxas sniffed.

Lea wiped Roxas’ cheeks. “Well, okay. _Most_ of our dreams. I know some of that stuff is a bit far fetched. But us still being together? That's one hundred percent. I'm committed to it.”

Roxas smiled weakly.

“You really don’t believe that we can make this work?” Lea asked, a sadness narrowing his brows.

Roxas shook his head. 

“Why’s this the first I’m hearing about it?”

“I thought we were both pretending.”

“Did you really?”

“Well… for a good sixty-nine percent of it, yeah.”

Lea huffed. “Sixty-nine?”

Roxas gave him a sad smile.

“Well, I’m one hundred percent serious.”

Lea’s sentiment ruffled up some hope in Roxas. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

Roxas hugged Lea tight. “I want to believe it too. Being around Cloud gets me all depressed. I want to work hard to make this work for us.”

“Is there a but coming?”

Roxas hummed. _“But…_ I _am_ sad that you are leaving. It’s hitting home that you won't be here tomorrow night. And I know we’ll keep talking, but… it’s not going to be the same,” his voice hitched and squeaked.

Lea hugged him tight and pressed soft kisses to Roxas’ cheeks and neck. “I know. I don’t like thinking about it either. I’m going to miss you so much, it’s gonna make me sick.”

They held each other tight and shed a few tears until Roxas managed to compose himself through a deep breath. “We spent so much time talking about the good stuff… we never talked about the bad.”

“What bad stuff?” Lea wiped at his eyes.

“Like… what will happen if we don’t work out?”

Lea pulled a pained face. “How would we not work out?”

Roxas shrugged. “I dunno. But what if we just don’t? What happens if we end up hating each other?”

“No way.”

“But what if we do,” Roxas pushed.

“Then we don’t talk anymore, easy.”

“What will you do with all the videos of us together?”

“Oh… delete them.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. As someone who loves and respects you now, I promise to delete everything and not to share anything.”

Roxas sighed. “I promise to do the same.”

“What else?”

“If we break up… no hard feelings? No resentment.”

“I can’t promise that. You have my heart. I don’t give it easily. I’m pretty sure I won’t be the one to break us up, so I don’t know how I’d feel or what I’d do if that was gonna happen.”

“I don’t want to break us up either. I just think… we should talk about it, hypothetically.” Roxas stared at Lea's chest.

“This is depressing, biscuit. I don’t want to spend my last few hours of being physically here with you, like this. I wanna enjoy your company and keep dreaming.”

“Me too,” he said quietly. “But…” 

Lea hugged him tight. “I love you, my beautiful honey-crunch biscuit. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know we have a plan. And now, even if our main plan doesn't go as planned, you have my word that I’ll treat the memory of what we had with care and respect and you won’t find our sex vids online anywhere. Promise.”

Roxas huffed with sadness and joy. “Thank you.” A burden lifted off his chest. “I’m sorry I got so upset. Cloud’s an asshole.”

“Yeah, don’t I know it.”

They stayed up together talking, dreaming, enjoying, until they got too cold, even in their igloo, and, packing everything up, headed back into town with the plan to head to the hotel room. Roxas didn’t want to see Cloud until morning, or at all, though that probably wouldn’t come to pass. 

### 

Cloud and Zack walked around in the biting cold for a while. Zack remained quiet and attentive. Slowing whenever Cloud slowed, picking up his pace when Cloud did. Cloud felt lost. He had the shadow of a man attached to him right now, whom he couldn’t and didn’t want to shake, but he also wanted to be alone. Wanted to feel the rushing loneliness that awaited him and had been his constant companion for so many years. He wanted this to be over already so he could move on with his life, and yet… he also longed to savor the last few hours left together. 

He kept walking, wondering if he could outpace his feelings. He couldn’t, and in the end, found himself by the frozen river, with Zack still at his side.

“I’m sorry you had to see that—me yelling at Roxas like that. He just gets under my skin so bad with his stupid delusional talking about the life he’s gonna have with Lea. It’s how I was. It’s how I know things won’t work out. I hate that he’s so naïve. I hate what happened to me. I hate that the past is repeating with you.” A sob broke through his veneer of composure. 

Zack stepped in immediately, hand on Cloud’s back, rubbing him. Cloud turned toward the other man, pushing against him for warmth and comfort. Zack’s arms wound around him.

“The past is just a story that’s finished, hun. It doesn't have to shape the future.”

Cloud sniffled. “You seriously callin’ me ‘hun?’” he gibed with a sad smile.

“You want me to call you hedge-owl instead? I can do that too.”

Zack’s smile and the warmth in his voice made Cloud wince with welling sadness over losing all of it, come the morning. He shook his head. “Hun is fine.”

Zack hugged Cloud tight with a softly murmured, “Hun,” in his ear. “I’m not your ex. What happened before doesn't have to happen again. The past doesn’t dictate the future.”

Cloud balled his hands into fists, grabbing the fabric of Zack’s jacket. “We’re not fictional characters. Our pasts don’t just end with the turn of a page. They live in us, define us, set our course for our future," Cloud grumbled against Zack's chest.

“But we can decide our own future. We can choose to make better choices, form a better story,” Zack insisted.

Cloud hated his incapability of sharing in Zack’s positivity. “If I choose you, I know where my story will end.”

"And where is that?"

"You'll give too much. I won't give enough. You'll feel upset, but you won't tell me and soldier on, but I'll know anyway and will feel terrible about it. We'll make plans. Half of which will fall through. We'll hold on to a sinking ship and both drown."

“There you go, being really down about us again. It’s the most frustrating thing about you,” Zack said ever so gently, stroking the back of Cloud’s head.

Cloud took a steadying breath before he asked, “What kind of a story is this going to be for us then? I know I'm being prickly, but I can’t see it ending well. I need your help to see and understand.”

After a thoughtful hum, Zack said, “Well, I’m hoping this will be an incredible love story.”

Cloud’s stomach churned at the mention of the _L_ word. “But what kind of an ending are we going to have?” He looked up, catching the sorrowful furrow of Zack’s brows.

“Why are you so obsessed with endings? This is the beginning—not _even._ This is the foreword!” Zack enthused. “And people always say it’s the journey that matters, not the destination, right?”

Cloud pushed out of Zack’s hold to get some distance. He admired Zack's optimism and wished he could feel it, but he really couldn’t. “I want to— _need_ to—know what ending we will have. The last ending I experienced hurt too much. How will I know you are a better choice for me?”

A hardness sprung across Zack’s face. “I'm not a fortune teller, hun. I can't tell you exactly what will happen. All I can say is that I believe in us and you can trust me to give my all for us."

The honey-sweet words pained Cloud. "Zack—"

Zack raised his hand, halting Cloud. “I want to give you a happy ending. Whatever it takes. That’s my promise to you. That’s all I can give you.”

“It’s not enough. I need a plan, Zack. How can we have a happy ending? And I know we can't predict the future, but we can still reasonably estimate how things will pan out. For real,” he interjected before Zack could say anything. _“How?_ You are leaving, and I’ll go overseas soon as well. We won’t see each other, and we’ll be too busy to talk. I’ll miss you. I’ll miss you even after this ends. If we keep going it’s gonna break my heart.” Bitter sorrow forced his face into a grimace.

Zack blinked rapidly and his mouth flapped a little. After a few beats of silence he shrugged, “We’ll make it work. I won’t break your heart. I meant what I said about trying my all for you, if you want me to. If you’re in this with me.”

Cloud turned ever so slightly away, crossing his arms over his chest. “Our lives aren’t compatible for us to work things out.”

“We won’t know unless we try. We can make changes to fit our lives around each other.”

“Are you listening to yourself?” Cloud threw over his shoulder.

“Yeah. What’s wrong with it?”

“Everything! You’re not taking this seriously. You’re not being realistic.”

“I think I’m being plenty realistic. And being realistic doesn't mean being _pessimistic_. I know it won’t be easy, but if our hearts are in it we can make it work. We could soar together. I’m waiting to hear that you want me, Cloud. I’m waiting for you to tell me you want this as badly as I want it.”

“My heart _was_ in it before and it broke because of it.”

_“I’m not him,”_ Zack snapped, his lip curling with a flash of outrage. He huffed. The expression fell. “I can’t tell you anything concrete except that I’m not _him.”_

Cloud drew in on himself. "I know that."

Zack sighed. "So why do you keep comparing me to him? It’s so unfair."

Cloud looked inward at all the things holding him back—"I'm… scared. I don't want to make us both miserable. I'd rather just keep everything as is because our lives aren't compatible."

"You keep _saying_ that, but you’ve got no proof.”

“The proof is in what we do. In our schedules,” Cloud bit, a strain to his voice. 

“We’ve been making it work over the last week.”

“That’s different. That’s not continents apart.”

“What if our lives were _more_ compatible?" Zack stepped closer.

"Like how?"

"I don't know. Like we travel together? Maybe I should just quit the band and do music for the puppet shows you run. You say I have a knack for it. Maybe _this_ is my true calling."

Cloud turned back to face Zack, speechless for a moment. "You… you'd consider that?"

Zack shrugged and smiled. "Sure, why not."

The idea flashed through his mind. A life spent together, working alongside each other. Frowning, Cloud snapped, "No! Are you _insane?_ We don't even know each other that well. You'd give up your dreams for me? Don't be an idiot."

Zack's smile fell. "I wish you could dream a little with me. Have a little hope. A little faith.”

Cloud's chest ached. He knew he was being a dick. He wanted to protect them both though. Softening, he said, "Even Machiori said goodbye to the owl in your play. He knew they had different destinies and couldn’t keep traveling together. And you know that too, or you wouldn't have made your play talk about that stuff."

Zack stayed quiet, looking at the frozen ground.

Cloud grimaced, feeling sick over having used Zack’s own play against him. “I wish I could be free and dream and fly with you. If things were different…. Maybe we could work and live together, but… I’m scared of hurting you—of going all cold and distant on you. I don’t want you resenting me because you couldn’t follow your dreams. I don’t want anything—especially not me—getting in the way of you fulfilling and following your aspirations. You worked so hard to get to where you are. And the idea of you following me… especially when what I’m doing right now isn’t even what I’m completely passionate about—don’t ask me to bear that burden of guilt for both of us.”

“I’d never want you to feel guilty for a choice I make. And staying with you would be completely my decision.”

“I don't want you to give up your dreams for me though, even if you think you’d be okay with changing your life goals. You've got family to make proud." 

The pained look on Zack's face hurt Cloud. He wanted to smooth things over, make Zack feel better. “I love watching you perform,” he said quietly. “I can see how much it means to you. I want you to reach the stars like Machiori did. I'm not worth giving up your dreams for, especially in what little time we've known each other. Maybe if we’d known each other for six months or a year and felt this way, I could really consider things. But… as it stands… don’t throw your life away for a stupid… hedge-owl."

With a sorrowful and pained smile, Zack reached for Cloud’s hand, and held him. "The hedge-owl isn’t stupid.”

Cloud huffed softly. The sadness inside welled. “It is. It’s too prickly and serious. It’s too pessimistic, and I don't want you to give up doing what you love for someone like me.”

Zack squeezed Cloud’s hand. “But you _are_ asking me to give up something that I love." 

Cloud's throat scratched and his stomach dropped even as butterflies kicked up. He swallowed and managed to speak, "It doesn't feel right to ask you to give your life up to be with me. And what else is left? Do you want me to come with you?"

"I want you with me, yeah, but…" a heavy sigh seeped out of Zack. He raised his gaze and looked at Cloud with sorrow filling his eyes. "My beautiful hedge-owl… I've loved being in your workshops. I've loved how you made me think differently, expanded my horizons, opened me up to trying different things. I love how you are. Your serious side, as annoying as it is, and your weird sense of humor," he smiled bitterly and looked down at their clasped hands. "I love your devotion to your family and I know I can't ask you to break that for me. I know that. I wouldn't ever ask you to change for me."

“And that’s how I feel about you. So you see it, right? The problem.” Cloud said, the sour feeling inside scrunching up his face.

Zack sighed and let go of Cloud's hand. “Yeah. But… this sucks. I don't like feeling stuck. I don't like that the things we love about each other are stopping us from being together. Why can't we try like Axel and Roxas are going to try?"

Cloud’s guts twisted into a tight knot. "Honestly… I want a clean break," he uttered.

Zack grunted. “This is _so_ frustrating. _You’re_ so frustrating.”

Cloud wrapped his arms around himself and stared at their feet. Maybe this was the right way; make Zack mad at him. It would make things easier. But the thought of ending things badly made him nauseous.

A sigh left Zack, drawing Cloud's attention. He was met with a malcontented frown. 

"What do we do then, Cloud?"

Cloud shrugged.

Zack took a deep breath. "You know what?—Screw it. I'm just going to have to accept my fate. There’s no point getting upset.” His hands went to his hips, he shook his bowed head and then gave Cloud a smile. “I have no regrets meeting you and doing any of this stuff with you. I’m full of happy memories and you’ve made my experience and life better just for knowing you. So… to answer your question… that’s the kind of story this is, Cloud. One filled with joy… and pain, because that’s just life.”

“It’s bittersweet.”

“Yeah.” Zack looked pained but smiled through it anyway.

They fell silent. Cloud felt undeserving of Zack’s affections. The man was so generous and willing to try for him, and here he was shutting him down. He’d never experienced something like this before, even with his ex… who had never tried like Zack seemed willing to try. But Cloud knew he didn’t deserve it. He’d let Zack down, break his heart, break his own, much worse than it had broken before, much worse than he was breaking himself right now. "Do you want to go back to the hotel?"

"Yeah," Zack rubbed his gloved hands together and tucked them under his armpits.

With a morose step, Cloud started them back into town and up the hill. A lone car passed them, casting long shadows and disappeared into the dark, its engine roar muffed by the blanketed snow all around.

They wordlessly trudged on the graveled path leading through the trees and up to their lodgings. Cloud dug his phone out and messaged his brother to see if he was okay, but received no response. Noticing Cloud’s worry, Zack offered to contact Lea and got a response from him, saying they’d be heading to the hotel soon. 

“See, they’re fine,” Zack said as they stood at the crossroads between the hotel and residential buildings.

With a sigh of relief, Cloud said, “Yeah, I shouldn’t worry so much. Roxas has always been more resilient than me. He explodes, but generally seems to deal with his emotions a lot better.”

They stood around. Zack’s attention glued to Cloud and he knew he’d have to send the other man away purposefully before he would get to be alone. He didn’t want that. “So,” he said.

“So…” Zack echoed.

“You’re leaving tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Eight AM. I’m happy to stay up all night with you. Demyx can drive and I’ll just sleep in the back, so if there's anything you’d like to do, we can go do it.”

“It’s late. There’s nothing open.”

“Yeah, but we could go for a hike in the moonlight. We could climb to the top of the mountain and watch the sunrise,” he pointed. “We could stay in and play some video games. I want to make the most of my time left with you, so I’d like to do _something.”_

Cloud smiled weakly, feeling the same sentiment, but what came out of his mouth was a different feeling, “I wish I had listened to Roxas. I wish I hadn’t wasted the first five weeks keeping my distance from you. It annoys me how he can so easily ignore everything and pretend that stuff will be fine. I wish I could have done that with you.”

“Oh, hun.” Zack stepped closer and pulled Cloud into a loose hug. “Please don’t regret it. Don’t focus on that. Stay positive, huh.”

Cloud huffed with sick derision. “You’re speaking to the wrong guy. I don’t _do_ positive.”

“Pfft! That’s a bald-faced lie!” Zack pushed Cloud back, holding him by his shoulders and looking into his face. “You’ve been so supportive when I wanted to throw Machiori into the garbage. You kept me believing and on track, and you gave me a chance. You’re plenty positive where it counts.”

Cloud bit down his smile. "Thanks,” he whispered.

“I really _do_ want to give you a happy ending. Yeah, I didn’t want it to end _here,_ but since this is end game… what do you wanna do? What do you think would be your biggest regret, right now, if we didn’t do it?”

“Other than not being able to turn back time?”

“Other than that. I’m not magical, sorry, hun.”

Cloud huffed with a little laugh. 

“What’s something we can do _right now_ to make this one of the best memories of your life? I am willing to break and enter, but draw the line at murdering Lea.”

“Aww, well, there goes that dream.”

They both chuckled. Zack drew closer, cupped Cloud’s cheek, and smiled sweetly down at him.

Cloud looked at Zack with a faint, yet deep-rooted smile. He breathed out the heaviness in his chest. He wanted so much—none of it attainable, except for one thing. He reached up, placing his hand over Zack’s, which still cupped his cheek. “Can we pretend? With the hours we have left, can we pretend that we will be together forever? That everything _will_ be fine? Can we pretend that we—” Cloud’s voice broke, but he pushed on, “love each other?”

“I honestly don’t need to pretend that last part with you.” Zack stroked Cloud’s cheek with his thumb.

“Don’t say that.” Yet, despite his protest, he leaned into Zack’s touch and pushed the hand firmer against his cheek, letting his eyes flutter shut. “I don’t want the night to end. I want to go to bed with you. I want to… have sex,” he whispered, opening his eyes.

Zack breathed deeper than before, his smile softened and he leaned in. Cloud stretched, closing the distance to kiss the other man. Sweet and soft, their lips pressed together, and then Cloud dropped back down.

“Let’s do that then. We’ll go to your place?”

“Yeah.”

Zack dipped in and kissed Cloud, pulling on his lip a little before taking Cloud’s hand and heading to their destination with their arms around each other.

They talked a little, in hushed tones. Zack, dreaming up a life for them where he’d make blueberry pancakes for Cloud each morning before they headed to work together. A power couple, Zack claimed they’d be called.

Cloud ignored the heaviness in his chest and smiled the whole way until they got to his living quarters, let themselves in, and went into Cloud’s room, shutting the door firmly behind them.

Cloud couldn't let himself think too much. It was the biggest killer for his libido. He pulled Zack close to himself, stretched up and kissed him deeply, starting their hands roaming journeys over and under clothes as they slowly shuffled to the bed. His mind delightfully shut off as Zack kissed him against the mattress. The other man’s solid body atop of him felt comforting. Their hands and fingers trailed, pushing aside clothes, and touching skin. Shirts were removed, hungry and noisy kisses resumed. They pressed together, the feel of hot skin igniting Cloud’s carnal desires. Deep sighs and pleasurable grunts left them both and trails of goosebumps prickled along the path fingertips traveled.

“God, Cloud. You’re gorgeous,” Zack murmured, his hands keenly massaging pert nipples and supple flesh. He leaned down, taking Cloud’s bud into his mouth and sucked gently. Cloud hummed and felt desire stir. He tangled his fingers in dark hair. When Zack popped off, Cloud pulled Zack up and caught him in a kiss, lapping at his mouth and sucking on his tongue.

Zack pulled back, sat up, and smiled down at Cloud. He picked at both their trousers, unbuckled belts, popped buttons, and slid down zippers. Cloud, mesmerized, watched Zack in his bare-torsoed state while his fingers roamed over all the bits he wanted to run his tongue over: pecs, dark nipples, navel. He trailed his fingers down Zack’s abdomen to the waistband of his underwear; the bulge very pronounced and large and—Cloud swallowed the hard lump in his throat. “I have no condoms or lube,” he breathed, a sudden, defeated crush dousing the flutters in his stomach.

“Oh.” Zack looked around himself. His furrowed eyebrows raised. “Do you think there might be some in Roxas’ room?”

Cloud flushed. “I… _guess?”_

“Should we check?”

Cloud bit his lip. The idea of looking through his brother's things was uncomfortable. “We should, but… could you?”

“You got it.” Zack pressed a kiss to Cloud’s lips before he slid off the bed, shimmied his pants down, and with a wiggle of his ass, headed out the bedroom door.

Cloud stared after, savoring the vision of Zack’s near-naked body in his mind's eye for a moment before he shook the thought out. He slumped back against his pillows, breathing deeply and noticing the way his heart hammered and his cock strained against his unzipped pants. He lifted his hips and worked his pants off while his mind yelled at him that he was about to have a fling; a one night stand; a hookup. If it were with anyone other than Zack… well, it would never have entered his mind. Zack was his exception. He dropped his pants on the floor and sat up. Zack returned holding a bottle and some condom wrappers. They smiled at each other.

“Found some and you lost your pants.” Zack got back on the bed with a bounce. He straddled Cloud and dropped the items on the stand next to the bed. “Why didn’t you let me strip you?” He kissed Cloud, and Cloud sucked on his tongue as he leaned back against the mattress with Zack following him. 

“Why’d you take so long?” Cloud teased back.

“That wasn’t long. I didn’t even have to _look_ for the stuff. It was on the bedside stand with a note.”

“A note?”

Zack nodded and giggled. “They wished us all the best.”

Cloud hid his face behind his hand.

“Now, where were we…” Zack pressed kisses to Cloud's nipples, pulling on each in turn with his teeth, and left a trail of soft pecks up Cloud's neck, cheek, and then pushed Cloud’s hand away to kiss his lips. Zack nudged his groin against Cloud, rocking into him and giving Cloud a good feel of what lay hidden under the last article of clothing the other man still wore.

“You feel really big.”

“Do you want to see?” Zack lifted off a little, giving Cloud a good view straight down the length of Zack’s body at his undergarment and the cockhead that peeked out over the top of the waistband.

Cloud barely swallowed the moan. He reached out to touch Zack there. Zack sat up, giving Cloud a better view. Cloud fingered Zack’s garment, hooked his fingers under it, and pulled it down, revealing Zack’s hot, hard length. The sight elicited a shaky breath and a quiet, “Wow,” from Cloud.

Zack chuckled and languidly stroked himself a couple of times, making Cloud's cock twitch with the sight of it. 

“You can touch me. I’d like you to touch me," Zack invited.

Cloud’s mouth felt dry. He swallowed, reached out and fit his hand around Zack’s base. A visible shiver went through Zack and he inhaled a raspy breath. 

Cloud felt the pulse in Zack's thick shaft. He stroked Zack to the top, squeezed the head lightly and let go.

With a half-lidded gaze, Zack asked, “How do you want to do this? I’m easy and have no preference. I just want to make you happy.”

Cloud’s innards buzzed. “I… with you… with _this…_ I’d prefer to have you in me.” His eyes fixed on Zack’s cock. 

Zack chuckled quietly. Cloud caught himself staring and pulled his gaze off, feeling embarrassed. He sat up, threw his arms around Zack’s shoulders, and kissed him.

Their hands roamed once again. Zack guided Cloud's hands over his body, down to his backside, where they both pulled down Zack’s underwear a little more. Zack shifted, getting up a little to pull his underpants off the rest of the way and kissed Cloud back down to the mattress. He left a trail of kisses against Cloud's flushed skin and moved down to Cloud’s underwear. Zack lapped at Cloud's nipples and peppered his abdomen with soft pecks. He left soft murmurs against Cloud's skin and when he reached the hem of Cloud's underwear he smirked. 

Cloud gasped heavy as Zack breathed warmth against his shaft and traced the outline of Cloud's cock with the faintest of touches.

Though he tried to resist, Cloud still pushed his hips up to try and get more friction, and whimpered when he got it.

“May I?” Zack husked.

Cloud nodded and lifted his hips slightly. A surprised gasp left him though. Zack mouthed over his shaft, sucked on his clothed head and only after Cloud writhed and rocked up into Zack'stouch, did the man stop teasing him and pulled the garment off.

Zack gazed down at Cloud, his facial expression soft as his eyes danced over Cloud’s most intimate parts. 

Cloud had never felt so comfortable in his life. Not with his ex, not in front of a mirror. The way Zack looked at him… the fact that Zack _saw_ him, understood him, wanted him, but didn't push… it was everything. Cloud reached out, Zack took his hand and kissed his knuckles. 

“You're so exquisite,” Zack breathed, leaned down, and brushed his lips against Cloud's. Their breaths huffed and they peppered each other with butterfly kisses.

Cloud enjoyed Zack's heavy weight on top, and hot, bare skin pressed across every inch of his front.

Zack’s calloused hands ran down Cloud's sides, pushed underneath, and gripped his ass cheeks. Zack massaged keenly. He rhythmically bucked and ground his penis against Cloud's shaft and stomach as they kissed. 

Cloud clung on, his hunger growing. He touched muscular and toned arms, and felt the strength in Zack's back. He ran his hands down, pinching and squeezing Zack's ass, which made Zack roll and grind his hips harder. 

Little gasps turned to deep moans. Zack slid down Cloud's body again, pressing kisses everywhere and when he got to Cloud's shaft his hot hands grasped him.

Cloud's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he canted his hips as Zack opened up and mouthed along his penis. Zack licked and sucked on Cloud's head. He pulled at foreskin gently with his lips, and probed Cloud's hole with previously lubed-up fingers. 

Cloud's heart raced. He couldn't recall the last time he'd been attended to like this. The desire built in his gut and sac. The heat rose inside himself. He arched his back as Zack pushed into him with a finger. He gasped with straining need as a second finger entered and Zack kept his ministrations of lapping affections to Cloud's cockhead.

Cloud's groans grew as he threw his head back and rocked up into Zack's hot mouth. He buried his hand in Zack’s hair to keep him there for longer, to increase the pressure of the loving sucks and kisses and fingering.

Tingles erupted and he violently bucked against Zack's fingers as they hit their mark. Cloud's voice hitched and his limbs trembled. He hadn’t done this in so long—couldn’t remember the last time—hoped he’d never forget this time.

Zack eased off and out of Cloud, which made Cloud whine. 

"I'll get back to it in a minute. Don't look so sad," Zack grinned, left a few more kisses against Cloud's stomach, and then reached over to the bedside stand to get the condom and more lubricant. 

Cloud made to protest, but had to clear his throat before something coherent came out, “Wait.” He maneuvered Zack, getting him to lie down on his back next to him. Cloud leaned over, got some lubricant on his hand from the pump and grasped the base of Zack’s thick shaft. He worked his wrist up and down, spreading the liquid over the girthy length, but stopped short of pumping Zack’s swollen head. 

Zack puffed like a locomotive and touched Cloud wherever he could. "I feel like you're teasing me."

"I am," Cloud grinned, not getting enough of the way Zack squirmed like putty in his hands as he worked that delicious cock.

"Just know I'm a real light-weight when it comes to teasing," Zack squeezed out with a strain. He pushed his hips up into Cloud's touch and leaned over to share kisses. But Cloud broke the kiss and moved between Zack’s legs because he was eager to see how far he could push the other man.

A breathy, "Oh," left Zack. He spread his legs further apart to give Cloud access.

Cloud, still grasping and slowly working the lower part of Zack's magnificent cock, brushed his lips against the beading head. 

Zack took in a sharp breath. 

Smiling, Cloud sucked hard on Zack's head for a tense second, then eased off and brushed his lips over the tip, probing the slit with his tongue, and taking Zack back in to suck on the tangy flesh some more. All the while he kept jerking the base of Zack’s shaft with increasing speed.

“Oh, Cloud— _God._ That’s so good,” Zack murmured as he writhed against the sheets and pushed his hips up into Cloud’s mouth.

Cloud smiled around the cock and looked up into Zack’s face while he sucked and licked and teased.

“What a sight,” Zack strained and licked his lips. Want and desire painted his face. He reached out and stroked Cloud’s face as his penis got vigorously worked on like a lollipop.

Zack’s hand left Cloud’s cheek a moment later and grabbed for a condom wrapper. “I need to put this on. I can’t last if you keep being so sexy.”

Cloud popped Zack out of his mouth, feeling a little proud of himself. He squeezed out a rusty sounding, “Alright. You’re also not _that_ light-weight.”

Zack smiled. “You really make me want to hold out and not disappoint you.”

Cloud’s stomach twisted with affection and he watched Zack get the condom out of its packaging, and roll it onto himself. Cloud helped himself to the lubricant and slathered the additional liquid onto Zack’s slippery shaft before climbing up and positioning himself on top of Zack, who watched on with wide, hungry eyes, parted lips, and trembling fingertips, which caressed Cloud’s flanks.

Cloud looked down, hardly believing he was about to do this—simultaneously regretting that he couldn’t have done this fifty times before now. He shook the thought out, only wanting to focus on the present moment and Zack’s glorious big cock. He grasped Zack’s penis and slid it against his sphincter. His heart hammered, his hands felt clammy from more than the lubricant. He locked eyes with Zack and with a deep breath, sank onto the other man. He squeaked. The stretch was intense, even with the previous fingering. “Shit, you’re so big,” Cloud groaned and filled himself up, taking Zack’s wrapped cock in slow-inch after slow-inch. 

Zack’s rich timbre sang out and rose the deeper Cloud took him in. The sound of Zack’s voice dripped molten hot desire into Cloud’s stomach. He couldn't recall ever hearing the man sound so rich and deep in any of the songs Zack had sung. Cloud liked what he was doing to Zack. He liked this being his own, private show. That thought, melted with the touches Zack left on him—clutching Cloud’s thighs, ass, and rubbing his sac—left Cloud flushing with a bottomless craving. He sank down the rest of the way and finally sat flush against Zack’s lap. Their breaths rasped and the room was filled with the growing thick scent of their sex.

Cloud moaned. He squeezed against Zack’s intrusion and whimpered. "Oh—Shit—Nngh… _Zack."_ He shifted ever so slightly against Zack’s shaft inside himself and mewled. Flutters electrified his senses and Zack’s hot hands on him ignited him.

“You’re so tight. Move. Fuck me. Move, please,” Zack whined, his fingers digging into Cloud.

A shiver ran through him. “Begging already?” He hummed with amusement and pent up need.

“I’m so easy for you, Cloud. You drive me wild.” Zack grabbed Cloud’s hand and sucked on his fingers.

Cloud gasped and curled his fingers inside of Zack. He brushed against Zack’s tongue and the soft inside of his cheek, enjoying the wet and heat around his tips He refocused and slowly rocked his hips. Zack moaned against his fingers. Cloud upped the tempo, loving the feel of Zack inside himself. He started bouncing, pulling himself off and on with vigor. 

A wall of sound left Zack’s throat. It only stopped whenever Zack pressed kisses to Cloud’s hand or when he pulled Cloud down against himself for a kiss. 

More demure whimpers fell out of Cloud as the pleasure built inside himself. 

Zack pulled Cloud down against himself and canted his hips at a staggering rate up into Cloud from underneath. Zack held Cloud with powerful strength and delivered sharp and tingle-inducing thrusts. Cloud curled his toes against the feel of Zack fucking him. It’s what Cloud wanted. Zack hit all of Cloud’s needs. He backed off just as it got too much, and let Cloud take over again to roll his hips and grind against Zack in a way that made Zack’s grip on Cloud harden and whimper his deep rumbling desires. 

They kept going like that: Cloud grinding against Zack, and Zack jacking up into Cloud like a rabbit in heat. Sweat beaded and trickled down their brows and against each other, making them slippery. Their hands glided smoothly over one another’s bodies. 

Zack started pushing against Cloud’s sweaty chest, locked lips with him and with the kiss, pushed Cloud up and backward. They sat up together. Zack kept going, extending himself, pivoting them, pushing Cloud down against the mattress so their heads faced the foot of the bed. Cloud clamped his thighs around Zack’s hips. Zack fucked him into the mattress with strength and precision. Cloud moaned with deeper satisfaction over the raw power exerted on him and the big cock pushing him closer to the edge of bliss. He dug his fingernail into Zack’s back, trying to find something to hang on to, to hug tight, while his world and ass got rocked and obliterated. He lost sense of where his body began and Zack’s ended. Everything felt so good, so natural, so right, as their shared pleasuring continued. 

They kissed fiercely, lip-smacking sounds were broken by needy moans against each other. But then the fierce kissing abated for a moment. Zack lifted off, reached for something behind them and came back. He deposited a deep kiss and sharp thrusts to Cloud's prostate. Cloud cried out a long, _“Oh—fuck.”_

Zack’s wet hand slipped between their sweat-soaked bodies and lovingly pumped Cloud’s cock with fast strokes.

They kissed with hunger. Breathy huffs and smaller whimpers fell out. Zack jackhammered against Cloud, jerking him at a dizzying pace. Cloud’s pleasure rose and spiked; in his ass, his cock. Zack. How could he have denied himself this? _Him._ Affection washed over Cloud, drowning him. He pulled Zack close to himself, buried his face in the crook of the man’s neck, and succumbed to his explosive orgasm which welled up from his core and gushed out. 

Zack’s voice hitched. He groaned, slowing his jerking movements, but his thrusts into Cloud turned deep and precise. Moments later, he groaned into Cloud’s ear, satisfaction lacing his voice as his body spasmed and relaxed.

Both men puffed like locomotives and lay heaped together in an immovable mound. A rumble started in Zack as he found the strength to chuckle. Cloud’s limbs felt so limp but he wanted to keep holding Zack against himself for as long as possible. He mustered his strength and held on, his arms folding over Zack’s sweaty back and hugging him tight.

“I love you,” Zack murmured between deep breaths.

Cloud hugged him tighter. For a moment he had forgotten, in that rush of ecstasy and euphoria it had felt as if his time with Zack would never end, but hearing the words he couldn’t say himself—even though he felt them so keenly in the pit of his heart—brought reality crashing down all around him. He hooked his legs around Zack’s thigh and hip, pushed, and rolled them onto their sides. 

Holding on was all he had left because Zack would slip through his fingers like sand once morning came. He held on to the vestige of his orgasm, the feel of Zack’s cock inside himself, and how delightful the kisses were that Zack pressed into his neck. He held firm. 

He wanted to savor this last, perfect moment.

### 

As they walked to the hotel in the freezing cold, Roxas collected himself enough that he thought he was okay. The tears stopped, he shared a few laughs with Lea. But on entering the hotel room, to find it almost bare; suitcases packed, and the place almost looking pristine, Roxas cracked again and bawled.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Lea dropped everything he carried and enveloped Roxas with his arms and tugged him along to his bed where they snuggled for a long moment.

“It’s real. You’re really leaving,” Roxas squeaked when he thought he had composed himself enough to speak again. He bit down against the sadness which welled up again and cuddled into Lea’s side, gripping him tight.

“Do you want me to stay?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to quit the band and stay with you?”

Roxas looked up, words started and abruptly stopped forming on his tongue, causing him to stammer. He shook his head. “I don’t want you to give up becoming a punk rocker.”

Lea wore a frown that furrowed deeper. “I wish I could take you with me. Could you come with me?”

“I…” They had talked about it, _joked_ about giving everything up and going to live in Japan. He shook his head.

Lea squeezed Roxas and buried his face in blond hair. A deep sniffle sounded and Lea breathed out, lifting his head off Roxas’. With a finger under Roxas’ chin, he tilted his head up so they looked at each other. “I’ll miss you so much, but we have a plan and we’ll make it work.”

Roxas nodded and tried to stop his lip from trembling. Lea hugged him again and they held each other for a long while. 

They shifted with time, taking off their clothes, roaming their hands over each other and taking pleasure in each other’s company one final time. Soft grunts and pants reverberated around the room. Murmurings of love and affection between them left parted lips as they drove each other to the edge of bliss. Their mutual climax left them in tears. They hugged and lay in bed until their breathing evened out and deepened.

“Are you awake?” Roxas asked in a hushed whisper, shifting uncomfortably.

“Yeah, I can’t sleep,” Lea murmured against Roxas’ skin.

“Same. I don’t want to sleep.” He received a tight squeeze from Lea.

“Do you want to go anywhere?”

“Like where?” Roxas turned around, looking at Lea in the gloom.

Lea shrugged. "Out. Up the mountain? Watch the sunrise? Or we could go back to your place and play some games. You think Zack and Cloud hooked up?”

"I don’t care. I don’t wanna see him. Let’s go up the mountain.”

“Okay.”

They got dressed again, grabbed two of the blankets they had used in the igloo and went outside. 

Hand in hand, they picked their way through the barely-lit trail which led up the peak of the small mountain the Center was situated on. They came to an open plateau at the summit, cleared the snow to find the granite composite rock beneath, spread one blanket, and sat down. Lea flung the other blanket around themselves and they huddled for warmth as they overlooked the dark valley below.

"I'm really going to miss you," Roxas said, heaviness residing in his heart and a tremble to his lips.

“I'm going to miss you too. No one's ever meant as much to me as you have. Having to leave you sucks and this is shit."

They exchanged teary looks and a soft kiss.

"This won't be our last sunrise though. I think we've both promised that to each other," Lea said in a hush as he hugged Roxas tight to his side while they watched the hue of the sky change with the impending dawn.

"Yeah." Roxas believed in Lea, and in their relationship. He believed they could be together exactly how they had planned to, but the pain of their impending farewell clouded his heart and hid it from feeling any joy.

The sky grew ever brighter, returning color to the world around them. They watched the sun's first bright beam of light reach over the mountain range, bringing with it a deep melancholy that sat in both their souls. All they had left was the feel of each other and a few warm kisses. 

The sky brightened further. Birds began to chirp. Wordlessly, they got up, packed their blankets and, hand in hand, headed back down the mountain to the Center to get the remaining luggage. 

Each step felt heavier than the last. Each whispered 'I love you' grew the well of sadness in their chests. 

When they got back down, the sky was a thin, crisp hue of blue, without a wisp of cloud in sight. They headed for the hotel and found the van parked out the front. Demyx, surrounded by large boxes of equipment, stood around scratching his head and shuffling things around, sliding boxes into the back of the van. Zack and Larxene appeared, carrying suitcases. Roxas spotted Cloud, standing with folded arms and a grim expression on his face as he looked on. 

Lea gave Roxas a small kiss and excused himself to go return the blankets to the room and to help pack everything into the van.

With a heavy heart, Roxas went over to his brother and muttered, "Morning."

"Morning," came the monotone reply.

The brothers watched on in silence as the four band members came in and out of the hotel, lugging more suitcases and equipment, filling the van as they bickered about how things should fit and had fit in the past and why didn't they fit the same way right now?

"I'm sorry," Cloud broke the silence first.

"I forgive you," Roxas replied quietly and without taking his eyes off Lea. “You were right, but also _not_ right. I don’t like that you shit all over my dreams with Lea. I don’t need your pessimism in my love life when it’s already so depressing.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Roxas _hmpfed._ "Did you make the most out of your last night with Zack?" He glanced over at his brother.

Cloud stayed quiet, his jaw clenching and his eyes carrying a far-off stare. The expression vanished and melancholy sat on his brows. "Yes," he breathed out.

"Good for you."

"I don't know if it was."

Roxas looked over and stared up at his brother with concern. "Huh?"

Cloud sighed. "I wish I had listened to you from the start; not wasted the days by not spending more time with him like _that_ from the start." Cloud clenched his jaw while his gaze never wavered from the direction of the van and Zack.

"I don't think _any_ time would be enough, to be honest. I've spent nearly every day with Lea and… it still wasn't enough."

Cloud gave Roxas a sympathetic look then. The brothers fell silent. They watched the van get packed and Larxene and Demyx waved them goodbye before getting in the front.

The brothers heart's grew ever heavier. Roxas left Cloud's side to stand before Lea, who had called him over to the van and embraced him in a tremendous hug, lifting him off the ground. 

"I love you, my honey-biscuit."

"I love you, my trash-man."

Lea kissed Roxas' tears away, and Roxas kissed Lea's away as they held onto each other.

Zack, meanwhile, walked over to Cloud and stood before him, hands in his pockets. "Bags and gear's all packed."

Cloud nodded, feeling ill; a sea of salty tears threatened to choke him if he said anything. He didn't want to shed a single one.

Zack stepped closer. He brushed his gloved hand against Cloud's. Their fingers intertwined. Cloud tugged. Zack stepped even closer, bowed, and their foreheads touched together.

"I'll miss you," Zack husked.

Cloud breathed deep, willing himself to stay strong. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'll miss you too.” The ache in his chest intensified. He took another deep breath. “I don't want us to talk once you've left."

"I know,” Zack husked, a smile in his voice.

"This is over between us." Cloud’s eyes became blurry and he clenched his fists, even as he held onto Zack’s hand.

"I know,” came the ever softening reply.

"I'll move on." He grimaced and tried to contain the sob within his chest.

Zack huffed with slight amusement, pulled back, and kissed Cloud’s forehead before taking a tiny step back. "I know,” he said with gentle serenity and shimmering, wet eyes.

"I'll forget about you." Cloud's lips trembled. His heart ached as he tried to convince himself of his own words.

"That's okay. I'll never forget you though. I'll always remember the time we spent together." He squeezed Cloud’s hand and ran his other through Cloud’s hair.

"Zack," he choked on the sob and clutched Zack's jacket, but no matter how hard he clenched his jaw or squeezed his eyes shut, he couldn't stop the tears from falling.

Zack hugged him tight and pressed soft kisses to his temple. "I love you. Now and forever. Even if we never see each other again, I’ll never forget you. I'll always hold love in my heart for you, my precious hedge-owl, no matter how many days and years pass. It’ll always be there,” he said through a strained tone.

Cloud felt terrible as he looked up at Zack's tear-streaked face through his own watery vision. “I’m sorry for making you cry.” He wiped Zack's cheeks dry. 

Zack shook his head and smiled. He wiped at Cloud's face. “Don’t be. The time we spent together was precious, and that makes all of this aching worthwhile.”

“Does it really though?”

“It does. It does to me. Life is a beautiful misery.” His finger came to rest under Cloud’s chin, lifting his face and they connected in a tender kiss.

"C'mon, boys. We are on the _clock,"_ Larxene screamed and honked the horn.

Cloud and Zack pulled away from each other. Cloud furiously wiped at his face, hating how the dam walls had broken, hating that Zack was leaving, and hating that this was _it._

Zack looked at the van, sighed heavily and returned his attention onto Cloud. "I… want to give you something, but you don't have to accept it. It's just… if you want it." He pulled something out of his pocket and put it in Cloud's hand.

Cloud examined the metal chain and the attached metal guitar pick with a love heart cut into it. He clutched it to his chest and gave Zack a look he hoped could convey the way he felt as words utterly failed him.

A soft, yet deeply-pained smile spread across Zack's face. He cupped Cloud's face again and stroked his cheek. Zack’s eyes turned glassy. He shook his head, blinked, and straightened. Clearing his throat, he said, "All the best, Cloud."

"Same to you. I—” he choked on the words which were too hard to say. “Thanks. Thanks for letting me experience _you,_ and thanks for this," he got out instead, and gestured with his hand that held the gift.

Zack gave him a sorrowful smile and small nod, stepped away, and walked to the van. He patted Lea on the shoulder as he passed. "C'mon,” he said softly.

Lea dislodged from his kiss with Roxas. They both wiped at their faces. 

"We'll talk online."

"Yeah, I'll send you some stuff." Roxas waved and stepped away, finding his brother off to the side and headed that way.

Roxas and Cloud watched the men hop into the van. Zack and Lea, each manning one of the doors, looked back at them, taking in the sight of the men they loved one last time. Larxene screamed again, breaking the spell, and they pulled the doors shut. A moment later the van gunned to life and moved away, down the road.

Roxas wiped at his eyes and sniffled. Cloud clenched his jaw and pushed down the wall of pain wanting to come screaming out of him. He took a deep breath and focused on his brother, whom he noticed holding something green. "What's that you've got there?"

"Lea's shirt." Roxas held up the faded Oscar the Grouch shirt.

"That's really his?"

A sad sort of smile graced Roxas' face. "Yeah." He held it to his face, wiping the remaining tears away and deeply inhaled Lea's clinging scent. It hurt an incredible amount even as the love inside him swelled like a balloon.

Cloud felt his own ache blooming again, this time stemming from the warm mental chain with its attached pendant in his hand. He breathed in the crisp morning air and put his mind to task thinking of the one thing that could distract them both right now.

“We have preparations to get through for tomorrow."

“Yeah, sure.” Roxas pulled out his phone and started messaging Lea as they headed back to their apartment.

Cloud kept clutching the necklace; the blunted sides pressed into his hand as he walked away from where his heart lay shattered in the snow. He had chosen this. It had been his decision. That didn’t stop it from hurting though. He hadn’t managed to prevent what he had been so worried about happening, from actually happening. That irked him. But he wouldn’t turn back on his words: wouldn’t contact Zack. He’d delete his number and move on. He’d steel his heart to be strong for himself and for Roxas. What good was pain if he couldn’t use it to temper himself, afterall? It would be all right. He would be all right. He knew that much and he had no regrets. Life was indeed an endless chain of fleeting moments, bittersweet melodies, and beautiful miseries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um… that’s it. Cloud finally got dicked down. I hope it was satisfying. I definitely enjoyed it. 👀
> 
> The end song for this chapter, in particular, is [Wings by Birdy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBKfy0FwUC8)
> 
> I also want to say that this is where the story is supposed to end—on the bittersweet note that these people found each other, loved each other, and left again, to pursue their lives and dreams.
> 
> Yet, as you can see, there are still two chapters left. Those are epilogues, for you to choose to read if you want. They, however, aren’t a must-read. To me, the story still ends right here, in that moment of heartbreak because for the longest time, I couldn’t envision a happy ending for this story. I didn’t want to envision one, because, even though this story is fictional (events and people), it comes from a very real place in my heart that hurt quite a lot. While that pain has dulled and is mostly gone—morphed into nostalgia—thinking about it still does things to me. So choosing to give the couples a happy ending… well, I feel like it isn’t a true representation of the story I want to tell.
> 
> But, from a story-telling perspective that’s separated from my own personal experience, I can see the merit of making it end on a good note. So I’ve compromised and made epilogues because I fell back in love with the story thanks to the support you guys have shown it. I want to give Clack and AkuRoku a happy ending. They deserve it! Especially Cloud. OMG.
> 
> Now, the next question is… do I torture you and update in a couple of weeks (maybe even a couple of years 😋,) to keep the pain alive, or do I just stick to a weekly update schedule?🤔
> 
> The jury is still out on that one.
> 
> Meanwhile, have my [ Fleeting Moments Spotify Playlist!!!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/10QoDcZdCRDUH9xbdsPsIB?si=4li4cQfMR7OLWHxCN3f61A) It’s best listened to in order, but shuffle away if you’d like.
> 
> Also [a YouTube playlist](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMJkddvJ4L4&list=PLGBPGoX1ZkwnNbwQdrp907q3m00Z47Fnm)
> 
> I’ll see you guys in the next chapter. 💋😘
> 
> Comments and Kudos are my lifeblood, so please do feed me if you have at all enjoyed the story. 🙏


	8. Epilogue - Another Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four years have passed since that teary farewell in the snow. Roxas and Lea’s lives have changed, and continue to change, especially on this particular spring evening in Japan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to keep posting on a weekly basis. So next chapter will be out next week and then I can put this story to bed, which I’m super excited about. Thank you for the comments on the previous chapter. I thoroughly enjoyed reading them all and will reply once my headspace is better.
> 
> Please excuse the Japanese. I used Google Translate and have included the intended translations in the superscript [1]  
> I was told I might need to include a mild tear-jerk warning. Not sure if it’s needed but I’ll hand you all a tissue just in case.
> 
> Many, _many_ thanks and a massive shout out to [DezzyLovell](https://twitter.com/DezzyLovell) for pre-reading and helping me fix a few tonal issues. Please support her when she gets around to posting her own AkuRoku|Clack fic ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> Anywho, please enjoy this epilogue chapter. AkuRoku-centric, if the summary didn’t tip you off 😉

Another day dawned, the light filtering through sheer curtains in the small room. The alarm blared—an incessant ear-piercing offensive tone. Roxas rolled over, shut off the device and rubbed his eyes with a tired yawn. A smile stretched across his face though. Today was an exciting day. He hopped out of bed, the tatami mats cool against his bare feet.

“Something smells good!” Roxas called out as he headed out of his room and down the narrow corridor to the bathroom.

“I had time to make kobachi[2] and yakizakana,"[3] was sung out from the kitchen.

“Thank you, Aqua. You’re wonderful.” 

She hummed in pleasure as he locked himself in the tiny bathroom to wash his face and relieved himself. He heard the chatter outside as Aqua and her husband talked and set the table.

On coming out and heading to the main living area, he received warm morning greetings and smiles.

“It is your big day today, isn’t it,” Terra remarked, handing Roxas some small bowls filled with pickled vegetables.

“Yep. I know the students in the club are all really excited. I’ll probably be home late tonight. They said something about wanting to take me out to Shibuya after the play. There’s a bar and a band they’ve all been crazy about.”

“Is it Satisfaction Machine?”[4] Terra asked, sipping a cup of miso.

“Yeah, it is. You’ve heard of them?”

“They’re doing the rounds right now. All my students love them too,” Aqua said.

“Same with my classes. I’m sorry you haven't been able to avoid the hype-train,” Terra chuckled.

Roxas huffed with amusement. “Oh, it’s my own fault, I think. I was trying to get them used to talking to me in English, so I told them about the time I dated a guy in a band. Ever since then they’ve been on this mission to get me dating someone. It’s like they think that being twenty-four and single is the end of the world.”

Aqua and Terra laughed. 

“Welcome to the club,” Terra said.

“Hm?”

“Three years ago, our students tried to set Terra and me up. Never mind that we’d already been married for two years before that.” Aqua beamed at Terra.

They all laughed, kept chatting over breakfast, and then headed out for work. 

* * *

The day rushed by. Roxas did his work at school and then went to the after-school club, helping the students add the finishing touches to their puppets. After that, they all went to the school hall to perform the pantomime everyone had been working on really hard since the beginning of the term.

To celebrate all the hard work, Roxas went out with a few of the senior students. It was the first time he was out with his group in a non-education setting. The atmosphere was relaxed and laid back. They all joked together and English seemed to come far more liberally to them as they all walked down the busy streets of Shibuya. They headed toward Harajuku, but turned down a different street before they got there. The streets were crowded and lively. They passed bars packed with salarymen, and eventually entered a small venue, hidden in a hallmark narrow maze of side-alleys.

On entering the warm establishment, the smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol hit Roxas’ nostrils. The wooden bar stood right up front by the door, and behind it, he saw a bright light. It was obscured by the throng of people crammed into the space, but it was safe to assume that’s where the stage was. He and the students shuffled past the occupied seats lining the bar and squeezed into the awaiting crowd. 

They stood around, the space between bodies becoming almost non-existent as more people crammed in.

“Is it always like this?” Roxas asked Yuuto and Himari, who stood either side of him.

“Hai -sōdesu,”[5] Yuuto said.

Himari gasped and pointed. “Mite, mite! Hajimatta!”[6]

A roar went up from the crowd. The band came out, screaming. A heavy riff started and they began knocking out bangers. Roxas couldn’t see much of anything but he let loose, along with everyone else around him. He’d never heard their music before, but the choruses were catchy enough with fun broken-English for him to belt them out with the rest of the mass of young adults that surrounded him.

He danced and sang along for three songs when on the fourth, his stomach dropped and he froze. A saxophone played. Of course, it could have been absolutely _anyone_ playing the sax, but… the way it _sounded!_ His students giggled with mischief. A sinking feeling and anxious butterflies erupted inside himself. All those questions they had asked about his ex so many months ago—he gulped. 

Like sharks, his students surrounded him. Suspicion roused and he broke into a light sweat as he got pushed to the front of the stage by his students.

“Nan desu ka?”[7]

They only giggled harder.

Roxas stared up at the slightly elevated stage. The four band members danced around and around. The girls, dressed in head to toe mish-mashed kawaii and punk gear: neon-colored skirts, bangles, wristbands, heavy chains, and torn stockings. The two guys—Roxas’ breath caught in his chest as he saw the man with a red mohawk and tattoos under his eyes.

Longing swelled like a sea on the high tide. Roxas gazed upon _Lea_ , up there, passionately blowing his saxophone, looking at his band members, his whole face lit with joy.

A tremble ran through Roxas. Panic. Joy. Remorse. Guilt. The heartache from two years ago rushed at him and prickled his eyes. Surely, Lea would _hate_ seeing him, especially so completely out of the blue. An overwhelming urge to flee overcame him and he turned, pushing against the crowd to escape. 

The music changed. The saxophone stopped ringing through the air. The music ceased. A murmur went up through the crowd.

_“Biscuit?”_

_That voice._ That _pet name!_ Elation and dread intermingled. Roxas grimaced but turned around… slowly. He offered a small smile and a wave at the man who gawked at him, slack-jawed.

Lea quickly shook his head and shouted, “Stay. _Please,”_ even as the silver-haired band member glared at him and said something threatening-sounding in Japanese.

Mortified at being the center of attention, Roxas nodded to free himself of the staring eyes. That seemed to appease Lea, who apologized and went back to playing his instrument. Roxas removed himself from the bopping crowd. He glared at his students, who giggled behind their hands as he passed them by while heading to the bar. He ordered himself a stiff drink and watched Lea as much as he could through the throbbing mass of bodies dancing together in front of the stage.

He couldn’t believe it. That was _Lea_ dancing, performing, and rocking out. That was his _ex_ throwing glances his way every time the crowd parted enough for them to see each other. 

He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought of leaving while the band played on, but Lea had asked him to stay. He grew sick with the what-ifs and wild possibilities floating about his head that _maybe_ they could get back together… _if_ Lea wasn't taken. _If_ Lea forgave him. _If_ he could forgive Lea. _If_ they could somehow avoid living like they had before. There were a lot of ifs. But Roxas hung in there, ordering drink after drink and some bar snacks.

The buzzing inside only got worse with alcohol. It got even worse after two hours when the band finished and the patrons dispersed.

Roxas stayed, surrounded by a few of his students, who couldn’t stop giggling. There was a bit of a language barrier, but he got enough out of them to understand that they had indeed _suspected_ and _hoped_ that the bassist for Satisfaction Machine had been Roxas’ ex. The sax and red hair had been a dead giveaway to them. There weren't too many foreigners about to fit that description. Roxas felt lightheaded over the sheer _luck_ and coincidence over having run into his ex in a place like this—even if it had been a little staged.

And then the bassist in question came over. The students giggled with heightened amusement and quickly waved, saying goodnight to Roxas. On being deserted, the tremble inside him increased. He rubbed his hands against his thighs to dry them and slid off the barstool, wobbling a little from the alcohol, and from having sat down for the better part of 2 hours.

“Hey, you. Steady on.” Lea flung his arms out to catch Roxas, but Roxas caught himself and held on to the bar before stepping away and toward Lea.

"My fault. I shouldn't have had so many Asahi." His heart raced, and not just because of the alcohol. "Hi," he squeaked and then cleared his throat, but it was too late: embarrassment stained his cheeks. He hoped the buzz from the alcohol hid it.

"Hi," Lea greeted again, smiling with a thin strain and shifting his hips. He stuffed his hands into his back pockets.

"Hey." Roxas frowned. Hadn't he already said that? He felt so stupid and uncoordinated and pathetic. He could barely look at Lea, so stole glances at the man who seemed gargantuan in the chunky platform shoes. He wore the punk aesthetic well: skinny jeans, chains, tartan, thick mascara, hooped lip piercing and a mesh shirt under the leather jacket.

He was staring and knew that he was, but his brain felt fuzzy. "Uh…"

“You liked the music?”

Roxas nodded. “Y-you look good—I mean, _up there_ , I mean… also in general too… just….” Roxas kept his self-berating grunt inside. "Punk suits you."

Lea laughed with a squeak in his voice. “Thanks. You too, I mean… you look good too.”

Roxas doubted that, dressed in his smart casual attire he’d put on when he’d gone to work that morning. He looked more like a dork than anything else. He shifted, self-conscious, and as nervous as he’d been the first day he had met Lea, four years ago. He didn’t know what to say, or how to act, or what to do.

 _“You’re in Japan,”_ they said simultaneously. A stunned silence fell and broke with their nervous laughter.

“This is weird, huh,” Lea shrugged his shoulder. “Running into each other like this?”

“Yeah.” Roxas nodded, finding it hard to believe that he was face to face with his ex.

“Can I take you out for a drink? Can you handle any more drinks?”

"Oh, yeah, I can handle more. I think my leg just fell asleep sitting down for so long." Roxas stomped his foot. It tingled unpleasantly.

"Oh, good!—I mean, not good about the leg. Just good about—” Lea grunted and rubbed at his neck. “Lemme try again… can I invite you out?—or is it too late? I’d like to catch up, but if you have somewhere you need to be….” Desperation clung to Lea’s hasty words. He tucked his hand back into his back pocket.

Warmth spread through Roxas over Lea acting awkward and weird…. At least Roxas wasn’t the only one feeling this dysfunctional way. He checked his watch, relieved over having something to distract himself from the buzzing that Lea’s virescent eyes stirred up. 11 PM. “I need to be up at six tomorrow." He could see Lea’s smile fade, so quickly continued, “but please don’t think I don’t want to catch up with you. I do. I really do.”

Lea’s smile returned, full force, even brighter than before. “Um… could we hang out another day?—Unless you’re like… leaving… or something?” Lea ended in a mutter, hunching in on himself and staring off to the side.

“No.” Seeing all of Lea’s familiar behaviors, hearing his tone—how Roxas had missed him!—"I’m… I live right here in Tokyo—Ueno, actually.”

Lea’s eyes snapped onto Roxas, widening with surprise. “Since when?”

“Last year. What about you? Are you based here _or…”_

“Wow. Yeah, no. I live here too.” Lea’s hands came out of his pockets and went to his hips. “I’ve gone all over Japan the last two years, but right now I’m living out at Nakano. I stay with the band,” he nodded toward the stage.

The utter relief at hearing that news made Roxas tingle all over. He couldn’t censor his smile with how quickly it spread across his face. “That’s amazing. You’re in Japan _and_ in a punk band! You’re living your dream!”

Lea chuckled and rubbed at his head. “Yeah, sort of. I still have a ways to go, but… yeah, it’s been really good. And, well… it feels closer than ever now.” He took a step closer to Roxas, but then turned around as his stage name got called. “Lemme introduce you to the band.”

Roxas followed, each step making him feel more lightheaded than the last. “You’re still going by your stage name?”

“Yeah.”

“Is your real name still a secret?” 

Lea chuckled. “No. They just find calling me ‘Axel’ easier.”

“Ahh.”

Lea gave him a warm smile before returning his attention to the stage, which they approached and got on top of.

“This is Kairi, Naminé, and Riku.” Lea gestured to each in turn on making the introductions.

They all bowed, and Roxas returned the gesture.

“Guys, this is Roxas.”

“Hontō!”[8] Kairi screamed. 

Naminé gasped. 

Riku raised an eyebrow, “Couldn’t be more obvious during show.”

Naminé slapped Riku’s shoulder and berated him quickly in Japanese whilst giving him a staredown.

Lea rubbed at himself and laughed in that familiar, high-strung nervous way. “I’m really sorry about that, Riku. I haven’t spoken to Roxas in two years and… well,” he glanced at Roxas, “I never expected to run into him here. It was a bit of a surprise.”

Kairi beamed. “It must be good surprise! Axel said so much about you,” she enthused, ignoring the silver-haired man’s disgruntled expression.

“It really was. Uh… if it’s alright with you guys, I’ll go out for a drink with him tonight. I’ll be back late.”

Riku folded his arms, gave a scrutinizing glare at both Roxas and Lea, and then waved his hand, “Okay. Be quiet when you come back.”

“No worries, Ku.”

Roxas and Lea took their leave, finding it much easier to maneuver out of the bar now that most of the crowd had gone. 

“Wow, that Riku guy sure is grumpy,” Roxas said once the door slid shut behind them. They stood out in the alley as several swaggering and singing salary-men passing by, heading home.

Lea barked with laughter. “Yeah, reminds me of a certain brother of yours.” 

The laugh they shared felt like sheer bliss to Roxas. The years spent apart seemed to disappear from existence with how they smiled at each other. Roxas broke eye contact first though, and nervous awkwardness crashed right back into him. 

_“Lea—”  
“Rox—”_

Again, they chuckled. Lea rubbing at himself. Roxas, not knowing what to do with his hands, shifted about uncomfortably.

Seeing the discomfort, Lea reached and took up one of Roxas’ hands, which also drew their eyes together. “I can’t believe I’m standing here with you. I… I’ve missed you.” Lea held Roxas with an intense stare.

Roxas looked down at their warm handhold. Old feelings stirred, making it difficult to swallow. Hearing that Lea _missed him_ … he felt undeserving.

 _“Sumimasen,” [9]_ came a voice.

Both men repeated the phrase and stepped aside and away from the door, but still hugged the side of the building.

“It’s been a while,” Roxas ventured.

“Yeah. Hey… uh… let’s go find a bar so we can talk?” Lea offered and let go of Roxas. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

They began walking and Lea filled the space with words, “Do you have any preference for which bar?”

“No. Whatever is fine.”

They tried a few establishments but Lea’s getup got them looks. Roxas looked on with amusement as they were politely asked to not enter yet _another_ establishment.

“Sorry, Roxas. I think it’s the hair. We can go to the train station and I can work the gel out.” Lea fiddled with the spikes his hair was molded into.

Roxas chuckled. “It’s okay. Maybe it’s not meant to be tonight. We can meet up another day. It’s pretty late anyway.”

Lea furrowed his brows and he sucked on his lip piercing. “Can I walk you home? Can we talk there?”

“I’m living with other people. I can’t really have you over. Paper-thin walls and all that.”

Lea sighed. “Yeah, I hear you. Same for me. I can still walk you to the station though, right? I’ve got to go there anyway.”

Roxas smiled with his whole heart. “Yeah, that would be great. We can talk until we get there.”

That seemed to lift Lea’s spirits as well. He gestured with his hand and they walked on through the narrow alleys and out to the main streets.

“How long have you had the lip piercing for?”

“Since I got to Japan. Does it look good?” Lea eyed Roxas and puckered his lips.

Roxas laughed. “Not when you pull that face.”

“What’s wrong with my kissy-face?” Lea did it more, leaning down and getting close to Roxas’ face.

Roxas giggled and pushed the other man away. His heart hammered. “Punk’s don’t do kissy-faces.”

“Says you.”

“Yeah.”

They grinned at each other and kept walking for a few beats before Lea asked, ever so casually, “What have you been getting up to? I saw you got to be on Sesame Street. That must’ve been mind-blowing."

“You heard about that?”

“Well… uh, I might have Google-stalked you once in a while.” Lea winked.

Roxas’ heart leaped into his throat. Lea had kept tabs on him. A hurricane of flutters erupted. A waterfall of dejection dumped on him. He huffed with bitter sadness. “Yeah, it was an absolute dream come true. Um… I… after the Netherlands,” his saliva tasted sour bringing that up, “I went back home for a little bit to be with my family. I had some pretty amazing opportunities—like getting to meet the Sesame Street cast and crew—and then this Japan thing came up—I’m here to run after-school puppetry workshops and I’m also an English teacher.”

“Oh wow. Would never have seen that coming. Good on ya, Roxas. Sounds like you’re living your life to the fullest.”

He smiled but didn’t feel it inside himself. “Yeah. Thanks. What about you?”

“Ah… um… well… after… after we broke up, I actually got my shit together and came straight over to Japan. I guess… it was kinda a wakeup call?” Lea afforded Roxas the briefest of glances. “I started off in Osaka and kind of traveled around. I ended up in Sapporo, but fuck me, that was cold, so I came back down to Kyoto. I’ve been trying out with various bands all over really. The language barrier was hard to overcome, but a lot of bands seemed to dig my aesthetic so gave me a shot. But I never really hit it off with anyone so I came to Tokyo and met Kairi through a mutual friend and she got me into Satisfaction Machine. We’re getting on pretty well. The girls are cute and Riku tolerates me, so that works.” He laughed. “If I keep on his good side I got a pretty good chance of staying in Japan permanently.”

“Oh, wow. That’s amazing. That’s like… what you always wanted. I'm so happy it's working out for you.” He felt overwhelming joy for Lea, but… his heart also cracked. He couldn’t take another step. He stopped. Tears welled. 

“Roxas?”

Roxas jumped. “It sounds like you worked really hard to get to where you wanted to be,” he squeezed out through a strained smile.

Lea cocked an eyebrow. With hesitance lacing his words, he said, "Thanks, man. But… is everything okay? You don't have to cry for me.” Lea tacked on a cheap smile.

"Yeah, everything's fine." Roxas tried holding onto his fake joy.

Lea frowned. "It’s been years, but I still know that look.” He drew closer, placing a comforting hand on Roxas’ shoulder. “You’re not happy. What’s wrong?”

Roxas focused on his breathing, not sure where to start, or if to start at all. “Are you still angry with me?” he blurted out.

“God, no. Are you with me?”

Roxas shook his head. It hurt to look at Lea. He let his eyes drop. “Lea.” A pitiful squeak sat in his voice.

“Yeah?” Lea stepped closer.

Roxas hadn’t wanted to do this in the middle of the street. Hadn’t wanted to do this at all, but his burden sat so heavy. He wanted to get rid of it, as fast as possible. He let his mouth do the talking, "The last two years have been really tough. When we broke up… it came at the _worst_ time.” He wrung his hands. “Everything went from bad to worse in the space of a month, and I'm sorry for bringing this up. But I really need to get this off my chest."

Lea made shushing sounds and wrapped his arms around Roxas. “It’s okay. You can tell me. I want to hear everything.”

Roxas clung, hooking his fingers into the mesh-top Lea wore and inhaled his sweaty scent, nuzzling into him and enjoying the deep comfort it brought. “I’ve missed you so much,” Roxas breathed.

Lea squeezed him and took a deep breath as if savoring the smell of Roxas’ shampoo. “I missed you too, biscuit. Go on. What do you wanna tell me?”

Roxas collected himself. "My dad got really bad—"

"Oh shit!" Lea moved so he could look down at Roxas.

Roxas looked up into that familiar face which also looked strange with the added piercings and makeup. "He's stable now. Cloud and mom moved to Vancouver so dad could be closer to a big hospital. Cloud's managing more of the business admin side of things so I've been traveling around by myself the last year and a half. It's hard, but… also good for me, I guess. It's been easier because I've been here in Japan for the past year. It's easier to make friends and stay connected if I’m in one place, instead of traveling around so much."

Lea nodded and hummed affirmingly as Roxas spoke.

“I kept thinking about you—about us breaking up—about you… I don’t understand—why did you keep tabs on me when it was _you_ who cut me out of your life?” He squeezed Lea’s sides and pressed his face against the man’s chest, almost as if in rebellion against being pushed away all those years ago. “Why did you look me up?”

Lea tightened his hold around Roxas. “I… never stopped caring about you. And… I think I wanted to know if you ever got married.”

Roxas looked up at Lea with wide eyes.

“Did you? Are you still seeing… that guy?” Lea pursed his lips with a tense edge.

“No.” Roxas pushed against Lea and stepped away, needing to look the other man in the eyes, even as Sora’s cheery face flashed through his mind. “After Cloud and you left me, he was all I had left, but… we broke up once I left the Netherlands.”

“Oh.” Lea dropped his gaze and looked at the ground.

Roxas hugged himself. He felt sick. Nervous…. _Optimistic?_

Lea raised his head and slowly said, “Are you… seeing anyone else?”

“No. What about you? Did you… date anyone after we… are you seeing anyone now?” He cautiously glanced at Lea, his heart constricting in his throat.

“No. I haven’t really been with anyone seriously since we broke up. I’ve been too busy trying out for bands.” Lea shifted, his hand finding their way into his pockets once more.

Roxas hummed, relieved to hear that news. He’d hurt so bad for such a long time. He’d pushed down his feelings for the other man, but now… now they bubbled up and sat deep in the pit of his stomach. “Do you… still have a lot of flings?”

Lea shook his head. “Again, I’ve been really busy, and the Japanese… don’t really want to get down with me, which I can’t really understand.” Lea shrugged and feigned at a dumbfounded look, but the smile peeked through.

Roxas breathed a little deeper and fought down his smile. “How long have you been with, ah… Satisfaction Machine?”

“Nearly a year.” Lea shifted his weight. “Are you happy in your life?”

“I am,” Roxas gave a smile, even though it soaked in sadness. “I’m really happy to see you again.” He clenched his jaw. “I thought meeting Cookie Monster was the happiest day of my life, but this… right now—” he choked up.

“Oh, biscuit,” Lea stepped close and reached for Roxas’ shoulder, squeezing gently. “You’re really comparing seeing me again to meeting Cookie?” His eyes shimmered with the reflection of the streetlights all around.

Roxas saw no one and nothing else but Lea, even as people and cars bustled along the busy street they had stopped on. The sad look on Lea’s face, the ridiculous hair, the sexy outfit… it all poured into Roxas’ soul. “It could have been—it should have been amazing. But when I was there… all I could think of was how _you_ should have been there with me. You should have been there with me and met Oscar.” The tears began welling. “Like—it would have been the absolute _best_. The trash-man you love, meeting the trash-man I loved—” Roxas’ own use of the past tense almost made him double-over in pain. An ugly sob left him. He spun around, facing the building wall and hugged himself. “God, don’t look at me. I’m so pathetic,” he squeaked.

“You are so damn cute,” Lea rumbled close to Roxas’ ear, a wince in his voice. He wound his arms around Roxas and buried his face in blond hair.

“I wish we never—” Roxas choked on a sob.

“I wish we never, either. I wish I could have been there for you. I wish I could have been stronger for you—for both of us.”

Lea’s words made Roxas turn around, and soothed the ache in his chest. He wound his arms around Lea’s trim waist. He sniffled and breathed deep to regain control over his emotions. “How we lived… it was hard on both of us. I don’t know how you could have been stronger.”

Lea hummed, sounding resigned. “I know I did you dirty. I should have been calmer, not been so jealous. Let you have your… _thing_ with that guy. I mean, I was fucking around too so…”

“Yeah, but… it was different. I knew you weren’t invested. I think… I didn’t… I shouldn’t have lied to you and kept my thing with Sora a secret. I’m sorry. How we lived…” he shook his head. “It was too hard on me. It was too hard on you. That distance really killed us.”

Lea looked down into Roxas’ shimmering eyes for a long moment. A heaviness grew on his brow. “Yeah. It was really fucking tough. I thought we could handle it, but…” Lea _hmphed_. “God… I hate the fact that your brother was right.”

Roxas huffed out with a sorrowful laugh. “Yeah. I know, right?”

They shared a soft smile. Their hold around each other tightened.

“Did he ever give you shit about it?”

Roxas shook his head. “I didn’t let him see me breakdown. I didn’t want him to have the satisfaction.”

“Fuck. Roxas. I’m so sorry.” He cupped Roxas’ cheek.

Roxas pressed Lea’s hand against his face. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t change it. Being with you— _trying_ to be with you—through those two years of us both touring taught me so much about what I can and can’t handle—about what I _do_ and don’t want out of a relationship.” 

“What _do you_ want out of a relationship?” Lea said, his voice sticking in his throat and his face tightening with worry.

“I…” Roxas let go of Lea’s hand on his face, and he slipped his arm around Lea’s waist once more. "Why do you want to know?" he asked, half-teasing, half-curious.

With a mellow smile, Lea said, "Asking for a trashy friend."

Roxas chuckled with the building joy inside his heart. “Well… I learned I need contact. I don’t want open relationships. I want to live with you—”

“Me?”

“Yes, you.” Roxas tried at a glower, but it had no strength behind it. “I want to see you on a daily basis. Have a home for us to come back to if one or both of us has to go away for a while. I’ve been so lonely without you, Lea. I wanted to stay friends—wanted to keep talking. You completely cutting me out of your life after we called it off was such an asshole move. It hurt so damn much.”

Lea winced, his hand slipped off Roxas’ cheek, but he kept a firm hold around Roxas’ shoulders. “I’m so sorry. I… you having a relationship with someone else… I couldn’t handle it. I couldn't stick around to hear how…" he let out a shaky breath. "I knew you needed someone close to you. I hated that it couldn't be me.”

“I never wanted a relationship with anyone else but you,” Roxas reached up, grazing Lea’s cheek with the tips of his fingers, and stared up at the shimmering pools of green. “I missed you every day. I’m… I needed someone to hold me when you weren’t there to do it. That didn’t mean I loved you any less, or that I didn't want you.”

A pain drew Lea’s face into a tight grimace. “I’m so sorry. I know it was selfish of me. You let me have meaningless flings and I couldn’t even deal with supporting you having someone to hug. I’m sorry I cut you out and pushed you away. I’ve got nothing to defend myself with. I was an asshole and an idiot. A hundred percent more Axel than myself, and for _that_ , I’m so sorry. I lost my way. I missed having you around. I got a big touring head—” Lea huffed. “But you know all that. So… well, the main thing is that I’ve missed you. Both before and after we broke up. And no random hookup can compare to how it was to be with you. I’m realizing that more and more now. It’s what’s really stopped me from sleeping around. There’s just no point when the only guy I wanted to be with was God-only-knew-where. But,” he gave a heavy chuckle, “here you are.”

“Here I am,” Roxas whispered back.

“God, I missed you so much!” Lea squeezed his eyes shut and his tears fell and rained onto Roxas’ upturned face.

Roxas wiped at the tears which mingled with his own. He smiled up bitterly. “I want to know that we have a chance to try again. I…” Roxas grabbed the lapels of Lea’s jacket whilst staring at the man’s chest. Sheer determination burned in his belly. “I never stopped loving you. I still love you and I want to try again.”

Lea squeezed Roxas to himself in a tight hug, stealing Roxas’ breath away. “I want to try again too. I want to give you everything you want. I can’t believe we’re both here. It’s like a dream come true. I’ll be here for you, Roxas. Here for all the hugs you need. Here to support you, and have fun with you, and to vent your frustrations to. I’m not going anywhere if you want me back.”

Roxas sniffled and pushed against Lea to break them up and gain more space. He looked up into Lea’s tear-and-mascara-streaked face and smiled with soft pain. “What about your band stuff? Wouldn't you have to tour eventually?”

“Well, eventually, yeah. Maybe.” Lea sniffed and blinked the tears from his eyes. “But even then, it’s only going to be around Japan. Maybe Korea at the _furthest_. And… depending on what the future holds… I think I’m old enough now to be happy to give it up for something and someone I really love.” Lea tucked his finger under Roxas’ chin, pushing him up where they looked into each other’s eyes. “And Biscuit… I still love you. I love everything we had and I want to do better by you. I can’t believe we’re both here and that we met like this. Like… wow,” he breathed out. “I’m going to make it my mission to make us work out this time around. I’m gonna put you first. Just you watch.”

Roxas gave a weepy chuckle. Lea wiped the tears away even as his own slid down his cheeks. They smiled softly at each other. Roxas caught sight of them getting some stares from passers-by. “I think we should wrap this up. We’re getting looked at.”

Lea cast a glance behind himself. “Yeah. You’re probably right.” he stepped back from Roxas and took up his hand. “But we can’t go anywhere and… frankly, I’m not ready to let you go home just yet.” 

A weepy smile graced Roxas’ lips. He felt so light. So happy. “I don’t want to let you go either.”

They stood there, smiling at each other as the world flitted past.

Lea hummed and his smile faded as he thought. He looked about the street. “Ah… _oh!”_

Roxas chuckled and sniffed. “What crazy idea did you just concoct?”

Lea gave a sheepish grin. “Bear with me and this thought… okay?”

Bemused, Roxas nodded. “What is it?”

“We could…” Lea leaned in and his breath tickled against Roxas’ ear as he whispered, “go to a love hotel.” 

A fluttering warmth spread through Roxas. “Lea,” he husked. “We haven’t seen each other in two years and you want to go there already?”

Lea brushed at Roxas’ hair, smiling softly. “I just want a quiet place to talk with you and hold you. Even if we could get into one, a bar's no good for that. And if we try a regular hotel it’s probably gonna be all booked out and way too pricey. Love hotels are cheap to stay in for the night, and most of the time have empty rooms available. Trust me. I spent a lot of time budget traveling. I wanna stay up with you all night talking, and… if we get really cuddly holding each other then…” he shrugged a shoulder, “well… no one’s gonna be around for us to disturb.” A smirk built on Lea’s face.

Roxas inhaled a deep breath. He brought Lea’s hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of it. “Let’s go there then. To sleep or stay up all night. I don’t care. I need to make the most of this moment with you. Of every single moment we get together from here on out.”

“I’ll give you so many moments it’s gonna make you dizzy.”

They giggled. Lea breathed in a deep sigh and hugged Roxas tight one final time before they headed off, hand in hand, to find a place to stay for the night, wrapped up in each other’s arms, and see what their new future could bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure what to say. I wanted to set them up so they can live their lives together. Their breakup was mutual. I hope that came across in the story. I did contemplate writing out their whole two years together before the breakup - and what led up to it, but I didn’t want to. I’ll leave the specifics up to your imaginations.
> 
> Also, in the future, you can bet on the fact that Sora and Riku will meet in this universe, through Roxas and Lea, and they’ll fall in love and live together happily ever after.
> 
> Clack epilogue next week. Hope you are looking forward to it. ❤️ 🙏❤️
> 
> Oh! Wait! Songs! SONGS! I posted the playlist in the last chapter. But I have some Japanese songs I cannot get on the Spotify playlist because region locking is still a thing on there.  
> Anyway… I went on a mad Nana trip, reliving the music from the anime (have you guys seen it? It’s great - about two girls named Nana living together and the drama that unfolds). I liked the songs and found them appropriate for this part of the fic.  
> [A Little Pain by Olivia](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuNUURiF49o) (Japanese)  
> [Wish feat. Olivia as Reira](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abKLIQlZBT4) (Japanese)
> 
> And happy chapter end song from the playlist - [Come To Me by Goo Goo Dolls](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8VMYLniuDk)


	9. Epilogue - Embraced Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six years after saying goodbye, Cloud couldn’t be more fulfilled… until…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter for the fic and that fabled _Happy Ending_ ™️ I promised. It is Cloud/Zack-centric with only a minor mention of Roxas and Lea and how they’ve been going over the years.
> 
> No warnings apply to this chapter. I’m so happy to bring this to you. It’s my absolute favorite thing in this fic, I think, which is funny since this is an epilogue and should never have existed. I still love it though. Please note, it’s cheesy, and I love it. I hope you will too.
> 
> There are links to bonus content in the end author notes. 
> 
> Please, enjoy.

It was high summer in Vancouver. The sun shone, people bustled about the city, and Zack headed out of the office building for his monthly lunchtime trek to the corner bookshop, to see what he might find to read. 

Approaching the bargain bin, the cover caught his attention almost immediately: strong silhouettes, an air of mystery, strange shapes that made up the whole of a strange creature. The Art of Puppetry was the title of the book. Zack smiled and breathed a little deeper with a twinge of nostalgia.

Without a second thought, he bought the book, fully intent on looking through it that evening.

At the end of Zack's day, he unwound, lounging on his couch, bottle of cold beer in one hand, and the thick book resting on his lap. He slowly flipped through it, reading passages, looking at the images, reminiscing, and wondering in what storage container he’d put the puppets he'd made all those years ago. 

“Hedge-owl,” he muttered and chuckled, before breathing out the heaviness that stirred in his chest. He kept skimming through the book, his mind switching focus between the past and what lay on his lap. He took a sip from his drink and— _Cloud Strife—_ he coughed and sputtered. He put his drink on the floor and carefully read the interview, after which he skimmed through with purpose, trying to find more mentions of the man. 

_Collaborator, Cloud Strife._

A sense of pride welled and he grinned from ear to ear. "Go you, buddy." It only took a moment though before a hollow heartache and longing spread its icy tendrils through his chest.

Zack put the book down and got his laptop booted up for a quick internet search, which showed that Cloud had released a book. Not one co-authored. Not edited. But he’d written the _whole_ thing himself: a biography on Cloud's family history and the impact they had on shaping the puppetry industry. Every time Zack thought he had reached peak pride, a renewed feeling of warmth swelled inside his chest.

He looked into getting the book, which was on its first print run—Zack stared at the words: Book Tour. Almost frantic, he tapped around on his touchpad. Cloud would be in Vancouver—would be _back_ in Vancouver? Where he now _lived and worked?_ A slight ringing sounded in Zack's ears. Apparently, Cloud would be back come mid-August.

Though only about two months’ away it felt like an eternity to Zack. He checked the other tour dates. A familiar name sprung out at him. In July. Two weeks from now!

Grabbing his cell he made calls: arranged a flight, a bus ticket, and accommodation in the small town, tucked away in the mountains that he hadn't been back to in 6 long years. He desperately wanted to get to that book signing. It felt poetic. Maybe Cloud would get a kick out of it—or maybe he'd hate it and want to kick Zack’s ass. Zack decided to remain optimistic.

### 

Cloud’s publisher had done a great job arranging the event. There were a lot of people around: mostly artists and students, sitting in at the lecture he gave and then afterward stuck around for the book signing in the auditorium.

Cloud had lost count of the books he'd signed. His hand cramped a little, he’d changed out pens once already, and did so again. Another book slid in front of him. He ever-so-briefly smiled up with unseeing eyes and asked, “Who do I—oh….” He looked at the cover of the race car driver autobiography, The Finish Line, completely baffled. Raising his head he said, “This isn’t my bo—” His jaw dropped.

“Oh, shoot. Sorry.” The tall man took the book back and fiddled with the satchel bag he carried. 

It had been 6 years, but Cloud recognized Zack, even with the well-kempt stubble and his tied-back hair, and undercuts on both sides. The smile he wore, so warm and soft, stirred up forgotten feelings and an unbelievable mass of… _relief?_ Cloud struggled for words as a wave of questions bombarded him.

Luckily, Zack filled the void that Cloud’s gaping left—“I’ve been getting into books lately thanks to a dear friend—here,” Zack produced Cloud’s and, with a cheeky grin, slid the right book onto the desk before him, “so I’m sorry about handing over the wrong one.”

Cloud huffed out a small laugh and felt the butterflies begin to stir. He cleared his thoughts, choosing to focus on the present rather than indulging mystified wonderings. “Are you enjoying The Finish Line?”

“Yeah. Have you read it?”

“No. Is it any good?”

“Oh… it has its moments, like when the guy got gangrene because of a near-fatal crash, obliterating his legs. And now he’s got two peg-legs.”

Cloud suppressed his laughter. “Amazing. I’ll have to read it someday.”

Zack rumbled with a low chuckle. It oozed into Cloud like warm honey. “You totally should. I can lend it to you, if you want.” Zack smiled ever so invitingly.

The connotation of that enticing morsel of an unspoken promise sent tantalizing flutters of excitement through Cloud. “Maybe after you’ve finished it.”

“Yeah, definitely.”

They smiled at each other. Cloud’s heart thundered. Was this truly happening right now? “How’ve you been, Zack?”

Zack trailed his gaze over Cloud. His smile intensified, yet simultaneously softened. "I'm doing really well. It's good to see you again, especially like this. Good job on the book, bud.”

"Thanks. Have you read it?" He looked down at it and opened the front cover.

“I’m still getting through it, but so far your family sounds amazing. There’s so much history and knowledge. You’ve done a really incredible job compiling all this info and making it really readable even for someone like me.”

Cloud focused on his book, unable to bear Zack’s compliments. Heat rose up his neck and into his cheeks. A million thoughts danced around his head. He only voiced one, “What’re you doing here?”

Zack shifted and cleared his throat. "I, um, I know you’re busy,” he glanced behind himself. “I just wanted to get your signature and see you again, and, oh, here—” He reached around for his bag, “I have something for you," and held out a wrapped-up sandwich.

A little bewildered and a little _charmed_ , Cloud took the aluminum-wrapped gift and smiled. "Thanks. Peanut butter, I presume?"

Zack grinned, his chest puffed out a bit. " _And_ banana and cinnamon."

“Ahh…” Cloud chuckled. “I’m sorry I don’t have any cup noodles for you.”

Zack’s smile dropped and then he burst into laughter. “That’s fine, bud. I can’t say I miss it. Not like other things.” He looked at Cloud with such warmth.

Cloud couldn’t get over what he was witness to. Had Zack somehow come out all this way just to see him? Surely not. Surely Zack had simply passed through and it was all a coincidence. But if he had come out expressly to see him… it was sweet. He tucked the wrapped sandwich under his desk, eager to try it. "I’ll eat this when I get a break. Thanks for bringing it.”

“Absolute pleasure.” Zack smiled, shifting on the balls of his feet.

The movement brought Cloud back to his surroundings. He caught sight of the line behind Zack, and as disheartening as it was, he said, “I need to get back to work. Um… do you want me to make it out to you, or someone else?” he fished ever so slightly and put his pen to paper.

"Oh, yeah. Shoot. Sorry. You can make it out to a cloud fancier,” Zack briefly raised his eyebrows, and a smile played on his lips. “Or Zack is fine as well.”

Somewhere between amused and flustered, Cloud huffed. “Zack, then.” He scribbled his standard ‘thanks’ and something a little bit extra. He closed the book and held it out to Zack, with his palms growing sweaty. “It’s been great to see you again.”

“Yeah, same.” Zack took hold of the book, and held onto his smile, but sadness crept around the edges.

Cloud still held the book, and neither of them made a move to let go or pull back. They looked at each other, frozen in the moment of being so close together, after such a long time apart. 

The past flashed through Cloud’s mind. The longing and heartache and… regret, he held deep in his chest, stirred. His heart raced. Uncertainty bombarded him. He could still take the book back—give Zack a different copy. _No._ He remembered the promise he’d made to himself and all the unfulfilled wishes and dreams he’d had prior to this moment. He couldn’t let it flitter past. Not again. He couldn’t let this opportunity go to waste. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he said, “Call me at five, okay?”

Zack blinked… and then blinked some more. "I don't have your number."

"You do now." Cloud let go of the book with a smile and a nerve-shattering deep breath.

Zack looked at the item in his hands. His tanned complexion deepened along his cheeks. "A—Th-thanks, I… I will. Have—have a good day." Zack clutched the book to his chest and stared, his mouth hanging open. He turned away. He turned back. “Five?”

“Five,” Cloud smiled, horrendously amused and giddy from the relief of having gone through with it. 

Zack nodded and stiffly left the auditorium.

Cloud breathed down the flutters so he could focus on the other people waiting patiently in line. At least he felt reinvigorated and could hardly wait for the appointed time to draw near. 

* * *

5 o’clock dragged its heels. Cloud waited for the call—had been waiting for it for the past hour. He’d tidied up his hotel room 5 times already, made 3 cups of tea, and had unsuccessfully channel surfed, all the while waiting for the time to tick over.

Almost on the dot, his phone rang. He jumped. He fumbled. He answered, “Hello. Strife speaking.”

_“Hey, Cloud! It’s Zack.”_

The rumble over the line sank into him. He smiled. “Thanks for calling me.”

_“Yeah, hey. Thanks for asking me to call you. I… really wasn’t expecting that.”_

His pulse raced once more, his palms felt damp, and he tightened the grip on his phone. “What were you expecting?”

 _“Ah… I… don’t know. Maybe… you being a_ little _bit annoyed at me showing up out of the blue? Of course, I_ hoped _you’d be welcoming. I didn’t quite expect_ this _welcoming though,”_ he chuckled. _“It’s more than I could’ve wished for, to be honest.”_

Cloud felt his cheeks heat up. He swallowed down the eager bubble of excitement inside his chest and playing coy, said, “If you could wish for something more, would you wish for a date?”

 _“Oh no,”_ Zack said hastily.“ _That wasn’t my intention when I came here to see you.”_

“Really?” Cloud didn’t believe Zack one bit. The way the other man had looked at him in the auditorium—Cloud smiled with increasing strength. He’d probably scarred Zack for life with his behavior years back, prompting this response. Cloud kept playing along, “Well, if you _didn’t_ come out all this way to go on a date with me that’s a real shame then.”

_“Huh? A real shame? You’re… are you asking me out? What’s… going on?”_

Cloud’s stomach knotted with giddiness. He fought down his humongous grin. “Yes. I’m asking you out: drinks and dinner, but if you don’t want to then—”

 _“What? No, no! A date?”_ A shrill laugh sounded through the line. _“No. That’s… that sounds_ _amazing. That’s…_ wow,” Zack breathed out.

The excitement inside himself turned into a voluminous nausea of elation. “Do you have anything nice to wear? I was invited to a special guest speaker banquet over at The View restaurant. It’s not a black-tie event, but… think job interview type of clothes. My publicist was going to be my plus one, but I’d like it to be you. I’ve already cleared it with her.”

Silence greeted Cloud.

For a brief moment, he turned cold. His excitement plummeted and he got scared. Had he pushed too far? “Zack? Are you there?” 

_“I… I’m here. This is…_ wow. _I… am I_ really _speaking with Cloud Strife right now?”_

Cloud chuckled and warmth returned to his extremities. “You are. I made a promise to myself a couple of years back that, if I ever saw you again, I’d ask you out on a date. I tend to keep my promises.”

_“Wow.”_

With a laugh, and his cheeks positively burning, Cloud said, “Are you okay? I don’t remember you being so speechless.”

 _“Oh… oh, I’m… definitely okay. I don’t remember you being so…_ upfront? _No, that’s not right. You always were. It’s what I liked about you. You weren’t so…_ warm? _No… Oh, I’ve got it—open to dating. You weren’t so open to being with me, or anyone, so… I guess I expected a wall of ice from you. But this… what’s happening right now… like, it’s going to take a bit to process, but…”_ a nervous laugh left the man, “ _I’m here for this. Yes to the date. I did pack some nicer clothes just… in case…”_ Zack cleared his throat, _“When should I come pick you up? Where are you staying?”_

Cloud leaned into his phone. “I’m at the Center, in the hotel. What about you?”

_“In town, at The Rapids.”_

“Ah. Come and meet me in The Clay Bar at six. Dinner isn’t until seven.”

 _“Okay. You got it. It’s… a date.”_ Zack tittered.

Cloud smiled at the sound. “It’s a date. See you soon.”

* * *

The hour dragged. Cloud kept adjusting and readjusting his clothes, fixing the belt on the white dress pants, retucking his blue business shirt, and leaving two and then three of the top buttons undone. He looked at his exposed skin, and at the chain peeking out beneath his clothes. He felt stupid and like he was trying too hard, so buttoned himself up all the way. 

He pulled on his white blazer, buttoning and unbuttoning it, unsure if he looked overdressed or not. He left it unbuttoned and fiddled with his slicked-back hair, wondering if he should wash out the product and let it dry naturally. He picked at the zit on his chin. He stared at his phone, wanting to call Zack, but what was the point? They’d see each other soon enough. Cloud smiled.

When he finally got out and walked to the bar, he breathed a sigh of relief on finding Zack already there. The man sat on a barstool, fingering a glass filled with beer, and looked at him the moment he stepped foot into the establishment. 

Zack’s smile spread. “Hey, Cloud!” he waved at him.

“Hi.” Cloud went over and slid onto the stool next to Zack, taking note of the indigo business shirt with the cuffs rolled up to the elbows, and the black pants that Zack wore. He looked really handsome—Zack had looked handsome earlier today too. Cloud willed himself to cool it, lest a blush spread across his cheeks.

“I ordered you a drink. I hope you’re still into tea.”

“I am,” Cloud smiled and accepted the cup and pot Zack pushed over to him. “Thank you. The sandwich was really delicious.”

“Yeah? Did you like the cinnamon?”

Cloud nodded and poured himself a cup of tea. “It added a nice extra flavor for contrast.”

“Knew you’d like it.” Zack hummed pleasantly and rubbed the tip of his finger around the lip of his glass, while he looked over at Cloud, expectantly. “So we’re really on a date, huh?”

“We are, unless… you’re with someone.” Cloud flicked his eyes over to Zack’s fingers to see them bare.

Zack followed the gaze. “No. I’m not married or seeing anyone.”

“That does surprise me. No one ever caught your fancy?” Cloud picked up his cup and smelled the floral scent.

Zack chuckled and fingered the condensation collecting on the half-empty glass. “I don’t want to sound like a loser or something, but… only you caught my fancy. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I dated here and there but,” he shrugged. “Other things kinda occupied my mind and life.”

Cloud sipped his tea, smiling around the lip.

“What about you? How’s your love life been?” Zack queried.

“Neither here nor there.” Cloud put his cup down and willed himself to open up and tell it like it had been. “I actually _did_ date a few men, but,” he sighed, “I think I was like you: busy. And… generally speaking, none of the guys I dated ever felt right. No one made me laugh like you did. No one was as easy to talk to like you were. Not to say I got hung up on you, because I didn’t, but I liked what we had and nobody else ever came close to it.”

Zack stared for a moment and then blinked rapidly. “Wow. I’m pretty great, aren’t I,” he said quietly, a smile spreading across his face.

Cloud cracked up laughing. “Don’t get a big head.” He received a grin. “My heart probably wasn't in it for a good portion of the time. I’ve had a lot going on in my life, so relationships always took a backseat.”

“I can understand that. What have you been getting up to?”

“Hmm… about four years ago dad got really sick. I basically had to drop everything and come back to Canada. I helped move my parents to Vancouver so dad could be closer to the specialists he needs and I took over all the jobs dad did.”

“Ah, that’s… pretty big and rough. How’s he now?”

“A lot better. He got well enough to get back into doing some work, which freed up time for me to research and write my book.”

“I read The Art of Puppetry. I saw your name on that.” A soft expression sat on Zack’s face.

Cloud smiled, chuffed that Zack actually knew about that little side-project. “Yeah. That was my first foray into writing. David asked me for help putting it all together and collaborating on a few pieces here and there. It was a really eye-opening experience.”

“I’m so happy that you got around to writing books. I know that was your big dream. How’d it feel to achieve your goal?”

“Amazing. I’m proud of what I managed to put together. I’m really happy with how things are working out for me.” Cloud felt it in the pit of his stomach.

Zack grinned with exuberance. “That is so good to hear. Are you still traveling for the puppet workshops?”

“Oh, no. I haven’t done that since moving my family to Vancouver. Roxas kept up the travel for a while until we got him set up permanently in Japan. He’s really loving it now.” Cloud chuckled. “And I totally get it. Not having to travel much anymore makes me really happy as well.”

“Good for you, Cloud. I’m so happy to hear that—for Roxas and yourself.” Zack clapped Cloud on the back and rubbed him a little before retracting his hand.

Cloud smiled and huffed out the breath of affection which stirred up from the warm touch. “I, um…” he laughed a little with rising embarrassment, “I thought about you for a long while when dad was really sick.”

“Oh no. Why’s that?”

“Like… I thought about… all the things you talked to me about regarding your pop. And I thought about my dad and about what I’d do or how I’d feel if he died. I wondered if I’ve done enough to make him proud. I worried about what his and my legacy would be. And I also didn’t want him to worry about me, y’know?”

Zack nodded along. “Totally get it.”

“Dad’s always know that Roxas and I struggled with the travel. We kept it up out of love for him and the business, but we couldn’t keep going indefinitely. I didn’t want him to feel like everything would collapse once he’s gone, so I tried to find ways to make our business work for us, rather than us for _it_. And part of that was about respecting myself and the things I want in my life. I don’t want…” he looked over at Zack again, “happiness to pass me by because of all the travel and busy-work. So then dad thankfully got better and I talked with him about all of that stuff I’d been thinking about. And… you don’t mind getting spoilt for how my book ends, right? I know you said you haven’t finished it yet.”

“Oh no, by all means. I’ll still finish reading it, but I’d love to hear it from you right now.” Zack leaned in a fraction.

Cloud smiled at him, enjoying the familiar soft attentiveness that the man had always exuded. “Well… it took years, but now we have a partnership with the Jim Henson Company and a school for training up puppeteers. There’s some other arts and drama wrapped around it to make it more of a viable performance arts school, but it all complements each other. I’m really proud of having achieved that. I’m really happy that dad gets to see it and be a part of it as our senior lecturer, and this book I wrote is to celebrate and also advertise that.”

Zack’s mouth hung open and the blue of his eyes popped as he stared wide-eyed. “You opened up a school _and_ found time to write a book? You’re… incredible!”

Heat rose to Cloud’s cheeks and he smiled with pride. “Thanks.” He was so glad to be able to share the news with Zack. “So… that’s kind of my life. I’m a lot happier. And Roxas is over in Japan setting up a sister school to the one we have in Vancouver. I basically don’t travel anymore—occasional book tours and doing promotional work for the school aside. It’s nowhere as intense as what I was doing before. What about you? Are you still in a band? I heard your Panda Pajamas broke up," he teased.

Zack laughed. “Royal Panda Brigade, please.” His nose wrinkled with amusement.

“Let’s be real, it was a very stupid name.”

Zack laughed even harder. “I don’t agree with you, but yeah, we _did_ break up. Lea left first and after that, all our hearts weren’t in it anymore.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

“No need for your condolences. Letting go of that dream led to better things. I was also getting sick of the traveling life and those cup noodles… like, if I ever see another cup again it’ll be too soon.” He pulled a face. “I didn’t want to give up on music though. I tried doing solo gigs, but that also didn’t pay the bills. I thought about what you said to me years ago about being good at teaching and music teaching in particular, so I tried my hand at that. It led to really good things for me. I’m now a music professor, would you believe it?” He cocked an eyebrow with pride.

Cloud hummed, pleasantly surprised, and also amused. “You don’t say. I would have never pictured you as a professor.”

“You can see it though, right?”

“You in a stuffy brown overcoat with elbow patches, smelling of mothballs, and chalk on your hands?” Cloud bit his bottom lip, trying to stop himself from bursting with laughter.

Zack shook with a quiet titter. “No, no, no, hun. Think more… leather jackets and cool shades. I’m the trendy, smooth guy.” He pointed his thumb at himself and gave a cocky nod.

The smile strained against Cloud’s cheeks. “The hot one all the college students want to bang?”

Zack laughed. “I hope you’re projecting because if you’re not that’s taking it too far, buddy.”

Cloud hummed, his heart beating faster. “You’re really telling me no one’s come on to you?” He picked up his cup again to drink his tea, as a way to keep himself from saying all the other things that sat bursting to be said.

“Well, even if they did—which I’m not saying they do, or that I’m interested in any way—I’m too busy with lesson plans, running classes, and on top of that, I also moonlight as a music producer at _Nimbus_.” A coy smile twitched at Zack’s mouth.

Visuals of Zack, all cool and smooth and _sexy_ , plucking at his guitar, faded from Cloud’s mind as a familiarity tugged at his brain. That name… “Is that… a music production studio… based in— _Vancouver?”_ He remembered then—he’d been in talks with them about a year ago when he’d networked for the performing arts school.

Zack’s face lit up and he gave a tight-lipped smile while nodding his head.

Cloud’s stomach dropped, and with it, his jaw. “You're working in Vancouver?”

Zack’s smile spread. “Yep. I teach at V.A.M and work at Nimbus.”

Cloud stared for a dumb moment. He blinked and rapidly got his brain and mouth into gear. _“_ We—we’re both living in Vancouver?”

Zack nodded so vigorously his whole body shook.

Cloud turned back to his tea, staring at it blankly, and holding it to help ground him to reality. “Well, _shit.”_

Zack’s eager laugh rumbled. “I can’t believe it either, hey.”

Cloud looked over, feeling breathless. “How long have you been living there for?” 

Zack leaned in, his arm resting on the bar. “Two years. I moved in with my uncle first, and then got my own place.”

“Ahh." Cloud swirled the liquid in his cup. They’d lived in the same city for the last two years and yet had never run into each other. A surge of inwardly-directed bitterness swirled around. If they had stayed in touch…. He huffed. "You know—never mind."

"No, what is it?" Zack leaned in closer to Cloud. 

Cloud looked over at him. Zack was still as handsome as ever. The 5 o’clock shadow suited him so well. Everything about the other man was familiar and oh-so-lovely. And now it turned out they _lived_ in the same place? It was as if Cloud’s wildest dreams were about to come true. "I thought about you a lot. About the past and… about the possible future. I wanted to surprise you and find you once this tour finished up."

Zack leaned back. “You were going to come look for me? Not just…” he shrugged, “wing it and hope we’d run into each other someday out of the blue?” 

“No. I wasn’t going to wait anymore.”

Zack huffed. “Whoa.”

“I really wanted to find you and ask you out.” He failed to resist the tug of his smile.

Zack reached over and took Cloud’s hand. “Well… I’m sorry I stole your thunder by finding you first, but… you wanting to come find me… and this whole date thing… I’m in shock.”

Cloud chuckled. “Seems like a happy medium then. I still surprised you, and you saved me the effort of finding you.” He squeezed Zack’s hand and caught sight of the time on his watch-face. “I think we should go to dinner now.”

“Sure,” Zack breathed softly.

They finished their drinks and slipped off the bar stools. Zack held out his hand for Cloud, resting it low with his fingers splayed out. Cloud looked at it for a moment, and with a deep exhale of stirring flutters, took it. They walked over to the restaurant, hand in hand.

* * *

Dinner was a busy affair. There were speeches, but also a lot of good food. It felt nice being back in Zack’s company. It was made even nicer because Cloud didn’t stand in his own way; denying himself the niceness of it all. He reciprocated all of Zack’s warm smiles and invited shoulder rubs by leaning into them when Zack intuitively went to touch him. The first time Zack had noticed himself doing it he had looked so shocked. But Cloud had smiled and Zack had relaxed. 

Zack turned ever more jovial and talkative during the course of the 3-hour event, which in turn, made Cloud smile wider. He enjoyed listening to Zack talk more about his life and work to the other interested parties at the table. Having Zack around was surreal and delightful. 

When the evening ended, Cloud jumped at Zack’s offer to walk him back to his hotel room. Zack looked surprised and then laughed in his rich, warm timbre. Pleasant feelings ignited inside of Cloud, and kicked up the butterflies again. They went on, arm in arm, Cloud leaned against Zack’s shoulder as they ambled along the path. 

The summer night air was cloudless and clear. Crickets chirped. Moths softly fluttered and danced around the garden lights, which illuminated the lush vegetation that sprouted from the well-maintained garden beds. There were no other souls around to disturb Cloud and Zack enjoying their peaceful stroll back to the hotel room. They talked and laughed as they reflected on the evening’s dinner, until they finally reached their destination.

"Would you like to come in for a cup of tea or coffee?" Cloud offered.

"I'd love to."

They both entered the small hallway and moved into the larger living space beyond, with a lounge, TV, a wet area, and a bed tucked off in a side nook. Zack took a seat on the lounge in the middle of the gray-carpeted living room and watched as Cloud put the kettle on.

“I don’t have much of a selection here. Black, green, earl gray, camomile, or plunger coffee?”

“I’ll have camomile, thanks. If I have anything harder I might not get to sleep tonight. I’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

Cloud prepared the cups while the kettle heated up with a quiet broiling sound. “Oh. You’ll be leaving so soon? What time?”

“Yeah, sad to say. I have an extra credit class tomorrow evening for the summer school program that I can’t miss. I’ll have to be on the bus by seven.”

“C'est la vie. Destined for another fleeting meeting. Maybe this town’s going to give me a complex,” Cloud waxed philosophically and smiled over at Zack.

Zack chuckled. “This time it’s different though, right? You’ll be going home, and I’ll be close by. When do you finish your tour?”

“Three more weeks.”

“Do you have any other plans after that?”

Feeling bold, Cloud threw over his shoulder, “Meeting you for some coffee and cake—well, maybe tea in my case.” He poured out the hot liquid into the cups.

Zack let out a pleased-sounding rumble and grinned. “You’re not worried about what kind of ending we will have?”

“Doesn’t matter. It’s the journey that counts, right? Some desperately in-love schmuck told me that once.” Cloud smiled, but a little pain rose inside as well.

Zack laughed so hard. “See. That’s very different from the last time we were here.”

Cloud came over, still wearing joy on his face. He put the cups on the table and sat close to Zack, who turned toward Cloud, one arm around the back of the lounge and the other taking up one of Cloud’s hands. 

Cloud’s heart thundered. His cheeks strained. Happiness made him feel unimaginably light. “I want my incredible love story to start. I’m ready for the beginning. I’m done waiting.”

Impossibly soft happiness graced Zack’s lips. His brows knit. They looked at each other for wordless moments, their hands squeezing each other gently and their eyes trailing over each other’s cheeks and halted on lips. Their fingers intertwined. Cloud leaned in, invitingly puckering his lips ever so slightly. Zack huffed out softly and reached for Cloud with his free hand. He tilted Cloud’s chin up, closed the distance, and their lips brushed together in a tender and chaste kiss.

They pulled back and shared loving looks. Zack rubbed his lips together and let out a breathy laugh. “This is so different from last time. You’re so different.”

Cloud hummed and squeezed Zack’s hand which he still held. “Good different, or bad different?”

“Just…” he shrugged his shoulder, “different. I liked how you were back then: a real hard nut to crack. Always too serious, always… biting my head off. A real—”

“Don’t you dare say it,” Cloud warned, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Zack wet his lips and waggled his brows with cheek. “What’re you gonna do if I say it?”

Cloud pursed his lips, desperate to fight the laugh of mirth from coming out. “Never kiss you again.”

“Could you really resist this?” Zack did an over-the-top kissy-face while leaning in and trying to pepper Cloud’s face with smooches.

Cloud shrieked and pushed Zack back with his free hand, whilst simultaneously holding Zack’s other hand tight in his. He took a deep breath, and tried to say, with as much disgruntled apprehension as he could muster, “I’m not a hedge-owl.” His feigned anger was exceptionally unconvincing.

Zack cackled. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. You aren’t a hedge-owl anymore. I liked how you were, and I like you now too in your… easy-going old age.” He winked. “I wonder what new name I can find for you now.”

“None. You can address me as Mr. Strife,” Cloud said with haughtiness.

Zack barked with a laugh. “That’s too serious. How about… hmm… okay, I don’t know. But I’m sure I’ll figure something out eventually.”

Cloud gave up trying not to smile. 

Zack cupped Cloud’s cheek. Both their faces stained with happy heat. “You’ve changed, but it doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t even say this is an improvement. I like you no matter how you are,” Zack husked.

Butterflies danced in Cloud’s chest. “It’s okay. You can call it an improvement. I won’t be offended.” He leaned in again, kissing Zack a little harder and sucking on his bottom lip a little longer. He pulled away though with simultaneous satisfaction and desire swirling inside himself. 

Zack followed and scooched closer, connecting them back in a kiss. They sucked on each other's lips for a tender moment, their hands and arms held and squeezed each other before their embrace ended.

They looked at each other’s rosy-cheeked faces with warm affection.

“What’s prompted this change in you? I'm not complaining, but I _am_ curious.”

“Hmm.” Cloud detangled from Zack’s hand and picked up his cup of tea. Zack followed suit. “Well, as I told you, I was worried about my dad, which got me thinking about you—I did think about you in other ways too and at other times, but that was the big one—and I also thought about my brother.”

“Your brother helped you change? I always figured him and Lea breaking up was a nail in the you-and-me coffin.” Zack thoughtfully scowled into his teacup.

“Well… yes and no. Roxas is funny…. He didn’t tell me about the breakup until a year after it had happened. All the things I worried about for him never came to pass—him getting all depressed and shit. Him turning into _me._ So I was really surprised when he _did_ tell me, because I never even suspected. I felt a bit smug though and I thought, ‘see, I told you so. Long-distance doesn’t work. If even my love-crazed brother couldn’t make it work then there was never a chance in hell that Zack and I could have made it work.’ And that’s not a reflection on you, Zack,” he gave the man an apologetic look, “but one hundred percent a comment about myself.” 

Cloud sipped his tea again. “So anyway, then two years ago Roxas sends me a photo out of the blue of himself and Lea, in front of Sensō-ji temple in Tokyo—”

Zack coughed and sputtered on his tea. “Huh? They got back together?”

Cloud hummed. “You don’t know?”

Zack shook his head.

“They apparently ran into each other quite randomly and started dating again. Well, Roxas said it was random, but I always thought he was so keen on Japan _just in case_ he might run into Lea. And it happened. I’m pretty happy for them. Lea’s living in Japan doing some band stuff and he’s also following Roxas around playing music for some of the workshop graduation shows. I would have thought you’d stayed in touch with Lea.”

“No. Not really. He kind of cut me out of his life, though he still sends me really crude birthday cards.” Zack laughed. 

Cloud chuckled. “Well… anyway, I’m happy for both of them and it made me think that maybe not everything in life has to turn out so doom and gloom, you know?”

With raised eyebrows and wide eyes, Zack nodded.

Cloud huffed with amusement at the expression. “I don’t hate my life. I really like where I’m at right now, but I also thought it could be better. That it could be better sharing it with someone. Seeing my brother happy made me want that for myself as well. And as I told you, I did date men, but I always wanted to go back in time and do things differently with you. And I told myself that if I ever saw you again I would. And Roxas gave me the perfect opportunity to do it.”

“How so?”

“Of course you wouldn’t know.” Cloud reached over and pulled Zack’s cup out of his hands. Zack gave a confused look. Cloud continued, “Roxas and Lea are getting married next year.”

“What?” Zack wheezed with a full-bodied jerk.

Cloud chuckled and held out the cup again. “Here.”

With a red tinge to his cheeks, Zack accepted the cup back. “Ah, thanks.”

“Yeah, so…—wait a moment.” Cloud put his cup down, fished for his phone, and found the photo he was after. “Roxas sent me this.” He showed it to Zack, who stared and squinted.

“What’m I looking at?”

Cloud chuckled. “It’s Lea’s proposal. He made this giant Cookie Monster in Minecraft. Can you see how Cookie Monster’s holding the giant cookie and the chocolate chips spell out the message for my brother?” he pointed and zoomed in so Zack might see it better. “They play the game together in a server. Roxas said he was building a large Oscar the Grouch for Lea over on his side of the map because he wanted to ask Lea to marry him too, but Lea beat him to the punchline. He blamed the trash can being too hard and time-consuming to get right.” 

Cloud chuckled, remembering how excited and stupid Roxas had sounded when he’d told him all about it. “I don’t know what the fuss is about, but apparently, the proposal was incredible and amazing and it means the world to Roxas.” He smiled at the photo of his brother, in front of the monitor which displayed the Cookie Monster proposal. “So they’re getting married next year in the spring and my plan was to ask you out at their wedding.”

Zack’s mouth flapped. He put his cup of tea down on the coffee table and held his head in his hand. “Two people, who I thought weren’t together, are getting married, and you were gonna ask me out at their ceremony?”

“Or reception.” He shrugged.

“What kinda alternative dimension have I fallen into?” Zack muttered and stared across the room, bewildered.

Cloud chuckled, not even serious about the question as he asked, “You’re not happy about it?”

“Are you _crazy?_ Of course, I’m happy about it. About everything. But… a slight flaw in your brilliant plan… I haven’t gotten an invite. What if they never planned to invite me?”

“Oh, they are going to. And even if they didn’t intend on inviting you, I would have made sure that they did."

“Oof.” Zack laughed and sat up straight. “Scary Cloud making threats to get his long-lost love back.”

Cloud huffed, ruffled with a strange discomfort at Zack putting it like that. “Something like that. Don’t tell them I told you about their engagement and wedding. I think they are going to drop a big reveal in a couple of weeks’ time, so act surprised when you get the email or card, okay? I didn’t mean to rob them of this.”

Zack nodded. “Sure. No worries. You were really gonna ask me out?” He looked at Cloud with an eager smile.

“Yeah, I thought, if they could get their happy ending together I should try for mine. I’m tired of being upset about the past. I’m exhausted from not moving on, so I’ve been making an effort to put things to bed. I even got in touch with my ex and we’re on speaking terms now. He apologized and I’ve been to see him and his wife and their two kids. You were sort of the loose end I had hanging about, but even that’s tied up a lot sooner than I thought it would. Thank you for coming to see me.” Cloud reached out and took up Zack’s hand. He was so incredibly _relieved_ over having Zack sitting next to him.

Zack rubbed Cloud’s fingers and chuckled. “Wow… that’s one heck of a story. I’m glad you managed to move on from your past. I’m glad you’re making a happy life for yourself. And even if I wasn’t a part of it, I’d still be happy for you.”

“Thank you. If I had never gotten to see you again—things in my life are good, but…” with a thumping heart, Cloud reached for his neck and fished out the chain hidden under his collar. He pulled out the necklace and the guitar pick pendant attached to it. “I never stopped holding on to you. I’d still be happy if today hadn’t happened, but… I know I’ll be happier now that you _are_ here.”

Zack’s hand went to his face, covering his mouth. He looked at Cloud for a long moment, with shimmering eyes. “Cloud—” he yanked Cloud against himself and wrapped him up in a crushing hug. 

Cloud embraced Zack and reciprocated the tight hold, loving the strong arms around him. “Did you come out all this way to see me… or was it just a coincidence?” Cloud murmured against Zack’s chest.

“I found the Art of Puppetry book by chance, but I made a choice to be here with you today. I also never stopped holding on to you. When I learned about the book tour I _had to_ come and see you. I was really scared I’d be pushing it and that you’d give me an attitude, but… I thought it would be worth it just to see you again and congratulate you on being amazing and living your dreams.”

They pulled apart, yet still held each other tight. Zack’s eyes looked glassy, which in turn made Cloud tear up too.

A sudden smile sprang to Zack’s lips. “Though, I am disappointed to see that you’re never going to be a race car driver.”

Cloud chuckled. “I don’t know. I might still have a change of heart one of these days.”

“Nah, you’re too old now, sorry to say it, bud. Your reflexes would be too slow. I learned that from reading The Finish Line.”

Chuckling some more, Cloud said, “Look at you, so enlightened.”

“You like it?”

“Very much so.”

They laughed softly and tears fell. Zack pressed his forehead against Cloud’s. They held each other for a while, shared kisses, and wiped each other’s happy tears away between quiet mutterings of, “I can’t believe it,” “This is such a dream come true,” from time to time.

Eventually, though, Zack said, “As much as I don’t want to, I do need to get back to my hotel and sleep.”

“You could spend the night with me?” Cloud offered, as his heart hammered and made him buzz.

Zack hummed, cupped Cloud’s cheek, and kissed him there. “You’re such a temptation. If I had my suitcase with me right now I’d say yes, but I really can’t.”

“You’re always leaving me,” Cloud teased.

“There’ll come a day very soon where I won’t leave you at all and then you’ll be like, ‘oh man, what have I done?’”

Cloud laughed. “Can’t wait.”

With a grin, Zack said, “Me neither.”

They got up and Cloud walked Zack to the door, where they turned to face each other. 

Cloud said, “I saved your number. I’ll send you my address. Talk to me whenever you want. I’m pretty busy during the day, but nights I’m free, and my weekends are pretty free too.”

“Same, to be honest, when I’m not holding extra credit classes.”

They smiled at each other. Zack cupped Cloud’s cheek again and kissed him on the lips. “I love you, sweetheart. I’ll see you soo— _oh?”_

The heaviness hit Cloud like a ton of bricks at Zack dropping a word like that so casually. He found himself scowling.

Zack’s smile fell. “What is it?”

“It’s so stupid,” Cloud muttered.

“What is?”

With a deep breath, Cloud said, “Out of everything that happened and didn’t happen between us—all the things I did to protect myself from heartache—I thought my biggest regret would be not sleeping with you, so we did that—”

“Do you regret sleeping with me?” Zack jumped in, tensing his grip on Cloud marginally.

Cloud willed his frown to soften so he wouldn’t worry Zack any further, “No. I never regretted that. I never regretted anything we did together. I regretted all the things we never did though. All the lost opportunities. I regretted wasting time and _not_ being with you sooner. I regretted telling you that I‘d forget about you and move on from you. But most of all… I regret that I never told you that I loved you back.”

Zack huffed softly and smiled lovingly. He brushed his hand over Cloud’s slicked-back hair. “Man, I thought someone body-swapped out my hedge-owl Cloud for a ray of sunshine. Glad to see you’re still in there, hedgy.”

Cloud chuckled and shook his head. “It’s… yeah… I’m still me. Just… trying to be more positive in my life now.”

“Well, good. You shouldn’t worry about past regrets. We’ll fix it all now. And if you want to find a place to start, you can always tell me you love me, right now.” Zack smiled encouragingly.

Cloud gave a sad sort of upturn of the lip and creased his brow. “Now it’s too late… or too early.” He shrugged. “Take your pick.” 

“Early,” Zack said with energy.

Cloud laughed a tiny bit. “You’re always so… cheerful.”

“I try to be, but I gotta tell you, I had some pretty dark days too.”

“All the cup noodles?”

Zack tittered. “Cup noodles and missing you.”

Their soft smiles dropped and they both sighed.

"Did I hurt you?" Cloud asked, his voice small with dread.

“No. Our circumstances weren't right. I never had any hard feelings about the choices you made, so please don't worry." He stroked Cloud's head again. "My dark days revolved around wondered if what I was doing with my life was right. If I shouldn’t have packed it all up to be with you instead. Especially after the band folded. But I didn’t know where to start looking for you. And I thought you’d hate seeing me. I didn’t want to impose on your life. Especially since… well, nothing had really changed. I was still traveling around, trying to make ends meet. But when I found that book and read that you lived in Vancouver… well, it kinda changed everything for me.” He bore a soft smile.

Cloud’s heart broke listening to Zack. He blinked away the negative thoughts and reached for one of Zack’s hands, which he gently squeezed. “I’m so sorry I got stuck in my own head and didn’t think about how you’d feel. I only had my own best interests at heart. I’m sorry for having been so stubborn and difficult in the past. And there’ll be many days when I’m still those things, especially when I get stressed. I don’t want to hurt you—”

Zack lifted their hands and kissed the back of Cloud’s. “Again, you never hurt me. Please don't ever think that, hun. Don’t spend another moment worrying about it, okay?"

Cloud gave a weak smile and a tiny huffing laugh. "You telling me not to worry is like asking me not to breathe."

Zack returned a soft expression. "Don't say that. You've been incredible tonight. I don't think you'd have been so upfront with me if you still worried so much about everything like you used to do. Give yourself a bit more credit, sweetheart."

Cloud smiled with more intensity as Zack chased away some of the guilt and misgivings he harboured about himself. "Thank you, Zack."

"You're welcome." He looked at Cloud with pure affection. "I really think our darkest days are behind us now. Our future’s bright, okay?”

“You think so?”

“Yep. Forget the regrets. They mean nothing now that we get to spend time together and build a future with both of us in it.”

Cloud smiled and let go of the bad feelings that haunted him. He nodded. “Yeah. You’re probably right. Things are better. We’ll be together. I…” A new wave of unpleasantness hit him though. He felt guilty for keeping his feelings bottled up and for not giving Zack what he thought the man really wanted to hear. He tried now. “I did love you back then. I really did, Zack, but I couldn’t let myself say it. And… I’m pretty sure I’m going to love you again—and probably really soon too if you keep looking at me like that,” he finished in a chuckle as he looked up into big, blue adoring eyes.

“Like what?”

“Like a puppy in love.”

Zack burst out laughing. “Then I’ll keep looking at you like that.” He ducked his head down, looked at Cloud with batting eyelashes, and smiled with utter adoration.

Cloud pushed Zack away and fought against his mirth bubbling out, but failed.

“C’mere,” Zack caught Cloud’s hand, pulled him against himself, and kissed him with a slight dip. Cloud melted into the kiss and grabbed Zack around the back of his head.

They hummed into each other’s mouths. Zack pulled Cloud upright again and stepped back a fraction.

Cloud sighed and hummed. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

“I want you to stay in touch.”

Zack chuckled and cupped Cloud’s cheek again. “I will. Don’t you worry about that, sweetheart.”

“We’ll hang out soon.”

“You betcha we will,” Zack said as his eyes shimmered.

Frowning, Cloud said, “I’m making you cry again.”

“Happy tears. Totally different.”

Cloud reached for Zack’s face, pulled him close, and kissed him. Their lips smacked together and deep breaths filled the hotel room.

Cloud pulled off Zack with an audible, _muah_ , and click _._ “You better go right now or you might as well stay here for the night.”

“What a threat,” Zack laughed. “But point taken. I’ll see you in Vancouver.” He reached behind and fiddled with the doorknob, even as he kissed Cloud one final time. They sucked on each other’s tongues and breathed deep. Cloud hummed in the back of his throat as Zack pulled away.

They pressed a multitude of butterfly kisses against each other's lips as Zack slowly backed out of the hotel room.

“Bye,” Cloud smiled, happiness sitting in his chest and leaving little-to-no room for self-doubt or brooding.

“Bye, hun. I love you.” Zack picked up Cloud’s hand and kissed the back of it.

Cloud rolled his eyes and smiled. “I’ll love you real soon.”

Zack beamed. “That’s all I need to know.”

“I’m going to shut the door now, or you leave me no choice but to pull you back in here and not let you back out until the morning.”

Zack shook with laughter. _“Again,_ those _threats!_ I’ll go before it gets serious.” He gave a two-fingered salute and then blew a kiss with his fingers. He gave a heavy and longing glance at Cloud, and then tore himself away and left.

Cloud shut the door and leaned against it wearing a smile. This time would be different. This time _was_ different. He could hardly wait to get back to Vancouver and _properly_ start dating Zack—erase the vestiges of his regrets and live his life to the fullest. He clutched the pendant through his shirt and smiled ever deeper.

**The En—** Cloud ripped the door open, “Zack!” he called out down the hall.

“Yeah?” Zack turned around, halfway between Cloud’s room and the elevator.

“I’ve changed my mind.”

“About?”

“Loving you. I do. I love you. I loved you in the past, and I love you right now, and I’ll love you in the future.”

Zack’s brilliant grin burst across his face. He sprung into action, racing back down the hall toward Cloud.

Cloud looked on with complete elation. He squeaked and giggled madly as Zack reached him, grabbed his waist, and lifted him off the ground in the tremendous hug. 

In between the flurry of kisses that Zack peppered against Cloud’s neck, he said, “I’ve changed my mind too. I’ll stay the night.” He put Cloud down and his huge grin sobered up somewhat. “But I _have_ to be up by five-thirty and back at my hotel to catch the bus at seven.”

“Who’s being a total hedge-owl now,” Cloud teased.

Zack growled with faux menace and pressed more kisses to Cloud’s neck, starting up the giggles once again.

Cloud pushed against Zack and stilled his mirth. “Stop, stop.”

They huffed heavily, wearing smiles. 

“If you’re so worried about being late we could go to your place right now? Saves you having to get up extra early?”

Zack hummed in thought. “Nah. Don’t want to waste our time heading back into town.” He leaned in and kissed Cloud’s lips.

Cloud smiled against the soft warmth. “Okay. I’ll make sure I get you up and onto your bus on time. I promise.” Cloud pushed his head against Zack’s chest and felt strong arms tighten around him. 

They kissed again, smiling against each other, and slowly shuffled into Cloud’s hotel room, to finally get to bed and begin again.

**The End.**

_____❤_____

* * *

_**~cream pudding** _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End Credit music. [Caught In The Storm by Goo Goo Dolls](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4UbdL0mTD8) Please listen to it 🙏 This is the energy of this chapter and Cloud/Zack. God, I love them! 
> 
> The whole playlist (again) can be found here: [Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/10QoDcZdCRDUH9xbdsPsIB?si=3vIyApWzRdKshJI8SIAPeA)  
> [YouTube Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMJkddvJ4L4&list=PLGBPGoX1ZkwnNbwQdrp907q3m00Z47Fnm)
> 
> Special thanks to [Goodnight_Sweetheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goodnight_Sweetheart/pseuds/Goodnight_Sweetheart) for giving me the Cookie Monster proposal idea ❤️
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the fake-out ending. I did actually end the story there, but then I, much like Cloud, sat/stood there, thinking about the ‘happy ending’ that Cloud deserves and I threw in the towel and went with extra cheese because ‘why the hell not’! 
> 
> I also hope this whole endeavour didn’t feel too OOC for Cloud. I think I adequately rationalised his and Zack’s responses and behaviours, but if I could have done more, please do let me know. Concrit is _always_ appreciated.
> 
> If anyone ever wants to create any art or writing for anything I’ve ever written please do feel free to do so and share it with me 😍 I know sometimes people feel a bit shy, so I just wanna put that blanket statement out there if anyone’s ever contemplated it but feels unsure.
> 
> Also, you know what?! The fic doesn't _quite_ end here. I wrote a little bit of extra special **[Bonus Content](https://creamypudding.tumblr.com/Fleeting_Moments_Cup-Noodle)** over on my Tumblr, if you want to read a bit more about what happens after this stuff above is over then please click on the link
> 
> It’s nothing smutty, but you can bet your asses that they are getting down and probably not getting much sleep in the bit just after where this fic ends. Cloud still gets Zack out and to the hotel and bus on time though.
> 
> So anyway, while this fic officially ended two chapters ago, I did really enjoy this epilogue content too. I hope you did as well.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter, Tumblr, hit me up on Discord, if you’d like. My contact detail are all on my [AO3 Profile Page.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cream_pudding/profile)
> 
> My next project is a Clack fic that I’m finishing for the ‘Finish Your Shit’ WIP Big Bang. I’m excited about it, and will begin posting it some time in August. Hope to catch you there. ✌️
> 
> Comments, reviews, kudos are appreciated and I’ll happily take them as payment for my hard work in bringing this fic to you ❤️ 😘


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